Update on my grandfather

[Nihil Obstat]

Thank you very much to those of you who have prayed for my family over the last few days.

My grandfather is fairly badly off. This most recent stroke has taken away the already extremely limited use of his limbs he had maintained, and he can no longer swallow or speak. He has not eaten in ten days now. The brain damage is pretty extensive by now since this has been going on for 15 years and possibly much longer, although the exact full extent is impossible to determine. We think he knows my grandmother and recognizes my mom with some effort. He can sometimes nod or shake his head to simple questions, and tries to look at people who talk to him.

The doctors will not place a feeding tube or continue use of an IV. It is not entirely clear that this will kill him, because as he deteriorates his body needs less of that anyway, and another stroke is fairly likely in the meantime as his blood thinners were discontinued. However I suspect ultimately that the lack of food and fluids will be the immediate cause of death.

I do consider IV fluids and a feeding tube to be ordinary care, but the directive is clear and I have no standing to challenge it. I made my perspective clear to my mom, but I do not want to make this time any more difficult than it already is. So I believe I have done my duty here. Not a great situation, but there is no malice on the part of the medical and care staff. I do not bear them any ill will; everyone I have met has been great. We had a short conference with the care staff from the nursing home today, one of whom was even in tears seeing the approach of my grandfather's death and the care my grandmother has for him.

As we have definitively entered the palliative stage now we have been promised that his suffering will be minimized, also being sensitive of making the most of his times of relative alertness. I believe they start with low doses of narcotics simply as needed, and they have some drugs to help him breathe better and keep his mouth from getting too dry.

A priest was by today to visit and gave him a blessing, however my grandfather was never a religious man, so Anointing and the other last rites are not appropriate. I wish he could have been better prepared. I can only commend him to God's mercy, and I would like to ask once more for you to do the same. As well as to remember my mother, who has had to see this progress for years now with the biggest decline happening in the summer of 2008, and my grandmother who has been by his side 14 hours a day for the last year since they have not been able to live in the same building. She hardly sleeps or eats.

My mom and I leave tomorrow. She will be coming back right away, although it is impossible to predict what day is his last. It could be a matter of weeks, but more likely a few days. Sooner is better, because it implies that it was less likely that death was directly due to nutrition and hydration. I will not see him alive again after tomorrow.

Lord, we implore you to have mercy on your servant, Gordon Wilson, and may his soul rest in peace.

Last of all, please pray for the few dozen residents in this nursing home. It is a very sad place in spite of the best efforts of their too-small staff. There a lady here with very severe dementia. She does not know where she is and she's very afraid. So she yells all day and wants us to help her escape. At lunch yesterday one lady was choking and sobbing while she tried to swallow her food before falling asleep in her wheelchair. I do not know the extent of her higher faculties either, but I suspect it is not great.

This is a place of great suffering. As Catholics we are so blessed to understand the value and grace in suffering, but for those who are not, and those who no longer understand what is happening, it is enough to break one's heart.