Striving For Charity

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='Lil Red' date='05 August 2010 - 01:45 PM' timestamp='1281026740' post='2152675']
i love you.
[/quote]

Right back at ya.

I will note that since there ARE votes from people who want to try to be more charitable I do see this as rather successful venture. I appreciate that there are people who want to try, and who are trying. They make phatmass a better place.

[Hassan]

First of all, with all do respect, I get the feeling from you post that I was making accusations. Which is not what I was doing at all. As my numerous warning will attest to, if I have a problem with someone I will tell them straight out and to their face. I wasn't hiding behind "well, some people feel..." I really was just trying to give the impressions of some phatmassers, as best I could. And was not saying that I believed all the views I mentioned to be valid. If you did not intend to come off this way, I apologize. When you say, "hot stuff WAS suspended and received the same letter as everyone else. Are you happy now that you know he got his butt kicked, too?" it makes me feel that I gave the wrong impression.

Let me be absolutly clear. No, I don't take happiness in hot stuff being punished. At the time, yes, I was annoyed. As I also stated, my problem was with him, not phatmass in general. That on this thread we both addressed some of the problems that we had on this issue. I apologized to him. He apologized to me. As far as I am concerned the issue is behind us. hot stuff seems to feel the same way, as he has been perfectly civil to me ever since. I am not trying to get hot stuff into trouble. If you had said, "you're right Hassan, I'll give hot stuff another couple days vacation to even things out" I would have gotten annoyed and felt that I was grossly misunderstood.

I'm sorry, but I don't know how I can be any more clear. I'm not interested in any more tit for tat bull poo. I'm just doing what I can to help those on "the other side" understand the 'tinychatter' perspective, so some of these lingering issues can be resolved. That is all I am trying to do. There is no alternative agenda. I don't want hot stuff punished. I'm not trying to say that this point of view is valid or totally fair. I'm just trying to shed some light on it so things can move forward.

Thinking about it, I don't see a need to respond to the content of our post. Not because it isn't valuable, but simply because there are two parts to it. Parts which are defending the course of action taken, which I am not interested in debating because, as I said, it is in the past and I want to move on. And secondly, that giving the mod perspective. I would not argue with this because I think it is valuable, and think that if the mod perspective were given more often, some phatmassers who feel disenfranchised might have a different perspective. Furthermore, I think it is a good idea to be modest when it comes to trying to speak on behalf of others. I'm just uncomfortable putting words in the mouths of other people. I will contribute what I can that I think will be helpful, but I think it would be best if the phatmassers who have a more acute sense that they got a raw deal would speak for themselves, so that I do not misrepresent them.

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' date='05 August 2010 - 12:40 PM' timestamp='1281026441' post='2152671']
You leave out the key element that almost all of those people who received that letter are "maxed out" as it were on suspensions and warnings. If they break the rules again it is perfectly within the guidelines for us to suspend or ban them again. We have actually been very merciful in holding off on those measures because we do value our phamily and what each member can contribute. hot stuff WAS suspended and received the same letter as everyone else. Are you happy now that you know he got his butt kicked, too?

The only reason why some members may seen to have more "favor" with us us because they have been around longer and we know them better. Everyone gets edited and warned (and sometimes suspended) for breaking guidelines no matter how much we like them.




Those grievances are things which should be resolved via private correspondence, it's not appropriate for public discussion. Every time I have seen it brought up, or any semblance of it, it has devolved into flame wars and silly pictures/videos running on into 12 page threads.



As I said, those grievances should be discussed privately with the people they have beef with. Public arguments and flame wars are not appropriate behavior here.

I wasn't asking for kindness instead of charity. This isn't kindergarten, I know some people will not like others, and there are points we will always disagree on. I was asking that we all TRY to be more charitable in general, to everyone. Yes, I would like to see phatmass be a more friendly place, but I can't force anyone to be nicer. I can ASK that we try to be more charitable. And that's what I did. I've been working towards that with almost every one of my posts here at phatmass, especially since Dust made me a moderator. I have striven to be kind and charitable to everyone. I have had my failures, but I'm trying. I didn't ask anything of you guys that I don't expect of myself. I don't expect anyone to water down Truth, or just placate one another. I'm just asking that we practice a little more charity and drop the vitriol that seems to have permeated the phorum.



