I Need Some Help.

[Annie12]

[I apologize in advance for the vagueness of this post. It is only to guard my privacy.]

 

This is the first post I have made on vocation station since a significant spiritual moment happened in my life. This moment completely changed my life. Everything I thought was true, I now realize was just me trying to convince myself of a lie. It has been a few months now. And, after a whole lot of prayer and discernment the answer is still "no" when I ask myself if I'm called to religious life. On one hand, I feel peace in being able to for certain understand that this is not where God is calling me. However, I am ever so slightly heartbroken because for the past 5 years I had convinced myself (on false pretenses) that I was being called to the religious life. I feel like a part of me has been ripped from me. My issue now, however, is how do I find my purpose in life. I feel like my life-vest has just been yanked from me in the midst of troubled waters! I honestly don't know where I'm headed. Except for an increased desire to be a wife and mother ( and a vague feeling that God is calling me there) I have no idea where I'm headed in life. This is often times very troublesome for me. I pray but I am not consoled and I hope but I end up feeling childish. I see the authentic joy that religious sisters have and I want that so bad but I know without a shadow of a doubt that  I'm not called there. ( I guess there is always a 1% chance God may lead me there later on in life). I just don' know where to go from here. I have no one to talk to about this and it is nearly impossible to find a spiritual director in my area. I need all you experienced discerns to help me out here. Could you post some helpful resources possibly?

[inperpetuity]

Prayers for you.

[Annie12]

Thank you. I think writing this post made me realize something... I need to surrender... like, really not just with lip service to God. Therefore I have decided to make a total consecration to Jesus though Mary! This is exciting because the next Marian feast that I can prepare for is the name of my parish! lol! God works in such a mysteriously awesome way! I can use prayers though so thank you again!

Edited June 15, 2013 by Annie12

[cmaD2006]

My issue now, however, is how do I find my purpose in life. I feel like my life-vest has just been yanked from me in the midst of troubled waters! I honestly don't know where I'm headed.

 

Hun -- I hear ya.  I've been walking in a "I have no clue where I'm heading" mode for a year now ever since a retreat I made back in April 2012.

 

It is tough.

 

I wrote in another thread what keeps me going:

a) Mass (I go 4 times a week most weeks)

b) Confession

c) Adoration (1 a week)

d) Spiritual Direction (if you can get a spiritual director I highly recommend it)

e) Retreats (I'm partial to 8 day silent retreats, but even a retreat day, where you go to a conference or talks at a parish etc. helps)

f) prayer

 

I think Confession really has kept me going, plus the graces received by receiving Him and being with Him in the Eucharist. 

 

There are days that I just walk ... i.e. I just do what I have to do without knowing where it is heading.  In fact most days that's how I've walked.  I try to keep Him in focus.  And there is a trust ... I *know* He knows the plan, and as Romans 8:28 says "All things work for the good of those who Love Him."  So I keep trying to keep Him first, to love Him first, and trust that eventually things will become clear.

 

Hope this is some encouragement.  You're not alone in this (I'm sure others are or have gone through this).  This will eventually pass (at least that is my Hope and Prayer).  But in the meantime, walk in it in expectant hope.

[Totally Franciscan]

I think this is one of those cases where one just has to take one day at a time and live in the present moment.  I, like you, am a planner; I want to have everything mapped out in front of me so I can "make plans" toward that end.  I would imagine all of us here on Vocation Station can tell you that it just won't work.  Like the beautiful post by CMARIADIAZ above, God has a plan for you.  He may not want you to know what that plan is just yet.  Like she said, you have to trust in Him, that he will carry you where you need to be in His time.  Don't worry about what you will do, just let your life unfold.  I would bet that God has some amazing surprises in store for you!  Trust Him!

[cappie]

Maybe this can be of some small assistance..................The 12th-century Japanese poet Hakuin wrote, "Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away." Your purpose might be right in front of your eyes but you don't see it, like looking for my missing keys when they're right in front of me one time even in my hand! Try backing off to a larger perspective, outside yourself. That can help you look inward more clearly. By tuning your focus inward rather than seeking your purpose from something new "out there," you're more likely to discover an inclination or leaning that's always been inside you. That shift of perspective helps you to let go of the self-interest so prominent in our lives -- what we're always trying to get or control -- and that clears the way to reflect on your current life path with honesty. Does it feel in synch or clash with your inner life, your true self that lies beneath all that you've been conditioned to think, value, go after or believe in?

 

 

[nikita92]

"If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it"! O:-)

[maximillion]

Annie, I feel for you - and add my prayers.

 

It seems that this situation has in a roundabout way brought you closer to Him, if not in the way you had thought.

 

Sometimes (often) we just don't know....we don't know what to do, we don't know what He wants, we are unsure where to go or how to proceed.

In fact this is a place of profound spiritual teaching, a 'request', as it were, to act in faith alone. Responding to that request with complete abandonment of the need to know will bring spiritual fruit and consolation.

However, it is a hard path to tread, more so in todays world where we are told we have to know everything and plan it in advance.

 

I find repeating Blessed Julian of Norwich's great affirmation "All is well, and all IS well, and all manner of thing shall be well." a great help in the times I am called to act in faith and trust in God alone.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I've had times when God showed me something I didn't expect, and it was very difficult, I can imagine how it might be for you.

 

I've noticed that going to Adoration and generally spending time with the Blessed Sacrament helps... especially if you do this often, like daily, if you're able to.

 

Also, trust :) trust and surrender to God.. this is something I really need to work on in myself too.

 

I greatly recommend the Total Consecration as well :) I'm planning on renewing mine on June 27th.

 

God bless!

 

[Eowyn]

I'll make another recommendation for Adoration and Mass.  One thing - it may be good just to take a break from trying to figure things out.  Just be for awhile and give yourself a rest. 

[Eowyn]

Duplicate post. Hicccuupp. 

Edited June 18, 2013 by Eowyn

[Gabriela]

Honestly, it sounds to me like you're doing pretty well. I mean, I understand that, after 5 years of discerning religious life, this might feel like a huge setback. But in fact, you've just ended a 5-year "era" in your life—so you can finally get on with your REAL vocation. All the honor to you for taking the "discern religious life first" advice very seriously. But now, I'd be excited if I were you. No, you don't know what's coming down the vocation road. But you know one thing it's not—and that is actually a huge step forward.

 

In discernment (as in so many other things), I find people often think that only the "positive" stuff counts. As someone who has largely discerned everything my whole life by means of elimination, I can say with great confidence that the "negative" counts, too. A lot.

Edited June 19, 2013 by curiousing

[FutureSister2009]

Well a friend of mine from Church entered a Religious Order a few years ago and then came back after maybe two years. She was lost for a while after that. But I've only just heard that she is now engaged to a former seminarian! So it is all in God's timing.

[PatTheNun]

If you've been on the road of discernment for a while and you were feeling closer to a decision, your relationship with God was deepening, and now you feel derailed, what you're experiencing may be a case of jitters... sometimes that's how the dark spirit works - tries to get you off track.  But sounds like you need a good spiritual guide/advisor/director to help you see where these feelings are coming from: God, you, or the dark spirit.  Sometimes it helps to talk with someone.  If you bring something out into the light, the darkness is dispelled.  Hope this helps.  I'll say aprayer for you.  Keep the faith! Pax and blessings!  Sr. Pat (Sisters of Bon Secours, USA)

[EmilyAnn]

I've seen this topic come up a few times recently, and having experienced it myself I wrote a post on my blog about dealing with no longer discerning because it can be difficult: After Discernment. I'm not a particularly eloquent writer, but I hope some of it may be helpful to you (and others).