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BarbaraTherese

Mental Illness & Bipolar Disorder

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BarbaraTherese
On 10/8/2019 at 2:59 PM, BarbaraTherese said:

.........."........I would rather follow my own whim and desire than Thy will." If we commit a sin in this way, however slight, it seems to me that our offense is not small but very, very great."...................

The above confirmed for me what I thought.  St Teresa of Avila is speaking about venial sin.  It seemed to me that degree of sin (mortal or venial) is not so much what is done, said or even thought in some instances.  Rather what appears to be only a venial sin could be "not small but very, very great".

In the Book of Samuel it is written "Man judges appearances, but God judges the heart"  Don't have time just now to look up the reference numbers.  But returning to this thread for a read only to catch up, or try and catch up, with my train of thought (believe it nor not!)  I felt I just had to comment on Teresa's comments about venial sin.

What I wanted to do too is that I have a few things I have to deal with, must deal with, here but that this thread and also "Signs" (another thread I started) is still on my to do list and as a priority).  @penitent60 I have been really enjoying the fact that in reality we are very much on the same Page - shades of differences only due to the unique creation every single person is.  It is not often, P60, that this bipolarerer...erererer........ meets someone who "gets it" and you are the very first ever I have met who is trying very hard to walk the Way of Jesus......despite the fact that we have a very big cross to bear (incidentally, the word "sin" in its origins can be defined  as "missing the mark") and that is mental illness.

You are very much on my mind most all the time, P60, and as soon as I can see a way clear I will be coming back to you, because it is a real pleasure, gift and honor to be talking to you...........oh and a fellow Adeladian to boot!  What a God have we !!!

My request of Jesus through The Holy Spirit (without whom no one can even think a good thought, let alone do one) The Holy Spirit is the Gift Jesus had to give us without reserve after His Death).  I asked of Jesus is that please, may every time I think of you, P60, let it be a prayer for both of us.  Every single even smallest thing we think, say or do which is a good act, brings Glory to The Father.  That sounds absolutely stunning to me, it really bowls me over, stops me dead in my tracks,  because no one, let alone me, fully understands what Jesus, Truly God and truly man, did for us .......every last single person living or dead and for the whole of human history too, ......... through His Life and terrible Death.  He really and truly died in His Humanity.  The Father, to confirm His Son's following His Will in all things, signals (and more) His Approval and intention to fulfill His Son's ardent desire and Hope (our salvation and to open Heaven again to His Beloveds - every last one of us and much more)by raising His Son in His Full Humanity from death to Life again and in Heaven Jesus remains fully God and also FULLY HUMAN.

Truly is Jesus The Second and Last Adam "to the fore and to the rescue came".  

Looking forward to coming back to this thread, P60, and until then........see you again when I'm looking at you ( real Auissie expression for saying goodbye to someone......God bless...........warm regards......Barb:wave:

The hymn at the end of this post was written by St John Henry Newman

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"We walk to heaven backwards; we drive our arrows at a mark and think him most skilful whose shortcomings are the least" (St John Henry Newman)

(St John Henry Newman Anglican convert to Catholicism)......and why the version of video below I picked is coming from an Anglican Cathedral in New York)  My heart sunk a bit when I read this article on St. John Henry. Jesus of Nazareth was a humble, outspoken and itinerant wandering teacher. His Church in its human functioning is most definitely not simple - yet remains fully His Mystical Body on Earth....go figure!

Lyrics of hymn in text below video also printed on video.  

Praise to the Holiest in the height,
  And in the depth be praise:
In all His words most wonderful;
  Most sure in all His ways.

2

O loving wisdom of our God,
  When all was sin and shame,
He, the last Adam, to the fight
  And to the rescue came.

3

O wisest love! that flesh and blood
  Which did in Adam fail,
Should strive afresh against the foe,
  Should strive and should prevail.

4

And that a higher gift than grace
  Should flesh and blood refine,
God’s presence, and His very self
  And essence all-divine.

