Common questions about religious or consecrated life

[MarysLittleFlower]

I was thinking about how when a person tells family / friends about entering a monastery, he or she is often asked tons of questions..  And sometimes people might be reading this phorum who have questions. I thought what if we had like a little collection of typical questions people get and possible answers?  

[MarysLittleFlower]

For example a very typical question might be "wouldn't it be like a prison to vow yourself to live all your life in a cloister or cell?" 

How would you answer that?

 

My answer might be like... When you love someone you have joy about committing yourself to them forever despite any hardships. You don't want a way out of commitment. In Heaven we'll be with God forever and its a blessing to start this on earth. 

Any thoughts?

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

One of the things I love about the blog of the Summit Dominicans is the way they talk about enclosure as a "gift," and how, when the nuns do have to leave the enclosure they very much look forward to being back. I wouldn't have understood that when I was 20, but I can understand it now.

And, I've always loved the idea of a nun (or Religious Sister) having her own small cell. Perhaps I just like small rooms.

What I would find extremely difficult is if I did not have a cell of my own, and had to share sleeping quarters (other than on a short-term basis or in an emergency) with other nuns/Religious Sisters. For example, while they are in formation at the Motherhouse, the Nashville Dominicans share the old dormitories that used to be used by pupils at the Community's boarding school, with up to something like 12 Sisters sharing a dormitory, with only a curtain surrounding the Sister's bed. As I understand it, Nashville Domincans who have taken perpetual vows have their own cells, but I don't know at what point in formation a Sister moves to her own cell. I have also heard of Missionaries of Charity and SSEW's sharing sleeping quarters, and I'm sure there are other Communities/Orders that do so as well. Still, everyone is different. I have read of nuns/Sisters who don't seem to mind at all not having their own cell.

[Lily May Gath]

The Nashville Dominicans are usually in the dormitory for their Postulant then their novice year before moving to their own cells, after first vows.

Exceptions are sometimes made in case of need. For example if someone had difficulty sleeping, snored, or needed to use the bathroom at night.

DSMME all have their own cell.

[totustuus20]

Questions I've been asked (and answers if they are good enough to post):

What will you be doing all day?- you could then discuss the horarium that your community of interest follows, and how they work etc

Will you be happy taking vows of poverty, chastity and obedience?

What if you want to leave?

Don't you want to get married some day? Don't you like children?

[John Paul]

http://ditigalvocationguide.org/vision/2015?pg=42#pg42

[Swami Mommy]

For example a very typical question might be "wouldn't it be like a prison to vow yourself to live all your life in a cloister or cell?" 

How would you answer that?

 

My answer might be like... When you love someone you have joy about committing yourself to them forever despite any hardships. You don't want a way out of commitment. In Heaven we'll be with God forever and its a blessing to start this on earth. 

Any thoughts?

I might answer the above question like:  

To quote Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman "That's just geography".  Seriously, when we enter the infinite space in the cave of the heart, the contentment and joy of unfettered love makes the outer environment as spacious as the inner one.  When we come home to our own heart, anywhere we live becomes a sanctuary and a haven and we cease to look outside ourselves for satisfaction, including the seeming freedom and/or confinement we find ourselves subject to in our outer environment.

[Nunsense]

When people wonder how nuns can live a cloistered life, I ask how people could sign up for the Mars mission, which means that they would NEVER see any family or friends again and will never be able to leave or go back home, and all for what?  Glory that they will never really know since they will be living in a small community with no easy access to the rest of the world? I would much rather live in a convent than go on the Mars mission!   

[marigold]

I might answer the above question like:  

To quote Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman "That's just geography".  Seriously, when we enter the infinite space in the cave of the heart, the contentment and joy of unfettered love makes the outer environment as spacious as the inner one.  When we come home to our own heart, anywhere we live becomes a sanctuary and a haven and we cease to look outside ourselves for satisfaction, including the seeming freedom and/or confinement we find ourselves subject to in our outer environment.

