Bumpiholics

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1946675' date='Aug 11 2009, 11:37 PM']I lived with a woman who had a child for (in my opinion) exactly the reasons outlined in the article -- wanting attention, needing someone to love her unconditionally, etc. I think it happens more often than we'd like to think, actually.[/quote]
Everyone once in a while I wonder how they're doing....

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1946705' date='Aug 12 2009, 12:01 AM']Honestly, I think the author is spot on in her analysis. She is not saying that all women who want children or large families are doing so out of selfish reasons, but pointing out that there can be issues with the misguided desire to have children. I think that desire can be twisted both inside and outside marriage. And frankly, I think it IS important that parents carefully discern why they want children and whether actively seeking a pregnancy at a given point is the right thing to do or not.

Catholics are encouraged to practice "responsible parenthood," part of which, in my view, means examining one's motives not only for avoiding pregnancy but also for seeking it. I don't think what she's advocating is antithetical to the discernment process parents should be going through -- particularly when only one parent is involved, as in several examples she notes.[/quote]

I agree.


[quote name='Luthien' post='1946813' date='Aug 12 2009, 01:09 AM']Terra- I suppose that the article struck a nerve because I am a pregnant whale, that and hubby and I tried a long time to get pregnant. I was pretty heartbroken throughout the ordeal, and wrestled with feelings of inadequacy and feeling useless as a woman. Sure, these were irrational, but not abnormal or some sort of addiction like crack. I guess the point of the article was lost on me and I did not interpret it as you did.[/quote]

Natural feelings of inadequacy or disappointment are not the same as feeling a lack of attention. There ARE people who have babies for the attention. Most people are not like this, but there are some who "need" the spotlight. Babies give that to them (albeit until the baby is born... then move over.... )


[quote name='Angel*Star' post='1946850' date='Aug 12 2009, 01:53 AM']As far as women who put too much attention on their children and not themselves. I find this in women who have two or three. I know some who cut their child's meat until they were 12 or 13 years old! Then these same parents put so much into their children they are now divorced. Obviously my husband and I have lots of time to ourselves or I would not have as many children! [b]The parents with two or three kids live life through their child's lives. They are in every sport and activity under the sun. [/b] My kids have to decide what sport they want to play in any particular year. They are not allowed to be in more than one other activity. This is not to be mean, it is so we have time to spend as a family camping, family game nights, eating watermelon, going out to see Christmas lights, etc. These are just a few of the activities we enjoy doing together. My kids have time to be a kid. They also can decide which sport and activity they want. They are well adjusted. And remember, my kids will pay your Social Security someday. They are hard working and trust-worthy.[/quote]


Way to paint with a huge paintbrush...

You are by far the superior parent I bow to your supierior ability to reproduce. My three children, my dh and I are unworthy to be in your presence. Those of us with an inadequite number of children will refrain from family game night and viewing Christmas lights together... for behold, it is only the domain of the big families. I will now check out our local parks and rec brochure to see what I can sign my lowly children up for so that we can try to forge out some meaning in our humble lives as I seek to keep them from being kids. ....

[Sojourner]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1947939' date='Aug 13 2009, 08:19 AM']Everyone once in a while I wonder how they're doing....[/quote]
Last I heard, she found a good-hearted empty-nester who had empty space in her home and they are [s]mooching off[/s] living with her. She has a facebook account but I have not friended her.

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1947939' date='Aug 13 2009, 08:19 AM']Natural feelings of inadequacy or disappointment are not the same as feeling a lack of attention. There ARE people who have babies for the attention. Most people are not like this, but there are some who "need" the spotlight. Babies give that to them (albeit until the baby is born... then move over.... )[/quote]
I agree, and I'd add that you can continue receiving that kind of attention even after the baby is born, and moms can indeed derive an unhealthy amount of identity from their children, or rely on them to meet emotional needs in an unhealthy way. I have an adult friend who has a mom like this ... she looks to her kids for friendship instead of developing friends among her peers, and has since they were teenagers and even as younger kids.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1947742' date='Aug 13 2009, 01:47 AM']Yeah that makes me even more jealous. I would love to someday study midwifery myself.[/quote]

Once you know how this labor/delivery goes maybe you'll be able to give it a try when you guys decide it's time to try for #2.

[Angel*Star]

Way to paint with a huge paintbrush...

