Abstinence Education Effective, Study Finds

[Winchester]

[quote name='JimR-OCDS' date='07 February 2010 - 09:01 AM' timestamp='1265551290' post='2052438']
Spoken like a person who has never raised teenage girls.

Jim
[/quote]
So that whole absolute morality thing the Church teaches is just bullstuff, right?

Edited February 7, 2010 by Winchester

[dominicansoul]

[quote name='JimR-OCDS' date='06 February 2010 - 03:11 PM' timestamp='1265487086' post='2052096']
The report was flawed because it only studied these teens for two years. A follow up study showed that the majority of these
teens eventually became sexually active. The follow up study failed to see if the group had any unwanted pregnancies as a result.

There has to be a combination of education, abstinence is just one part.


Jim
[/quote]

are you Catholic? Because contraception is against our beliefs. And if you are Catholic, you would understand that what we believe is TRUTH and TRUTH can't go wrong in any circumstance...

[Vincent Vega]

[quote name='JimR-OCDS' date='07 February 2010 - 09:01 AM' timestamp='1265551290' post='2052438']
Spoken like a person who has never raised teenage girls.

Jim
[/quote]
I can't wait to have teenage girls, because that means I can do whatever I want, regardless of what the Church says!
It's gonna be one craaaaaazy decade!

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='USAirwaysIHS' date='07 February 2010 - 12:50 PM' timestamp='1265568641' post='2052565']
I can't wait to have teenage girls, because that means I can do whatever I want, regardless of what the Church says!
It's gonna be one craaaaaazy decade!
[/quote]
Omg, is it the late sixties again? CAN I STILL GET TO WOODSTOCK???

[Luthien]

[quote name='MithLuin' date='07 February 2010 - 12:45 PM' timestamp='1265553902' post='2052450']
Because the only reason to teach teenagers abstinence is to avoid teen pregnancy? While it is true that teens tend to be very fertile, the value of these programs (as outlined by various posters) is to teach young teens decision-making. The hardest thing to get a teen to do is to take consequences seriously. They live in the moment, with a lot of denial and 'it would never happen to me.' You have to combat that no matter what approach you take to sexuality. Abstinence programs (well, good ones anyway) tackle that head-on.

[b]My parents raised 3 teenage girls. They allowed us to date. I had a steady boyfriend from the time I was just shy of 16 until I was 21. (Oh, and he was 2 1/2 years older than me.) My sister likewise dated a guy starting at the age of 18 until they got married at the age of 25. My other sister dated on and off, casually, until she entered the convent. Never once did my parents suggest that any of us get the pill. Never once did they buy us condoms or instruct us in how to use them. My mother was very good about talking to us openly and frankly about sex, the female body, etc. My sister had a conversation with my dad about how married couples decide when to have sex before she got married. This was [i]not[/i] a household where sex was some big taboo secret. And yet...the need for artificial contraception was non-existent. I know they had conversations with my brothers about being responsible, making it clear that you couldn't walk away from a girl if she was pregnant with your kid, but again...they didn't buy them condoms.[/b]

I have several cousins who became pregnant as teens or out of wedlock. It's not usually an issue of ignorance, but more of recklessness, sometimes exasperated by drug and alcohol use. I will also say that having a baby is [i]not[/i] the end of the world, even if it is a major challenge.

No one questions that abstinence-until-marriage is the [i]best[/i] way to avoid pregnancy, STIs, and severe heartbreak (ie, getting used). People merely scoff at the idea that anyone will bother to do that. If an abstinence program delays the age of first sexual experience, that is considered to be a real and measurable impact, which is what this report shows. These programs are [i]supplemental[/i] to whatever education the parent(s) provide.
[/quote]


This part of your post really stood out to me, due to the fact I was raised wit basically the same attitude towards sex. My family was very open about male and female sexuality, and I was NEVER given a condom or a pill by my parents. EVER. I also dated two boys throughout my high school years (not at the same time, lol) and because I valued myself as a young woman and valued my sexuality as a gift to my future spouse, I was never tempted (seriously) to have sex with these boys. I probably drove them away by telling them no when they wanted to make out.

