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BarbaraTherese

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BarbaraTherese

Thank you to those who chose to contact me via Private Message.   I am ok.   On the human level I am struggling.  I have had to throw out contents of my refrigerator and will need to buy a new refrigerator on Tuesday after the Easter break; meanwhile, I have been without a fridge since yesterday.  Re-stocking the fridge is going to be costly and money I really do not have and I need to buy a new fridge on rental purchase - cant really afford that either.  It is all a bit of a financial headache just now but "this too shall pass".  The other thing that will pass is my little Maltese Cross, Buddie, refusing his medication no matter what I tried.  Finally, I got it into him by crushing the tablet and putting it in a small amount of milk.  He already had diarrhea over the past few days and I am hoping the small amount of milk will not increase the problem.   Not the best of thing to have to clean up first thing in the morning but jolly good it is on the vinyl and not the carpet (counting my blessings). These things are extremely minor in the bigger picture.  In fact, I was happy to have something to endure at the commencement of the Easter Triduum as we go into Easter Saturday.

On the human level it is all a bit of a worry while on the spiritual level I have been happy while repentant that I have not born it better than I have.  But I have borne it as I was able........very far from perfection, not even close.  But the Good Lord does not ask success, rather at desire and effort.  Falling far short is a blessed opportunity for  self knowledge and humility.  Success is always The Lord's Domain alone.  He grants success where He May and withholds it wherever He May.  All is Good, all is Grace.

I am overwhelmingly and extremely grateful that I live alone and able to speak with The Lord aloud, and I often do.

I am reminded again of St Teresa's bookmark:

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing;
God only is changeless.
Patience gains all things.
Who has God wants nothing.
God alone suffices.

 

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BarbaraTherese

Again, thank you for those who might have sighted my Prayer Intention and prayed.  I also contacted my Carmelite Nuns for prayer to get me over this hurdle too.  Buddie's diarrhea has cleared up - nothing to clean up this morning and nothing during today either.

My new fridge will be delivered on Friday and it is a beauty.  I purchased it cheap on hire purchase as Radio Rentals is going out of business and getting rid of stock.  It is much bigger than my old fridge which I was able to get removed free after a few phone calls.  I had been having major anxiety attacks but now that the biggest hurdles are over, the anxiety attacks have stopped, thanks too to Oxazepam which I have on hand to deal with anxiety although I had to take a double dose and most unusual.

I will be able to slowly restock my new fridge.

All is working out for me and I am very grateful to prayer and to The Lord for responding to prayer in my favour.  He is so good to me and believe me it is none of my deserving.  My next door neighbour helped me out too with refrigerating Buddie's medication for diarrhea (boiled chicken and rice).  In gratitude, I bought her flowers and strawberries with dipping chocolate.  I also have an extension table which my neighbour would like for her jigsaw puzzles and she can have it free.

The whole drama too has now passed as all things do eventually.  I had not expected such a quick response and was prepared to go into hospital if I had to do so.  That has proved unnecessary.  Deo Gratius Laudate Dominum.

Thank you once again and please join me and say a pray in much gratitude.  At the moment, I am quite overwhelmed, overcome, with thankfulness and gratitude.  So many do suffer so much and far more than I ever do with seemingly no reprieve whatsoever.

_______________

Edit:  I treated my infected finger myself and it looks as if I have treated it successfully and will not need a doctor to lance it.

 

Edited by BarbaraTherese

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BarbaraTherese
17 hours ago, BarbaraTherese said:

Edit:  I treated my infected finger myself and it looks as if I have treated it successfully and will not need a doctor to lance it.

This morning, infection had gone and my finger feels heaps better.

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BarbaraTherese

My new fridge arrived early this morning.  I will never be lost for refrigeration space ever again I am sure.  It will be some time before my necessities are in the fridge once again due to finances.  My finger is healing ok.  I have endeavoured to put Buddie back on to a normal diet, but he seems a bit sluggish and I am hoping the diarrhea will not return.  He has a quite sensitive digestion and it does not take much at all to upset it.

