It's Going Too Fast...

[petitpèlerin 263]

Hang in there. All of heaven is for you, and watching over your parents, too.

 

And well done. That was courageous.

Edited December 31, 2012 by petitpèlerin

[PadrePioOfPietrelcino 570]

I told my parents, I'm shaking right now. First my mother, she expected it but wasn't prepared for this. And she doesn't like the idea of me becoming a priest. My father didn't want to listen to what I had to say. He said: I don't think I want to hear this now, tell me later, I'm going for a walk...

Also didn't realise it's the feast of the Holy Family, until I heard the gospel about Jesus in the Temple, saying exactly what I said a few posts earlier (there were a bunch of red roses on the altar by the way, St. Therese is still with me, that's a little bit comforting).

Please Pham, pray for me! I have some rough days ahead I think...

Praying for you, your parents will come to terms with it, I am sure they love you and are just worried. At least now you do not have to carry the burden by yourself anymore.

[TheresaThoma 2,354]

It must be a bit of a shock to them but at least now it is out in the open and you can deal with it. It might take them some time and there probably will be a mourning process as they deal with having certain dreams for you "die". Give them some time and don't push the issue if thy don't want to talk about it. Prayers for you!

[ChristinaTherese 704]

I told my parents, I'm shaking right now. First my mother, she expected it but wasn't prepared for this. And she doesn't like the idea of me becoming a priest. My father didn't want to listen to what I had to say. He said: I don't think I want to hear this now, tell me later, I'm going for a walk...

 

Also didn't realise it's the feast of the Holy Family, until I heard the gospel about Jesus in the Temple, saying exactly what I said a few posts earlier (there were a bunch of red roses on the altar by the way, St. Therese is still with me, that's a little bit comforting).

 

Please Pham, pray for me! I have some rough days ahead I think...

 

:nunpray: I'll try to pray for you, particularly when I'm at a (Benedictine) monastery tomorrow.

 

(In regard to your comment about the Gospel, Jesus has a way of saying what we need to hear, and not necessarily any more.... (Of course, we could be wrong and just hearing what we want to hear, I guess.))

[NonNovi 376]

Thanks for the prayers everyone, I even had a friend who is visiting Jerusalem pray for me at the holy places.

 

My mother told my father when he returned from his walk, I could hear him yell 2 floors higher... He is furious. Today at lunch we had an argument. This must be one of the rare occasions I yelled at him, I never do that. My father demands that I study, take my exams, do my internships and get my diploma. He says I owe that to them. With a diploma I can do what I want.

 

And then he started about my personality, that I'm being immature, fleeing from my responsabilities and narrow minded, that I'm too introverted, not familiar with the world and not very social. And being al that, I'm not able to make such decisions... I tried to give counter examples, but priests or even my student fraternity are not good references, because they al are part of the same narrow world.

 

Meanwhile my mother is very unhappy and starts crying from time to time. When I started talking to her, she immediately suspected I was going to say something about the priesthood. Her only wish is that I will not become a priest in a cassock, only thinking about the rules and not about the human aspect.

 

God, my parents know so little of me!!

[inperpetuity 281]

Praying.  I can understand why you were hesitant to say anything.

[petitpèlerin 263]

Ouch. More prayers for you and them. Stay strong.

[emmaberry101 360]

<blockquote class='ipsBlockquote'data-author="NonNovi" data-cid="2528533" data-time="1356963343"><p>
Thanks for the prayers everyone, I even had a friend who is visiting Jerusalem pray for me at the holy places.<br />
<br />
My mother told my father when he returned from his walk, I could hear him yell 2 floors higher... He is furious. Today at lunch we had an argument. This must be one of the rare occasions I yelled at him, I never do that. My father demands that I study, take my exams, do my internships and get my diploma. He says I owe that to them. With a diploma I can do what I want.<br />
<br />
And then he started about my personality, that I'm being immature, fleeing from my responsabilities and narrow minded, that I'm too introverted, not familiar with the world and not very social. And being al that, I'm not able to make such decisions... I tried to give counter examples, but priests or even my student fraternity are not good references, because they al are part of the same narrow world.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile my mother is very unhappy and starts crying from time to time. When I started talking to her, she immediately suspected I was going to say something about the priesthood. Her only wish is that I will not become a priest in a cassock, only thinking about the rules and not about the human aspect.<br />
<br />
God, my parents know so little of me!!</p></blockquote>

The fleeing responsibilities comment is common, even for supportive parents. At this point, that is all they can say, because their inner consciences know what is right. Their frustrations will probably remain on that level. You don't seem like you would explode on them in a fit of anger, but be sure not to do that! When they call you immature, narrow-minded, or use any other personal attack that has very little to do with the merits of the priesthood, firmly and respectfully stand your ground. They are not saying these things because they're angry.. They sound like they really love you and are just desperate.