[thessalonian]

[quote name='JimR-OCDS' date='07 February 2010 - 09:01 AM' timestamp='1265551290' post='2052438']
Spoken like a person who has never raised teenage girls.

Jim
[/quote]

If you raise them without values and respect for themselves I can see why you might answer the way you have.

[Winchester]

Good. My negatives are back up.

[JimR-OCDS]

[quote name='Winchester' date='07 February 2010 - 02:40 PM' timestamp='1265568013' post='2052558']
So that whole absolute morality thing the Church teaches is just bullstuff, right?
[/quote]


No, its not BS, but unless a teenager accepts with with whole heart, should they find themslves in the middle of heated passion with the love of their life, their chance of remaining chaste is less likely.

I remember when I was a teenager.

Jm

[JimR-OCDS]

[quote name='thessalonian' date='07 February 2010 - 09:03 PM' timestamp='1265590987' post='2052908']
If you raise them without values and respect for themselves I can see why you might answer the way you have.
[/quote]


Oh pulease, get off your sanctimonious horse.

You can teach them these values, but you can't force then to accept them.


Jim

[Winchester]

[quote name='JimR-OCDS' date='08 February 2010 - 08:47 AM' timestamp='1265636857' post='2053284']
No, its not BS, but unless a teenager accepts with with whole heart, should they find themslves in the middle of heated passion with the love of their life, their chance of remaining chaste is less likely.

I remember when I was a teenager.

Jm
[/quote]
Passion diminishes the culpability of the actor, it does not change the inherent morality of the act. You might be compelled, through worry, to teach your child about contraception. The evil is intrinsic, but your culpability is perhaps diminished.

[tinytherese]

[quote name='JimR-OCDS' date='08 February 2010 - 08:47 AM' timestamp='1265636857' post='2053284']
No, its not BS, but unless a teenager accepts with with whole heart, should they find themslves in the middle of heated passion with the love of their life, their chance of remaining chaste is less likely.

I remember when I was a teenager.

Jm
[/quote]

You could teach them how to positively react to that circumstance or how to avoid a situation like that. These moments tend to happen when they are alone, bored, and haven't properly trained themselves in how to stay pure. I read in Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World: A Guide for Catholics is that you have to really train yourself daily--reminding yourself why you want to be pure, pray, and receive the sacraments when it comes to living out the virtue of chastity. After a while, it'll be much easier to be pure. Also, in situations like that, kids are not likely to use contraception anyway since they are so caught up in the moment and aren't thinking properly.

Have them watch Romance Without Regret, go to http://www.chastity.com/, and read the booklets Pure Love and Pure Womanhood. Oh and there's also the book Theology of His and Her Body. The Theology of the Body for Teens is a wonderful teaching tool as well.

Edited February 8, 2010 by tinytherese

[tinytherese]

Taken From the Secular Website of http://www.chastity.com/.

This section of the web site is yours.

Send us your reasons for why you live the virtue of chastity, and we'll post them here to inspire others. Try to keep the entries under 150 words.

To submit your testimony, email it to us at testimonies@pureloveclub.com.

____________________________________________

"Remaining chaste in a relationship makes it so simple and beautiful. It's like reliving the feeling of a first kiss over and over, without the weight of impurity haunting you. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING."
-Anna, 20


"I see no reason to become sexually close to a guy now because if we're not meant to be married, why should I give a little piece of my heart to someone who doesn't deserve it? If a guy really loves me, he will love my mind, body, and soul. He will wait for me - no matter how long it takes."
- Jacinta.



"I live the virtue of chastity because I have it as the only true choice after my 34 years of experimenting, and because I want to love."


