Striving For Charity

[HisChildForever]

[quote name='hot stuff' date='05 August 2010 - 11:44 PM' timestamp='1281066255' post='2153062']
I've been asking questions for the sake of clearing the air and getting to the original point of this thread. And I don't think Tridenteen has had any intention of being charitable in this thread. And I find it sad.
[/quote]

I think it is very sad for you to make this assumption.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' date='06 August 2010 - 12:38 AM' timestamp='1281065886' post='2153057']
I can only hazard a guess as to who you are referring to, but when I said I felt it had been manipulated from the first page I had more than one person in mind that had made posts that I felt were directly in opposition to a couple of my points. I'm not naming names, but I found it disheartening that several people were doing it.

The poll portion was really partly in jest, and partly personal accountability. Not to me, or even especially to each other, but primarily to ourselves. I am completely fine with people not voting, like Terra for example who detailed her reasons with great care, but I do truly hope we can all strive for more charitable dialogue with one another. As I noted earlier I appreciate the people who have spoken up and supported an effort to be more charitable, to make phatmass better and be more mindful of their own actions. It makes me happier to know that there are people who really are trying. It bugs me that we have had long time phamily members leave because they thought the boards were getting too snarky, mean, and uncharitable.
[/quote]

I just wanted to add, I know in my opening post I did say "Making it a promise to yourself and one another might be the nudge our consciences need to remind us what kind of behavior we should be exhibiting" but my primary intention was self-accountability. I have tried to assert that point more clearly in subsequent posts, not sure if it's come across all that clearly. Perhaps not.

[KnightofChrist]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' date='05 August 2010 - 11:38 PM' timestamp='1281065886' post='2153057']
I can only hazard a guess as to who you are referring to, but when I said I felt it had been manipulated from the first page I had more than one person in mind that had made posts that I felt were directly in opposition to a couple of my points. I'm not naming names, but I found it disheartening that several people were doing it.

The poll portion was really partly in jest, and partly personal accountability. Not to me, or even especially to each other, but primarily to ourselves. I am completely fine with people not voting, like Terra for example who detailed her reasons with great care, but I do truly hope we can all strive for more charitable dialogue with one another. As I noted earlier I appreciate the people who have spoken up and supported an effort to be more charitable, to make phatmass better and be more mindful of their own actions. It makes me happier to know that there are people who really are trying. It bugs me that we have had long time phamily members leave because they thought the boards were getting too snarky, mean, and uncharitable.
[/quote]

I agree, and I agree with Terra as well. I know you had good intentions and I am sorry that I am unable to vote in this thread. I do pray that we all become more charitable each day. I do take a pledge of charity I simply cannot vote in this particular one.

God Bless.

[Tridenteen]

jmj

Edited August 6, 2010 by Tridenteen

[Jaime]

[quote name='HisChildForever' date='05 August 2010 - 11:45 PM' timestamp='1281066313' post='2153063']
I think it is very sad for you to make this assumption.
[/quote]

I think you would find it impossible to find one charitable comment made by tridenteen in this thread.

[KnightofChrist]

[quote name='hot stuff' date='05 August 2010 - 11:46 PM' timestamp='1281066396' post='2153067']
I think you would find it impossible to find one charitable comment made by tridenteen in this thread.
[/quote]

God Bless

[Tridenteen]

[quote name='hot stuff' date='05 August 2010 - 10:46 PM' timestamp='1281066396' post='2153067']
I think you would find it impossible to find one charitable comment made by tridenteen in this thread.
[/quote]

jmj

Edited August 6, 2010 by Tridenteen

[Jaime]

[quote name='Hassan' date='18 July 2010 - 01:44 AM' timestamp='1279431845' post='2144294']
Ok, fine.

I think this thread misses the point. I think that overt personal attacks are merely symptomatic of a deeper problem. Subtle, passive aggressive snarkiness. For example, my Quran quote. I wanted to say what I am about to say now, but expressed it through the Qur'an to avoid crossing any line.

hot stuff. A week ago you said I was not a man, that I was a liar, to insignificant to even merit your disdain, and that I had no integrity. For my part, I called you arrogant, described some of your activities cowardly, generally mocked you quite a bit, and called you passive aggressive (I'm sure I have left many things out). These overt personal attacks were preceded by a good deal of snarky and petty bickering. Often coated in ambiguity so that a barb was never clearly and undeniably a barb. Honestly, I think this exacerbates any problems tenfold because when people become snarky and subtle to evade crossing the line it makes it difficult or impossible to differentiate between an innocuous statement or a barb. For example, when you (hot stuff) stated that DominicanSoul had 'good timing' in bumping this thread they day that many of us were returning from our suspension. Was this an innocent comment about the need of us all the be reminded to be charitable or were you flaunting that you avoided any apparent repercussions for your personal attacks, while many of us who do not have long and friendly relations with the mods were sent on vacation? I don't know and there is no way to ever know. And please do not think I am singling you out. I engage is subtle barbs all the time. This ambiguity has a cancerous effect on forum charity.

