Advice, Please.

[EAnn246]

I'm in the middle of a situation at work. I started my job a little over 2 months ago (meaning that I have one month left in my probation period). I work for a Catholic religious community in a Development Office.

The first day of work, my boss told me that I could no longer wear perfume or certain kinds of deoderant because she is allergic to them. Ok, I thought, kind of strange but whatever. I didn't wear that particular kind of deoderant and stopped wearing perfume of any kind. However, since I started she has been antagonizing me about what I'm wearing. Basically, she tells me that she is allergic to me. She blames me and thinks that I'm doing it on purpose.

For a while, her questioning my hygiene habits stopped. However, she started hounding me again last week. She asked that I change one thing a day so we can figure out what it is. The next day she asked me what I changed and I said nothing (I forgot to use different soap or what have you). Before she asked me, she said that whatever I changed must have worked because she was "no longer allergic to me." After I told her that I didn't change anything, she immediately said "Oh, now I can smell it. It's bothering me." This leads me to believe that she's doing this more to nag me than anything else. I realize that people have allergies, but this situation seems completely out of hand.

Today, I drew the line when she asked me to bring in all of my personal hygiene products next week so she can smell them herself. I feel like this is an invasion of my personal privacy. Am I wrong?

I've talked to my aunt who also works at the same place and she told me that I need to talk to the HR person. This isn't the only thing that she's been doing that frankly makes my life miserable. She also tells me that she doesn't trust me, warns me that she practices voodoo, and a few other things.

I know that I need to let someone else know about this, but I wanted to know what you all thought. Do you think she is in the right and I should change everything for her? She is not the "owner" or in charge of anything.

Also, please keep me in your prayers as I figure out what to do about this.

Thanks and sorry that this is such a long post!

[HisChildForever]

[quote name='EAnn246' post='1689582' date='Oct 30 2008, 11:00 PM']Today, I drew the line when she asked me to bring in all of my personal hygiene products next week so she can smell them herself. I feel like this is an invasion of my personal privacy. Am I wrong?[/quote]

[quote]She also tells me that she doesn't trust me, warns me that she practices voodoo, and a few other things.[/quote]

This is [b]very[/b] disturbing. She clearly has something against [i]you[/i] as a person, not as an employee. I would immediately contact her supervisor, especially since her bizarre mentioning of "practicing voodoo" can be taken as a threat. I also want to say that this is harassment, with her constantly on your back about your hygiene products. Frankly, something just isn't right - and I mean this psychologically.

[Saint Therese]

[quote name='EAnn246' post='1689582' date='Oct 30 2008, 11:00 PM']I'm in the middle of a situation at work. I started my job a little over 2 months ago (meaning that I have one month left in my probation period). I work for a Catholic religious community in a Development Office.

The first day of work, my boss told me that I could no longer wear perfume or certain kinds of deoderant because she is allergic to them. Ok, I thought, kind of strange but whatever. I didn't wear that particular kind of deoderant and stopped wearing perfume of any kind. However, since I started she has been antagonizing me about what I'm wearing. Basically, she tells me that she is allergic to me. She blames me and thinks that I'm doing it on purpose.

For a while, her questioning my hygiene habits stopped. However, she started hounding me again last week. She asked that I change one thing a day so we can figure out what it is. The next day she asked me what I changed and I said nothing (I forgot to use different soap or what have you). Before she asked me, she said that whatever I changed must have worked because she was "no longer allergic to me." After I told her that I didn't change anything, she immediately said "Oh, now I can smell it. It's bothering me." This leads me to believe that she's doing this more to nag me than anything else. I realize that people have allergies, but this situation seems completely out of hand.

Today, I drew the line when she asked me to bring in all of my personal hygiene products next week so she can smell them herself. I feel like this is an invasion of my personal privacy. Am I wrong?

I've talked to my aunt who also works at the same place and she told me that I need to talk to the HR person. This isn't the only thing that she's been doing that frankly makes my life miserable. She also tells me that she doesn't trust me, warns me that she practices voodoo, and a few other things.