-Robert
"A friend once used the analogy that purity is like a beautifully wrapped present. If too many people are allowed to handle it, or open it, by the time it gets to the one its meant for, your future mate, its ripped and crumpled. And even though your future mate will accept it, he/she will probably be disappointed it wasn't as beautiful as it started out as. I want to stay pure because I want to be able to give myself wholly to my husband and have no regrets. Those are the reasons I want to stay pure."
- Michelle


"I choose to be pure because there will never be a condom made that will protect my heart."
- Amanda


"I can remember when I was 17 years old I would say, "I want to lose my virginity by the time I'm 18." Deep down I felt a sense of rejection and remorse for even thinking that, but I still buried those feelings inside of me. What my heart was really saying was, "I just want somebody to love me for exactly who I am." This voice did not make itself heard until I was 21 years old and I decided to commit myself to chastity. However, it did take some bad experiences and unnecessary pain I chose to endure. As my high school years progressed, I watched my friends around me get into relationships that ultimately ended up in sexual activity. Then after sexual activity, came the birth control pill, then lying to their parents about sexual activity AND taking birth control, then the visits to the OB/GYN, then the pregnancy scares. I was there for the tears and the guilt my friends endured. No matter how much they complained about their decision to lose their virginity, I still wanted to lose mine because I thought that's what love was. I had random "hookups" with guys that had no respect for me. A few times I almost succumbed to sex, but in the heat of the moment I heard a voice telling me "NO!" One time I put myself in a situation that could have resulted in rape. I had enough of the games, the what-ifs, and the emotional pain from these "hookups." I learned that they do not attain self-worth, only more confusion that a young adult does not need to put up with. Now, I have a boyfriend who loves me for exactly who I am. We have committed ourselves to save sex for marriage and neither one of use have regretted that decision. Real love and freedom does not exist in the bounds of birth control or sexually active relationships, it comes from chastity, and chastity brings real freedom and peace of mind."
- Kim, 22


"I've seen what society's view of happiness does to people. The biggest part of people's lives is made out to be pre-marital or extra-marital sex. So many guys and girls think that they are fulfilled and improved by sex, when the sad truth is that they only hurt themselves more and more each time. Since my youth I've been told that I should save myself for my wife."
- Daniel, 17


"I have a little bit of experience sexually, and I think it is the perfect amount needed to fully understand "Romance without Regret". All you feel is regret and once you do it not only does purity sound fulfilling, but it is way better than regretting things. My wife is out there somewhere and I know that I want the kind of marriage that will be fulfilling without sex."
-Andrew


"Chastity teaches us how to live for love each other and have feelings that can be stronger than body feelings."
-Amal


"When I was young I played blues and rock. We toured, we had girls in every town. It was the 60ths and 70ths. As soon as you talked to a girl your mind was already planning sex. This destroyed something very important in my life. I can truly say that it took many years to heal this wound. I will perhaps never be completely healed, I lost something important. Living chaste since my children are grown up is a true blessing. The love between my wife and me is better and more rewarding than ever. Through the promiscuous "hilarious" sex life during the rocking years I had great problems with natural and holy intimacy with my wife. But I cannot emphasize enough how much and how deep you cut into the finest layer of our hearts. Exactly what is destroyed? True love becomes more and more difficult for every single instance of wild sex. Somehow I knew that during the touring years. But I couldn't stop it. It was a general ideology of sex, drugs and rock'n roll. As I see young people today talking with dreamy eyes about Woodstock and the sixties, listening to the music of that period and connecting this with promiscuous pleasure-seeking, I don't know what to say. If they only knew! Purity is a beautiful adventure, a form of strong love. It is not a matter of abstaining, repression and holding back pleasure, the false ideologies of hedonism will tell you that. They will refer to Freud and Reich and say we all need hedonistic outlet, allowing our "passions" to follow through and reach a great satisfaction. The truth is: this satisfaction NEVER comes. Desire needs more desire. It is a never ending craving. Why is that? Because the natural desire points to family, to children, to love forever, not merely for now.
Keep up the fight for true beauty!
- Staffan (Sweden, Europe)