As I noted earlier, everyone did get punished. You don't know all the background details and none of you is actually entitled to anything other than what went on with your own warn logs. I started this thread after that fateful night because it felt like it had been a very long time in coming. Several months ago Raphael suggested that we try to make some sort of reformation around here to promote more charity and I kind of blew him off and told him we couldn't force anyone to do that, we could suggest it but no one could be made to be more charitable. I told him we should lead by example. When I posted this thread I did it because I decided that he was right, and I hate seeing phatmass go to hell in a hand-basket so I wanted to try and do what he had suggested so long ago and ask everyone to promote charity.



If people really have some deep seated problem with a particular member, hot stuff or otherwise, they should try to mend those fences privately or put that person on ignore. Every person who was suspended that night has been around here long enough and is old enough to know how to deal with one another as adults. It's frustrating to see a group of adults acting like 5th graders.

As far as being "fully accepted and respected" goes I honestly don't know what you're talking about. Do some people feel left out because they aren't best buds with moderators? I have very few people that I am especially close to around here and the majority of those few have been here almost as long as I have. People come and go, I have taken "vacations" because real life has gotten in the way so I don't know some members as well as others. But I do try to treat everyone equally. I may have more jokes with some than others, but I don't treat those others like trash either.





I don't take your comments as criticism and I respect your reasons for not voting in the poll/pledge. The timing on this WAS croutons. But it was a crappy situation that caused me to feel that it was warranted. For me it wasn't an "us versus them" thing, it was a "holy cow, this smells of elderberries and we need to do something to make phatmass a better place" thing. I didn't mean to put down any "side", I meant to try and pull all of us together in a concentrated effort to be more charitable. That was my only intention and I did think it was pretty clear when I started the thread. Apparently almost everyone here as misconstrued my intentions in one way or another. I have seen people using the thread for their own intentions since the first page, that truly saddened me. They completely missed the point.




Unfortunately true.
[/quote]

[Hassan]

[quote name='Lil Red' date='05 August 2010 - 12:45 PM' timestamp='1281026740' post='2152675']
i love you.
[/quote]





Thank you, bit this is slightly inappropriate

[ardillacid]

[quote name='Hassan' date='05 August 2010 - 01:00 PM' timestamp='1281027625' post='2152687']
First of all, with all do respect,
[/quote]
I can't even get through your first sentence without stumbling across a fail

[Hassan]

[quote name='notardillacid' date='05 August 2010 - 01:03 PM' timestamp='1281027799' post='2152690']
I can't even get through your first sentence without stumbling across a fail
[/quote]

I'm sorry. Before I can deal with this, I need to finish digesting your other post.
[i]

How do you know what my body looks like? [b]My body is a precious gift that someday I will give to my husband[/b]. He, and not some arrogant Texan, is the only man who shall see my body in all its glory. [/i]

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Hassan' date='05 August 2010 - 10:00 AM' timestamp='1281027625' post='2152687']
And secondly, that giving the mod perspective. I would not argue with this because I think it is valuable, and think that if the mod perspective were given more often, some phatmassers who feel disenfranchised might have a different perspective. [/quote]that usually doesn't happen because believe it or not, some people don't want the whole phorum knowing what they did wrong, and would like to keep their warnings to themselves (unlike a few here *cough[size="1"]hassan and notardillacid[/size]cough* who like to brag about their warn logs).


[quote name='Hassan' date='05 August 2010 - 10:03 AM' timestamp='1281027786' post='2152689']


Thank you, bit this is slightly inappropriate [/quote]
don't be a twit.

[ardillacid]

[quote name='Hassan' date='05 August 2010 - 01:05 PM' timestamp='1281027918' post='2152691']
I'm sorry. Before I can deal with this, I need to finish digesting your other post.
[i]

How do you know what my body looks like? [b]My body is a precious gift that someday I will give to my husband[/b]. He, and not some arrogant Texan, is the only man who shall see my body in all its glory. [/i]



[/quote]
I think your [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=107011&st=0&p=2147856&fromsearch=1&#entry2147856"]Constipation problem[/url] may be slightly more pressing.

Or perhaps your [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=106935&st=0&p=2146463&fromsearch=1&#entry2146463"]drinking problem?[/url]

Edited August 5, 2010 by notardillacid

[Lil Red]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' date='05 August 2010 - 09:50 AM' timestamp='1281027052' post='2152681']
Right back at ya.

I will note that since there ARE votes from people who want to try to be more charitable I do see this as rather successful venture. I appreciate that there are people who want to try, and who are trying. They make phatmass a better place.
[/quote]
i have been trying, though usually failing. actually a lot of my posts get re-written before i post. so, if you think i'm being nasty in a post, you should see what the first draft was!

