How To Give Up Our Plans And Our Will

[MarysLittleFlower]

Has anyone else struggled with this, namely giving up their own plans for life and self will? For example, having to give up something you wanted to do, for religious life. Is there anything that you found helpful? thanks!

Edited April 10, 2012 by MarysLittleFlower

[she_who_is_not]

Every time I feel myself surrender, I just gently remind myself to surrender more. It's a daily task.

[Sister Marie]

This might sound strange but imagine yourself doing it. Imagine the moment where you let go of that thing or plan and imagine how you would feel. Imagine that Jesus is there with you as you do it. Imagine His words to you or his expression and imagine your response. Imagine yourself having a conversation with Jesus about it - imagine what he would say. Imagine what you would say. Imagine the feelings you would experience and make note of them. Make sure you are allowing Jesus to speak to you.

Try to do this a few times and notice if you feel differently each time or if something changes within you.

If you feel uneasy or irritated or anxious then you have one [i]clue [/i]that maybe giving that thing up isn't what God wants you to do. If you feel peace, hope, and love then you have another [i]clue [/i]that God is calling you to move in that direction. Regardless of whether you continue with your plan or change it - you will have more detachment and the peace knowing you are doing God's will and not just your own.

Peace... and don't be too hard on yourself either... let God guide you gently to what He wants for you... you don't have to strong arm yourself!

[beatitude]

I used to know someone who agonised over the fact that he might be called to the priesthood. Eventually a priest said to him, very gently, "You do have to [i]want[/i] to be a priest, you know." Now he is married with a little daughter.

We make all this much more complicated than it needs to be. God is not out to make us miserable. The thing that we have to sacrifice here is not our happiness, but our selfishness and our fear. Sometimes these lead us to grasp at anything that promises security and comfort - a higher-paying job, for example. But do those things make us truly happy? If the answer is no, we need to let go. There is a peace in doing the right thing. It might be difficult or frightening, but the undercurrent of peace will carry you through.

[OnlySunshine]

A few years ago, I tried to put God in a box and only agreed to enter religious life if the order met every single one of my requirements. I came very close to entering an order simply because it was a Carmelite order and not because I truly felt called there. Thank God that I went to visit their apostolate before actually entering. I know it would have been a huge mistake if I had. But the problems didn't stop there. I hoped that, because I loved an order (the CFRs), I would be called there and I went there with high hopes. It didn't work out because I have health issues that they cannot accomodate. Then, it was this past November when I went to visit another order. I tried so hard not to make a big deal out of it, but I thought that if God provided a way so quickly for me to go visit then this was the sure thing. I loved every minute I spent there, but I knew, deep in my heart, that something was not clicking. I felt somewhat out of place, but I tried to make the best of it. I thought I should pursue an application there, but the VD told me that they did not believe I had a genuine vocation because I "was unable to fulfill all their requirements (some, I believed to be ridiculous and I still do because there was no way I would be able to fulfill them). So, needless to say, I was crushed when I received this news. I honestly felt that God was leading me on. But I know better than this!

I decided, for my sake, to stop discerning for a while and find some peace. It lasted about 2 or 3 months until the Holy Spirit practically [i]squeezed my heart[/i] and gave me a reason/desire to talk to the religious order that is moving to my parish next year. I have had two very distinct meetings with them and the last one was with the religious Superior of the USA Province. Each time, I just let go and let God do His thing and He keeps leading me back to them. Honestly, I would [u]never[/u] have chosen this order if I had the chance to make the choice. I didn't think I would [u]ever[/u] want to become a Sister overseas but this order started in Europe and their Motherhouse is still there. They also have overseas missions which, to be honest, kind of scare me, but I know God wouldn't call me to anything I'm not capable of.

There are still some days where I am not sure about what is going to happen in the near future, but I just keep remembering that God has [b][i]plans for our welfare and not woe[/i][/b]. Each and every day gives us the opportunity to surrender to God's will and abandon ourselves entirely.

[TheresaThoma]

Prayer and more prayer. I won't go into details because the story is really long and complicated but once I was having a decision forced on me. Unless a miracle happened I would have to go through with one course of action, which was not the one I wanted. I personally couldn't see how this particular scenario would be good in any way shape or form. I was torn up about it, I went between denial, anger and sadness for about a week. In short I was fighting it. Finally I went to the chapel and prayed about it. I clearly remember that prayer time, through prayer I stopped asking "Why are You letting this happen?" and started asking "What do you want me to do now?" By not focusing on what I was letting go of but rather on where I was headed it made it much easier to surrender.

