Are There Any Truly Devout Catholic Girls Out There?

[rachael]

[quote name='XIX' post='1692699' date='Nov 3 2008, 11:10 PM']Guys are supposed to be able to deal with rejection. Seriously. If a girl doesn't like you, deal with it, maybe sulk for a few days or something, and move on. Try again when you find someone else that's cute.[/quote]
What about girls?

Because I'm good with it.

[Socrates]

[quote name='reelguy227' post='1692118' date='Nov 3 2008, 02:59 AM']So here's the story.I joined Ave Maria Singles and sent messages to two girls. One wrote me back and told me I was too young, despite the fact that I'm 20 and she's 22, which really didn't make any sense. And the other hasn't even sent back yet. I've never really had a true girlfriend, and am 20 years old!! I feel like a failure, that I'll never get into a serious relationship, and eventually never get married. I've been rejected twice, and have yet to meet any seriously devout Catholic girls...it's pathetic, what gives? I'm starting to wonder whether Ave Maria was even worth the money. I just don't even get why I bother, no one has ever truly liked me.

I hope I don't sound like I'm whining, because I'm not, I just feel really pathetic and lonely. It seems like everyone I know is in some sort of relationship and I'm the same old lonely me.....

Any words of encouragement for a guy who's pretty down in the dumps about this??


Thanks and God bless[/quote]
So you're a "failure" because you were rejected by [i][b]two[/b][/i] girls??! TWO?
Sounds like you give up easy, kid. Two? Please.
Being single at 20 is not pathetic, but your whining--and yes, you are whining--about not being able to find a mate on [i]two tries[/i] is.

I met my girlfriend "Bubblicious" on AveMaria Singles, and I've been on there for more years than I care to admit. I've dated a number of women, been rejected by dozens more. Sometimes it takes time (I'm in my 30s).
I'm not saying my situation was ideal, or that everyone should wait until 30+ to marry, but panicking or despairing because you're single at 20 (particularly after only contacting [i]two[/i] young ladies) is absolutely ridiculous.
While it may not seem like it now, twenty is young, and you still have time (not saying to postpone dating indefinitely, but there's certainly no reason to freak out now).

On AveMaria or other dating sites, you may have to search around a while before you find someone you want to seriously date (and you probably date some ladies who aren't right for you before you find the right one). Can be true with girls you meet in "real life" too.
While it would be nice to just click on the first attractive profile, fall in love, and get married, for most people it doesn't work that way. With "online dating," you may have to

You need to think realistically, keep things in perspective, and lose the self-pity (a whiny, needy, self-pitying attitude is unattractive, and will get you nowhere with the ladies).

Good luck,

Socrates

[Socrates]

[quote name='Barbarus' post='1692530' date='Nov 3 2008, 06:57 PM']Totally. You can grow a lot from falling for losers, if you're open to it. I sure have.[/quote]

[quote name='rachael' post='1692600' date='Nov 3 2008, 08:22 PM']Sure can. You learn a lot from them and yourself. And you grow stronger as well. [/quote]
True perhaps, but I certainly wouldn't recommend knowingly let oneself "fall for" losers for the sake of "learning" or "growth." Very bad idea.
And that goes for the guys as well as the ladies.

[XIX]

[quote name='rachael' post='1692703' date='Nov 3 2008, 11:12 PM']What about girls?

Because I'm good with it. [/quote]
I don't know. What about them?


As far as I can tell I didn't mention or allude to them in the slightest, as least as it related to dealing with rejection.

[Slappo]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1692582' date='Nov 3 2008, 04:47 PM']Good luck when you hit your 40s and nothing has changed and all that is left are people that make you want to say "I waited and saved myself for THIS?" and all the people who are just trying to get rid of you either are still using the same old cliches about how "you are not ready yet" and "it will happen when you least expect it", or the same people who criticized you for not being patient will now criticize you for waiting too long or make comment like "at your age...". I think it is time that all the "single but lookings" rose up like the Greek widows in Acts and demand their fair share and tell those who are lying to us to shut their pieholes, because "waiting patiently" isn't doing it.



What is the source of this prayer? Did God give it to someone in private revelation? Public revelation? Because if you (or if you are cutting and pasting, whoever authored this) are putting words in God's mouth, you could very easily be playing with BLASPHEMY.[/quote]


Obviously bitter, but also a strong glint of truth.

Waiting around all your life, especially as a guy isn't a good idea. If you were 22 and people were telling you to keep waiting and at your age... that's different, but at 20, give yourself at least a year or two until you really have any concerns whatsoever. At 20 you're still just on the brink (in MOST cases of today's modern society) of being able to enter into a serious relationship pursuing marriage within a reasonable time line. The average marriage I've heard is people in their mid 20's, like 25. If you started dating someone at 20 and didn't get married at 25.... well... that would be the ultimate smell of elderberries. I couldn't even imagine dating someone for 2 years let alone 5 before marrying her.