For me, bringing up my own happiness was big in my parents' acceptance of dropping out of school. They are devout Catholics, so for the longest time I presented it to them as God's will. Trouble was that, while they certainly wanted God's Will, they had a terrible time being supportive until they knew that His will made me happy.

Praying for you!

[Pax_et bonum 680]

Thanks for the prayers everyone, I even had a friend who is visiting Jerusalem pray for me at the holy places.

 

My mother told my father when he returned from his walk, I could hear him yell 2 floors higher... He is furious. Today at lunch we had an argument. This must be one of the rare occasions I yelled at him, I never do that. My father demands that I study, take my exams, do my internships and get my diploma. He says I owe that to them. With a diploma I can do what I want.

 

And then he started about my personality, that I'm being immature, fleeing from my responsabilities and narrow minded, that I'm too introverted, not familiar with the world and not very social. And being al that, I'm not able to make such decisions... I tried to give counter examples, but priests or even my student fraternity are not good references, because they al are part of the same narrow world.

 

Meanwhile my mother is very unhappy and starts crying from time to time. When I started talking to her, she immediately suspected I was going to say something about the priesthood. Her only wish is that I will not become a priest in a cassock, only thinking about the rules and not about the human aspect.

 

God, my parents know so little of me!!

 

Well this sounds familiar. I know how much it hurts. I don't have any advice, but I wanted you to know that you aren't alone. God gave us to our parents for His own reasons, and my trust in God is stronger because of my parents' opposition. I can't rely on my parents or myself, all I have is God to cling to. God won't let our parents get in the way of doing His will, but we have to persevere.

[TheresaThoma 2,354]

This is not a fun place to be in, I've been there and will probably have to go there again. Try to be patient it is a bit of a mourning process for them an anger is one of the stages. When they bring up school again emphasize the fact that what you are paying for (a good religion degree to teach) is NOT what you are getting. Remember discernment is a very interior process so it is very hard for others to understand it. They weren't able to see the process it took to get you to this point, to them it just seems like a sudden decision.

[MarieLynn 49]

This is not a fun place to be in, I've been there and will probably have to go there again. Try to be patient it is a bit of a mourning process for them an anger is one of the stages. When they bring up school again emphasize the fact that what you are paying for (a good religion degree to teach) is NOT what you are getting. Remember discernment is a very interior process so it is very hard for others to understand it. They weren't able to see the process it took to get you to this point, to them it just seems like a sudden decision.

 

I agree.     Your father's anger is not really directed at you,  it is possibly just a 'knee jerk' reaction to your news, which to him is the death of all the hopes and dreams he ever had for you.    Give him plenty of time to come to terms with it, and you'll see, eventually he will come round.

 

You are an adult.   Your father cannot demand anything from you, and I'm sure you will continue to give him the respect and love that you have for him as your father, but when he goes off again in the same vein as before, quietly but firmly, tell him it is what you want to do  your future, not what he expects you to do.

 

All parents have hopes and aspirations for their children, - I was no exception, and several years back when my daughter gave me some news I was not expecting, I realised I had two options (1) to support her and show her the love that a mother has for her child- no matter what -  or (2) rage at her, tell her what a disappointment I thought she was, and risk losing her love and respect maybe forever. .   Thankfully I chose the first option.     Your parents will come round NonNovi, just give them space, and time.

 

In the meantime, I will add my prayers to all the others that are coming your way.      Stay strong.   

[NonNovi 376]

The fleeing responsibilities comment is common, even for supportive parents. At this point, that is all they can say, because their inner consciences know what is right. Their frustrations will probably remain on that level. You don't seem like you would explode on them in a fit of anger, but be sure not to do that! When they call you immature, narrow-minded, or use any other personal attack that has very little to do with the merits of the priesthood, firmly and respectfully stand your ground. They are not saying these things because they're angry.. They sound like they really love you and are just desperate.

For me, bringing up my own happiness was big in my parents' acceptance of dropping out of school. They are devout Catholics, so for the longest time I presented it to them as God's will. Trouble was that, while they certainly wanted God's Will, they had a terrible time being supportive until they knew that His will made me happy.

