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hey123

scrupulous - should I stay with my confessor?

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hey123

Hello,

I would really appreciate it if you could offer me some advice. So I am a very scrupulous person who has done a lot of "Confessor-hopping" in the past and only recently tried to stick to just one...I know that without a confessor guiding me I would end up in a bad state. But having read that given there is "manifest" reason one should change the confessor...well mine is otherwise very kind, seems to understand scrupulosity and wants to help me etc and he celebrates the traditional Mass which to me increases his credibility...BUT one thing he said bothers me, namely that he understands why a priest would tell sb having homosexual relations with several people to try to have just one (samesex) partner (the explanation being that that hypothetical person "would not agree to stop all homosexual relations alltogether so it is better for him to just have one partner at first"). If he is otherwise a solid priest, am I obliged to change my confessor...? Can I trust his advice to me? The thing is I know I NEED to just blindly obey someone, otherwise the scrupulosity will eat me alive. And I also know the devil wants to make me doubt everything he advises me so that I drown in my worries..so what should I do? Thanks for reading this!

Edited by hey123

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CatherineM

I'm not sure why he would have discussed this with you unless it was your issue. I have found that older priests who have been in parish ministries for many years take a softer approach to certain things. Either that or they’ve seen the destruction certain sins can cause and become crusaders against it.

Have you tried discussing your concerns with this priest. Even ace pitchers can have off games and give up a bunch of runs in the first inning. Maybe he was having a trying week. 

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Lilllabettt
On 4/13/2019 at 2:28 PM, hey123 said:

Hello,

I would really appreciate it if you could offer me some advice. So I am a very scrupulous person who has done a lot of "Confessor-hopping" in the past and only recently tried to stick to just one...I know that without a confessor guiding me I would end up in a bad state. But having read that given there is "manifest" reason one should change the confessor...well mine is otherwise very kind, seems to understand scrupulosity and wants to help me etc and he celebrates the traditional Mass which to me increases his credibility...BUT one thing he said bothers me, namely that he understands why a priest would tell sb having homosexual relations with several people to try to have just one (samesex) partner (the explanation being that that hypothetical person "would not agree to stop all homosexual relations alltogether so it is better for him to just have one partner at first"). If he is otherwise a solid priest, am I obliged to change my confessor...? Can I trust his advice to me? The thing is I know I NEED to just blindly obey someone, otherwise the scrupulosity will eat me alive. And I also know the devil wants to make me doubt everything he advises me so that I drown in my worries..so what should I do? Thanks for reading this!

Ugh why did he bring this up?  When I was a sister we were told it was a rule not to teach speculative theology to novices. This is a complex thing hes bringing up. It's not "food for thought" for a penitent.

Years ago, Pope Benedict wrote about how a prostitute with AIDS using a condom could be a sign of a first step towards moralization, of taking responsibility, because it could represent that persons decision to care about something moral (preserving the health of others).

Did he mean prostitution is ok, using a condom is ok, no. But depending on the person and their understanding (or actually lack thereof) that condoms, prostitution, etc are evil- in that's persons moral universe, the good motive to use a condom could represent the birth of a star in a dark space. Using the condom is bad but their motive may represent a positive impulse towards morality.

Also keep in mind that if someone doesnt understand that something is a mortal sin, it's not mortal. So while I have the full knowledge and understanding that contraception is forbidden and why - people without that understanding cant sin mortaly by using it. Their lives are less than what they could be, because contraception is a sin, and all sin is just what our wise Father has pointed out is bad for us and limits us. But does it kill the life of God in their soul, no.

You could make the same argument with gays and gay sex. Obviously God knows how much people understand and are culpable, so it's not something to play games with. But this is basically how your priests statement could be understood as being orthodox.  Benedict XVI is good as gold imo. 

 

Edited by Lilllabettt

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tinytherese
On 4/13/2019 at 2:28 PM, hey123 said:

Hello,

I would really appreciate it if you could offer me some advice. So I am a very scrupulous person who has done a lot of "Confessor-hopping" in the past and only recently tried to stick to just one...I know that without a confessor guiding me I would end up in a bad state. But having read that given there is "manifest" reason one should change the confessor...well mine is otherwise very kind, seems to understand scrupulosity and wants to help me etc and he celebrates the traditional Mass which to me increases his credibility...BUT one thing he said bothers me, namely that he understands why a priest would tell sb having homosexual relations with several people to try to have just one (samesex) partner (the explanation being that that hypothetical person "would not agree to stop all homosexual relations alltogether so it is better for him to just have one partner at first"). If he is otherwise a solid priest, am I obliged to change my confessor...? Can I trust his advice to me? The thing is I know I NEED to just blindly obey someone, otherwise the scrupulosity will eat me alive. And I also know the devil wants to make me doubt everything he advises me so that I drown in my worries..so what should I do? Thanks for reading this!

As far as the scrupulousity goes, this is a good resource. https://scrupulousanonymous.org/understanding-scrupulosity/

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