If this thread is a serious attempt at improving charity then I will do my best. To start off with I will apologize to hot stuff. I mocked you quite a bit here on phatmass and, particularly on the night that the real flamewar was going, said quite a few things on tinychat which I would have been banned for had I said them here. At the moment, I don't like you. This isn't fated to always be the case. There was a time when I really did not care for HisChildForever, KnightofChrist, and Apo. That has since changed and I have gained a genuine respect, and fondness, for all of them. I'm sure my dislike for you can change as well. I am sorry for mocking and belittling you and every other uncharitable action I have engaged in. I will genuinely try to be more charitable towards you (and everyone), if you are willing to also make an effort. You may have already been trying for that (For example, I noticed you haven't done the Hass thing today) but it is honestly hard to tell at times. I'm sorry this is public, I do not have access to private messaging. If you wish, I will edit it away.
[/quote]


[quote name='hot stuff' date='18 July 2010 - 04:26 PM' timestamp='1279484760' post='2144462']
Well first off I do appreciate the candor. You're probably right about the subtle barbs leading to things becoming more personal. There was a time (and some of the old timers can correct me if they disagree) where the subtle snarky comments were more generally accepted. In the earlier days, people didn't seem to take things as personally as they do today. Doing something stupid with someone's screen name was just that, doing something stupid. But its a different crowd now and its a different time. I can accept that.

My rule around here from the start was "Don't be the first to get snarky ." There were probably times when I failed in that rule. And it can be certainly said that I've gotten more than my share of quips and snarky comments in. If I thought someone was being rude to me or bullying one of the female posters,(we used to have some fairly sexist posters round these parts) I was more than happy to trade barbs. Now its may be likely that you have the similar criteria and you thought I was being a bully to rex. You and I would disagree about that but I certainly haven't taken the high road.

I completely understand that you don't like me. Jason says that you're a good guy and as much grief as i give him, I'm not dismissive of his opinions. There are some folks that I have never seen eye to eye with here and there are some that I've disliked and things changed. I've said much worse things about Lounge Daddy back in the day (he probably doesn't remember, he was drunk a lot back then) than I've ever said about you. Today I think the world of the guy. And there's a few where we started out as friends IRL and things changed. If things were to change between us I'd be fine with that.

Currently I've become more focused on the large amount of visitors that we have around. People who don't have accounts but come and lurk. I'd sincerely like to help make things around here be more welcoming to those folks. That's always been dUSt's goal and there have been times when I've lost sight of that.

So I apologize to you Hassan for the shots that I've taken that were uncharitable.
[/quote]


[quote name='Tridenteen' date='05 August 2010 - 11:46 PM' timestamp='1281066362' post='2153066']
JMJ
[s]All is good and well now? [/s]


[/quote]
The original comment by trid was to the effect of if I had any intention of being charitable in this thread. To which I say, see above.

[HisChildForever]

[quote name='hot stuff' date='05 August 2010 - 11:46 PM' timestamp='1281066396' post='2153067']
I think you would find it impossible to find one charitable comment made by tridenteen in this thread.
[/quote]

Are you going to run down the list and tell us who has been charitable and who has not?

[Tridenteen]

[quote name='HisChildForever' date='05 August 2010 - 10:50 PM' timestamp='1281066600' post='2153075']
Are you going to run down the list and tell us who has been charitable and who has not?
[/quote]


JMJ
I like to do that mirror my comment thing, it is always interesting. Did you update you avatar btw?

[Tridenteen]

[quote name='hot stuff' date='05 August 2010 - 10:49 PM' timestamp='1281066598' post='2153074']
The original comment by trid was to the effect of if I had any intention of being charitable in this thread. To which I say, see above.
[/quote]


JMJ
Yes, then I went back and EDITED IT FOR THOSE REASONS!

[The Bus Station]

[img]http://membres.lycos.fr/fredrichung/forum/i%20like%20were%20this%20thread%20is%20going.jpg[/img]

[Jaime]

[quote name='Tridenteen' date='05 August 2010 - 11:51 PM' timestamp='1281066719' post='2153077']
JMJ
Yes, then I went back and EDITED IT FOR THOSE REASONS!
[/quote]

So you acknowledge that its been my intention to be charitable?

Thanks for that.

[HisChildForever]

[quote name='Tridenteen' date='05 August 2010 - 11:50 PM' timestamp='1281066649' post='2153076']
JMJ
I like to do that mirror my comment thing, it is always interesting. Did you update you avatar btw?
[/quote]

Yes.

[jeffpugh]

New av is great.