Questions To Ask Communities

[NotreDame]

No community should have any trouble answering these 1:1 over the phone or in person.   I'm guessing, but I would think that the 'questionable' communities would lie or be vague rather than refuse to answer, so judging how they answer may be as important as what they say.  If you don't pick up on this and end up entering, you'll find out over time if they told you the truth or not.  If they lied, get the heck out ASAP.

 

As for legit orders, they aren't going to have any trouble answering these.  Like at a job interview, asking good questions shows you are informed and serious and should encourage them.  Although you'll need to ask them when there is sufficient time to be answered, the community should view the questions positively.

 

 

[Maggyie]

A bunch of these are questions that the sisters in my prospective community wouldn't answer. A lot of girls asked these and heard, "Um...you'll find out if you enter!" I got "You'll find out when you enter, Trini!!!" Of course, I re-worded the questions and then asked if I got married and still wanted to know if they'd tell me... :think:

 

 

 

:hehe:

 

 

ETA: These are good questions, though!

 

DC, if you really went down this list and saw any questions your community declined to answer, I would be a little bit concerned, especially if it's a newer community (founded post Vatican II). Maybe you can ask them again in email form, and if they still won't answer, perhaps ask why?

 

Most of these questions I feel like the answers should be public knowledge, let alone available to potential candidates. After all they're not asking how to go to the bathroom in a habit or nonsense like that. Since communities couldn't survive without material support and vocations, both of which they reap from the lay faithful, what is the point? Maintaining a "mystery" is not essential to the mission of these orders, nor, I'm sure, did St Vincent de Paul or St Francis and so on care much about maintaining a sense of opaque glamor.

 

In olden days when religious and priests were more numerous, and there was one in every family, I don't think religious life was considered an exotic object of curiosity. In modern context, it reminds me of how women are sometimes advised to generate an artificial air of mystery about themselves in order to trap eligible suitors.

[Cherie]

DC, if you really went down this list and saw any questions your community declined to answer, I would be a little bit concerned, especially if it's a newer community (founded post Vatican II). Maybe you can ask them again in email form, and if they still won't answer, perhaps ask why?

 

Most of these questions I feel like the answers should be public knowledge, let alone available to potential candidates. After all they're not asking how to go to the bathroom in a habit or nonsense like that. Since communities couldn't survive without material support and vocations, both of which they reap from the lay faithful, what is the point? Maintaining a "mystery" is not essential to the mission of these orders, nor, I'm sure, did St Vincent de Paul or St Francis and so on care much about maintaining a sense of opaque glamor.

 

In olden days when religious and priests were more numerous, and there was one in every family, I don't think religious life was considered an exotic object of curiosity. In modern context, it reminds me of how women are sometimes advised to generate an artificial air of mystery about themselves in order to trap eligible suitors.

 

I loooooove this! I really love what you have said here, particularly, "Maintaining a 'mystery' is not essential to the mission of these orders, nor, I'm sure, did St Vincent de Paul or St Francis and so on care much about maintaining a sense of opaque glamor." Maybe it's just my own personal feelings on this subject, which may differ from some communities, because I know for some this sense of "mystery" IS fostered ... but I personally love and agree with everything you've said here on so many levels.  Bravo!

[DiscerningCatholic]

DiscerningCatholic:

 

Questions like that are different :).  They're not like the ones that have been posted on the thread.

 

It's funny I think you nailed it:  questions that are just "oh I'm just curious about..." types of questions are the ones that don't need to be answered before entering.

 

:) Thanks for clarifying!

 

*I* should have clarified that there ARE questions on that list that they won't answer depending on where you are in discernment; I just gave a random example. As far as the ones on that list goes, one that I saw that I know they aren't specific with is how often you see and can communicate with your family. The only way I know is because it's come up in conversation with non-sister people who know. 

[cmaD2006]

As far as the ones on that list goes, one that I saw that I know they aren't specific with is how often you see and can communicate with your family. The only way I know is because it's come up in conversation with non-sister people who know. 

 

And see I would hope this one is one of those that they would answer if someone is seriously considering their order.  This is a very important question, that in my opinion should be answered (or you should know the answer) before entering.

[DiscerningCatholic]

And see I would hope this one is one of those that they would answer if someone is seriously considering their order.  This is a very important question, that in my opinion should be answered (or you should know the answer) before entering.

 

They do answer it, but Sr. Maria (postulant) said that she didn't find out until prepostulancy week. They really seem to try not to answer questions that would interfere with your discernment unless you're really serious about entering.

[Sister Marie]

Sorry in advance that this is long but you asked for the opinion of a religious so here it is!...