After days of feeling exhausted, I awoke this morning feeling ok.  However mid afternoon the exhaustion returned.  Hence struggling with bipolar can take much energy and perhaps a while before normal energy returns and one might be able to expect as normal an up and down ride with energy for a while. I know that I am no longer at risk of a bipolar episode - what I am experiencing is the aftermath of the struggle with it..........in my estimation.

Deo Gratius

Edited by BarbaraTherese

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linate

do you think you will ever be able to get a part time job to help make ends meet? i too have bipolar. but at least for now i am lucky enough to be able to hold down a part time job. life would be tough if i couldn't. 

14 hours ago, BarbaraTherese said:

My new fridge arrived early this morning.  I will never be lost for refrigeration space ever again I am sure.  It will be some time before my necessities are in the fridge once again due to finances.  My finger is healing ok.  I have endeavoured to put Buddie back on to a normal diet, but he seems a bit sluggish and I am hoping the diarrhea will not return.  He has a quite sensitive digestion and it does not take much at all to upset it.

After days of feeling exhausted, I awoke this morning feeling ok.  However mid afternoon the exhaustion returned.  Hence struggling with bipolar can take much energy and perhaps a while before normal energy returns and one might be able to expect as normal an up and down ride with energy for a while. I know that I am no longer at risk of a bipolar episode - what I am experiencing is the aftermath of the struggle with it..........in my estimation.

Deo Gratius

 

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BarbaraTherese
2 hours ago, linate said:

do you think you will ever be able to get a part time job to help make ends meet? i too have bipolar. but at least for now i am lucky enough to be able to hold down a part time job. life would be tough if i couldn't. 

Happy to read that you are able to hold down a part time job, linate. :)   May The Lord bless you to enable you to continue to work and grant you Peace and fulfillment.  

I am now 73 years of age and severely physically disabled.  In the early two years or so of my illness I did hold down full time secretarial employment and then part time doing temp work.   I don't know how!  But then bipolar worsened and I was put on to the disability pension, my doctor thought a reduction of stress might be beneficial - it wasn't.  I did eventually return to school at an adult campus and did well - I was able to take time off during an episode.  I also did voluntary work and the same applied taking time off during episodes.  I only gave up both study and voluntary work a few years back due to physical disability, which became severe.  I did find that the adult college campus I attended and the charity with whom I did voluntary work were quite accepting  and understanding of my bipolar illness.  There was no stigma.

May The Lord bless you in every way.

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BarbaraTherese

Since everything seemed to be going ok once more, now - in a blink almost - the whole situation has changed and I have more problems than the proverbial cat has fleas.  As well I am being accused of things I have not done and from more than one direction.  I have no way of proving my innocence and am having one anxiety attack after another but, Deo Gratius, at least bipolar in its more serious expressions is held at bay.  Though I am not persecuted for my Faith, in a weird sort of manner, I am being persecuted from within myself for investing in Faith. The temptation keeps rising that God is punishing me for some reason - I ignore that temptation.  And even if God is punishing me, He has every right to do so.  Causes can be difficult to know for sure, for me it is more about taking steps forward, one at a time.  It is about being in the situation as it is and dealing with it in whatever way I might be able.  Phatmass is an able for me.

Writing is cathartic and writing knowing that someone or other will read.

In a weird sort of way a bip0lar episode would mean that I would be hospitalized and out of this whole dreadful situation.  What would happen, however, is that I would be out of a situation in reality and opting in for an unreal situation or psychosis that is just as painful and dreadful, horrific in fact.  I am between the devil and the deep blue sea, a damned if I do and damned if I don't situation.  I know the right way, the way to which I am called, is that of reality, not to cave in to mental illness insofar as I am able. "All is Grace" St Therese Lisieux  "Do what you can and leave the rest to God" St Mary of The Cross MacKillop.