​I remember when I was watching that documentary 'Nunnan' (The Nun) about the Swedish Carmelite, and near the end the filmmaker goes down to the beach and voices the thought that even though the monastery is right by the sea, the sister will never come here - for her, the inner world is enough. That gave me the heebie-jeebies, even though I never experienced any sense of confinement when I was in my monastery, nor have ever had need to give it much thought as a potentially difficult sacrifice. Your comments just reminded me of that

[marigold]

As to questions, they usually follow a pattern of 'How does one live without X' ...

[Nunsense]

I used to get asked why I wasn't choosing a community that actually 'did' something for the world, like nursing or teaching. Most people find it hard to understand that a life of prayer has any value. It always seemed self-centered to my relatives. Trying to explain a relationship with God or wanting to dedicate one's life to prayer isn't easy, even to Catholics.

[BarbTherese]

My mother was a convert and contemplative life to her was an horrific choice and to her a running away from the reality of the world - a refusal to face and live in reality.  I think the call and consequent attraction to contemplative life is a special Grace that not all receive, but then marriage too, or any other vocation, is a special Grace not all receive.  And one might not understand the other, although not necessarily so.  Ideally one can grasp the Theology of Grace and The Mystical Body and appreciate and highly value all vocations.  As mysterious as it might be, every single individual and every single vocation is essential to the Life of The Church as unremarked the person and particular call might be.

Over this Easter sadly I was the recipient of a couple of comments that indicated that my own vocation to the lay celibate state was not understood and negated. It can be a particularly difficult (thankless) road to travel by way of call to lay celibacy and best to resolve to travel it not desiring any human type of thanks or appreciation -  and frankly, after the couple of comments, I was left questioning my own identity in the scheme of things and this lasted for more than a day, but sanity finally surfaced and I was able to be detached from the negative comments and invest that my vocation was simply not understood at times as might be other vocations.   Not the first time I have experienced such negation, rejection and dismissive attitude and one needs to have a quite firm resolution to follow one's vocation no matter what...........although negatives and criticism might be a 'shaking' experience at the time.  The positive side for one is that it is a space created to re-examine and re-invest in one's vocation.  And I believe that there is no negative without a positive and vv.  To date I have not had to amend my concept.

We are created human and desire to experience ourselves as in Peaceful and Joyful community with fellow human beings and in whatever community we choose to belong.  Easter has been a reminder to me of The Cross as central to the Christian journey and of the Rejected and Outcast One, and though innocent, cruelly executed.  "No man can be greater than his Master" ...... Our Trail Blazer!  Despite what life can indeed throw at one, sanity is always established in Jesus.  One of my Graced and much needed Lenten reads was "The Love That Keeps Us Sane" http://www.amazon.com/Love-That-Keeps-Sane-Illuminationbooks-ebook/dp/B006B1Z4J4   As much as humanly I was shaken by negative comments, this book reminded me of where my sanity lay and in an Unshakeable Space.

__________

Book commentary : Seeing life in light of Eternity
This is not a book about using Thérèse's "little way" as a path to holiness. Thérèse's spirituality is often dismissed as cloyingly sweet and sentimental, useless for modern seekers. This new IlluminationBook uncovers how Thérèse's sweetness was just a stylistic convention expected in the religious writing of her day. Beneath the form, says the author, is a straightforward spirituality that offers a practical, concrete, and very realistic method for preserving one's sanity in an often-insane world.
At the heart of Thérèse's method is learning how to keep one's perspective by seeing all things in light of eternity, seeing all things the way God sees. This enables one to live more authentically and more attentively. The method helps readers to become involved in life without being absorbed by it, to love without becoming enmeshed, and to deal with life's absurdities without losing faith or peace of mind. Five simple everyday choices help foster this perspective and transform ordinary life into moments of true grace.
Those already devoted to the Little Flower will love this fresh new look at her spirituality. In addition, the book makes for enlightening and perhaps surprising reading for pastors, clergy and religious, directors of religious ed, retreat directors, chaplains, and family counselors. The principle of viewing life in light of eternity can also provide comfort and relief for parents dealing with children, for those experiencing change or loss, and for people in therapy.

