Discernment Times

[Freedom]

curiousing - not that I'm saying you're worried about all that stuff. 

[Gabriela]

If you were fine financially and really comfortable in life such as no worries about paying bills on time or being homeless?

 

 

Well, if I were really called to religious life, then it'd be better to be with my community in bad times OR good times. Just like marriage. :-)

 

I do think, however, that being in hard times can make it difficult to know whether one is really called, or just trying to "escape" to the "safety" of a community. Personally, I think it might be easier to discern when things are going well, because then, if you feel your life is still really empty and no amount of security and comfort could fulfill you, then, you know... maybe He's calling you to something else.

 

Back before I was discerning, I was sitting on my sofa one day studying. I looked up from a book to think about something, and when my eyes landed on my bookshelves (I have A LOT of books), I had this feeling of a huge weight in my chest, and I thought, "God, what a burden all this stuff is." Months later, I realized that might be a sign...

 

P.S. I AM really worried about money! I'm a grad student!

[Freedom]

Thank you, that helps... You and most of America are worried.

[AccountDeleted]

I've been fairly rich and I've been desperately poor but having lots of things makes it harder for me to hear God's voice. Remember what Jesus said about the rich entering heaven - not that it's impossible as nothing is impossible for God (and St Louis is a good example of that) but being poor really helps one to see what's important about this life and directs one's attention to the next. Sometimes when I think about going back to the convent now, it isn't the things that worry me (as I have nothing) it is the lack of choice and self-will. I was blissfully happy before I left the convent - to the point where I didn't want to have to return here for the visa. But now that I have had to wait and wait, my thoughts sometimes wonder why I want to go back to a life that is really very hard physically and sometimes mentally as well. Then I remember that this world doesn't feed the spirit and it's actually more of an effort for me to live with God here than it is in the convent.

 

It's a bit like going to the gym. When one does it regularly, the feeling is great but when one hasn't done it for awhile, then the very idea of getting there and doing it seems almost impossible. I need religious life. My soul needs it. And I know that is why God has called me to Carmel and allowed me to try again. He knows how much I want Him and how hard it is for me not to get distracted by this world. He wants what is best for my soul. I keep telling Him that He has to get me back there soon because the longer I am not there, the easier it is for me to fall into sloth and gluttony and complete self-indulgence (my sister says I am being too hard on myself but I know myself). Self-discipline is a wonderful thing but some of us need all the help we can get. So for me, the convent isn't about giving up anything so much as it is about being supported in trying to give myself to God. I lived as a hermit for 8 months and it was beautiful but it was much harder than living in a convent despite being able to make my own choices and decisions about everything.

 

I think anyone considering religious life is going to have doubts of every kind, including self-doubt. But this is really just a lack of faith and trust that God really wants what is best for us and allows only those things that work for the good of our soul (even those things that hurt). For some people, what is best for the soul is married life or hermit or single life - but for some of us, we NEED the help and support of a religious community. Even those who have entered and left communities say that they are glad they tried it. And since we aren't going to know the outcome of any decision we make until after we make it, I say, if you feel you might be called, give it a go and see if it is truly where God is leading you or not. It takes a long time for any commitment to be made, and the community will help out along the way - indeed it isn't God's will if the community says no.

 

When I start to fear or doubt or question, I take all those thoughts and wrap them up into a package and hand them over to God and ask Him to deal with them, trusting that He will protect me from the workings of the evil one and from my own weakness. A 'disturbance in the Force' is not from God. :)

Edited December 12, 2012 by nunsense

[ChristinaTherese]

Right now, I'm being very attracted to the idea of the cloister. The separation from the hustle and bustle of the world that it gives is something that I think my soul needs. I need to be able to sit in silence and pray, to give my life to God entirely, to pray for the world and try to hold them up to God's love and mercy.... These things tug at my heart. Because of this, my heart longs for the cloister. The best days I've had in a long time have been lived in just a simple, solitary, rhythm of prayer and work. But, like nunsense said about herself, I need a community. I could never live as a hermit, because I need the support of others around me.

[OnlySunshine]

If I didn't have such a problem finding a community that would accept me AND that I feel attracted to, I would apply to enter the cloister.  My therapist has even asked me if I've ever considered contemplative life which I have but I kept finding dead ends.  If this community that I applied to doesn't pan out, I'm thinking of looking into the Augustinian Nuns in New Lenox, IL.  I keep going back to their website because I find their poetic words beautiful.  However, I love my community and I cannot imagine discerning with any other community at the present time.  :)

Edited December 12, 2012 by MaterMisericordiae

[TheresaThoma]

Mater I was just thinking about you today and wondering if you had heard anything yet about being accepted but you pretty much answered my question with your post. I will keep praying for you.