"We were talking on the phone and one joke led to another. Next thing I knew, I had snuck in her house and we both gave up our virginities. I was 19 and she was 15. We were "so in love." Not too soon after that did a fun and exiting relationship start to become a little more of a chain, and the worst part was that neither of us saw it happening. We didn't tell anyone. She kept it from her mom. I guess I should have figured that if she kept something from the lady that brought her up, I should have figured she would just as easy keep from me, the fact that she was seeing another guy behind my back only 6 months later. I never saw it coming. She must have felt used by me, and I definitely felt used by her. I can't say much more for her, except that she didn't keep herself pure thereafter. As for me, I can say nothing better. Trying to recover from this I went on for about 3 years where I had intercourse with at least five or six other girls of which none of them meant a thing to me. Of course they didn't think that. You see I have always been the exception for girls. I was always viewed as "one of the last good men" out there and I couldn't be capable of being a jerk. They didn't know that I had made a vow to get all girls back for my pain. The way I saw it, I gave myself to one of them and she played with me and hurt me. Then I figured that guys go through this all the time and I figured that I would stand up for all of us. I would be the one who did it to girls. It's amazing how easy it is to do that when you have enough confidence. How easy it is to rob a girl of her purity, how easy it is to give in to one of Satan's most powerful weapons…lust. This of course led me to parties and drinking since those and sex, to a young man, seem to always go together. I lost myself in this, and after 3 years of this, I felt no better. I just wanted to keep doing it in hopes of gaining satisfaction. One day they made the announcement of a guy who was giving a sex talk. I didn't sign up and didn't plan on going. Instead I figured I'd chill with a girl who I owed a favor to. When I went, we started setting up and I saw a lot of people getting there. Not 15 minutes went by before I saw my group at the other end of the room. I then realized that I was at the sex talk that I was trying to get away from. Jason Evert changed my life. His talk made total and complete sense to me and showed me how to view my sexuality and girls in a completely different way. I made a chastity commitment on January 6th of 2004 and since then I have not fallen once. Not only that, but because of this promise, a whole chain of events rolled off that got me changing my view on life. I am a completely different person than I was back then."
-Sebastian


"When I was 13, I became friends with a boy who had a crush on me for the past two years. It was all new and wonderful to have someone feel that way towards me, so I liked him back. Immediately, the three magic words were spoken. I thought I was really in love. For the following year, we had a good relationship...it was very simple with only hugs as physical affection. As months passed, we stayed together and planned to get married someday. He said I was beautiful and perfect, everything he had dreamed of and decided he wanted. I could never say that to him because of a list I had made when I was 12 of all the characteristics I wanted in my future husband. My boyfriend didn't fit any of them - but for a reason unknown to me, I chose to love him, and I gave my heart to him. I tried being the best girlfriend I could possibly be. I truly began to love him. But countless times, I would have these doubts about us because in my heart I knew he wasn't the one. I ignored them because I wanted him to be the one. Two years after we were a couple, we had our first kiss. It was a terrifying, awkward, and sweet couple seconds. After that, we only made out. I thought it was okay because I knew we would get married; he'd be the only one knowing the feel of my lips. As I look back now, I see how quickly our relationship fell after that. Little by little, things went farther every time we kissed. I would resist sometimes, and sometimes he would listen. Though we promised we wouldn't have sex till marriage, doing those things made us (at the time) feel so close, on fire and completely in love. He would tell me he loved me and wanted to marry me. But it was afterwards that made me detest him. He would never look me in the eyes, and we wouldn't have anything to talk about. I felt literally dirty and cheap - not beautiful anymore. We began to have fights about things that never bothered us before. There was name-calling and tearful phone conversations, misunderstandings and him ignoring me in front of our friends. I never understood why he would profess his love to me when we were alone, then laugh at me in front of people. I would talk to him about it, but he would say I was too sensitive and had to toughen up. He said that's how he and his family were, so I would have to get used to it. I was always hurt by this but was confident I had to change myself for him. My self-esteem was extremely low around him. I was diagnosed with depression after three years of the relationship, two years of total sadness, and one attempt at suicide. That same month, I went to a conference where Jason Evert talked. That day I learned that this wasn't TRUE LOVE. I knew we would break up. And it made me feel better knowing that I wasn't alone. Over the summer, I slowly overcame my depression. I felt myself changing a lot as my mind cleared and I saw how terrible this relationship was. We fought nearly every time we saw each other (I'm NOT kidding), and the physical level of our relationship was so heavy that I sometimes I don't feel like I could still be technically called a virgin. Though I know I still am, I gave so much of myself to him and let him do so much, that I feel like I've totally cheated on my future-husband. Respect for my boyfriend plummeted when one night in the summer, outside on the grass, he forced something that I really didn't want. I remember looking up past him at the most beautiful night of stars I'd ever seen, tears in my eyes because of the pain. I remember asking myself why I was doing this - I wasn't even enjoying it anymore. I saw my first shooting star that night and quickly made a wish that my husband would love me despite what I was doing. I broke up with him that fall. I tried staying friends and being nice, but he would not let me go. Because of all the drama, we don't even talk anymore. I've been okay without him. I don't miss him, the fights, the awkwardness, the lies we told our parents, nor the false intimacy. At the moment, I'm now in a relationship with a guy who is practically everything I wanted back when I was 12. I'm not saying he's "the one", nor am I saying I love him yet or that we will get married. I'm just saying is that if I had waited a few more years, I could've saved myself so much pain and regret - I could look into the eyes of my new boyfriend and feel worthy of him. He is so gentle and respectful. When I'm with him, I feel treasured...something I never felt with my ex. He knows what I've gone through, and though we're very interested in each other, he's taking it very slow - and I am so thankful for that. I just have to tell girls out there - just because a guy says he loves you, and insists that he does things because he loves you (like trying to have sex and force things) - his actions are what proves how much love he has for you. Believe me - I never would've felt this strongly about it if I hadn't gone through a bad relationship. If you don't feel like the guy is treating you well enough - GOOD FOR YOU! You have self-esteem and self-respect...you are worth waiting for. If a guy loves you, really loves you, he will respect you. Any excuses he gives are proving his unworthiness of you. Please hold out for your prince...he's coming!"
-Margaret, 17 (New York)