5

O generous love! that He, who smote
  In man for man the foe,
The double agony in man
  For man should undergo.

6

And in the garden secretly,
  And on the cross on high,
Should teach His brethren, and inspire
  To suffer and to die.

7

Praise to the Holiest in the height,
  And in the depth be praise:
In all His words most wonderful;
  Most sure in all His ways.

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BarbaraTherese

Hi TT..........

Wow!  Only time for a very quick glance over the site and it is REALLY excellent.  I have put it into my Bookmarks as a reference for Scrupulosity.  Thank you very much for posting it:winner:  I have put your link into my Bookmarks as an EXC reference for scruples. When I precede anything in my Books with  EXC (excellent) it means it is an excellent reference on the subject.  Thanks heaps again, TT...........catcha on the rounds of Pham :popcorn2:

I like the Redemptoristines (CcSR's) which when I have met them or one of them, I can't remember which, I thought they/he were really good as priest(s) and that will be my opinion until/or something factual means I just might need to change my mind.........I very much doubt it however; When I saw Fr  Martin CCsR, I was encouraged to have a quick peruse of the site, only quick peruse, mind you.  But it looked impressive in my book.......my book mind you:guitar:..........i sound in mental health integrated with sound theology.  Good upon ya, Fr M!

It reminds me of that book I quoted somewhere "The Love that Keeps You Sane" (on St Therese and her Little Way) easily found on Mr. Google by quoting the book title. Fr Marc Foley OCD, Carmelite, is the author.

@penitent60  You are still very much on my mind, P60 - and still wanting much to come back to this thread.  Do read the article TT gave link for.  It just might be helpful to you, and help me too to get a grip on that cruel spiritual suffering of scruples........ suffering scruples, which I know so well from my past and had a long run on it.  Am I scrupulous or not? is a question I sometimes ask myself and will be reading Fr Thomas's website with active interest as soon as possible.  Hope all is going well for you in Ireland, fellow Aussie. Magnificent day here in Adelaide, 22 degrees with sunshine and all blue skies.

Had two visitors between finishing and posting this post.  The last one triggered so much anger, it came to the surface from suppression (not repression) and I had to drop half an Oxazepam to try to calm down.  My hands are still shaking.  I am so very angry and when this episode is over, I am going to do something about a few issues that have cropped up through this bipolar episode - worst in 14 years.  More about it later if I remember it, it will be all about hearing voices. I have the contacts I need to raise the issues where something just MIGHT get done - mental health issues.  I might even go on talkback radio...........as much as I will need to drop half an oxazepam, maybe a full one :) - to do it.  I never listen to talkback radio and talking on radio would have to be one of my phobias. Years ago I did it once and swore never again -  but it does get issues out on a different media outlet to forums i.e. to a different target audience.

Catca when I am looking at ya, P60......WOOPS!:crazy: reading your posts ......... warm regards.......Barb :) 

10 hours ago, tinytherese said:

....and WOW again, TT.  Excellent site I am eager to read.  If we had a recommendation type emoticon from 1 - 10 @dUSt or so as recommendation levels.  I would give you as recommender and the link a 10 and after a careful read it, I feel that I might perhaps and/or would probably give it a 10+++

I just wanted to BUMP your post.  And hope to do it periodically.  When I quote the link, I will give "Phatmass member tinytherese" the credit  for recommending the site unless you advise me otherwise.

Thanks again.........Barb :) 

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BarbaraTherese

I have not abandoned this thread nor the one I started on "Signs".  I am having a head to head battle with bipolar and so far so good.  I am not in hospital, nor even close - I don't think

Just now, much of my mind has been on the Turkish invasion of Syria after Donald Trump pulled out American troops.  There is near on genocide happening in Syria.  Those poor people! Isis too is raising it's head.

My primary focus, I confess, is getting through this episode and getting my life back on the customary track.  The episode drains energy and I am having trouble sleeping. But to date, I seem to be winning........and seem is all it can ever be with bipolar.  I am plagued by feelings of guilt, for what I have no idea at all. That and accompanying anxiety.

