Levels Of Education And Relationships

[Anastasia13]

I've always figured I should end up with a guy who has some level of post-bachelorate education since I want to go to grad school, but does that mean that I'm missing out on good guys that I could end up happy with? I'm undecided about whether or not I would be comfortable with a guy who has/aspires to a lower level of education than I would. I know that outside of school, I don't tend to be a big reader. Does it matter who has more education in a relationship? Does anyone have any thoughts they could share?

[princessgianna]

i don't think there is anything wrong with making sure your future husband has a decent job so that he can support you and the rest of the family(when the times comes )

[alicemary]

It is very important to find someone who you can hold a decent conversation with. Looks are fleeting, it is intelligence that, TO ME, is vital. I have dated men who are not so bright, ,and let me tell you, that doesnt last too long. Usually it is a physical thing that ends when the thrill ends(which doesnt take long!!). I have to have a man who is as smart or smarter then me. Sure love happens, but lasting love cant happen for me unless the guy has lots of smarts. Some will argue that there are other parameters to use, but speaking for me, I don't date dumb, and never have.
And it doesnt mean he has to have a PhD, though heavens knows I would love that. Someone can be very intellegent without a bunch of letters after their name. Real intellect can be found in any field.

[picchick]

Everyone has preferences. I think that there are some that are set and will not move (or standards) and some that can be lowered (like if you preferred someone without glasses but found a man who wore glasses and in the end it didn't matter shallow I know but it was an example.)

I would like to be able to talk to the one I am married too. I want someone who is ambitious and is intelligent. He doesn't have to have a Masters or even a bachelors as long as he is smart and has a supportive job. I plan on getting my Masters eventually.

My guy though needs to be able to do more than be able to talk to me...of course. He has to deal with my medical talk....which I found is not appealing to people eating dinner.

[abercius24]

It is easier on a relationship if both husband and wife hold traits that impress the other to some special degree. If intelligence it what impresses you, then it is wise to look for a guy with that trait. You should also consider, though, what other traits impress you just as much. If a man's religious zeal or athletic prowess are just as impressive to you, then men with those traits should also be "eligible" to you. I know, it all seems shallow, but we all struggle with such shallow aspects of our being and sometimes its best not to tempt ourselves beyond our fragile ability to cooperate with grace.

Edited September 21, 2008 by abercius24

[Anastasia13]

[quote name='abercius24' post='1660258' date='Sep 20 2008, 06:10 PM']I know, it all seems shallow, but we all struggle with such shallow aspects of our being and sometimes its best not to tempt ourselves beyond our fragile ability to cooperate with grace.[/quote]
How do we do that in this kind of context?

[MissyP89]

I've never dated anyone outside of my age bracket, but I think you can find the same desires in the younger generations. I would take brains over a nice body any time, no contest. If he's hot, that's cool, but if he can't hold a stimulating conversation with me, then forget it.

As far as the future...I'm working on my AA/BA right now, looking at getting my Master's possibly, but nothing beyond that. If my future husband has a doctorate, fine by me, as long as he's not arrogant.

Someone once said that true love has to not only outlast looks, but the breakfast table as well. That's what I'm after.

[CatherineM]

I'm 3 months and a day older than my husband, and we both have doctorate degrees. We hold engaging conversations because we have similar interests. My dad didn't have a high school diploma, but was very intelligent, and read all the time. He and I were able to hold similar conversations.

I think it really has to do with having similar levels of intelligence and interests. It doesn't mean you can't make a relationship work without it, but marriage is hard enough. Anything that can make it easier is a bonus.

[Ash Wednesday]

I just realized that I have a master's -- my husband only has a bachelor's. But he's just as smart as me, we earn similar income and share similar areas of intellectual interest and have both actually taught at college level as adjunct faculty, so I hadn't even realized that I technically have more "education" than he does.

(Maybe that doesn't count because he's expressed an interest in going back to get his master's and could easily do it should the time come.)

Overall, the level of education you receive does not mean the same thing as intellect and street smarts.

I will say this: I did date a guy who was still in college, and I had finished college a good two years before him, and at times that DID affect our relationship because though we were the same age, I felt much older and more ahead of the game than him at times. But that emotional and intellectual gap didn't end after he finished college and we went our separate ways -- other couples can probably get past this. But I do think that sometimes the relationship can have some strain if you're in a different educational state than your beau because your life experiences differ (i.e. one's in college, one's still in high school, or one has finished college and the other hasn't.)

Edited September 21, 2008 by Ash Wednesday

[jckinsman]

Both my Husband and I are stupid and it works!

Edited September 21, 2008 by jckinsman

[Brother Adam]

"Overall, the level of education you receive does not mean the same thing as intellect and street smarts."

I completely agree with Ash Wednesday here. I know factory workers who have high school educations who can beat me mercilessly at theology because of all the study they do on their own time. I also know people with Ph.D.'s who I wouldn't let near my kids because while they may have done the research required for a Ph.D. it doesn't seem like their long term memory is very good, that or they just have crazy illogical ideas.

