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That's All, Folks! Or So I Thought...


marigold

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So I'm all moved in (but not quite settled).  Its nice to be sleeping on an actual bed instead of a couch! This week was my first week at my job and I really love it there. It is a small department and everyone is really nice. I'm just learning the ropes for right now but there is lots to do. Its super strange to have my nights and weekends free. It has been a very long time since that happened.

As much as I want to get my own place I'm thinking it might be a bit wiser to wait an extra week or two to really make sure that I will be hired on after my temp period is over. I don't want to have to break a lease.

 

Amen!

 

It sounds really good TT. I'm so glad you like your new job! (Why are there no happy crying emojis?) 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Say a prayer for me, good pholk. I've been feeling stuck and a bit low. It was my birthday recently, and along with job hunting, and being in an amazing new city & country that I don't have the money to explore, the whole 'patiently waiting 5+ years for something that might not happen' thing has been weighing on me.

 

 

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ChristinaTherese

Will do. :nunpray:
Happy birthday! Did you get to do anything with anyone? It was the worst when I had my birthday far away from my friends and family for the first time a month ago.... (I'm studying in Spain this fall, but I'm from the west coast of the U.S.)

Edited by Christina Thérèse
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Yeah, my birthday itself was really great! My friends baked a cake and woke me up in the morning with singing and balloons and presents. I do know that oddness of being far away on your birthday though, I had that in the monastery. At first I was really happy because all these presents were arriving, but then I started getting reeeeeeeeally homesick  :hehe2:

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  • 2 months later...

I've decided to take a break from helping with the new foundation. Nothing too dramatic, just a bit of burn-out and strain on all sides. It felt right when I was very involved, and now it feels right to be not so involved. I must remember to thank my mum one day for hammering it into me to trust my gut instinct  :hehe2:

 

In the meantime, though, it puts me in the position of being free to look elsewhere. My confessor suggested it would be good to get some perspective on the new monastery foundation by visiting other communities and giving them some serious consideration. In many ways I'm back where I was almost 5 years ago when I was arranging to visit the monastery I entered - and actually I feel the freest and happiest I have in a long time.

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That is wonderful!

And even if you do end up discerning "back" to the new foundation you will have the experience of learning how other monasteries do things to draw upon. 

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Best wishes and many prayers for you at this time....................your mum is right regarding ones gut instinct. !!

 

Out of props, but yep, it turns out she's usually right about things like that!

 

Thanks for the prayers!

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  • 1 month later...
TheresaThoma

Just thought I'd cross-post my request in the Prayer Room, for my own future reference...

​I'm sorry Marigold its hard to be let go from a position that you that was secure. I've been there and it is no fun. For me it wasn't easy but I knew that God would not take something away without having something better for me.

One time recently I had to leave a job and ended up moving a few states away. It was really scary but I am so grateful now that I was able to do so.

Prayers for you in this transition

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  • 3 weeks later...

Wishing everyone here a happy Easter! This week is Holy Week for us Orthodox, and we live in quite a Catholic area, so it was amusing (but also a bit jarring? <_<) to have all the dinging and donging and people coming out of churches as I was on my way to Palm Sunday Liturgy this weekend.

I've been feeling very 'spring-clean-y' and started clearing out my room. It's partly the season, and partly wanting to take control of something and be proactive since I'm back on the jobsearch, but also not so subtly wanting to be ready to head on down to a convent at a moment's notice. At least in my head :) 

The longer I'm out, the more I'm apt to be freaked out by how sublime monastic life is, but at the same time the desire only increases - and now a sense of urgency. Tonsure, should God grant it, is so far off that I can't even really conceive of it - I just want to be living the life. I've wasted so much time!

When I think of the elaborate planning and the great lengths I went to in order to ensure that everything was the way I wanted it when I entered the first time - all the right clothes for the climate, things I'd need for my assigned work, making sure I'd not only said goodbye to everyone but that I had all their contact details - I have to laugh! God is truly merciful, he let me do all that 'nesting' and have my way so that I would come to him. All those things, if I needed to do them again to facilitate entering I'd do them of course, but if I had to go without taking anything or seeing anyone, I'd do that too. As time goes on, I'm less and less able to do even the basic things and make do with tiny gestures. I used to think of life in Christ as jumping off a cliff; these days it's much more like scaling a mountain. Whether or not I make X particular choice is irrelevant, so long as I keep moving, even a tiny bit.

I've also been evaluating why I come here and particularly to VS, how much of it is edifying and encourages me to keep waiting patiently for the right monastery, and how much is idleness and even unhelpful; how far has my thinking actually been changed by spending so much time reading, talking about, and watching things to do with Roman Catholic monastic life? I don't know. We have very different monastic cultures - and that's not a value judgment on either one. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this if you have them...

nonnes.jpg

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Wishing everyone here a happy Easter! This week is Holy Week for us Orthodox, and we live in quite a Catholic area, so it was amusing (but also a bit jarring? <_<) to have all the dinging and donging and people coming out of churches as I was on my way to Palm Sunday Liturgy this weekend.

I've been feeling very 'spring-clean-y' and started clearing out my room. It's partly the season, and partly wanting to take control of something and be proactive since I'm back on the jobsearch, but also not so subtly wanting to be ready to head on down to a convent at a moment's notice. At least in my head :) 

The longer I'm out, the more I'm apt to be freaked out by how sublime monastic life is, but at the same time the desire only increases - and now a sense of urgency. Tonsure, should God grant it, is so far off that I can't even really conceive of it - I just want to be living the life. I've wasted so much time!

When I think of the elaborate planning and the great lengths I went to in order to ensure that everything was the way I wanted it when I entered the first time - all the right clothes for the climate, things I'd need for my assigned work, making sure I'd not only said goodbye to everyone but that I had all their contact details - I have to laugh! God is truly merciful, he let me do all that 'nesting' and have my way so that I would come to him. All those things, if I needed to do them again to facilitate entering I'd do them of course, but if I had to go without taking anything or seeing anyone, I'd do that too. As time goes on, I'm less and less able to do even the basic things and make do with tiny gestures. I used to think of life in Christ as jumping off a cliff; these days it's much more like scaling a mountain. Whether or not I make X particular choice is irrelevant, so long as I keep moving, even a tiny bit.

I've also been evaluating why I come here and particularly to VS, how much of it is edifying and encourages me to keep waiting patiently for the right monastery, and how much is idleness and even unhelpful; how far has my thinking actually been changed by spending so much time reading, talking about, and watching things to do with Roman Catholic monastic life? I don't know. We have very different monastic cultures - and that's not a value judgment on either one. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this if you have them...

nonnes.jpg

Marigold, I know how you are feeling, the desire to be back inside the monastery and aching all the time you are out. I think that whether or not you post here depends on how much benefit you get from it, and how much you feel you are helping others by your observations. I, personally, enjoy reading about the Orthodox perspective since I have never really known anything about it. And since you are full of common sense, I enjoy reading your posts.

I do so hope that things work out for you and that you fulfill your heart's desire. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

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