Cow of Shame Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 (edited) Feel free to post jizunk that tickles your fancy (although, that sounds like some sort of dirty euphamism to ME).... If you don't get odd humor, don't get pissed off, eh...ya hoser? Just exit the thread quietly & no one will get hurt. This first bit is from a place where people can archive quotes from internet chat sessions.. ------------------ Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me GarbageStan23: why? Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us. Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire! GarbageStan23: oh sh*t! Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire.... Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing... Edited December 16, 2005 by Cow of Shame Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Didacus Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 i used to have a pet cat named Cow. No joke... That was a good cat... used it like a 'live boomerang' because everytime I'd throw him at someone the cat would come back! The cat named cow. I loved that cat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cow of Shame Posted December 16, 2005 Author Share Posted December 16, 2005 [quote name='Didacus' date='Dec 16 2005, 06:39 AM'] The cat named cow. I loved that cat. [/quote] lol ---------- Here's another good one: <wolf> 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A <wolf> 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B <wolf> 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business Reply Mail Envelope. <wolf> 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold in your hand. <wolf> 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away whistling. <wolf> I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that they footed the bill for the carp I sent them. I reply with "It says Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me. <wolf> Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Didacus Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 [quote]I hold in my hand at this very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents. [/quote] flipping hilarious!!! I almost pissed myself! ... almost... How about this one: My borther had a strange car parked in his drive way for a few days (well not in the driveway, but blocking it partially anyways) It stayed there for five days until my brother got fed up. He took the small accumulation of parking tickets on the windshield, wrote "F%$#@-off, I'm not paying this!" on them and mailed them to city hall! Less than 2 days later the car had been towed away.... (I think he still has to go to confession for that one... and I sure hope God has some sense of humor) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cow of Shame Posted December 16, 2005 Author Share Posted December 16, 2005 (edited) [quote name='Didacus' date='Dec 16 2005, 06:51 AM']Less than 2 days later the car had been towed away.... [/quote] AWESOME. This friend told me about a coworker (let's call him Marvin) of his who had a new house built out in the country. The phone company laid the phone line on the ground & said they'd come back & bury it. Well, months went by & nothing happened. He'd call, they'd say they'd come, but then nothing. Winter came, and Marvin got fed up with it. He got a pair of wire cutters, went out by the road, and cut his own phone line. He then called up the phone company on his cell phone & complained. A workman came out that day and fixed it, telling Marvin that they'd come to bury it the next day. A week goes by, nothing...So, Marvin goes out there & cuts his line again. The SAME WORKER comes back. Marvin says, "I dunno what happened. I guess it got cut by a snow plow. I bet it's going to get cut EVERY DAY by a snow plow until it's buried." They buried the line the next day. Edited December 16, 2005 by Cow of Shame Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cow of Shame Posted December 16, 2005 Author Share Posted December 16, 2005 (edited) "Communism is like Spandex. Good idea, but then real people started using it. Things got real ugly from there." "you know its days like these when you say to yourself, 'If I don't become famous, how am I going to kill these people and get away with it?'" "diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock." Edited December 16, 2005 by Cow of Shame Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Didacus Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 [quote name='Cow of Shame' date='Dec 16 2005, 09:33 AM'][snip] "diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock." [right][snapback]828057[/snapback][/right] [/quote] I like that one: "The difference between a man and a dog is that if you feed tha dog, the dog won't bite you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Wednesday Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 [quote name='Cow of Shame' date='Dec 16 2005, 08:36 AM']Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire.... Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing... [right][snapback]827984[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Speaking of cows, some nearby farmer friends of ours recalled a feud that once erupted between them and another familly. Apparently, one of Farmer A's cows wandered on to the train track, and Farmer B went up to chase it. A passing train hit the cow, and the cow went flying, struck and killed Farmer B. After that a huge feud ensued between the two families. I don't know if the fued is still going on, though. It was a very long time ago, and would appear that things have calmed down over the decades. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cow of Shame Posted December 16, 2005 Author Share Posted December 16, 2005 (edited) [quote name='Ash Wednesday' date='Dec 16 2005, 10:47 AM'] A passing train hit the cow, and the cow went flying, struck and killed Farmer B. [/quote] How bizarre Here's a fun optical illusion for you: [url="http://www.iol.ie/~dluby/Illusion.htm"][u]Mystical Pink Dots[/u][/url] --------------------------- <dr_rotcod> you know its days like these when you say to yourself, 'If I don't become famous, how am I going to kill these people and get away with it?' -------------------------- <erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is. -------------------------- (for you not in the know, "pw" is short for "password"...this guy is [i]brilliant[/i]) <Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars <Cthon98> ********* see! <AzureDiamond> hunter2 <AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me <Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> ******* <Cthon98> thats what I see <AzureDiamond> oh, really? <Cthon98> Absolutely <AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2 <AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you? <Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as ******* <AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that <Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as ******* <AzureDiamond> awesome! <AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw? <Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw <AzureDiamond> oh, ok. Edited December 16, 2005 by Cow of Shame Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Didacus Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 hey Cow? You get tipped a lot? Do you really really sleep standing up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cow of Shame Posted December 16, 2005 Author Share Posted December 16, 2005 [quote name='Didacus' date='Dec 16 2005, 11:07 AM']hey Cow? You get tipped a lot? Do you really really sleep standing up? [right][snapback]828360[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Cows sleep lying down. Little known fact, they prefer "Pasturepedic" mattresses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prose Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 That was the coolest illusion ever!!! and Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Didacus Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 yacow... that illusion was purty snazzy.... my eyes still feel pickle-eyed!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cre8d4Youth Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 all I have to say is that is some dang funnay stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 That illusion was neat!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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