I believe most often people of similar education and wealth will marry each other, because it is those people we tend to be around and know the best. I married my best friend, who does not have a college degree yet (but is working towards it) and I am nearing the half way point of my MA, our differences in education though don't bother us in the least. When it comes to music, logic, and street smarts Teresa runs circles around me. When it comes to the Catechism. Well.

I still say that one should marry their best friend.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='Brother Adam' post='1660438' date='Sep 21 2008, 08:07 AM']"Overall, the level of education you receive does not mean the same thing as intellect and street smarts."

I completely agree with Ash Wednesday here. I know factory workers who have high school educations who can beat me mercilessly at theology because of all the study they do on their own time. I also know people with Ph.D.'s who I wouldn't let near my kids because while they may have done the research required for a Ph.D. it doesn't seem like their long term memory is very good, that or they just have crazy illogical ideas.

I believe most often people of similar education and wealth will marry each other, because it is those people we tend to be around and know the best. I married my best friend, who does not have a college degree yet (but is working towards it) and I am nearing the half way point of my MA, our differences in education though don't bother us in the least. When it comes to music, logic, and street smarts Teresa runs circles around me. When it comes to the Catechism. Well.

I still say that one should marry their best friend.[/quote]
Good explanation.

For that matter, we also can't judge people about their education based on their occupation. Case in point, one of the custodians at Franciscan has a Ph.D. in nuclear engineering.

Anyway, whether its right or wrong to reject possible love-interests based on education is a matter of intention...are you looking out for someone who can provide for you or are you being snobby (I'm asking rhetorically, not to point fingers)? Likewise, a person who has all the means and smarts to get a college degree but doesn't may not be interested because he doesn't want a job in a field that requires one (which is perfectly understandable) or because he's just lazy and doesn't want to apply himself (which is not a good sign for a potential mate).

In short, this is a personal decision.

[Brother Adam]

"Case in point, one of the custodians at Franciscan has a Ph.D. in nuclear engineering."

Sweet mother of mercy! That's very true though. I worked in steel recycling pits with an out of work minister who had a PhD and next to people on pick and pack lines with MAs. Some of them found their work fulfilling and actually enjoy the hard labor, some are there because of economic times.

[Madame Vengier]

[quote name='Light and Truth' post='1660226' date='Sep 20 2008, 06:49 PM']I've always figured I should end up with a guy who has some level of post-bachelorate education since I want to go to grad school, but does that mean that I'm missing out on good guys that I could end up happy with? I'm undecided about whether or not I would be comfortable with a guy who has/aspires to a lower level of education than I would. I know that outside of school, I don't tend to be a big reader. Does it matter who has more education in a relationship? Does anyone have any thoughts they could share?[/quote]


You will know when you meet him. When you meet the one, you won't care.

But by way of good example, I'll tell you I have a friend (female) who has extremely high standards. She is a PhD herself and comes from a family of doctors. Her sister and brother-in-law--also doctors. High emphasis on acheivement, hard work and success in that family. In addition to all this, my friend is also unusually beautiful. So her standards are also high in the looks/fashion department. She won't even date a guy who is bald and certainlynotone who dresses badly and can't properly use a fork and knife or one who isn't culturally sophisticated--forget it. She dates doctors, lawyers and businessmen. On one occasion she even dated someone famous though I won't say who it was. My friend is a somewhat serious Catholic. She has become more worldly with age--she used to be more devout but now is more lukewarm. I think this has to do with chasing after high standards. But she is a very good, decent human being. End of the story is this: At 35 years of age she is STILL un-married and feeling that she is desperately running out of time. She wants to marry and have children but she feels time running out and her parents are questioning her abilities--like, why isn't she settled yet. Her relationships with all these fancy, high-class, sucessful, wealthy men tend to last on average about a year each. But that's not to say she has tons of boyfriends. She is not loose or easy. She is picky. My point is I believe while she is running in hot pursuit of a man who she can marry and who will be equal to her in edcucation and achievement and who will not embarass her family, she is still alone. Maybe there is some high school teacher out there who could be the love of her life but he wouldn't even get a first date with her, what with her unreasonable standards. She may be completely overlooking the person God wants to bring to her, because she demands are so high.

Solution: date who you like and admire. Forget all that other stuff.

[let_go_let_God]

My fiancee has his Bachelors and I am working on finishing my Bachelors. I will probably get a masters in the future, but that's only because it's almost required as a teacher in the future with all the classes that you take after you achive your BA or BS. ( I don't understand but I will have a BA in Mathematics when I'm done).

My finace is a kind nurtouring and loving soul and we both have a passion for our faith and we have been great conversationalists since day 2. Day 1 I was being rather shy and my friends couldn't understand what was going on.

Seek traits that you desire, sometimes the level of education will be less than you imagine and you could be perfectly happy.

If you seek perfection, look to the cross.

God bless-
LGLG