PhuturePriest Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Well, I'm back from my journey to Seminary. Let me first begin with saying that I had a good time there. I didn't talk to the guys in my group very much at all, but I talked to the seminarians so much. They were very nice, and I had a good time talking with them. My best conversation by far was the one I had in confession. It was in this little music room and it was face-to-face, which I didn't mind much. He was a Benedictine Priest and he made these really funny jokes that would have taken off any edge I might have had (Though I don't generally experience edginess anymore). I got to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament twice, listen to the stories of the seminarians, and I even watched a good play the Seminarians created and put on called How I Became A Pirate. In all, it was a lot of fun other than the silent eight hour drive there and back. The Church they have there is not a Church, it is a basilica, which they explained meant the architecture made it a basilica. It was beautiful, and the tabernacle was in a side room of the basilica where there were these kneelers. Anyway, yesterday when there was free time I went into that room with the Tabernacle and went to the kneeler closet to it (which was about four feet away), and I prayed to Jesus in silence and solitude for around forty minutes. In that time, I felt peace and I was able to talk and be honest with God, and I was able to listen to Him better. In those forty minutes I had an overwhelming sense of sadness at my realization that the feeling I had experienced since I got there was true: I am not called to the Priesthood or religious life. I didn't feel at home at the seminary, and the experiences I had there (Which were not in themselves bad) let me know that this is not where I was called to. I talked to Jesus about it, thinking about how I have been discerning for two years just to get to this point, but I knew there was a reason for it all. I became devout because of it, I became a much better person and future spouse because of it, I started studying because of it, and I even made great friends both online and in real life, including many Priests and religious. I thank you all so much for all of the praying and support you have given me, and I thank you so much for the friendship you have given me. I ask that you please continue to pray for me as I study for college and look for a future spouse there. I won't say I'm not really sad by this, but this is what I have realized in my heart, and I am very optimistic about the future and what it may hold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Continue to hold you in prayer, Miles. Don't run out ahead of the Holy Spirit... we'll see where God leads. But the peacefulness is a good sign. But one day at a time.... ok? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 I am glad that you have reached a sense of understanding. I was thinking about you this weekend while you were on retreat. It takes a lot of strength to even consider a major change of life plans. You seem to be very open to where the Holy Ghost leads you, and I am sure that you will retain that openness while you discern your next steps in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 About every day I say to God, "Please let your will happen. Just do it. Break my heart if you need to. I just want to do your will." I recommend it to you in the days ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 Prayers as you head through further discernment after this revelation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 [quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1352767779' post='2508818'] About every day I say to God, "Please let your will happen. Just do it. Break my heart if you need to. I just want to do your will." [/quote] This prayer is dangerous in the extreme. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 I would rather God break my heart than allow me to disappoint Him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 [quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1352767779' post='2508818'] About every day I say to God, "Please let your will happen. Just do it. Break my heart if you need to. I just want to do your will." I recommend it to you in the days ahead. [/quote] Of course. Following His will is what got me here, and I am very interested as to what He has in store for me. I'm pretty well over the disappointment now and I'm very optimistic about the future. By the way, this morning I woke up in my dorm, and I saw that it was pretty bright out. I turned on my iPod to see what time it was, and when I saw it was 8:15 I automatically said in my head "Sweet chimichanga!" because you said it a few days before I went. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 [quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1352767934' post='2508821'] This prayer is dangerous in the extreme. [/quote] God's will is what's best for me. God knows that some people are better at discerning His will for them than I am. Things have had to happen to me to come close to understanding why I'm here. I do not believe God inflicts suffering, but He has used mine for absolute beauty. God isn't going to make horrible things happen to me. But as Nihil said, I'd rather have my heart broken than not act in accordance with his will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 (edited) [quote name='Nihil Obstat' timestamp='1352767978' post='2508822'] I would rather God break my heart than allow me to disappoint Him. [/quote] Well, good for you. If you can pray that prayer with complete honesty and enthusiasm then you are either 1. naive and inexperienced or 2. among the bravest people alive on planet Earth, in which case heroic sanctity lies within your grasp, congratulations. In either case I will repeat: the prayer is dangerous in the extreme. Not for the fainthearted. At all. Edited November 13, 2012 by Lilllabettt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted November 13, 2012 Author Share Posted November 13, 2012 (edited) [quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1352768764' post='2508835'] Well, good for you. If you can pray that prayer with complete honesty and enthusiasm then you are either 1. naive and inexperienced or 2. among the bravest people alive on planet Earth, in which cases heroic sanctity lies within your grasp, congratulations. In either case I will repeat: the prayer is dangerous in the extreme. Not for the fainthearted. At all. [/quote] The Faith is not for the feint of hearted, I'm afraid. We are supposed to do God's Will. To say otherwise and to say that it is okay to not want to do His will completely all the time is a fallacy. This is not to say we should always technically think "Yay, God broke my heart with the Priesthood!", but we should inevitably want what God wants, not what we want. But I'm afraid this thread is not about if doing God's will is good or not, this is about my vocation. If you would like to talk about theology, go elsewhere please. Edited November 13, 2012 by FuturePriest387 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spem in alium Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 My prayers and blessings are with you, FP. I'm very glad to sense the peace and hope in your words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureCarmeliteClaire Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 I apologize for throwing that out there. It is my personal words I've had to say because of my own personal insecurities and things I'm working on. I am neither inexperienced nor brave. I am desperate. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 You seem to be maturing very fast FP and it was very courageous of you to post this. Prayers as you continue along life's journey, whereever that may lead you. And that prayer 'I would rather God break my heart than allow me to disappoint Him.' is very similar to the concept of giving Him a blank cheque, which I did. When you see the amount He writes though, it will be a shocker, as Lilllibettt implies. With Him, nothing is impossible though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dominicansoul Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 [quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1352767934' post='2508821'] This prayer is dangerous in the extreme. [/quote] its right up there with the "litany of humility" !!! personally, if i said that prayer every morning, I think Jesus would spew out his coffee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now