How Do You Know?

[Klaudi87]

[quote name='littlesister' timestamp='1289364623' post='2186122']
Nice answer, krissylou. Something like that happened to me, too, a lifetime ago now. I was planning on a Franciscan community, that I still dearly love, but the apostolate just didn't "fit." Then I met the Little Sisters of the Poor. Everything fit. End of story.

There's a great line in an old Irish song, "I know where my heart belongs." When you find the place where your heart belongs, don't be afraid to follow it there.
[/quote]


So then I guess be open and don't hold on to a particular community.

[SoonerCatholic]

Personally, I think it is frustrating to wait until I "just know". I have a hard time making decisions and having to rely on some internal barometer doesn't fly. But I really appreciate KrissyLou's statement [quote][color=#595959][font=arial, verdana, sans-serif][size=4]But on another, deeper, level, as you look at various charisms and spiritualities, you're looking less for "Yes this describes the person I want to be!" than "oh my, this is who I already am, I just didn't know it had a name." When you come across a spirituality that speaks to you like THAT, that's a really good clue.[/size][/font][/color][/quote] That's more along the lines of what I'm looking for, even though I'm having trouble defining it. I'm still trying to garner up enough courage to ask a priest to be a spiritual director. I find a thousand reasons to put it off even though I know I need to talk to someone about it....

[HopefulBride]

[quote name='Klaudi87' timestamp='1289366018' post='2186125']
So then I guess be open and don't hold on to a particular community.
[/quote]

The open part definitely; the important thing is to not go into your search for a community with a preset community in mind. Just let the Holy Spirit guide you and He will.

I must say about the feeling at home thing - I have found that this isn't always the best way to know the Lord's will for. In my case and in the case of a friend there was the at home feeling with most of the communities we visited but the peace wasn't there in any of those. I would say ask the Lord for the wisdom and the peace to know and follow.

Pax,
HB

[Klaudi87]

[quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1289479906' post='2186423']
The open part definitely; the important thing is to not go into your search for a community with a preset community in mind. Just let the Holy Spirit guide you and He will.

I must say about the feeling at home thing - I have found that this isn't always the best way to know the Lord's will for. In my case and in the case of a friend there was the at home feeling with most of the communities we visited but the peace wasn't there in any of those. I would say ask the Lord for the wisdom and the peace to know and follow.

Pax,
HB
[/quote]

Wouldn't feeling at home imply having a true sense of peace?
Like there are communities that I have visited where I felt welcome and I really enjoy my visit and the sisters company..but I just don't see myself there the rest of my life so the true sense of peace wasn't there.

[In The Arms of The Lord]

The feeling at home part I didn't really search for either. I suppose when I think of "feeling at home" I think more of a comfort than a peace, and both are quite different. Maybe not for everyone? Either way, we certainly aren't searching for comforts when discerning the religious life, but rather we are sacrificing them. There is however a peace and joy that is very deep within, it's not a surface feeling. You find that whatever else your feeling or going through, that deep sense of joy is still there. I find that most of the nervousness and anxiety I get at times may come from my attachments; we have to sacrifice these also, and at times this is painful. If the willingness is there, that will do. I have learned that, and this is good to know for those entering religious life; especially the cloister where there is more detachment from things and people, that if we don't go to Jesus for everything then our hearts will be seeking things and creatures; then we will be anxious and restless because our hearts are not there. Then we will not persevere becasue we are not seeking in Him alone. We must choose Him to be our Everything. This is truly not difficult, but sometimes we can make it that way.