The key, as a male, isn't WAITING patiently, but PURSUING patiently. Pursue women, that's a good thing, but do it with patience. As long as you are actively pursuing women, striving to lead a Christian life, and praying for your vocation to be fulfilled, there's nothing more you can do, and nothing to worry about.

The key is actively pursuing, as that is the role of a man.

[Slappo]

I should throw in a clause:
Although active pursuit is the role of a man, and passively allowing oneself to be pursued is the role of a woman in dating, that does not mean things cannot successfully happen the other way (see Catherine's testimony).

[reelguy227]

[quote name='Socrates' post='1692717' date='Nov 3 2008, 10:25 PM']So you're a "failure" because you were rejected by [i][b]two[/b][/i] girls??! TWO?
Sounds like you give up easy, kid. Two? Please.
Being single at 20 is not pathetic, but your whining--and yes, you are whining--about not being able to find a mate on [i]two tries[/i] is.

I met my girlfriend "Bubblicious" on AveMaria Singles, and I've been on there for more years than I care to admit. I've dated a number of women, been rejected by dozens more. Sometimes it takes time (I'm in my 30s).
I'm not saying my situation was ideal, or that everyone should wait until 30+ to marry, but panicking or despairing because you're single at 20 (particularly after only contacting [i]two[/i] young ladies) is absolutely ridiculous.
While it may not seem like it now, twenty is young, and you still have time (not saying to postpone dating indefinitely, but there's certainly no reason to freak out now).

On AveMaria or other dating sites, you may have to search around a while before you find someone you want to seriously date (and you probably date some ladies who aren't right for you before you find the right one). Can be true with girls you meet in "real life" too.
While it would be nice to just click on the first attractive profile, fall in love, and get married, for most people it doesn't work that way. With "online dating," you may have to

You need to think realistically, keep things in perspective, and lose the self-pity (a whiny, needy, self-pitying attitude is unattractive, and will get you nowhere with the ladies).

Good luck,

Socrates[/quote]

Kid? I hate it when people call me that. Thanks for those awesome words of encouragement, not. That was a little rude.

Edited November 4, 2008 by reelguy227

[Socrates]

[quote name='reelguy227' post='1692755' date='Nov 4 2008, 12:08 AM']Kid? I hate it when people call me that.[/quote]
Then grow up a little.

Despairing after only contacting two girls online is a bit . . . childish.

[littleflower+JMJ]

You know there's a reason why you have not found the one you are going to marry yet. Use this time to better yourself in every way spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc. to be ready for when you do. Use this time to concentrate on intentions such as your future wife, children and to be a holy father. Start praying for them now. If your vocation is marriage, you have to be patient and really thank God that He is allowing you to have time to prepare, to mature and work on any kinks you might have to be that best father/husband you can be for him. Maybe you need to finish school and be able to provide for your family first? Only God knows. But the thing is no matter what you will not meet her anytime sooner or later than when God wants you to find her. Just never lose focus on your vocation through it all. I would highly encourage this since the husband is the head of the family and to pray for great fruit.

I do have to say that it is hard to wait and wonder but use that energy and focus to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. I have some friends who have mentioned exactly like your original post and while it is understandable to vent or feel this way (because sometimes it is desperately needed to vent), just make sure this isn't your 24/7 thoughts. God might be testing you or preparing you to trust HIM now in this smaller battle before bigger obstacles come before you and it is not just you anymore but your family.

And I know it feels like eternity, but hang in there and hold your head up! Never lose hope because really, what you want is nothing compared to what God has in store.

[Barbarus]

[quote name='XIX' post='1692699' date='Nov 3 2008, 10:10 PM']Guys are supposed to be able to deal with rejection. Seriously. If a girl doesn't like you, deal with it, maybe sulk for a few days or something, and move on. Try again when you find someone else that's cute.[/quote]
Sometimes I think we place too much emphasis on cuteness (physical attraction), or at least that we place it as too high a priority too early in the relationship. I've done it myself in every relationship until my current one with my fiance, and I feel that the way we've chosen to do things is far superior.

