XIX Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 [quote name='Lil Red' date='11 November 2009 - 07:32 PM' timestamp='1257982373' post='2000934'] +J.M.J.+ i'm afraid of coming across as too "demanding" or too "you're acting like my mom" type of thing [/quote] I'd love to have a wife that acts like my mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 [quote name='HisChildForever' date='12 November 2009 - 02:22 AM' timestamp='1257992523' post='2001022'] She's given her husband plenty of hints, and he doesn't seem very receptive to them. Therefore, the thought "now what?" can be a daunting and intimidating one. I'm not saying that her husband is intimidating her. In fact, he probably has no idea that she's stressing out about this. [/quote] In my experience, hints don't work. And you're right that he probably doesn't realise how much she's stressing about this, because my husband wouldn't unless I came right out and told him. But finding a way to say it without comingr across as super bossy or whatnot is difficult, so I understand Red's dilemma in that respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scardella Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 As a man, anything you consider subtle will fly right over his head. Be upfront, direct, and leave no loopholes. Treat it like saying to a guy that you're not interested, because the following will happen: Lloyd: What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together? Mary: Well, Lloyd, that's difficult to say. I mean, we don't really... Lloyd: Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances? Mary: Not good. Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred? Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million. [pause] Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance... *YEAH!* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I'm right there with everyone for whom hints don't work. Not cleaning, or stepping too lightly around his feelings, or whatever ... none of that would be effective. For some guys, it might be. For us, I just have to be very direct in how I present issues and clearly lay out the problem I'm having. My husband agreed with scardella's assessment that there might be a little depression going on, which is entirely understandable given the context. But he didn't have any good advice about how to approach it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scardella Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 One guy's account of his gaming addiction: [url]http://kotaku.com/5384643/i-kept-playing--the-costs-of-my-gaming-addiction[/url] Lil Red, I heard echoes of this in your descriptions of your husband's actions. It's not that I think he's there, but I'd say he's a prime candidate for going down this road if he (and you) are not careful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 +J.M.J.+ [quote name='XIX' date='11 November 2009 - 08:30 PM' timestamp='1257993037' post='2001026']I'd love to have a wife that acts like my mom. [/quote] uh, okay? [quote name='scardella' date='12 November 2009 - 09:05 AM' timestamp='1258038317' post='2001274'] One guy's account of his gaming addiction: [url]http://kotaku.com/5384643/i-kept-playing--the-costs-of-my-gaming-addiction[/url] Lil Red, I heard echoes of this in your descriptions of your husband's actions. It's not that I think he's there, but I'd say he's a prime candidate for going down this road if he (and you) are not careful. [/quote] thank you. we talked last night. i think it went well. i tried to communicate how frustrated and stressed out i felt coming home to a messy house, and feeling like i do the majority of the cleaning on the days/mornings i have off. not surprisingly, he felt differently, but we talked about expectations and things we should both be doing better. thanks to everyone for their input. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slappo Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 [quote name='XIX' date='11 November 2009 - 06:30 PM' timestamp='1257993037' post='2001026'] I'd love to have a wife that acts like my mom. [/quote] My fiancee sometimes acts like my mom I love it. My mom's sociology major, and my fiancee is social work... my fiancee is like a cuter, unrelated, attractive version of my mom... that is way cooler too of course... and plain awesome... and actually aside from social work and some other traits... is nothing like my mom... dating your mom would be gross. No offense mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XIX Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 [quote name='Slappo' date='12 November 2009 - 02:36 PM' timestamp='1258050990' post='2001364'] dating your mom would be gross. No offense mom. [/quote] Let the record show that I completely agree with this comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 [quote name='Lil Red' date='12 November 2009 - 12:05 PM' timestamp='1258045528' post='2001319'] we talked last night. i think it went well. i tried to communicate how frustrated and stressed out i felt coming home to a messy house, and feeling like i do the majority of the cleaning on the days/mornings i have off. not surprisingly, he felt differently, but we talked about expectations and things we should both be doing better. thanks to everyone for their input. [/quote] Sounds like it was a good talk. Hopefully things will get a touch more manageable for you both until he finds a job again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
organwerke Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Oh, what a surprise! Until now I've been sure that Lil Red was a man!!!!!!!!! Anyway...my personal opinion: no, it isn't fair to ask a man to do the houskeeping. A man is always a man. It isn't his task, in my opinion of course, I repeat! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thy Geekdom Come Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 [quote name='Slappo' date='11 November 2009 - 05:32 PM' timestamp='1257978724' post='2000909'] <--- has vacuumed his apartment once, maybe twice in the past 3 months. [/quote] <--- never once vacuumed his apartment in college Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 +J.M.J.+ [quote name='organwerke' date='12 November 2009 - 01:36 PM' timestamp='1258054562' post='2001381'] Oh, what a surprise! Until now I've been sure that Lil Red was a man!!!!!!!!! Anyway...my personal opinion: no, it isn't fair to ask a man to do the houskeeping. A man is always a man. It isn't his task, in my opinion of course, I repeat! [/quote] seriously? [quote name='Raphael' date='12 November 2009 - 01:40 PM' timestamp='1258054853' post='2001383'] <--- never once vacuumed his apartment in college [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 [quote name='Terra Firma' date='12 November 2009 - 01:21 PM' timestamp='1258053668' post='2001375'] Sounds like it was a good talk. Hopefully things will get a touch more manageable for you both until he finds a job again. [/quote] +J.M.J.+ thank you. i hope so too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 +J.M.J.+ [quote name='MIkolbe' date='11 November 2009 - 08:13 PM' timestamp='1257991981' post='2001011'] but I love her so much, I want to choose the right words/body language/communication method to tell her my feelings so as not to hurt her. Not because she is some waif (cause she could so take you ), but because I do not want to be the cause of any pain for her, or our relationship. I have a hunch (tho I could be wrong) that this may be were Red is coming from. The 'don't let the man keep you down' tone seems like a rather reflexive/invertibrate reponse; and thus humorous. [/quote] yes, this is where i am coming from i really do appreciate the hubby staying home (and am actually glad that one of us is staying home with the kiddos) and i really appreciate his cooking [quote name='MIkolbe' date='11 November 2009 - 08:13 PM' timestamp='1257991981' post='2001011'] (cause it really IS hard to clean with a 15 month old..jus sayin) [/quote]i understand that it is more difficult to clean with little ones around, but it can be done and can be done well, and with practice, it becomes easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 [quote name='IcePrincessKRS' date='11 November 2009 - 08:03 PM' timestamp='1257991401' post='2001001'] I asked Matt but I don't know that his advice was very helpful... he may have been in the Army a little too long. [/quote] +J.M.J.+ what do you mean? what did Matt say? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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