"I choose to wait because I don't think sex is necessary for me in this stage in my life. I have no-one that I'd rather share it with than the man that will become my husband in the future."
-Sami





Source: http://www.pureloveclub.net/research/index.php?id=43

[JimR-OCDS]

[quote name='Winchester' date='08 February 2010 - 12:04 PM' timestamp='1265645079' post='2053328']
Passion diminishes the culpability of the actor, it does not change the inherent morality of the act. You might be compelled, through worry, to teach your child about contraception. The evil is intrinsic, but your culpability is perhaps diminished.
[/quote]


Actually, it'd be more effective teaching them the consequences in having sex before they're ready, rather than just telling them the Church's teaching on it, which teens don't take seriously anyway.

Jim

[JimR-OCDS]

[quote name='tinytherese' date='08 February 2010 - 01:11 PM' timestamp='1265649088' post='2053365']
You could teach them how to positively react to that circumstance or how to avoid a situation like that. These moments tend to happen when they are alone, bored, and haven't properly trained themselves in how to stay pure. I read in Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World: A Guide for Catholics is that you have to really train yourself daily--reminding yourself why you want to be pure, pray, and receive the sacraments when it comes to living out the virtue of chastity. After a while, it'll be much easier to be pure. Also, in situations like that, kids are not likely to use contraception anyway since they are so caught up in the moment and aren't thinking properly.

Have them watch Romance Without Regret, go to [url="http://www.chastity.com/"]http://www.chastity.com/[/url], and read the booklets Pure Love and Pure Womanhood. Oh and there's also the book Theology of His and Her Body. The Theology of the Body for Teens is a wonderful teaching tool as well.
[/quote]

You can teach them all you want, but unless they take it to heart, they often error when they eventually have to deal with the issue in real time.

Our role is to teach them, but we can't force them to accept what we teach.

Jim

Edited February 8, 2010 by JimR-OCDS

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='JimR-OCDS' date='08 February 2010 - 11:48 AM' timestamp='1265651334' post='2053400']
Actually, it'd be more effective teaching them the consequences in having sex before they're ready, rather than just telling them the Church's teaching on it, which teens don't take seriously anyway.

Jim
[/quote]


[quote name='JimR-OCDS' date='08 February 2010 - 11:51 AM' timestamp='1265651474' post='2053402']
You can teach them all you want, but unless they take it to heart, they often error when they eventually have to deal with the issue in real time.

Our role is to teach them, but we can't force them to accept what we teach.

Jim
[/quote]
Your generalizations are inaccurate. To be perfectly honest, a few pages of the Catechism and a couple encyclicals have been infinitely more effective in my life than all the teaching I've got from my parents and school system.

Edited February 8, 2010 by Nihil Obstat