We met online, and didn't exchange pictures or meet until after we'd vetted one another. We both knew the type of person we wanted -- faithful, orthodox Catholic, conservative politically, straightforward and honest, hardworking, etc. We also both knew our own shortcomings. So we spent three weeks talking about what we were looking for, and what we each saw as potential dealbreakers we brought to the table. Then we met. I wouldn't have said my fiance was "cute" if I saw him walking down the street, but with him it was safe to let attraction grow slowly because he is the kind of man I wanted to marry. It was his character that drew me, and physical attraction followed. His cuteness derives from his character, and my feelings about him affect how I view him physically. I now find him extremely attractive, and I feel that this attraction is deeper and more lasting than something I'd have for someone I just met on the street and thought was cute.

[reelguy227]

[quote name='Socrates' post='1692766' date='Nov 3 2008, 11:18 PM']Then grow up a little.

Despairing after only contacting two girls online is a bit . . . childish.[/quote]

Wow, even more rude. You don't even know me, you don't know how mature I might be or immature I might be, so don't go telling me to grow up off of a few measly paragraphs that you read by me on a message board. I asked for words of encouragement, not blunt words verging on insults.

If you don't like what I posted, don't reply. It's that simple.

But thanks everyone else.

[CoffeeCatholic]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1692336' date='Nov 3 2008, 02:33 PM']I grew up in the South, it's just that I grew up Baptist, so I never really paid attention to how many Catholic parishes there were. When I converted, I was in FL, so there were quite a few Catholic parishes.[/quote]

agreed.

Except i grew up Methodist.
[b]
Raunchy joke warning[/b]:

You know the only difference between a Baptist and a Methodist? The Methodists say hello to each other in the liquor store.

(Supposed to be funny because both Baptists and Methodists are supposed to be teetotalers. )

[tinytherese]

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1692582' date='Nov 3 2008, 06:47 PM']What is the source of this prayer? Did God give it to someone in private revelation? Public revelation? Because if you (or if you are cutting and pasting, whoever authored this) are putting words in God's mouth, you could very easily be playing with BLASPHEMY.[/quote]

According to what I've heard the "Be Satisfied" prayer is attributed to St. Anthony. It was also included in the awesome and orthodox book called "Theology of the Body for Teens." Jason Evert, is a trained apologist for Catholic Answers and studied theology as both an undergrad and a grad at Franciscan University of Steubenville, which is an orthodox school.

[Maximilianus]

The has been some great advice given so far in this thread.

[quote name='thessalonian' post='1692188' date='Nov 3 2008, 09:10 AM']I was the same way when I was your age. I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 26. Married my wife when I was 38. We have 8 kids. Hang in there. Trust in the Lord.[/quote]
Wow, thanks be to God. You sir, are an inspiration.

[quote name='Norseman82' post='1692582' date='Nov 3 2008, 07:47 PM']Good luck when you hit your 40s and nothing has changed and all that is left are people that make you want to say "I waited and saved myself for THIS?" and all the people who are just trying to get rid of you either are still using the same old cliches about how "you are not ready yet" and "it will happen when you least expect it", or the same people who criticized you for not being patient will now criticize you for waiting too long or make comment like "at your age...". I think it is time that all the "single but lookings" rose up like the Greek widows in Acts and demand their fair share and tell those who are lying to us to shut their pieholes, because "waiting patiently" isn't doing it.[/quote]
I wouldn't say bitter, I would say frustration, a frustration I can emphasize with. Norseman approves this message I'll support it.



The following quotes are great advice;

[quote name='Slappo' post='1692750' date='Nov 4 2008, 12:03 AM']The key, as a male, isn't WAITING patiently, but PURSUING patiently. Pursue women, that's a good thing, but do it with patience.[/quote]

[quote name='Socrates' post='1692717' date='Nov 3 2008, 11:25 PM']You need to think realistically, keep things in perspective, and lose the self-pity...[/quote]

[quote name='littleflower+JMJ' post='1692768' date='Nov 4 2008, 12:19 AM']Use this time to better yourself in every way spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc. to be ready for when you do.[/quote]

Put it all together reelguy.
You are still young, so don't despair. While using this time to improve yourself spiritually, physically, socially, emotionally, intellectually, and professionally think realistically, keeping things in perspective and not falling into self pity. Don't wait around idle either, pursue women patiently and make an effort to meet new people, increasing your friendships will give you a higher chance of meeting the one. Most of all trust in the Lord.

[Maximilianus]

[quote name='CoffeeCatholic' post='1692834' date='Nov 4 2008, 03:28 AM']agreed.

Except i grew up Methodist.
[b]
Raunchy joke warning[/b]:

You know the only difference between a Baptist and a Methodist? The Methodists say hello to each other in the liquor store.

(Supposed to be funny because both Baptists and Methodists are supposed to be teetotalers. )[/quote]


Hey, were's the raunchy joke?

Edited November 4, 2008 by Maximilianus