 

In fact, this is not the first time my father says such things. For about 10 years he is saying that I see things too black and white, that I will soften and have a broader view on things when getting older etc. etc. He seems to connect those things to my personality, not to the priesthood in particular.

My parents aren't devout catholics, so talking about God's will isn't even an option... They just don't understand what believing and the faith is. I don't know what they learned when they where young, but it has destroyed an entire generation of "catholics".

 

Remember discernment is a very interior process so it is very hard for others to understand it. They weren't able to see the process it took to get you to this point, to them it just seems like a sudden decision.

That's true. They saw it coming in a way, because the last 6 years I gradually spent more time in church and stuff. But on the other hand I surprised them. I'm under the impression they blame me more for wanting to quit college than for wanting to be a priest. 

I told 2 of my friends so far. One confirmed me today he will support me whatever I do. The other has a bit the same view as my parents (first finish college, then you can go for the priesthood). She doesn't really get the whole vocation thing and considers the priesthood just as another period of studying (wich it is of course, but it's so much more!). 

 

I agree.     Your father's anger is not really directed at you,  it is possibly just a 'knee jerk' reaction to your news, which to him is the death of all the hopes and dreams he ever had for you.    Give him plenty of time to come to terms with it, and you'll see, eventually he will come round.

 

You are an adult.   Your father cannot demand anything from you, and I'm sure you will continue to give him the respect and love that you have for him as your father, but when he goes off again in the same vein as before, quietly but firmly, tell him it is what you want to do  your future, not what he expects you to do.

My father has some issues from his past with college and diplomas, he wants us (me and my siblings) to do better and accuses himself for everything we do wrong. Me wanting to quit is a giant failure in his eyes (I have already switched studies once, quitting is even worse). I don't think I want to tell him it's what I want to do, not what he expects me to do. He will go berserk.

 

We're almost 5 days later now, and everybody is acting like nothing happened, wich is very uncomfortable. I just hope they don't think I'm obeying without further questions, because I'm not. I do not have the intention to take my exams, I'm already way behind with studying so I'd probably fail anyway.

 

My only option is to get kicked out of the house, but that's a little bit drastic ;) I'm afraid I'll have to have that talk with them again. Oh boy, the next weeks are not going to be nice... Luckily I have lots of people praying for me (thank you guys!), even the entire community of the Petites Soeurs de la Consolation in France. I received their beautiful Christmas card this morning, with a little note from "my" Sister in wich she says they will pray for me, for my discernment and all my intentions. Funny thing, I have sent her a letter they day after she wrote that note, in wich I say for the first time I'm sure of my vocation now. She didn't know that at the time, our letters have crossed eachother in the mail. So they offer me their prayers just when I need them :)

[NonNovi 376]

Okay, this is getting more frustrating by the minute. My parents now know I'm not doing my exams and that I'm dropping out. Now they expect me to find a job and start working!! They're driving me crazy, I'm really in the mood to just pack some stuff and go. Can I do that? It doesn't seem the nicest thing to do, but I can't go on like this...

[OnlySunshine 4,570]

Okay, this is getting more frustrating by the minute. My parents now know I'm not doing my exams and that I'm dropping out. Now they expect me to find a job and start working!! They're driving me crazy, I'm really in the mood to just pack some stuff and go. Can I do that? It doesn't seem the nicest thing to do, but I can't go on like this...

 

You are an adult, so it's up to you.  My parents did the same to me for quite a while.  I really didn't have anywhere else to go and things calmed down.  However, if you have somewhere to go and think it will help, only you can make that decision.  It might help to talk to a priest or someone else you trust first.  Prayers!

Edited January 23, 2013 by MaterMisericordiae

[By His Grace Alone 33]

So...you are upset that they expect you to actually get a job and contribute?  You decided to drop out of college.  You are 24!  Don't you think that you should contribute to the household and your own needs or do you think that they should provide this to you indefinitely?  Do you really expect them to allow you to just sit around and do your own thing at their expense?  You don't have any firm plans except to go to a monastery with a friend as a house guest for awhile.  Do you seriously not understand why your parents are upset?  Have they been paying for the education that you so easily are tossing aside?  Perhaps that is why it is so easy....if you are not the one paying for it.  It is odd but true, that if something is just handed to us and we don't have to work for it, then it is usually not really appreciated.  It is time for you to grow up.  You are a grown man, not a child.  The Capuchin was correct in his assessment.....you are immature.   By the way, your father is perfectly within his rights to demand that if you are going to stay under his roof, then you need to work since you are not continuing your education.