 

I think when discerning there is a particular way to go about asking questions.  It is more like dating than interviewing and I think most communities would be put off a bit if they were bombarded by questions immediately.  I'm not saying anyone that is a part of this thread would do that but its something to keep in mind if you know someone who is discerning with a community and says "They wouldn't answer a, b, c, and d."  The community could have found that the way the questions were being asked was "off".  These questions should come up organically as the relationship between the discerner and the community gets deeper and in that case I think it is right to expect that most of these questions would be answered or talked at in a way to make sure the discerner has enough information and the community can still maintain its privacy.  

 

About the questions... in my own opinion... I think that all the questions that deal with you in particular and your life in particular within the community are absolutely necessary to be answered. These would be anything that deals with the way and the spirit in which you life would be lived.  I changed the text of all the questions, again in my opinion, that I thought feel under this area.  There should be no problem answering these questions because they deal with things that are either public or are directly related to you as a potential member.

 

There are some other questions here that are not bad to ask but that the community might not be able to answer completely.  They are in green.  Some reasons they might not be able to completely answer these questions would be out of charity for someone else, because of the complicated nature of some of the answers depending on the persons readiness, or because the issue could still be occurring or be in transition.   I don't think these questions are off limit.  I just think that there are valid reasons why a community would wait to share the answers to these until someone was serious about them and even in that case they might be right and just to only tell the person what they need to know.  For example, changing the constitutions is something that happens often in a community during the Chapter.  Chapter is a private community affair.  Some generalities can be shared but that would be a private community matter.  Some constitution changes are very minor... and they could mean something different than you think they do.  For example -  A community may have changed its constitutions from "The sisters will attend Mass everyday" to "The sisters will attend mass when able."  Whoa!  You might see a red flag there but what you don't know is that there are sisters ministering in diocese where there ISN'T a mass everyday and so the constitutions were changed so that they were not in violation of them.  It's still expected in the community that sisters go to Mass everyday if its being offered.  Does that make sense?

 

In purple are the questions I think a lot of communities would answer with "It depends."  They aren't being evasive but there are so many factors that contribute to a particular situation that could change their decision so its hard to say definitively what they would do.  Again, I don't think these questions are off the table but are in a gray area where they might not be able to answer easily.  For example, the question about how one is eased into religious life... The sister might be able to tell you some things they have done in the past BUT know that what one person needs another may not... they may need some other help.  So, its kind of an answer but it isn't very concrete.

 

Finally, in blue, are the questions that they would give a simple but probably incomplete answer to.  No community is going to disclose their finances to a discerner. :).  They can give you a quick overview but I wouldn't expect more.  A basic answer is sufficient to these questions.  You probably won't get a detailed response.  

 

Spiritual Practices

 

Prayer & Liturgy

1. What is the main form of liturgy that is celebrated?

   1. Is their liturgy in the vernacular or in Latin (or both)?

   2. Do they have both forms of the Mass? How often are each celebrated?

   3. Do they have a daily Mass?

   4. If not, how often is Mass celebrated? How often are they able to receive the Eucharist?

2. How often does the community pray together?

   1. What form does their prayer take? Divine Office, Morning and Evening prayer, etc.

   2. Do they have regular Adoration?

   3. Do they pray the Rosary together?

   4. Is there any other communal prayer that may take place?

3. How often is there time for private prayer?

   1. Do they observe any periods of silence?

   2. Is Lectio Divina practiced or encouraged?

 

Charism and Spirituality

1. What vows do they take?

   1. Do they take an ‘extra’ vow? What is it, and what role does it play in their life?

   2. What is their understanding of each of their vows?

2. How do they live out the charism of their founder/foundress?

   1. Have they ever undergone a reformation? If so, why and how did it impact the community?

   2. How did they incorporate the spirit of Vatican II (if applicable)? In what ways did they change?

   3. Have their constitutions ever changed? If so, how and why?

3. What forms of penance do they practice?

   1. Do they practice fasting? How often?

   2. Do they practice corporal penances? What and how?

4. Will you have access to a regular confessor or spiritual director?

   1. Will you be able to seek direction from someone outside/not directly connected to the community?

 

Entrance and Formation

 

Application

1. What is the process of application like?

   1. What experience of the life and community is given before entrance?

   2. Do you need to take a psychological exam? Will you be expected to pay for this?

   3. Do you need a medical exam? Will you be expected to pay for this?

   4. What references will you need?

   5. Any other aspects of application?

2. What requirements or restrictions are there for potential applicants?

   1. Educational level - do they require a degree or just to have completed compulsory schooling?

   2. Do they have any age limits, either upper or lower?

   3. Any other requirements or restrictions?

 