I know that I need to let someone else know about this, but I wanted to know what you all thought. Do you think she is in the right and I should change everything for her? She is not the "owner" or in charge of anything.

Also, please keep me in your prayers as I figure out what to do about this.

Thanks and sorry that this is such a long post![/quote]

This IS disturbing. IMO this woman has some sort of mental illness. Clearly her boundaries are not appropriate.
Also, her behavior may legally constitute unlawful harrasment. If she has some hypersensitivity to perfumes/dyes/fabrics that is her disability which it would be illegal for to her to harrass you about.
Also, if it were me and I worked at place where someone threatened to attempt to harm me in a spiritual manner, I would be very apprehensive and even perhaps quit. Do not under any circumstances give her any of your personal items, which can be used in occult practices. And under no circumstances let her give you anything, including food and drink. Occult practicioners often add material to food/drink in order to cast spells.
Be very careful.

Edited October 31, 2008 by Saint Therese

[Groo the Wanderer]

Sounds to me like she is allergic to your holiness/Catholicism. Mebbe your guardian angel keeps poking her?

[IcePrincessKRS]

1) No, you should not be bending over backwards for her. You did what she initially requested, anything beyond that is absurd.

2) I am REALLY disturbed by the fact that she works for a Catholic religious community and practices voodoo.

3) Definitely bring this to her supervisor and HR. All of it.

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1689590' date='Oct 30 2008, 10:07 PM']This is [b]very[/b] disturbing. She clearly has something against [i]you[/i] as a person, not as an employee.[/quote]
I should doubt it has anything to do with this person specifically. A person doing all of that clearly has something wrong with THEM. People rarely do things TO you. They are simply acting as they would with anyone else in the same situation. You just happen to be on the receiving end.

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1689798' date='Oct 31 2008, 08:15 AM']3) Definitely bring this to her supervisor and HR. All of it.[/quote]
Yep. That's just strange. I'm surprised you let it go this long. She probably has a lot going on inside. Pray for her!

[alicemary]

This is beggining to look like harrasement, which is not tolerated in any organization. Do you have witnesses to her comments? Have you gone to anyone before about this situation? You need to speak to someone in authority, and HR is a good place to start. Leave emotionalism out of it, speak facts. Give concrete examples of her comments, and dates they occured would also be helpful. From now on, TAKE NOTES.
You do not have to be subjected to this in the workplace, I don't care where you work. Do not just let this slide or blame yourself.
good luck!

[HisChildForever]

[quote]I should doubt it has anything to do with this person specifically. A person doing all of that clearly has something wrong with THEM. People rarely do things TO you. They are simply acting as they would with anyone else in the same situation. You just happen to be on the receiving end.[/quote]

That's what I was driving at. I should have clarified, sorry.

[dUSt]

Ask her to provide you with a list of deodorants that she is not allergic to, and then, out of respect for her allergy problems, use something from that list. I don't think that is unreasonable.

But, anything above and beyond that[b] is[/b] unreasonable.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1689798' date='Oct 31 2008, 07:15 AM']1) No, you should not be bending over backwards for her. You did what she initially requested, anything beyond that is absurd.

2) I am REALLY disturbed by the fact that she works for a Catholic religious community and practices voodoo.

3) Definitely bring this to her supervisor and HR. All of it.[/quote]
+J.M.J.+
ditto especially number two

[Ash Wednesday]

Has she seen a specialist for her problem? It's not fair that she is letting HER health problem be a hindrance to everyone else to the point where she's making unreasonable requests -- and yes, she has crossed the line. It's her problem, she should stop being a baby, buck up and deal with it in a reasonable manner. It's not like she's eating nuts and getting hives and going into shock. She can't avoid allergy inducing people at the grocery store or any other social setting. I have all kinds of allergies but I'm not going to whine if someone makes me sneeze. Take a claritin or get a neti pot, and shut up.

Yeah, I have a scorching case of PMS today.

And what is a voodoo practitioner doing working for a Catholic group, anyway? I suppose there can't be discrimination but... yeah I have to wonder.

