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Ale.SOLT

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so I don't think there's anything wrong with a discerner/religious having friends who happen to be guys. More power to you. I think the question is maturity. It takes more maturity than a lot of young people have to pull that off. You have to understand yourself well. And also appreciate that other people's interpretations of your behavior may be different from your intention. You are a grown, mature woman ... than more power to you. But ...

if multiple people in your life are seeing something that you're not ... consider that. It could be just a difference of perspective. Some Sisters and some communities actually frown on having close "non-Sister" relationships with people of either sex. Or it could be that they are able to appreciate as outsiders something you're too close to see. I would ask some more questions and find out why these people are feeling this way ...

Edited by Lilllabettt
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[quote name='savvy' timestamp='1321656852' post='2338044']
Very sound advice from all here. I made most of my friends from being involved in youth ministry. It's such a blessing to have people your age who share the same values as you.

You should get involved in your church, in a youth group, or any other ministry that let's you interact with people your age.
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I am very involved in my youth group. I am a core member and I love all the teens there. I have other healthy friendships. No just with guys but also with girls.

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[quote name='nunsense' timestamp='1321667067' post='2338111']
Well, I hate to be the odd voice out here but if women and men can't have 'friendships' then someone should have told St Teresa and St John of the Cross or St Jane de Chantal and St Vincent de Sales or St Clare and St Francis or..... the list goes on and on. And St Teresa even had a very strong emotional attachment to her superior and last director, Father Gracian and was always writing to him and wanting to see him.

Sure, there are dangers inherent in young men and women getting too close when they are both considering religious life, but for a superior to say that her nuns can't even write to a male!! Well, that just seems ridiculous to me. Some of St Teresa's most personal letter were written to Gracian and it would be our loss not to have those examples of her humanity today.

I would say, as others have said here, get a spiritual director and discuss the issue with him/her. A lot depends on you and this young man, and the level of emotional intimacy involved etc... I have six brothers and can see men as friends - not just potential partners. You might develop a very holy brother/sister relationship with this young man, but for that to be the case, there have to be boundaries set and adhered to so that you both understand the nature of your relationship. If you feel that you can't do this, then okay, don't see him, but even Our Lord had friendships with women. Let common sense and good spiritual direction guide your actions.
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Umm I like this alot! I do have a spiritual director and she told me that we she has seen us together and that our friendship is very holy and very innocent. We do go to adoration together and we pray LOH together and we do rosary walks and stuff. We see each other with so much respect.

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To all: I did talk to my spiritual director and the Sisters this weekend. They both told me that our friendship was very healthy and innocent but they were worried that it would be very hard for us to leave each other when we enter religious life. But we talked through it and we came to the conclusion that we viewed each other more of a brother and sister relationship above anything else.

Marc and I also talked about our friendship and we both feel that we are not doing anything wrong. If all these saints were best friends with the opposite sex, why cant we?! Bls. Mother Teresa and Bls. Pope JpII were best friend and strive to get each other to heaven. That's what we want for each other, to get to heaven.

We pray alot together and for each other, we try and go to confession together and adoration and things like so. He have given a retreat together and have gone through many trials and tribulation. And through this is how we got closer. Especially going to WYD together.

We are still going to continue with our holy friendship. Now that we know that our spiritual directors advice and what they think we know what is right and what is wrong. ( not that we didn't know before)

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[quote name='Ale.SOLT' timestamp='1321628065' post='2337870']
So I have realized that the closer that I become to Jesus, the more my childhood friends have left me. :crazy: But through all of this I have one very special and dear person to me, my best friend Marc. :buddies2: :heart:

We literally talk about everything and are very opened with each other.
Lately, my parents and the sisters at my parish have noticed this and they said it wasnt okay for us to be so close.

Are they right??? :huh: :idontknow: :unsure:
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Ale.SOLT, my friend may be entering the same time you do. She is transferring from her community in England to the SOLT in Arizona. :)

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[quote name='Ale.SOLT' timestamp='1321972654' post='2339418']
PRAISE JESUS! :banana: :notworthy2: :amen: :nun1:

Is she entering aspirancy in ND or did she do aspirancy in england?
What is her name?
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I'm not sure where she is entering aspirancy. We haven't talked about the various stages. All I know is that she is leaving her current community where she entered this September because the weather in England isn't agreeing with her, unfortunately. But God knows best. ;)

Edited by MaterMisericordiae
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