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Cabshear posted a topic in Open Mic,Greetings,
I apologize upfront for how long this post is.
Many many years ago I was on this forum, pretty much everyday. I grew up in a passionately protestant home, particularly Orthodox Presbyterian Church. I was homeschooled and Christianity was the only reality I knew. Many other religions were somewhat cast in a demonic or semi-demonic light, even peaceful religions like Buddhism and Hinduism were just false fronts for Satanism. Dungeons and Dragons was a fun and entertaining way to sell off your soul to Satan, and of course Pokemon was right in line behind it.
Being the first child of four in a homeschool environment there was a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. Please, don't get me wrong, now that I am in my early 30's I regret nothing of how I was raised, actually I am more thankful of it now, than I ever really have been. I was introduced to Catholicism by my high school girlfriend, and it caused some chaos - to say the least. After being slammed by pastors, elders and parents for want to be an "idolator" and made to read books like Catholicism by L. Boettner I found support and solace on the Phatmass forum. Talking with fellow Catholics.
Being the curious fellow I began studying and practicing eastern philosophy and my time with Catholicism faded. I became a Buddhist, studied Hindu religion, as well other obscure and rather odd practices like Wicca and other neo-pagan concepts. More regrettable studies lead me to the Church of Satan as well as the Temple of Set. While I didn't really last long in those practices what all this studying has done has worked well to confuse me. While I do have a desire to return to Christianity, particularly to my Catholic home, I have become rather agonistic on the subject of religion. Faith to me seems to be "just take my word for it, I can't really provide suitable evidence for any of it." Thank you Richard Dawkins and company.
It's rather odd to not only describe, but experience! The desire to return to mass and do things like pray the rosary, while at the same time feel rather silly for doing it.
So I guess my point is, how to get away from the confusion and heavy doubt? Is Faith really believing in something you don't really have a reason (or evidence) to believe in? Is there ego in this deep unwillingness to go back to confession and admit that I have been bouncing around like a ping pong ball for that past 10 years? Is the Church where I truly belong? How can I submit to the Church when I have very serious disagreements with the Holy Father's political ideologies? Would it be sinful to say "I don't agree with the Pope on certain issues?"