[ardillacid]

[quote name='Lil Red' date='05 August 2010 - 01:08 PM' timestamp='1281028124' post='2152693']
that usually doesn't happen because believe it or not, some people don't want the whole phorum knowing what they did wrong, and would like to keep their warnings to themselves (unlike a few here *cough[size="1"]hassan and notardillacid[/size]cough* who like to brag about their warn logs).
[/quote]
I don't brag, I just put other people's complaints into context.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='notardillacid' date='05 August 2010 - 10:10 AM' timestamp='1281028249' post='2152696']
I don't brag, I just put other people's complaints into context.
[/quote]
[i]this post is the personal opinion of the poster, not of the mods[/i]

oh, my bad, i thought you were the one who started the thread in the lame board about inviting others to brag about what they were warned for.

[ardillacid]

[quote name='Lil Red' date='05 August 2010 - 01:15 PM' timestamp='1281028550' post='2152701']
[i]this post is the personal opinion of the poster, not of the mods[/i]

oh, my bad, i thought you were the one who started the thread in the lame board about inviting others to brag about what they were warned for.
[/quote]
I don't recall it about bragging. Let's call it coming to terms with past mistakes.

[Hassan]

[quote name='notardillacid' date='05 August 2010 - 01:09 PM' timestamp='1281028161' post='2152694']
I think your [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=107011&st=0&p=2147856&fromsearch=1&#entry2147856"]Constipation problem[/url] may be slightly more pressing.

Or perhaps your [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=106935&st=0&p=2146463&fromsearch=1&#entry2146463"]drinking problem?[/url]
[/quote]


At least I'm not [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=107017&view=&hl=viagra&fromsearch=1"]impotent[/url] and struggling with [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=106987&st=0&p=2147511&#entry2147511"]transgenderism[/url], as your post #15 would indicate.

To say nothing of your pitiful lack of self esteem regarding women

[url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=106966&st=60&p=2147067&#entry2147067"]You got me. No woman ever has, or ever will, want to sleep (or even associate) with me. [/url] (#74).


I do have a question, wouldn't the homosexuality and transgenderism cancel each other out? I don't want to pry into your sordid, and obviously deeply disturbed, personal life, but I ask because I care

[ardillacid]

[quote name='Hassan' date='05 August 2010 - 01:21 PM' timestamp='1281028900' post='2152707']
At least I'm not [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=107017&view=&hl=viagra&fromsearch=1"]impotent[/url] and struggling with [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=106987&st=0&p=2147511&#entry2147511"]transgenderism[/url], as your post #15 would indicate.

To say nothing of your pitiful lack of self esteem regarding women

[url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=106966&st=60&p=2147067&#entry2147067"]You got me. No woman ever has, or ever will, want to sleep (or even associate) with me. [/url] (#74).


I do have a question, wouldn't the homosexuality and transgenderism cancel each other out? I don't want to pry into your sordid, and obviously deeply disturbed, personal life, but I ask because I care
[/quote]
How about your own strange homosexual attraction to [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=107010&st=0&p=2147885&#entry2147885"]Winchester (#10)?[/url]

Repeated evidence of a severe alcohol disorder: [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=107042&st=0&p=2148420&#entry2148420"]here (#8)[/url], [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=107035&st=0&p=2148336&#entry2148336"]here (#17)[/url], [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=106958&st=40&p=2148342&#entry2148342"]here (48)[/url], [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=107030&st=0&p=2148343&#entry2148343"]here (20)[/url], [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=104209&st=560&p=2148345&#entry2148345"]here (577)[/url], and [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=104209&st=540&p=2147514&#entry2147514"]here (542, not to mention you drink girly drinks)[/url]

You also seem to enjoy hallucinogens: [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=107011&st=0&p=2147879&#entry2147879"]here (#6)[/url]

To top it off, your intelligence level seems [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.php?showtopic=106983&st=0&p=2147527&#entry2147527"]lower than an average baboon (#3)[/url]

[Tridenteen]

JMJ
ew. this thread is as of this moment LAME

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='Hassan' date='05 August 2010 - 02:00 PM' timestamp='1281027625' post='2152687']
First of all, with all do respect, I get the feeling from you post that I was making accusations. Which is not what I was doing at all. As my numerous warning will attest to, if I have a problem with someone I will tell them straight out and to their face. I wasn't hiding behind "well, some people feel..." I really was just trying to give the impressions of some phatmassers, as best I could. And was not saying that I believed all the views I mentioned to be valid. If you did not intend to come off this way, I apologize. When you say, "hot stuff WAS suspended and received the same letter as everyone else. Are you happy now that you know he got his butt kicked, too?" it makes me feel that I gave the wrong impression. [/quote]