[Nunsense]

 

Over this Easter sadly I was the recipient of a couple of comments that indicated that my own vocation to the lay celibate state was not understood and negated. It can be a particularly difficult (thankless) road to travel by way of call to lay celibacy and best to resolve to travel it not desiring any human type of thanks or appreciation -  and frankly, after the couple of comments, I was left questioning my own identity in the scheme of things and this lasted for more than a day, but sanity finally surfaced and I was able to be detached from the negative comments and invest that my vocation was simply not understood at times as might be other vocations.   Not the first time I have experienced such negation, rejection and dismissive attitude and one needs to have a quite firm resolution to follow one's vocation no matter what...........although negatives and criticism might be a 'shaking' experience at the time.  The positive side for one is that it is a space created to re-examine and re-invest in one's vocation.  And I believe that there is no negative without a positive and vv.  To date I have not had to amend my concept.

We are created human and desire to experience ourselves as in Peaceful and Joyful community with fellow human beings and in whatever community we choose to belong.  Easter has been a reminder to me of The Cross as central to the Christian journey and of the Rejected and Outcast One, and though innocent, cruelly executed.  "No man can be greater than his Master" ...... Our Trail Blazer!  Despite what life can indeed throw at one, sanity is always established in Jesus.  One of my Graced and much needed Lenten reads was "The Love That Keeps Us Sane" http://www.amazon.com/Love-That-Keeps-Sane-Illuminationbooks-ebook/dp/B006B1Z4J4   As much as humanly I was shaken by negative comments, this book reminded me of where my sanity lay and in an Unshakeable Space.

 

​

Barb, I am really sorry to hear that you had to go through that negativity over Easter. I am fortunate in that, although my family don't really understand my relationships with God, they accept me and love me. My youngest brother makes jokes all the time. At our family get together recently he asked me 'So, are you still married to Jesus?' I had my mouth full so I just smiled and held out my hand with my wedding ring on it. He laughed, but in a kind way. He knows he doesn't understand but I know he loves me and his comments are not meant to be mean.

It's good you didn't let the negativity affect you for long. Remember that our relationship with God is as personal as any marriage and it really doesn't matter if no one understands it except ourselves. I have had tons of negativity from so called well meaning Catholics about my attempts at religious life. It used to bother me. Now I feel so secure in my relationship with Jesus that I actually feel sorry for anyone who feels they have to belittle the path another person walks with the Lord. It implies a certain emptiness in them.

Know that God knows your vocation and not only that, HE chose it for you!   As Julian of Norwich passed on to us: 'All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.' We are blessed to know Jesus and to love Him. All is well.  

[BarbTherese]

Hi nunsense....thank you for the very reassuring comments.......in my case, my family certainly understands since relationship with Jesus has been a pursuit since childhood.  The negative comments came from my parish - and quite threw me at the time and for over a day as they came out the blue totally unexpectedly - but my sanity and stability of heart, mind and soul returned and with compassionate understanding for my detractors.  My parish is mainly comprised (if not completely comprised) of elderly marrieds, widows and widowers and young marrieds with families. To my knowledge, the elderly married, widows and widowers each have a well established long history in the parish.  New parishioners seems to be Catholic migrants with families.  I do not have an established history in my current parish, the bulk of my personal history is in my previous parish.  As the days etc. pass, I daresay I am establishing something of a history in this parish, although at 70yrs early next year I am not too sure how many years lie ahead and no problem to me - just as my situation in my parish is interesting and a call to reflection - but not a problem.

There is also a real lack of a centralised theology of lay celibacy - it certainly exists for absolutely sure and has since the very earliest years of our history - since the time of Jesus even, but buried today in various Vatican Documents and texts.  To denigrate the lay celibate way is a misunderstanding of baptism as a quite personal and sacred call to holiness.  Any further call is a call to a particular road or role along which to strive for holiness with all the necessary Graces.  Interestingly, baptism is absolutely necessary, without any exceptions whatsoever, to any other formal type of vocation in The Church - that says much to me. 