[BarbTherese]

I wanted to enter religious life because it struck me as a sure path to holiness with faithfulness. The other attraction, and just as strong, was that The Rule and my superior would spell out God's Will for me very clearly. A final attraction was the religious habit, which I felt would mark me as a follower of Jesus.
I smile now as I write and the long journey that was to unfold revealing that holiness can be found not only in religious life and that God has other means of communicating His Will than via a Rule and a superior. Finally, the religious habit I feel was harder to detach myself from until my days got so busy and funds so short that over a period of time what I wear was the least of my concerns, the very least of concerns until today what I wear is immaterial except that I have a 'good' wardrobe for venues calling for such. Nowadays, it is the person I am (in hope!) that primary marks me as a follower of Jesus and His Gospel. I do always wear a cross on a leather thong no matter the venue and a commitment ring on my wedding finger. Recently, I came across in my wardrobe a very light weight (polyester?) black poncho I had completely forgotten about and purchased in a secondhand stores that I am fond of wearing now and reveals still an attachment to a religious habit of sorts I think - with a smile.

For me, detaching myself from my plans and my will is always proven to be a journey and one I dont always sight as being in the unfolding. In Grace, we can totally rely on The Lord in Faithfulness to take one where one needs to go and in the way He desires one to go.

Edited April 11, 2012 by BarbaraTherese

[Theresita Nerita]

Props to everything said so far.

Also, for me, I'd been clinging to a career goal for so long (like my entire life!) and recently it all went absolute bust. Not that I'll never pursue it again, but if I ever do it'll be like starting over from zero. And up til this happened, I was sure that if it went bust I'd have no more will to live, curl up in fetal position until I died, etc. I had been working on this plan every day for the past 10 years or more. It was the one thing I clung to more closely than to God.

Of course, it went bust. But the shock was that after so many years of stressing about it, whether it was worth it, etc, I didn't curl up in a ball or cry - I actually felt a very strong sense of liberation and peace. And since then (so far!) I've been more joyful, calmer, and kinder.

So what I learned from that was: if giving up on your own plans brings you surprising[b] joy [/b]and a sense of [b]freedom[/b] then it might be a good thing to give up. But if giving up your plans sends you spiraling into a depression or makes you feel regretful, conflicted, useless, worthless, etc., then don't give up no matter how hard it gets, because even though things may be difficult God wouldn't want you to move from peace toward discontent, but rather from discontent to peace.

[Autumn Dusk]

While others may debate that you "discern" marriage similarly, we all give up things.

By marrying future hubs, I will be givign up on some dreams. I won't be able to be a world-class sailor. We probably won't be able to physically have alot of kids. I won't be able to live on the seashore. I may never get my masters.

I have a friend who got "What she dreamed of" but has a handicapped child. It took her along time to give up her dreams of teaching her daughter piano....becuase she so wanted it.

Letting go of dreams and letting God take over is hard no matter what. But for me, offering up a bit at a time, not all at once, makes the difference in letting go.

[beatitude]

As Sr Maria says in [i]The Sound of Music[/i], "When God closes the door, somehow He opens the window." Sometimes we focus too much on what we might have to give up - and don't think of what we might be given! Perhaps Autumn Dusk will circumnavigate the world in a ship crewed by her nineteen children. We don't know. We can never know. The only way is to take it hour by hour, moment by moment. One of my favourite prayers is, "Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you" - given as a morning offering in my prayer book. So offer Him the day. Then go out and seize it, fearlessly. You don't know what's in there.

[AuthorOfMyLife]

Oh me...this is such a problem for me.

I could say a great deal on this topic, but I'll restrain myself.

I feel like I have so many limitations (health-wise) that I don't know how (at this point) I could be accepted by an order. I fear that this means I'm not supposed to be a sister / nun.

I also love to write, but my writing isn't my whole life--I don't know how to fit "writing" into a full life. You can't just write. And I have no interest in going to college for a writing / English degree. So I fear that my love of writing is going to be a challenge, and writing something I'll have to give up (like, be torn away from--which is stupid, because in the case of a true vocation I would exchange it for joy and peace, not "give it up").

I really appreciate hearing all your experiences. I certainly wish I could spend a little time with some sisters--but there are none (no pun intended) at all in my area!

Anyway, I have to work hard on this. It is very hard for me to know what God wants as opposed to what I want. I think I would love to be a sister of some kind--but it seems so difficult to reach that goal--and I get worried that my irritation and despair in this seemingly hopeless goal means that it isn't the right one.

And also, I'm 24--so I worry about this, too.

Thank you for introducing this subject, MarysLittleFlower.

[OnlySunshine]

[quote name='AuthorOfMyLife' timestamp='1334191644' post='2416053']
Oh me...this is such a problem for me.

I could say a great deal on this topic, but I'll restrain myself.

I feel like I have so many limitations (health-wise) that I don't know how (at this point) I could be accepted by an order. I fear that this means I'm not supposed to be a sister / nun.

I also love to write, but my writing isn't my whole life--I don't know how to fit "writing" into a full life. You can't just write. And I have no interest in going to college for a writing / English degree. So I fear that my love of writing is going to be a challenge, and writing something I'll have to give up (like, be torn away from--which is stupid, because in the case of a true vocation I would exchange it for joy and peace, not "give it up").