My physical health is not good and I am struggling financially.  My mind is going obsessively round and round and over the situation about which I can do nothing.  What I need to do is distract myself insofar as I am able.  Once I post this that is what I will be about.   I am so humanly isolated here it is the same as if I was on some remote mountain far from civilization.  Phatmass is a companion for me.

I am trying to hang on to my sanity and to listen to - hoping to follow what St Teresa stated in her bookmark.  On one level Peacefully I can, on another I am really struggling.  If only the former would become the dominant, the more powerful, instead of the latter and the struggle.   Tuum fiat voluntas.  Deo Gratius Laudate Dominum.

The birds are just waking here.  It is a lonely sound.

 

St Teresa's Bookmark

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing;
God only is changeless.
Patience gains all things.
Who has God wants nothing.
God alone suffices.

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BarbaraTherese

After posting the above, anxiety raised to near panic and quite scarily reached peak, but then very suddenly subsided.  I have taken half an Oxazepam anyway as a just in case - it is an emergency medication (PRN) I am prescribed to deal with anxiety and panic situations.   I rarely need it, very rarely indeed. Deo Gratius.  A prescription for 20 tablets will last me for many months.  A full tablet for me is a sleeping pill and would put me to sleep.

Thankfully, now I am not obsessing and able to be in complete Peace and go about my day - and even if it is a medication induced Peace, I am thankful to God.  In my book, medications and medicine, doctors, are gifts of God in the struggle against suffering in humankind.  Like most all of God's Gifts to us, they can be (very sadly and morally wrongly) abused.  Therefore, Oxazepam to me is a direct Gift of God as is Phatmass.  As well as Oxazepam, writing for me is cathartic relieving stress and another Gift of God to me.  I do have a daily diary or journal that is private - nor does it have the cathartic affect that writing on Phatmass does.  Phatmass is like having a companion who is listening.

That reminds me, a really excellent read is "The Man Who Listens" by Taylor Caldwell.  It is not only an excellent read, in my book it is a must read especially (but not only) for those who might be involved in treating/supporting/helping those who are suffering . https://www.amazon.com/Man-Who-Listens-Taylor-Caldwell/dp/B0000CL0Z5

51wryS22v5L._SX350_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

Edited by BarbaraTherese

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Pax17

I'm glad to read that you are feeling better...meds used properly are indeed a gift.

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BarbaraTherese
7 hours ago, Pax17 said:

I'm glad to read that you are feeling better...meds used properly are indeed a gift.

Amen.  Thank you.   

I think it is something often misunderstood that medication and doctors are indeed God's Blessings.  Deo Gratius

7 hours ago, Gary david said:

gods+blessing+are+endless.jpg

 

Amen to this also, Gary.  Sometimes the very real Blessings of The Lord can be in strange clothing to us - but they are His Blessings nonetheless.  He always knows what is best, even when we are down in the dumps and struggling.

It does remind me of the wonderful experience of St Teresa of Avila.  She was out and about on her many travels in Spain and crossing a stream on a donkey.  She fell off and complained to Jesus: "If this is the way you are going to treat your friends, then don't complain if you have so few".

St Teresa had a wonderful sense of the funny and obviously could be quite audacious with Jesus..........reflecting an easy familiarity.
   

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Pax17

I sometimes wonder what it would be like if we could sit or share a meal with the great female saints and mystics in person...what things we would learn!

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BarbaraTherese
3 hours ago, Pax17 said:

I sometimes wonder what it would be like if we could sit or share a meal with the great female saints and mystics in person...what things we would learn!

I think I would be thunderstruck, awed into numbness.

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Pax17

Yes, quite possibly...we would sit in stillness and listen to great wisdom.

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BarbaraTherese
1 hour ago, Pax17 said:

Yes, quite possibly...we would sit in stillness and listen to great wisdom.

:like2:

For me this will be an aspect of Heaven, with Jesus sitting there too.

Edited by BarbaraTherese

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