First Vocation Visit. What’s Expected After Exchanging Numbers?

[isse28]

Hi everyone, I think I need some advice…

This is my first experience discerning and visiting a religious community. I’ve visited a Carmelite monastery twice, I had a conversation with one of the nuns and during my second visit, we talked more and we also exchanged numbers.

In the second visit, they also invited me to join them for Vespers and the mental prayer afterwards. They seem to be open for me to come again for Vespers in future. Unfortunately, I’m now studying overseas, so I’m not able to visit regularly or join them in person.

After my visit, we exchanged short greetings on Whatsapp. Since then, we haven’t continued the conversation in Whatsapp, and I’m not sure what I should do next.

Should I wait for her to message again, or is it okay for me to start another conversation? What kinds of questions or topics are appropriate at this stage? What is usually expected after an exchange of contact info?

This is all very new to me, so honestly I'm a bit confused and afraid that I will step on any boundaries or sharing too much haha.

Thanks so much for your guidance!

God bless,
isse28

Edited October 5 by isse28

[JHFamily]

The answer to this varies widely, depending on where you are in your discernment. If you were ready to enter somewhere within the next year, and this is the monastery that you seem called to, I would say there should be some contact on a monthly basis or thereabouts, either from you or from them (so, I'm saying you would reach out about every two months). However, I had the impression that's not the case, that you are still early in your discernment and that entry is some time out. If that's the case, but you are very interested in them, I would say once every 3-4 months.  It shows interest but not willingness to move forward right away.

Also, did you ask about their preferred way of communication? I think I would do that. Whatsapp is probably their least preferred method and not the best means of meaningful communication. If I took a guess, it would be my mail in which you discuss your spiritual progress, where you are in your discernment, how their community fits into that discernment. Some, however, do prefer phone calls, so please ask. I would also ask them what is appropriate at this stage because that varies from community to community.

 

[GraceUk]

I think things are made harder due to the fact you are studying overseas. The nuns won't know what your intentions are. How many years will you be studying. 

[Lou]

Usually VD's leave it up to the discerner to initiate contact. Don't overdo it!! But they don't want to seem like they're 'nabbing' you or whatever, or needy.

Maybe, if you want to return soon and you're coming back for Christmas, instead of Whatsapping something random, you could say "When I'm home between this date and this date, could I visit again and talk about my vocation or further discernment. Meanwhile while I'm in This Country studying, is there any monastery here a part of your order that I should visit?" Seeing as you've only visited twice, and not stayed in the enclosure, they might not know you well enough to encourage or discourage yet. So taking the initiative will be on YOU and if you want to discern with them further, be brave and say that. If they don't want that, they'll tell you.

[JHFamily]

6 hours ago, Lou said:

and not stayed in the enclosure

I think most Carmels will not allow visitors in the enclosure, even aspirants. I don't know of any that do.

[GraceUk]

I thought they did now. But not unless they are seriously interested and have been in touch with the community for some time

[JHFamily]

Here in the US, I only know of one.