[ksterling]

I started out by contacting about 50 communities where I felt the slightest interest. As I recall, they all responded very warmly. I elected not to continue discernment with some because I did not feel drawn to the apostolate. With others, the life style did not appeal to me (e.g. many sisters live in apartments so there was little sense of community). Some were unappealing for political reasons - I know, this may seem odd but some communities are really into a social justice charism that I am uncomfortable with, so I did not pursue discernment with them. Some communities had no young sisters and I didn't feel like I fit in. After I started reading and posting on VS, I began to sharpen my focus and realized that the communities that interested me were the more conservative ones. I also began to realize that a true community life was important. The witness of the habit was also important. Now I am down to about 6 communities that I continue to discern with. Thus far, I have visited with 3 communities and have visited with sisters in a 4th (tho not the motherhouse yet, just a nearby convent). When I read vocation stories, most of the sisters seemed to have had a kind of revelation - they just knew that a particular community was The One. I have to say, I have not yet experienced an "aha moment." I have not yet "just known" that a community was right for me. My biggest fear is that this will not happen and then I don't know what I will do - maybe just go with the one where I felt the most comfortable. This is something I'll have to discuss with my SD.

I don't have a plan in the sense that I must enter next year. I would like to, but I will follow my heart - when God says it's time, it will be time. However, I will be 28 shortly and will begin to bump up against the age limit for some of the communities that interest me. Until then, I will continue my disernment. Hope this helps

Edited November 11, 2010 by ksterling

[HopefulBride]

[quote name='Klaudi87' timestamp='1289496932' post='2186481']
Wouldn't feeling at home imply having a true sense of peace?
[/quote]

I think that at times in the moment, we may feel at home but the feeling may be due to being "in the moment" This is one of the reasons many SDs and even VDs will advise discerners to not focus on what one is feeling during the visit but to rather wait until one's return home. In my visits to communites, there were two of them where I can say that I felt at home, I could see myself living there forever. However, once I was home and time had passed I found myself anxious about whether or not their apostolate fit me and whether or not there was another community out there that was more fitting for me. I can honestly say that I have not had that worry when it comes to the community I am discerning with my only worry is how long until I can join the sisters. The strange thing is on my first vist I wasn't focused on whether or not I was feeling at home but rather the peace and calm that I felt.

[LaPetiteSoeur]

I've seriously looked at three different communites.

The first was the one I was educated by. However, their apostolate included nursing, and I am awful with needles. Any kind. And I was only really looking at them when I was little.

The second was the Nashville Dominicans. I don't even remember how I found them...I think it might have been through VISION network. But I wrote to them and read everything they sent to me. They seemed perfect! I wrote to the VD, but I didn't hear back for a long time.

So I contacted the DSMME. However, I still couldn't get the NDs out of my head. I prayed and prayed about it, had other people pray about it, and I finally decided...

The Nashville Dominicans was where God was calling me! At least, I think that's where's He's leading me. No matter how many times I look around at other orders, I always come back to them. The campus minister said that I'd fit in really well, and our visiting priest said he really liked the order (he might be biased...he was educated by them!).

I think you just know in your heart. Something is right with the NDs with me. A peace surrounded my soul when I settled on them.

Pray about it. God will lead you where He will. And He doesn't make mistakes.

[Sarah147]

The very interesting thing I'm finding is that those that have been Religious for a long time, and that share that they "knew" more than most people out there, and they are very happy still... It's the ones that aren't picky at all; they look for a "knowing," a peace, a sense that God says it's for them. Most often I find it's an order that was in their area, or the first they heard about, or got a response from, etc.

They are just so focused on being with God, that they aren't tangled up with all the details of different orders.

Most look for all the details, analyze, compare, etc. It's hard.

[Tally Marx]

[quote name='ksterling' timestamp='1289508317' post='2186529']
I started out by contacting about 50 communities where I felt the slightest interest. As I recall, they all responded very warmly. I elected not to continue discernment with some because I did not feel drawn to the apostolate. With others, the life style did not appeal to me (e.g. many sisters live in apartments so there was little sense of community). Some were unappealing for political reasons - I know, this may seem odd but some communities are really into a social justice charism that I am uncomfortable with, so I did not pursue discernment with them. Some communities had no young sisters and I didn't feel like I fit in. After I started reading and posting on VS, I began to sharpen my focus and realized that the communities that interested me were the more conservative ones. I also began to realize that a true community life was important. The witness of the habit was also important. Now I am down to about 6 communities that I continue to discern with. Thus far, I have visited with 3 communities and have visited with sisters in a 4th (tho not the motherhouse yet, just a nearby convent). When I read vocation stories, most of the sisters seemed to have had a kind of revelation - they just knew that a particular community was The One. I have to say, I have not yet experienced an "aha moment." I have not yet "just known" that a community was right for me. My biggest fear is that this will not happen and then I don't know what I will do - maybe just go with the one where I felt the most comfortable. This is something I'll have to discuss with my SD.