You are by far the superior parent <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/notworthy2.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="notworthy2.gif" /> I bow to your supierior ability to reproduce. My three children, my dh and I are unworthy to be in your presence. Those of us with an inadequite number of children will refrain from family game night and viewing Christmas lights together... for behold, it is only the domain of the big families. I will now check out our local parks and rec brochure to see what I can sign my lowly children up for so that we can try to forge out some meaning in our humble lives as I seek to keep them from being kids. .... <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sadwalk.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="sadwalk.gif" />
[/quote]

I am not a superior parent as you suggest. I try to do the will of God just as I am sure you do. I am sorry you were offended by my comments. There is no magic number. Only God knows His will for us. I am sure you have fine children. Pax

Edited August 18, 2009 by Angel*Star

[eagle_eye222001]

[quote name='Angel*Star' date='12 August 2009 - 01:53 AM' timestamp='1250056413' post='1946850']
When I would tell my neighbor I was expecting (no. 3 & 4), she went on a 30 minute rant on why she didn't want any more children. It was then I thought there is a sincere desire in most women to desire children. How else would God keep the world populated? Certainly not through ObamaCare!

As far as women who put too much attention on their children and not themselves. I find this in women who have two or three. I know some who cut their child's meat until they were 12 or 13 years old! Then these same parents put so much into their children they are now divorced. Obviously my husband and I have lots of time to ourselves or I would not have as many children! The parents with two or three kids live life through their child's lives. They are in every sport and activity under the sun. My kids have to decide what sport they want to play in any particular year. They are not allowed to be in more than one other activity. This is not to be mean, it is so we have time to spend as a family camping, family game nights, eating watermelon, going out to see Christmas lights, etc. These are just a few of the activities we enjoy doing together. My kids have time to be a kid. They also can decide which sport and activity they want. They are well adjusted. And remember, my kids will pay your Social Security someday. They are hard working and trust-worthy.

I don't need a career to hide behind to feel good about myself. I have time to myself, my husband does as well. We also spend time together as husband and wife and as a family.

**Rant over**
[/quote]


[quote name='homeschoolmom' date='13 August 2009 - 08:19 AM' timestamp='1250165978' post='1947939']
...


<!--quoteo(post=1946850:date=Aug 12 2009, 01:53 AM:name=Angel*Star)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Angel*Star @ Aug 12 2009, 01:53 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1946850"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->As far as women who put too much attention on their children and not themselves. I find this in women who have two or three. I know some who cut their child's meat until they were 12 or 13 years old! Then these same parents put so much into their children they are now divorced. Obviously my husband and I have lots of time to ourselves or I would not have as many children! <b>The parents with two or three kids live life through their child's lives. They are in every sport and activity under the sun. </b> My kids have to decide what sport they want to play in any particular year. They are not allowed to be in more than one other activity. This is not to be mean, it is so we have time to spend as a family camping, family game nights, eating watermelon, going out to see Christmas lights, etc. These are just a few of the activities we enjoy doing together. My kids have time to be a kid. They also can decide which sport and activity they want. They are well adjusted. And remember, my kids will pay your Social Security someday. They are hard working and trust-worthy.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->


Way to paint with a huge paintbrush...

You are by far the superior parent <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/notworthy2.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="notworthy2.gif" /> I bow to your supierior ability to reproduce. My three children, my dh and I are unworthy to be in your presence. Those of us with an inadequite number of children will refrain from family game night and viewing Christmas lights together... for behold, it is only the domain of the big families. I will now check out our local parks and rec brochure to see what I can sign my lowly children up for so that we can try to forge out some meaning in our humble lives as I seek to keep them from being kids. .... <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sadwalk.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="sadwalk.gif" />
[/quote]


Not sure why you took such offense. She was just reflecting on a trend she sees in [b]some [/b]parents who have two or three children. I don't see how this was directed at [b]all[/b] who have two or three. Bottom line is that she was making a comment on a general trend she sees. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='eagle_eye222001' date='18 August 2009 - 12:25 AM' timestamp='1250565905' post='1951712']
Not sure why you took such offense. She was just reflecting on a trend she sees in [b]some [/b]parents who have two or three children. I don't see how this was directed at [b]all[/b] who have two or three. Bottom line is that she was making a comment on a general trend she sees. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
[/quote]

I understand what she meant, but I can see how it could be taken the wrong way. She didn't say "some women" she said "I find this in women who have two or three." That is a broad statement even if it was unintentional.

[Angel*Star]

Sorry...."Some women I know..."