Edited October 31, 2008 by Ash Wednesday

[the lords sheep]

I agree with all the above advice, especially the taking notes thing, because it really helps you organize your mind, and you can make sure that all of your points are clear. You have to do everything in your power to remain rational and present a very clear argument for your own protection. Remember as you're writing all this to present to HR/her supervisor, that you are not trying to get her in trouble or complain about her inadequacies, you are merely trying to protect yourself and have a healthy working environment.
Maybe this will help this lady get the help she seems to need.
God bless!

[EAnn246]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1689590' date='Oct 31 2008, 12:07 AM']This is [b]very[/b] disturbing. She clearly has something against [i]you[/i] as a person, not as an employee. I would immediately contact her supervisor, especially since her bizarre mentioning of "practicing voodoo" can be taken as a threat. I also want to say that this is harassment, with her constantly on your back about your hygiene products. Frankly, something just isn't right - and I mean this psychologically.[/quote]
I took the practicing voodoo as a threat. When she said it to me, it was in the middle of her discussion my work performance and she said it and made the comment, I don't tell people that, especially here, because they don't understand. She said her wiccan friends got her into it, which distrubed me all the more.
I also agree with the something isn't right psychologically.

[quote name='Groo the Wanderer' post='1689797' date='Oct 31 2008, 10:15 AM']Sounds to me like she is allergic to your holiness/Catholicism. Mebbe your guardian angel keeps poking her?[/quote]
haha. That's what one of the Sisters said to me when I was talking to her about it. I really hope that my guardian angel is poking her.


[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1689798' date='Oct 31 2008, 10:15 AM']1) No, you should not be bending over backwards for her. You did what she initially requested, anything beyond that is absurd.

2) I am REALLY disturbed by the fact that she works for a Catholic religious community and practices voodoo.

3) Definitely bring this to her supervisor and HR. All of it.[/quote]
1. That's what I thought.
2. I am too. I know that they can't discriminate against employees because of religious and non-religious beliefs, but I feel that they should know this. I'm not going to lie... the voodoo thing really freaks me out even though I don't believe in it or anything.


[quote name='dUSt' post='1690056' date='Oct 31 2008, 05:18 PM']Ask her to provide you with a list of deodorants that she is not allergic to, and then, out of respect for her allergy problems, use something from that list. I don't think that is unreasonable.

But, anything above and beyond that[b] is[/b] unreasonable.[/quote]
Early on, when I started and she first bugged me about the scent issue, she wanted to buy me deoderant. I told her that it wouldn't be necessary, but she could tell me what scents/brands she was allergic to. She told me and I don't use any of those kinds.


As for the reason I've waited so long to tell someone... I have told my aunt and a couple of the Sisters, but I wasn't sure how to deal with it (mostly because this is my first "real" job out of college and because I am in a probation period for 3 months). At the beginning of this week, I decided that I would try to hold out until the end of my probation period before bringing it up to the HR department and anyone else. However, I changed my mind when she demanded that I bring in my own products for her to smell next week. I will be contacting the HR person on Monday and hopefully talking to her either Monday or Tuesday.

I do consider this a form of harassment. I have found out from someone else that my boss did the same thing to another person in my department and she went to HR. The HR person talked to her about it in March. I don't understand why my boss thinks she has the right to do this. It's not like she's deathly allergic to it. As she says, she simply gets an itch in her nose that won't go away.

I have allergies and I know what a pain they are, but I also know (and take) allergy medicine.

Thank you to all of you who have responded thus far and are keeping me in your prayers. It's good to know that people who don't know the situation agree with me.

[eagle_eye222001]

Wow. Voo-doo? Uh? Your supposed to bring your personal stuff to work so she can inspect it?

Clearly this person is over the line. Yeah, talk to HR about it. Everyone else seems to have said what is needed to be said.

Wiccan friends?

Don't know what to say. Again, wow. I like the idea about having this lady explicitly write down what she is allergic to. That would be the correct approach. Bet you'll never see the list.

Again, wow.

[Saint Therese]

I wouldn't use anything that this woman bought you.
Especially with the voodoo/wiccan thing be careful of giving/recieving anything (even food/drink).