Positive And Negative Chastity

[savvy]

 

I came across this article on chastity that would apply to us, regardless of our state in life.

 

 

 

 

 

All forms of chastity demand communion and community because chastity is the virtue that is ordered towards the communio personarum. The most common cause of sexual sin is isolation and loneliness. The sexual appetite is an urge to overcome isolation, to give and receive another person. A person who is fulfilled in their daily life through other forms of “knowing and being known” will find that chastity frees them to be generous and loving and to receive love and generosity without the clinging neediness of sex. The problem is that most people in the contemporary world are literally starving for human communion, and sex fills that need at least temporarily. 

 

Negative chastity, the kind of chastity that limits itself to saying “Thou shalt not,” has consistently failed to persuade the postmodern world because it is madness. The vast majority of people will eat things that are designated “unclean” by their religion or “unhealthy” by their doctors when faced with starvation. In most cases it's not even voluntary. Unless you have strengthened your will to a superhuman extent it's not possible to starve yourself to death. Likewise, unless you've devoted a huge number of character points to picking up the “Stoic” superpower you will simply not be able to endure the kind of social starvation that negative chastity demands in the contemporary world. The way that we live, our architecture, our social structures, our institutions, are all far too individualistic for it to even be possible.

 

From the new institution of “the single life” to the catastrophic experiment of the “nuclear family” we have created a culture of isolation. In order to gain increased autonomy for the individual citizen and the individual family we have severed the ties that hold communities together. Within this insular existence sex is a powerful means of escape. Telling people that they can't have it is like telling a child who has eaten nothing in days that she shouldn't eat a lollipop because it's bad for her teeth. The distant threat of cavities will simply sound hollow and meaningless compared with the present experience of hunger pangs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://sexualauthenticity.blogspot.ca/2013/04/sad-bad-sex.html

 

 

 

Edited May 5, 2013 by savvy

[TheresaThoma]

Very interesting. I am currently participating in a Theology of the Body course that is offered at my parish. It is definitely comes from a marital persepective but it is REALLY useful in relationships in general. This article reinforces and expands on what I have been learning.

I think negative chastity is something that has been taught in reaction to the "free-for-all" attitude society has taken towards sexuality.  Having a "chaste relationship" is interpreted as "no sex". Chastity really is something very different. Like the article says chastity is not a big list of "Thou Shall nots".

Chastity is about making sure your relationships are true relationships, your communion with others is a total self gift. I think chastity means that you know that others are persons and sacred and not something to be used for pleasure and gain. That "positive" chastity is incredibly freeing. In a chaste relationship you can give yourself to the other person freely without fear of being used.

 

(Ok getting off my soapbox now!)

[arfink]

Unfortunately there is the opposite problem which is, the gift of self is not received, not acknowledged, not reciprocated. I understand the idea behind total self gift is to expect nothing back, but doing this means you will very often feel used and abused. This does not seem conducive to positive chastity.

[savvy]

 

Unfortunately there is the opposite problem which is, the gift of self is not received, not acknowledged, not reciprocated. I understand the idea behind total self gift is to expect nothing back, but doing this means you will very often feel used and abused. This does not seem conducive to positive chastity.

 

A priest once told us a story of how this can apply to any situation, not just romantic relationships. When he was a kid, he broke a dish his Mum really loved, and his Mum got upset, so he went to his room, and hid. His mother told him, she was going shopping for dinner and would be back outside the door.

 

His mother got back, he could hear her cooking, but was still hesitant to go out. His sister came to get him, and he finally went to dinner.

 

His mother had made his favourite food, even after what he had done. He was so moved by this, since, his mother's actions proved her love for him, that he was ready to do anything to please his mother after that. He literally became her housekeeper:)

 

Our ability to be self-gift to others does depend on the love we have received from other people. 

 

Yes, its true that others will not always return the gift, and in the case of a romantic relationship, this is not the person for you. 

 

A few years ago when I was struggling with self-esteem, issues, rejection from others did hurt, but this has changed as I became more sure of myself.

 

Positive chastity is learning to be more human. As Catholics we have great tools to help us do this, esp, the Eucharist, which makes our lives Eucharistic, so we can love like Christ loved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Gabriela]

I just want to say that all of the posts so far have been just wonderful. This is my current #1 thread in VS. :-P

 

Very thought-provoking...

[BarbTherese]

My two cents: To me positive Chastity can sometimes, though rare thank goodness, be a step into 'hard love' and this can be very challenging and hard on oneself because what one is seeking from the heart absolutely is the very best for the other, one's neighbour.  I have long thought that Jesus in His harshness with the Pharisees especially and some biting comments to some others was not because He did not like them, but because for their own good and movement along the road to God and Unity was trying hopefully to wake them up to themselves - i.e. acting out of love for them.  Love, like Jesus Himself, is not always a wishy washy type sweetness to all and sundry, though it can be at times, nor was Jesus a wishy washy person.  Sometimes wishy washy Love and being ultra kind and thoughtful to others no matter circumstances the other presents one with is an investment in one's own spiritual progress alone (in hope) and not really, to my mind, active and wholehearted love of neighbour.  It is not an easy balance at all to know when what is what and when this should be that - one can only do one's best and trust in The Holy Spirit and in the knowedge that it is the log in one's own eye always that needs removal too.  At some point, definitions no longer satisfy re this and that -  and one just has to trust in The Lord in our daily unfolding walk in our journey and absolutely so and knowing one's own very real weaknesses and failures and being every ready to love and accept the other despite theirs.

Chastity in its positive aspect is all about Love of God and neighbour for the  Love of God and with all one's being.

In hospital tomorrow and surgery tomorrow too.

