Former Nuns

[allshallbewell]

1 hour ago, Hna.Caridad said:

Dear allshallbewell,

First of all, I am so sorry that you've experienced such violence, manipulation, and abuse at the hands of those who are supposed to be spiritual leaders and guides.  None of it was your fault.  Let me repeat that:  NONE of what happened was your fault.

Before you begin discerning again and/or before (if) you begin dating, it's imperative that you seek out professional counseling/therapy to learn more about how it is that you ended up in these situations not once, but twice.  You deserve better and developing the skills of recognizing red flags and responding to them promptly will help to keep you safe.

I'm concerned for you and will be praying for you as you integrate the wounds/trauma of your past and learn new ways of being in relationship.  

Thanks Hna. Caridad, appreciate it. I am in therapy and still working through the trauma and wounds. I think you may have misread my post, I haven't been in the same situation twice. Thank you for the prayers, greatly appreciated. 

8 hours ago, Sponsa-Christi said:

@allshallbewellSince you asked, probably the first piece of advice would be to o whatever you have to do to find a good spiritual director in real life.

Also, one's thirties is really not too late to be discerning religious life. You might be above the age limit for some communities, but a lot of healthy communities would be willing to at least talk with you. 

Thank you Sponsa-Christi. I am going to pray about it and see where the spirit takes me. And I agree with you that finding a solid spiritual director is something I really need. Thanks for the advice.

[Alycia]

@allshallbewell I hope the priest who raped you is in jail. That is terrible what happened to you. 

[catholicamama]

i have followed this forum off and on for a number of years, and just came upon this thread.  i am wondering if anyone would be interested in corresponding privately.  First i will echo the others...you are not alone, and i have some specific questions i would like to ask of anyone who is interested in sharing...again, just want to speak more freely with others of shared experience.  Thanks in advance.

 

[mariepaix]

I saw someone mention that there is a Facebook group for former Religious. Does anyone know the name of the group?

[rosemary1991]

I was a postulant with the Sisters of Life in 2014. Loved them with all my heart, but I was unable to abandon my friends "in the world" in the way that religious life demands. I missed my friends too much. So I left. 

I miss it all the time. I'm married (and pregnant) now, but I do still think I would have made a good nun, if only I'd been able to let go of my attachments to my friends. 

But i'm so happy to still be the best of friends with those who influenced my choice to leave! 

[MiscarriageSucks]

I cannot recommend the sisters of life highly enough to anyone who is interested in being a nun. https://t.co/c0vYSPvPDf

[Agatha]

For Dympna,

Thank you for the link. I will tell my friend about it.

Pax

God bless

[PadrePio]

On 1/29/2021 at 11:48 PM, rosemary1991 said:

 I was unable to abandon my friends "in the world" in the way that religious life demands. I missed my friends too much. So I left. 

 if only I'd been able to let go of my attachments to my friends. 

 

These days are religious really required to let of their worldly friends?

I knew an active order in the past. Even during noviciate a exceptionally good friend of mine kept in touch with me by email..

However the poor girl left a year after taking her first vows. Don't know what happened.

 

PS: I am not a former nun, I am a guy who was close friends with a sisters a few years back.

[Dymphna]

To some degree, this depends on the community. I'm just starting out, but in "my" community I'm encouraged to stay in contact with old friends, and also to make new friends outside the community.

But in practice living as a religious means that I will be able to meet my old friends in person only very rarely, since I had to move and also because community life doesn't leave much time for meetings with friends. It may be that rosemary1991 just needed this in-person contact more than was possible in her community.

[Kim]

On 1/29/2021 at 9:52 AM, mariepaix said:

I saw someone mention that there is a Facebook group for former Religious. Does anyone know the name of the group?

It’s called Following Him

On 12/19/2020 at 2:20 AM, catholicamama said:

i have followed this forum off and on for a number of years, and just came upon this thread.  i am wondering if anyone would be interested in corresponding privately.  First i will echo the others...you are not alone, and i have some specific questions i would like to ask of anyone who is interested in sharing...again, just want to speak more freely with others of shared experience.  Thanks in advance.

 

I don’t mind answering questions ! 

[He is Risen!]

Hello, sorry I'm late to the thread but I was a sister who left as a novice. I have been out for about 10 years now but still think about it sometimes. It was so hard at first when I left, I continued to try to pray the liturgy of the hours but would fall apart crying every time I got to the magnificat for years. I also had no place to stay when I left and ended up calling up an old high school friend who let me rent his spare room. He was in a gay relationship and it was super awkward. I slept on the floor there and got a job at a shoe store until I saved up for an apartment. Now I have a house, am still single (no Capt Von Trap has come along yet, lol) and I've often had the thought that I'd like to provide a place for women to stay in that situation. I have a nice guest room that never gets used. I live in the central midwest if anyone knows of anyone in need!

[HollyDolly]

Know, I don't know anyone  . I wanted to be a nun,but my circumstances are different, both my parents had health issues. I and my sister later took care of our mom who had a stroke. My dad had COPD and took care of him too, until he also passed on. I think God had other plans for me  in that respect. Do I think of it sometimes yes, but I'm 65 years old  a little late, but it's not a driving force. Besides, My great aunt, her cousin and my second cousin, my great aunts niece were all sisters  until the day they died.Maybe the Lord thought he had enough of the family to serve, didn't need  me.

[catholicamama]

I think i am surprised by how many of us were in the convent.  I originally joined this forum as my daughter was in early stages of discernment though she never was a member here.  Once she figured out what she was going to do, i stayed on the forum as i too spent time in a convent.  I wish there were a 'safe' forum to discuss experiences w/o feeling like we're walking on eggshells.  I signed up for one on FB but there is actually at least one SISTER (not FORMER) in the group and she's actually a member of the community i belonged to...so that's not going to work very well for me lol!  Anyway...i might just start another.  I definitely prefer a private FB group for that kind of thing as all the posts here are searchable etc.

[Liz Zilla]

Check out Call for Convent Reform. conventreform.wordpress.com

[catholicamama]

3 hours ago, Liz Zilla said:

Check out Call for Convent Reform. conventreform.wordpress.com

Thank you for the link.  So it looks like there are 2 private FB groups, one connected to the page you linked.  My daughter is a postulant in one of the more 'popular' orders, so of course i am hoping/praying that if she were in an uncomfortable situation she would let me know...somehow.  I hate reading about the psychological abuse and worse.  I was in the convent over 40 years ago and i was really hoping things had changed.  It seems like even the 'solid' orders have some stories.  Bottom line is it's a tough life and not everyone is mentally and physically equipped for it but NOBODY should have to deal with abuse.