@penitent60  My apologies.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph I give you my heart and my soul.  Please assist us all in our last agony.  Amen.

Edited by BarbaraTherese

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penitent60

Hi BT and hello to Tiny Therese. Life sure is a roller coaster....missed another social event due to all my pains etc. I did get to Sunday Mass as far as the confessional but took off directly afterwards. It was all ghastly but it took me all day to settle. The scruples article and link is great, thanks. I actually managed to go for a short walk the other day , I found a walking stick to get started and was red with shame swinging the wretched thing but I least I GO OUT. On my way home I was able to put it away

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BarbaraTherese

 

 

Hi there P60

4 hours ago, penitent60 said:

I did get to Sunday Mass as far as the confessional but took off directly afterwards.

Wow!  Life is indeed a roller coaster:winner:. My philosophy is that if it works, go with the flow.........providing I am not hurting myself nor others.   Sufferers of mental illness, it is my belief, cannot always go by the rule book.  We "do what we can, and leave the rest to God" (St Mary of The Cross, MacKillop, first Aussie saint........another in the pipeline I heard).  Every so often I thank God with a grateful heart, that He will judge me and not fellow human beings "Man judges appearances, but The Lord knows the heart".(Book of Samuel)   I only go to Mass if I can afford the taxi fares noiwadays.  I haven't been to Confession in a long time, because my last confession really shook me up, talk about non understanding by a confessor.    But I really am looking forward to being able to go to Mass each Saturday Vigil and going to Confession again, when I can find another spiritual director.  Most everyone here charges.   Some do not charge but you have to plead poor.  It is a bit embarrassing on the feeling level.

 

4 hours ago, penitent60 said:

Life sure is a roller coaster....missed another social event due to all my pains etc.

That is really awful, sorry to hear it, P60.  I will hope with a prayer that your next social event, your pain will not be in the way of attending and you will have a wow of a time.  I do hope so.

 

4 hours ago, penitent60 said:

It was all ghastly but it took me all day to settle.

I really am sorry that you had to experience what you did.  I know the feeling of taking a fair bit of time to settle.  Someone really upset me today.  I have to wait another 20 min before I can take half an Oxazepam to try and reduce anxiety which is underlying holding back on expressing my anger.  I only take half four hourly if necessary with one to sleep, again if necessary.  No more than 3 daily.  I usually have a script for months - but not this last supply, it didn't last a month but only taking 3 only daily.

 

4 hours ago, penitent60 said:

The scruples article and link is great, thanks

Great stuff!  It wasn't me that posted it, of course, it was @tinytherese - and thanks again TT. I am very grateful for it too and for the website.

 

4 hours ago, penitent60 said:

I actually managed to go for a short walk the other day , I found a walking stick to get started and was red with shame swinging the wretched thing but I least I GO OUT.

:)Good on you!  I hope you enjoyed your walk, even though short and with some pain, I am sure.   

 

When I am out and about I need a wheeler with four wheels.  Around the house in the main, I use a walking stick.  Problem is, I put it down to do something or other and have the devil of a time finding it again...........same with my mobile or cell phone as other countries might call it.

4 hours ago, penitent60 said:

On my way home I was able to put it away

Excellent I really am happy for you.

Really good to be chatting with you, P60, a fellow soul mate in many ways.  I am in a really foul mood after being upset by someone this afternoon - but after I down that half an Oxazepm in 9 minutes now.  Give it half an hour and everything will be roses again.  On the feeling level, I feel like giving them a piece of my mind well and truly.  Nowadays, thank God, I can withhold my anger nowadays until it passes.  Most often a good night's sleep and next morning I am ok.

Gosh, when I think about it, so very many in our world suffer far far more than I ever have and probably ever will.  It gives me a sad and helpless feeling.

Bye for now to both you, P60, and @tinytherese........warm regards and God Bless........Barb

HYMN TO FREEDOM'S WAY

 

 

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