Formation

1. What is the process of formation?

   1. How long are the various stages of formation?

   2. How is one ‘eased’ into the life? What adjustments are made for new entrants?

   3. Are some stages variable? What affects this?

   4. Where might formation take place? (if applicable)

   5. Do members change their name? What input does one have in their name?

   6. What schooling or academic study is undertaken?

2. How does the community handle it if someone in formation wishes to leave?

   1. What if they were asked to leave? How would this be handled?

   2. What help would the community offer you in leaving?

   3. What is the ‘dropout’ rate of those who enter?

   4. What would happen if you became seriously ill during formation (either before or after temporary vows)?

 

Finances

1. What sort of financial responsibilities are there?

   1. Is there a dowry? How much is it?

   2. Do you need to provide your own medical insurance during formation?

   3. Are there any other costs you will need to take care of?

   4. Will you be expected to pay for psychological or medical tests at entrance?

2. How does the community provide for itself?

   1. Do they rely on donations and benefactors?

   2. What source(s) of income do they have?

 

Communications and Contacts

 

Communication

1. How often do you communicate with friends and family?

   1. How often may you receive letters from family? How often may you write to them?

   2. How often may you receive letters from friends? How often may you write to them?

   3. Is your correspondence read by your superior?

   4. Are there any other restrictions?

2. Do they have good relations with the community they live in?

   1. How do they interact with them?

 

Visits

1. How often do you get home visits (if applicable)?

   1. When do these home visits typically occur?

   2. Are exceptions or changes made if a family member is sick or dying?

   3. Are there any other restrictions?

2. How often do you get visits from friends and family?

   1. How often may family visit? Would exceptions be made if a close relative was sick or dying?

   2. How often may friends visit? Are you allowed visits from single opposite-sex friends?

   3. Are there any other restrictions?

 

Apostolate and Work

 

Apostolate

1. What is their main apostolate (if applicable)?

   1. If they have multiple apostolates, how are assignments given?

   2. Do you you have any input in your assignment?

   3. Are they politically active?

2. Would you potentially move between houses of an order or go to another country?

   1. Would you have any input in where you went?

 

Work (not an outside apostolate)

1. What form does their work (not outside apostolate) take?

   1. How are work assignments given?

   2. Do you have any input in your work assignment?

2. How do they balance work and prayer in their life?

3. How do they actively live the corporal works of mercy?

4. Do they offer hospitality to others?

   1. What form does this take?

 

Miscellaneous

 

1. Do they wear a habit or distinctive garb?

   1. Has this changed at any point? Why or why not?

   2. How do they feel their garb reflects their way of life?

2. If you have a special talent or hobby (music, arts, etc.), would you be allowed to continue it or would you be asked to give it up?

3. How is the community governed?

   1. How is it organised?

   2. In the case of a living founder, is there any body that has a voice?

4. How are problems within the community dealt with?

   1. If you felt you needed therapy or counselling of any kind, would that be allowed? Would it be seen as a weakness or a problem?

 

 

Sorry again about how long I was... these are only my own personal opinions on the questions but if you want me to elaborate on any of them, please let me know and I would be happy to tell you why I thought what I did.  

 

I'm glad someone said something about this whole preservation of the mystery of religious life.  Religious life was NEVER meant as a means to get more people into religious life.  It is a means to an end... not an end in itself.  Its supposed to be a sign and symbol of the Kingdom through prayer and service.  It isn't just recruitment.  Privacy for a community is important because they are a "family" in a sense NOT because they need to keep up an appearance of mystery.  We are ordinary people and someone looking for mystery should look elsewhere.  It's a wonderful life but you meet the same humanity inside as you do outside.  I would much rather someone enter because they have decided to throw their lot in with a group of sinful women than because they have been infatuated with the adornments of religious life.  Again... all just my opinion!

[Cherie]

Thanks so much for your insights, Sister Marie! They are invaluable!

 

Finally, in blue, are the questions that they would give a simple but probably incomplete answer to.  No community is going to disclose their finances to a discerner. :).  They can give you a quick overview but I wouldn't expect more.  A basic answer is sufficient to these questions.  You probably won't get a detailed response.  

 

I definitely think that it would be inappropriate for a community to disclose their finances to a discerner, for sure. (Hence I just wanted to make clear that the analogy with the fiance given earlier is not meant to be exact, just simply to show that just as there are some things a man shouldn't say, "Wait until we're married" in order for his future wife to find out about, there are many things a community shouldn't say, "Wait until you've entered" in order to find out. We have discussed earlier, though, that there is a huge difference between these important questions and other questions that are meant just to satisfy mere curiosity.)