I don't have a plan in the sense that I must enter next year. I would like to, but I will follow my heart - when God says it's time, it will be time. However, I will be 28 shortly and will begin to bump up against the age limit for some of the communities that interest me. Until then, I will continue my disernment. Hope this helps
[/quote]

This is just like my experience, as of now.
I hope I get that feeling of surety, because I have such an indecisive character!
Now, I'm just sticking with my current plan: find the order which can best bring me closer to Jesus and Mary, and stick with that one.
The question is.... which one? I've narrowed it down to three. I like them all!

[Klaudi87]

[quote name='In The Arms of The Lord' timestamp='1289507840' post='2186528']
The feeling at home part I didn't really search for either. I suppose when I think of "feeling at home" I think more of a comfort than a peace, and both are quite different. Maybe not for everyone? Either way, we certainly aren't searching for comforts when discerning the religious life, but rather we are sacrificing them. There is however a peace and joy that is very deep within, it's not a surface feeling. You find that whatever else your feeling or going through, that deep sense of joy is still there. I find that most of the nervousness and anxiety I get at times may come from my attachments; we have to sacrifice these also, and at times this is painful. If the willingness is there, that will do. I have learned that, and this is good to know for those entering religious life; especially the cloister where there is more detachment from things and people, that if we don't go to Jesus for everything then our hearts will be seeking things and creatures; then we will be anxious and restless because our hearts are not there. Then we will not persevere becasue we are not seeking in Him alone. We must choose Him to be our Everything. This is truly not difficult, but sometimes we can make it that way.
[/quote]

Yeah I was looking at it differently relating it to peace not comfort. It wouldn't make sense to seek comfort when you continually have to work to give yourself more to God. May he increase and I decrease. Good point....its shouldnt be a superficial peace and joy but one very deep within.

[Klaudi87]

[quote name='HopefulBride' timestamp='1289508768' post='2186532']
I think that at times in the moment, we may feel at home but the feeling may be due to being "in the moment" This is one of the reasons many SDs and even VDs will advise discerners to not focus on what one is feeling during the visit but to rather wait until one's return home. In my visits to communites, there were two of them where I can say that I felt at home, I could see myself living there forever. However, once I was home and time had passed I found myself anxious about whether or not their apostolate fit me and whether or not there was another community out there that was more fitting for me. I can honestly say that I have not had that worry when it comes to the community I am discerning with my only worry is how long until I can join the sisters. The strange thing is on my first vist I wasn't focused on whether or not I was feeling at home but rather the peace and calm that I felt.
[/quote]


Great point !

[Klaudi87]

[quote name='LaPetiteSoeur' timestamp='1289519183' post='2186561']
I've seriously looked at three different communites.

The first was the one I was educated by. However, their apostolate included nursing, and I am awful with needles. Any kind. And I was only really looking at them when I was little.

The second was the Nashville Dominicans. I don't even remember how I found them...I think it might have been through VISION network. But I wrote to them and read everything they sent to me. They seemed perfect! I wrote to the VD, but I didn't hear back for a long time.

So I contacted the DSMME. However, I still couldn't get the NDs out of my head. I prayed and prayed about it, had other people pray about it, and I finally decided...

The Nashville Dominicans was where God was calling me! At least, I think that's where's He's leading me. No matter how many times I look around at other orders, I always come back to them. The campus minister said that I'd fit in really well, and our visiting priest said he really liked the order (he might be biased...he was educated by them!).

I think you just know in your heart. Something is right with the NDs with me. A peace surrounded my soul when I settled on them.

Pray about it. God will lead you where He will. And He doesn't make mistakes.
[/quote]


Yes I pray the Lord will lead me... im just very analytical sometimes. its in my nature lol