 

We cant forget our humanity either.  The Cross hurts on the human level, else it would not truly be The Cross and suffering - while on the level of the will alone, we can embrace and love The Cross as honor and privilege - even though our human feeling level rebels totally and suffers.  This too is a journey and practise and application, diligence and perseverance, can bring about some amazing changes and on the feeling level our saints do tell us.

Edited May 6, 2013 by BarbaraTherese

[MarysLittleFlower]

Fr Thomas Dubay wrote about how celibacy is centered around belonging more exclusively to Christ - so it's in a positive way - and it's way more than just "giving up sex". That seemed related somehow :)

Edited May 11, 2013 by MarysLittleFlower

[OnlySunshine]

Fr Thomas Dubay wrote about how celibacy is centered around belonging more exclusively to Christ - so it's in a positive way - and it's way more than just "giving up sex". The book called "And you are Christ's" seems really good and that's where he talks about it. It was recommended to me by a postulant. :)

 

I just bought that book "And You Are Christ's" after seeing it recommended here numerous times.  I am trying to learn as much as I can about Consecrated Virginity.  I don't know much about it yet and this seems like the perfect book.  :)

[MarysLittleFlower]

I just bought that book "And You Are Christ's" after seeing it recommended here numerous times.  I am trying to learn as much as I can about Consecrated Virginity.  I don't know much about it yet and this seems like the perfect book.  :)

 

this is the book I mentioned yes! :) it was recommended to me by a postulant and I bought it a few months later. I read a bit of it and I like how he talks about vocations in terms of who you are, not just what you do. It's really helping me think about these topics.

[BarbTherese]

"From the new institution of “the single life”'

 

 

I'm now post surgery and well and truly travelling quickly on recovery road. I am very much looking forward to commence taking up fully my most usual life routine in another week or so. The Lord is Good even to His least of all.

 

My two cents - and not wanting the statement in the quotation box above to stand without challenge.  Certainly, it is the opinion of a Catholic blogger, but her statement that the single life is something new

HERE

is quite incorrect.

 

My objective in this post is mainly to point out that lay celibacy in secular life as call and vocation has been cherished by The Church throughout it's history since the earliest Church - and still is cherished today.  It is nothing at all new, rather quite ancient in origin.  My other point is this :

 

What the blogger does point out by implication is the rather general state and very sad state of affairs of a lack of knowledge and understanding of our Catholic Faith.  If we are going to evangelize, then our first task is to educate ourselves.  We need not only to know and understand our Faith, but we need primarily and firstly to live out in our daily lives what we know and understand, which is intrinsic and prime to evangelizing.  As St Francis of Assisi said to "preach The Gospel, with words only if necessary".  What speaks most loudest and first of all is the person that we are. And that will give credence or lack of it to whatever we might have to say."  In Luke 10 V35 Jesus is questioned about "What is The Law?" - and the Parable of The Good Samaritan is the response of Jesus.  In conclusion, He states:

 

" And Jesus said to him: Go, and do thou in like manner."

________________

 

Catholic Culture as quoted in quotation box below, and Catholic Culture is a recommended reliable and sound resource for Catholic information. states re the "celibate life in the lay state" and quotes from Lumen Gentium (Constitution on The Church}".  While this Document is post Vatican II, the article states "Throughout history the Church has fostered a celibate life in the lay state..................Lay celibacy was practiced already in the early Church".

 

Lumen Gentium is not the only Document out of Rome that speaks about lay celibacy in secular life.  I don't have time just now to research back, but will do so when time permits if anyone should ask. 

 

It does need to be stated that there is a vast difference between the single state in life that is merely transitional (prior to marriage, religious life, some form of consecrated life or the priesthood).  However, the single lay state which is freely chosen and as one's call in vocation in life, is of course a call and vocation to lay celibacy (single state) in secular life "for the sake of The Kingdom".  Ideally and most advised is that lay celibacy in secular life as one's call and vocation is discerned, embraced and lived out with sound ongoing spiritual direction.  Both the transitional state and the vocational state of 'the single life' are a call to lay celibacy and for "The sake of The Kingdom".  Our Baptism is a call and vocation to holiness for the sake of The Kingdom.  A further call or vocation is a call as to that particular road or path one is invited to take to holiness.

 

"For the sake of The Kingdom" is a very big statement indeed and embraces the whole of The Gospel - and the 'single state' (lay celibate chastity), either transitional or vocational, does embrace celibate Chastity in the positive expression for "the sake of The Kingdom."  Our baptism is our vocation and call to holiness.

 

 

 

http://www.catholicculture.org/cultu...x.cfm?id=32393 CELIBACY:The state of being unmarried and, in Church usage, of one who has never been married. Catholicism distinguishes between lay and ecclesiastical celibacy, and in both cases a person freely chooses for religious reasons to remain celibate.

Lay celibacy was practiced already in the early Church. The men were called "the continent" (continentes) and women "virgins" (virgines). They were also known as ascetics who were encouraged to follow this form of life by St. Paul. According to the Apostle, "An unmarried man can devote himself to the Lord's affairs, all he need worry about is pleasing the Lord . . . In the same way an unmarried woman, like a young girl, can devote herself to the Lord's affairs; all she need worry about is being holy in body and spirit" (I Corinthians 7:32, 34).
Throughout history the Church has fostered a celibate life in the lay state. Towering among the means of sanctity available to the laity, declared the Second Vatican Council, "is that precious gift of divine grace given to some by the Father to devote themselves to God alone more easily with an undivided heart in virginity or celibacy. This perfect continence for love of the kingdom of heaven has always been held in high esteem by the Church as a sign and stimulus of love, and as a singular source of spiritual fertility in the world" (Constitution on the Church, 42). (My note: Lumen Gentium http://www.vatican.va/archive/hist_c...entium_en.html ) 

Edited June 9, 2013 by BarbaraTherese