I have found that when I am out "in the world" ie at school or work my heart and mind start to feel "clouded". When I am in prayer though I feel such clarity and certainty about what I should do. Even though I long for religious life I know that I am right where God wants me. I know at the very least I have a Candidate that I need to bring into the Church! 

 

Something that came to me in prayer the other day that I thought might be good to share with all of you. I realized that each woman embodies the Church. In the book "And you are Christ's" he touches upon this. Women have the life giving ability in ourselves. How that "embodiment" is made manifest comes through our vocations. Women who are called to the married life point to the Church on earth. By the physical bearing of children they point to the physical nature of the Church here on earth. I believe it is JPII who described the family as the domestic Church. The father as the head but it is the mother who has the life giving ability. 

A woman that is called to religious life "points" to the Church that is to come. A Church that is spiritual, she has the life giving ability but that ability is made manifest in spiritual children. As Jesus said "At the resurrection they will neither marry nor be given in marriage". Women religious already participate in this mystery. Each of these vocations are independent they draw strength from the other. In discernment we are trying to find out which "side" of the Church are we meant to be an example of.

[Julie de Sales]

I can relate to some things that you said because I also feel drawn to religious life but I also go through difficulties in my spiritual life that make it all really hard. In the past, when I spoke to a priest that really helped, and I mean not just occasionally, but regularly... and he guided me. It's really hard on our own. Some things are so complicated, you feel only a miracle can help you, - I definitely go through this.. it still helps to talk about it and get advice from a priest & a blessing which can be very powerful  :) and God can work through that, and through other things, to help us, because of course God knows just what we need!

 

There's a book called 'Abandonment to Divine Providence' that you might like :) I haven't read all of it yet but it sounds wonderful, and especially if it's a version that comes with the letters (to nuns).

 

God bless :)

 

Thank you for the recommandation of the book, I purchased it and now I have to begin the reading. But like you said, it sounds wonderful, for example I liked this quote â€œIf the work of our sanctification presents us with difficulties that appear insurmountable, it is because we do not look at it in the right way. In reality, holiness consists in one thing alone, namely, fidelity to God's plan. And this fidelity is equally within everyone's capacity in both its active and passive exercise.” and this one â€œGod instructs the heart, not by ideas but by pains and contradictions.”

I know that the best thing to do when you have difficulties in the spiritual life is to talk to a priest, but I feel so uncomfortable doing this and I belive I can't express myself properly, it's very hard to put in words what I'm going through. A miracle would be so useful, but I know I can't ask for this. However, when I read in the lives of the saints of some miracles I'm consoled, because if the worse comes to the worse I still have a chance to get out of some problems. 

I never asked for a blessing from a priest, I think I could try it! :think:

[alyssamarie]

I have just recently made a decision to enter religious life next fall. The community that I will be entering is very dear to me and I have known the order for over 4 years. I am beyond excited to go. Making the decision has given me incredible peace and joy. I never imagined the support that my family and friends have offered me. Although I have made this decision I do not feel that my discernment is finished as I will continue to discern while in formation. I started seriously discerning religious life during my senior year of high school. I have had many difficult times and many times of joy. I think what has helped me most is knowing without a doubt that God has a plan for me and that His plan is so much better than anything I can dream up. As long as I stay open to His will and try to follow it everyday I have no doubt that He will lead me to my vocation. When I was making my big decision one of my parish priest gave me a piece of advice: I was describing the great joy and peace I felt when I thought about entering the convent and he said that those were the fruits of the Holy Spirit and if they are genuine joy and genuine peace than they are from God and he doesn't try to trick us. This helped me realize that I cannot make myself feel the peace and joy that I feel so they must be from Him.

[emmaberry101]

I have just recently made a decision to enter religious life next fall. The community that I will be entering is very dear to me and I have known the order for over 4 years. I am beyond excited to go. Making the decision has given me incredible peace and joy. I never imagined the support that my family and friends have offered me. Although I have made this decision I do not feel that my discernment is finished as I will continue to discern while in formation. I started seriously discerning religious life during my senior year of high school. I have had many difficult times and many times of joy. I think what has helped me most is knowing without a doubt that God has a plan for me and that His plan is so much better than anything I can dream up. As long as I stay open to His will and try to follow it everyday I have no doubt that He will lead me to my vocation. When I was making my big decision one of my parish priest gave me a piece of advice: I was describing the great joy and peace I felt when I thought about entering the convent and he said that those were the fruits of the Holy Spirit and if they are genuine joy and genuine peace than they are from God and he doesn't try to trick us. This helped me realize that I cannot make myself feel the peace and joy that I feel so they must be from Him.