 

I think the question re: finances is more geared towards knowing, in a general way, how the community supports itself, since all communities are supposed to have a means to support themselves. For some communities, it's obvious--they teach, or they do nursing, or they offer some sort of service in which they obviously receive some monetary gain. In my opinion, I think this question would be particularly apropos for a new community of contemplative Sisters who are just starting out but don't have an active apostolate per se. It would be important for a discerner to know, in my opinion, how this kind of community would hope to support themselves, because NOT supporting themselves somehow could easily result in their being disbanded at a future date. So I think it's to be expected that a detailed answer to this question would not be given, but I'd be wary if the theoretical community I just mentioned refused to disclose how they hope to receive any kind of monetary support, even in a general way.

 

Again, thank you so much for weighing in, Sister Marie!

[emma8201986]

Great discussion - very helpful to the discerner.  I wouldn't ask whether the sisters go swimming (although if someone asked, it would be an opportunity for the responder to keep it light and laugh and say something along the lines of "we're too busy' or "that just hasn't come up yet" or "if you can fit it in, go ahead!")  I was told by a former member of a community - and this is anecdotal so consider the source - that when she entered she suddenly was told that she should cultivate donors to provide monthly contributions.  This woman came from a fairly well-to-do family and the community knew this.  She felt pressured to contact her immediate and remote family members as well as their friends to ask for donations.  She was very uncomfortable with this and left in the middle of novitiate.  That community may have had a great need but this should have been disclosed.  My mother has a friend from grammar school who is a cloistered religious - she has corresponded regularly with my mom for 30 years and has never asked for money, although I'm sure her monastery has a need.  I didn't mean that applicants should ask for the community's financial statements but the community should be prepared to provide information on its expectations. I also think that as the discernment becomes more serious, the community should be prepared to offer more information so that by the time the person applies, they are fully informed.  Thanks. Sr. Marie for your comments and suggestions.  Very useful.

[NotreDame]

I was told by a former member of a community - and this is anecdotal so consider the source - that when she entered she suddenly was told that she should cultivate donors to provide monthly contributions.  This woman came from a fairly well-to-do family and the community knew this.  She felt pressured to contact her immediate and remote family members as well as their friends to ask for donations.  She was very uncomfortable with this and left in the middle of novitiate.  That community may have had a great need but this should have been disclosed.

 

Me too.  I joined a place and they started asking for money the first month of the novitiate.  They even took some guy's whole savings in the 2nd month.  I've heard for the female branch of this congregation that they push them to get donors and have their family sponsor stuff around the convent.  They are very subjective with who moves from postulant to novice and what offices people get and there's suspicion that money sometimes plays a role in that.  One of the dangers is that they make it so easy to leave until they want you to leave.  You might not feel comfortable, but if they want you to stick around they have a lot of experience messing with a young person's conscience.

 

Anyway, these questions are meant, in part, to weed out the orders with questionable practices.  One should ask about finances in general terms, especially as it relates to the candidate.  One shouldn't ask about the debt to capital ratio or ask to see their latest bank statement (if that wasn't obvious.)
 

[EmilyAnn]

Thank you for your feedback Sr Marie! Those are some very interesting insights. I don't have time right now but I'll have to take another look at the questions you've highlighted and see if there are changes that can be made. There are a few questions there that I think could perhaps be re-phrased and be less invasive. 

[SilentJoy]

There, now it is perfect. :P

 

But really, this list is quite helpful. :)

 

You forgot about the coffee. That is the FIRST question to ask.

 

I'm grateful for this thread, I think it is helpful.

[Eowyn]

You forgot about the coffee. That is the FIRST question to ask.

 

I'm grateful for this thread, I think it is helpful.

 

 

Chocolate allowance would actually be the FIRSt question, then coffee.  Priorities. 

[TheresaThoma]

Some other questions I thought of 

Are there other branch(es) of the community (comtemplative, active, brothers and sisters etc)?

How and how often do the different branches come together (for prayer, work etc)?

Do the branches share governance? If so to what extent?

How are finances handled between the branches (separate?, shared?)?

 

As far as the finances of a community goes I was told by a vocations director (not for a community I was discerning with) that is crucial for a discerner to know how the community sustains itself in general. Which makes sense you don't want to go through formation and then find out that the community has no sustainable income and then have the community dissolve because of that. Particularly with newer communities if they don't have sound financial sense that should raise major red flags.

 

I think this list is good to "have in your back pocket" as a kind of checklist. As questions get answered add the responses in and refer to it from time to time. It really gives one a sense of how well they know a community. 

[Feankie]

I've always thought it's prudent to be as well prepared as possible for an interview - any interview. When I was interviewing candidates at the hospital many years back, it always raised red flags for me if the applicant DIDN'T have questions for me.