[BarbTherese]

Just thought of this and the fruit of reasoning I think.  If I am baptised as a child and do not receive a further vocation until say 27 years of age and a call to religious life or marriage, priesthood - does that mean that between baptism as a child and an entrance into religious life, marriage or the priesthood there was no vocation?  Of course not, because baptism is a vocation and the mission, duties and responsibilities have been clearly laid out for us today in Vatican Documents.  Some after baptism will be called further to a particular role and service (consecrated life, marriage, priesthood) others may not for a variety of reasons, including the fact that one might be called personally to remain in the lay celibate state.

The better we understand our own vocation and that of others, the more insight will probably develop and the better one might be able to respond to questions.

[Carla]

I can say something about this topic.I'm in the process of entering cloister community in less then 3 months.

I have learned to talk about my future and Vocation with only small circle of people.We just live now in world with much different values then before.

I just do not want to explain my self all the time and answer on the same question for one hundredth times.All the time the same why i'm doing this?

I'm running away?Do i want children?What will be if i give up?All the time this sort of questions.I now in sensitive time period i want to spend as much i can time in preparation for my future life.I know that it will not be easy and it will be with many temptations.This kind of question only made distracted from important things.

That is not meaning that i'm not open to talk about my Vocations or other .I'm more then happy to share my experience if this can help someone in any way not only in the way of vocation.It is my personal decision to join religious life and i have decide this after long consideration and many ups and downs.I do not want to share this very easily.One friend of mine ask me why i have put my story here on internet the most public places of all.The answers for this is quite easy.I have never meet here someone with bad intentions.I think that only people who are truly interesting in religious life are coming here.I just feel my self safe here and people give me here only support and encouragement.I have meet here beautiful people who help me in many ways because they are lining similar or same fears and problems as me.I feel my self safe here as in my family who give so much support for me and my sister as we both have aspiration for religious life.I thankful for that with all my heart.

[Nunsense]

I'm running away?Do i want children?What will be if i give up?All the time this sort of questions.I now in sensitive time period i want to spend as much i can time in preparation for my future life.I know that it will not be easy and it will be with many temptations.This kind of question only made distracted from important things.

 

​Yes, these are some really common questions, especially for young women. I suppose you also get asked if you're afraid of men or of getting married? When someone doesn't really understand the vocation to religious life, they can be really insulting without even meaning to. It's hard for someone who doesn't understand to even imagine that a religious sister could be fulfilled and happy with such a life. 

I think you're wise to keep some things private so you can focus. Best wishes.

[MarysLittleFlower]

As to questions, they usually follow a pattern of 'How does one live without X' ...

​haha.. that makes sense that people would wonder about that I guess. It reminds me of that quote "God is enough".

[MarysLittleFlower]

I might answer the above question like:  

To quote Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman "That's just geography".  Seriously, when we enter the infinite space in the cave of the heart, the contentment and joy of unfettered love makes the outer environment as spacious as the inner one.  When we come home to our own heart, anywhere we live becomes a sanctuary and a haven and we cease to look outside ourselves for satisfaction, including the seeming freedom and/or confinement we find ourselves subject to in our outer environment.

​I think it's very true that people often look to find meaning in external things - and ultimately the true meaning is found in God, who is external to us but also lives in us so we can reach Him in our hearts.. it reminds me of that idea that the human soul is like a world, in which God can dwell, and it can be a heaven for Him on earth. So we can dwell with him there and limiting our external environment to something like a convent helps to get rid of distractions of the world, so it's easier to focus on God. But if we live in the world, we can still seek to live with Him in this way, like building a little cell in our hearts, and staying with Him there.. there are more opportunities for distractions but the more we see how good God is, the more we just want Him, and not what the world offers

[MarysLittleFlower]

When people wonder how nuns can live a cloistered life, I ask how people could sign up for the Mars mission, which means that they would NEVER see any family or friends again and will never be able to leave or go back home, and all for what?  Glory that they will never really know since they will be living in a small community with no easy access to the rest of the world? I would much rather live in a convent than go on the Mars mission!   

​Me too.. I can't imagine going to a planet like Mars for the rest of my life (it's mostly rock with barely any atmosphere and no plants, and -26 C degree temperature) and never seeing my family again, or anything. I also wouldn't go if it meant not ever going to Mass again. Yet oddly people in our secular culture might see going to Mars as much more acceptable than going to a convent...