 

Congrats AlyssaMarie! 

[Eowyn]

If I didn't have such a problem finding a community that would accept me AND that I feel attracted to, I would apply to enter the cloister.  My therapist has even asked me if I've ever considered contemplative life which I have but I kept finding dead ends.  If this community that I applied to doesn't pan out, I'm thinking of looking into the Augustinian Nuns in New Lenox, IL.  I keep going back to their website because I find their poetic words beautiful.  However, I love my community and I cannot imagine discerning with any other community at the present time.  :)

 

Oooooh, I like the Augustinian Nuns.  Beautiful sisters.  

[PadrePioOfPietrelcino]

I have had two great struggles in my discernment towards a Priestly Vocation, the first being giving up dating and physical fatherhood. My family all wanted (still do although they are supportive) me to get married and have a family. I have an attraction to such a life and it didn't help when I shared this with my VD he told me..."...well the qualities which draws one towards the priesthood are the same qualities that makes someone a good husband and father." This was problematic for me in a great way. As I was waiting for my canonical waiting period to pass by I ended up joining the military as a combat medic. It was at that time I decided to stop dating. I had decided that when I deploy and go off to the war zones it would be hard enough on the family and friends I already had it was not good for me to add yet another person into the group of people I cared about when I leave. I came to realize that in many ways this is also why Priest are celibate, and I was able to lie and grow in chastity and celibacy until it became a part of my life that allows me to love greater and more fully in service to people. The second great struggle I had with discernment came during my time in the military, during my deployments I would not have to opportunity for the sacraments on my first one I had 6 months before I was able to even see a priest. This lack of a sacramental life was very difficult for me, my own self became I tangled with personal sins and I became ashamed of myself so greatly that I would at times even avoid the sacraments. I went for almost three years in this darkness of my faith knowing I could be forgiven, knowing that all I would have to do is admit guilt and humbly ask for forgiveness, but humility is not always easy...rarely is it easy. Luckily for me I had a good friend from a few states away who is in the Seminary, he made contact to ask how I was doing, how discernment was going ect...he was wise enough to realize that I was avoiding the answers to those questions and was avoiding visiting him, so he did what any REALLY GOOD friend would do, he trapped me into admitting I had a free weekend and said he would drive from Chicago and visit me. I had no way out...He came down and spent a weekend with me asking the tough questions and being patient with my stubbornness, shame, and resistance. We went to Mass together, I went to Confession, and I called my VD. Told him I wanted to meet with him, we talked. Little on the phone. in person I told him my full story and he was encouraging. We continued to meet and he gave me my application. Those have been my major struggles.

As far as joys go, well I have a great sense of peace about it. I know it will not be an easy road, but like climbing a mountain the hard work brings great benefits and sights. My Pastors and Deacon have done well in getting me more involved with the Church, I love serving at Mass and being close to our Lord in Adoration. I have noticed that many people like to ask me questions during RCIA or KoC meetings and I find great satisfaction when God can use me as a tool to strengthen the faith of another. I feel drawn to being a Priest for the same reasons I was drawn to being a medic, but rather than working to heal people physically I want to help people heal and live healthy spiritual lives. God has helped me in my own unhealthy times and I can now be more sympathetic to those who are struggling in the pains of sin.

[Pax_et bonum]

My first semester in college is over! I don't see my parents supporting me until I'm about to enter or after I enter (God willing). So now that I'm done with school work for a while, I'm going to stop procrastinating and finish my application against my parents' wishes. I'm going to try and keep it quiet to not antagonize them or anything, but there's at least one question they know the answer to better than I. Maybe I can ask it casually somehow, though it's not the most casual question ever... I ask again for your prayers, and know that all of you are in my prayers especially those whose parents/families oppose their vocations.

 

ETA: "Have you ever read any books on the lives of the Saints? If yes, name a title and author." Does that mean a book like Lives of the Saints or like Story of a Soul, or other books by/about individual saints? I forgot to ask, and the only lives of the saints book I've read is my Picture Book of Saints from when I was younger.

Edited December 14, 2012 by Pax_et bonum