I really appreciate hearing all your experiences. I certainly wish I could spend a little time with some sisters--but there are none (no pun intended) at all in my area!

Anyway, I have to work hard on this. It is very hard for me to know what God wants as opposed to what I want. I think I would love to be a sister of some kind--but it seems so difficult to reach that goal--and I get worried that my irritation and despair in this seemingly hopeless goal means that it isn't the right one.

And also, I'm 24--so I worry about this, too.

Thank you for introducing this subject, MarysLittleFlower.
[/quote]

I know how difficult it is to discern when you have medical problems that cause issues with communities. I have clinical depression and anxiety (and maybe ADD). It is well-controlled with medication and I spoke to the Superior of the order I am discerning with and she said that, as long as I pass the psychological exam, that they would allow me to try out the life. It was a monumental moment in my discernment because I thought all hope was lost and I would never be able to become a Sister like I deeply desired to become.

Please don't give up. If you feel the desire within your heart and it never goes away, I believe it is a sign from God that He doesn't want you to quit yet. I know of some orders who are open to considering those who have medical issues because they participate in medical/health ministries so they understand what it entails. PM me if you would like the names of these communities. God bless!

[IamMyBeloveds]

I have struggled at times in giving up things that are important to me to enter the convent, such as the fears I've had when pondering leaving home and family. This was especially a challenge when I entered the convent the first time.

In coming home from the convent last year, I also was hired in a ministerial position in my parish, and although I do not feel especially called to this ministry, it has been such a blessing and borne much fruit. Now that I am planning to re-enter the convent, it has been hard to give up my job to someone else! I was literally offered my position full-time and the opportunity to visit the convent whenever I wanted if I would discern staying for another year at my job. While it was flattering that the parish wanted me to stay so much, and while it is hard for me to give up such a secure position and great people to work with, I know that if I stayed, I would be staying for the wrong reasons...a sense of security, and not because I feel called to parish ministry. In that sense, yes, it has been hard for me to give up my plans and desires the trust God again with my life. I entered the convent once, and then had to come out, so it's hard sometimes to give Him my life all over again. But this has also been the most beautiful test and proof of my love for Him. How much do I trust the Divine Lover of my soul?
He has given me many great gifts in this year at home, and He has also worked marvels and fought seemingly impossible odds to get me back to the convent. My Sisters have lovingly helped me on this journey, welcoming me back home, as has spiritual direction been of great assistance.
So in giving up my own plans, I have continually worked on giving up my fears and worries so that I can fully trust in Him and rely on Him again. Yes, giving up our own wills and plans is hard, but if you find peace and joy in doing it, that is a good clue that you are doing the right thing. However, this doesn't mean that you won't have some anxiety in entering the convent. After all, it is a [i]major[/i] life change! It really is! Don't worry if you feel nervous or struggle before taking such a step. I think that is totally normal. However, if you are absolutely miserable in giving up your own plans, either before or after entering, remember that God desires and wills our happiness! He wants you to be joyful in living for Him, and if religious life is what we're meant to do, He will provide us with that joy, even in the midst of struggle and hardships within our particular vocations. Many prayers and blessings for your in your vocational journey!

[marigold]

IamMyBeloveds, that's very interesting and I can relate to your description of your parish job. I'm in a similar situation singing in my parish choir - it's been almost exactly a year now and I swear, it took me six months just to settle in. We have been through a lot together, including learning an entire new 'repertoire' of Byzantine chant, and now that it's really starting to take off, I'm due to leave! Had you asked me a year ago whether there was anything in the job/ministry department that I would miss, I would have said no. (Well, probably my little boy but you know what I mean.) But it seems like things on a lot of different fronts could be coming together for me in a way they weren't when I first decided to enter. It certainly puts things in a different light.

[PhuturePriest]

[quote name='MarysLittleFlower' timestamp='1334082160' post='2415421']
Has anyone else struggled with this, namely giving up their own plans for life and self will? For example, having to give up something you wanted to do, for religious life. Is there anything that you found helpful? thanks!
[/quote]

Oh so many times, yes. I was dead-set on getting married. If anyone mentioned the Priesthood I would be like "Nice try, but no." After all, the Priesthood is for losers that can't get a girl, right? Well, last year a while before Lent, I started praying, and suddenly I realized "Hey, maybe I'm called to the Priesthood!" I was so excited and I couldn't bear the thought of any other fate. This feeling has since grown, and I can't wait to become a Priest or Religious. This did require me to abandon my plans of becoming a Rock Star (No, I kid you not) and finding a drop-dead gorgeous blond with beautiful long hair and grey eyes (Yes, that was my actual criteria), but I got over it. There were times when I thought of going back and in fact planned to, but God tugged at the leash and I got back on the right trail again. If this is where God wants me to be I do not know. But I do know that he wants me to discern a Religious vocation first, and I can't help but think he knows exactly what he's doing as I am getting even more excited about the prospect of it.

Edited April 14, 2012 by FuturePriest387