Sorry, I didn't take your comments as accusations, I believe you were very clear in pointing out that not all of what you said was the way you felt, and that you were trying to convey what you thought others were feeling. I was simply trying to address all those points as concisely as possible. I may have sounded a little ornery with my "are you happy now" comment (and I apologize if it was and if it came across that way), it's just annoying to me because it's come up at least 3 times and I noted earlier in this thread that no one knew all the background and not to assume he hadn't been punished. As a moderator I don't feel the need to announce to everyone else each time someone gets warned or suspended. I feel that it's inappropriate and bad manners to tout that someone got a spanking. I don't allow it with my children, either.


[quote]
Let me be absolutly clear. No, I don't take happiness in hot stuff being punished. At the time, yes, I was annoyed. As I also stated, my problem was with him, not phatmass in general. That on this thread we both addressed some of the problems that we had on this issue. I apologized to him. He apologized to me. As far as I am concerned the issue is behind us. hot stuff seems to feel the same way, as he has been perfectly civil to me ever since. I am not trying to get hot stuff into trouble. If you had said, "you're right Hassan, I'll give hot stuff another couple days vacation to even things out" I would have gotten annoyed and felt that I was grossly misunderstood.

I'm sorry, but I don't know how I can be any more clear. I'm not interested in any more tit for tat bull poo. I'm just doing what I can to help those on "the other side" understand the 'tinychatter' perspective, so some of these lingering issues can be resolved. That is all I am trying to do. There is no alternative agenda. I don't want hot stuff punished. I'm not trying to say that this point of view is valid or totally fair. I'm just trying to shed some light on it so things can move forward. [/quote]

I believe you, I appreciated your honesty and apology earlier in this thread. I am happy to see that you two are trying to be nicer and let that all be water under the bridge. I wasn't trying to assert that my responses to your post were directed at you, but to just address the concerns as best as I could in a general manner for everyone involved to see. I would have responded to other individual posts within this thread but I felt that your long post had summed up the majority of them rather well and it was most convenient for me to only reply to yours.


[quote]
Thinking about it, I don't see a need to respond to the content of our post. Not because it isn't valuable, but simply because there are two parts to it. Parts which are defending the course of action taken, which I am not interested in debating because, as I said, it is in the past and I want to move on. And secondly, that giving the mod perspective. I would not argue with this because I think it is valuable, and think that if the mod perspective were given more often, some phatmassers who feel disenfranchised might have a different perspective. Furthermore, I think it is a good idea to be modest when it comes to trying to speak on behalf of others. I'm just uncomfortable putting words in the mouths of other people. I will contribute what I can that I think will be helpful, but I think it would be best if the phatmassers who have a more acute sense that they got a raw deal would speak for themselves, so that I do not misrepresent them.
[/quote]

I'm fine with all of that. I didn't expect a detailed response. As I said earlier, I just wanted to address your points from my perspective as well as I could. To explain why I did what I did. I hope I did that well enough.

Also, being a moderator isn't easy because we have to try and appease everyone around here, and when we do edit people they often think we have some personal vendetta against them. Believe me, if there was someone I didn't like I would deliberately NOT edit them because I wouldn't want that clash to be hurled against me as a reason for an "unfair" warning. The mod team looks at all reports and warns as a group and tries to come to a unanimous decision on how to resolve those matters. There have been many times when I thought something crossed the line and the other mods told me I was on crack. It happens and we move on. Sometimes people think we have moderated unfairly, which is why we always try to give benefit of a doubt and show mercy as often as possible (that's kind of a bad way to phrase that, "mercy", but I can't think of a better one right this moment).

[quote name='Lil Red' date='05 August 2010 - 02:09 PM' timestamp='1281028185' post='2152695']
i have been trying, though usually failing. actually a lot of my posts get re-written before i post. so, if you think i'm being nasty in a post, you should see what the first draft was!
[/quote]

I haven't seen anything particularly offensive. lol I know there are times when I start a reply and then just close out the window because I know I can't go forward with a charitable response. If I can't convey my correspondence with charity then I don't feel (for me) it's worth the stress and energy to get into a bickering match over that thought. I might really want to, but I have so much other croutons in my daily life that I don't have the energy to devote to it. I used to back in the day. lol I'm getting old.