Question for those who are married

[let_go_let_God]

I realize that this should go to the vocations station, however, I would like to post it here, so it can be seen by more people and those that are married.

I feel like I am called to the married life, however I am roughly 85% sure that is my calling. I realize that I am only nineteen and I still have much of my life to live, but,I am in a very blessed relationship and I know that dating is essentally a full blown interview for marrage.

My boyfriend and I both have the same thoughts on marrage and both believe the same principles of dating, but how did those of you who are married know that this was your calling? I only ask because I don't want to possibly miss what it is that God is laying on my heart.

Thank you for your help. God bless and keep you-
LGLG

Edited April 1, 2005 by let_go_let_God

[Robbi]

Im not married yet, but engaged to be this year.

I feel the same - 80% marriage - 20% priesthood?

The way I see it, if you build your relationship on the foundation of REAL love based on God (& being devoted practising Catholics) then I firmly believe you are on the right path!

God Bless

[IcePrincessKRS]

For me it was a really easy "decision," I was always certain I was called to be married. Once when I was a teenager we went to a youth rally type of thing and they asked everyone to come up if they thought they'd be a nun/priest if they felt called to that vocation. I didn't want to go up because I didn't think I was called to that kind of life but my mom made me. lol I know that if I HAD felt called to be a nun I certainly would have explored my options and gone and visited several orders, I just never felt the call.

If you feel even the slightest pull towards a religious vocation I'd recommend visiting an order or two just to feel it out. Hopefully some one else can offer some more advice, I know "I just always knew" probably isn't the kind of answer you were hoping for.

[Mrs. Bro. Adam]

I had realized that I couldn't live without my husband. (Meaning, I would not be happy without him)

[MC Just]

LOVE.

[MC Just]

Me and my wife were crazy about each other. She never met a guy like me and i've never met a gal like her. We fit together perfectly. Marriage is so wonderful and I wouldnt trade it for anything. Not even for the Priesthood. Which I've also felt a tug towards.

[Pistos]

Some background for me: My wife and I were wedded recently (few years ago). During our "going steady" time (prior to marriage), I unfortunately put her through emotional turmoil because I engaged in a vocational discernment process for some months. I visited with an order, and also did much praying and consulting with friends and family. In the end, as you can see, I concluded that God did not call me to priesthood, but to family life.

Now that I'm married, with a beautiful daughter, I feel the most tremendous fulfillment. When I see my wife and my daughter together, just doing something totally ordinary like reading a book together, or sitting in bed making baby talk on a Saturday morning, I think to myself: "This is all of my treasure in the whole world, right here." I am quite convinced that the calling of every man is to be a father -- somehow. Whether in a family, with a wife and children; or as a priest or blessed single, taking care of a parish, or community, or by mentoring youth.

Before marriage, during the discernment process, I was certain I had a feeling and calling for being a father. I imagined taking care of, raising, and nurturing children, and I could really see myself doing that, and getting much inner fulfillment out of it. I couldn't see the same when I imagined myself as a priest.

My advice is not to rush, and to talk to some choice people in your life who know you well, and are deeply concerned with your spiritual walk. Don't talk to too many people just for the sake of quantity of opinions, and talking with people who don't really care about your journey to heaven will probably just confuse you with too many conflicting opinions. Of course, a [good] spiritual director helps.

One book I have helped a bit in the discernment process:

[url="http://www.phil-books.com/What_Does_God_Want_A_Practical_Guide_to_Making_Decisions_0879735848.html"]What Does God Want? A Practical Guide to Making Decisions[/url] by Fr. Michael Scanlan.

May God show you his will, and may you give a resounding Yes to him!

[let_go_let_God]

Thank you all for your advice so far. Sorry I left the first post so small but it was midnight in the union and I wanted to get going to bed.

I'll give you a little more info. My boyfriend and I are very close. We met in an on campus group called Calling all Catholics. The next night, I saw him where he works on campus and we started talking. One place that we ended going was the chapel on campus when we were discussing our faith and the Saints. We stayed up all night talking (literally) and try our hardest to keep our relationship on God. We both believe that our relationship is a blessing from God. He was just Confirmed on Easter Vigil because he was never Confirmed as a teen, and we've been dating for just over six months but we both realize that in any relationship, there is possibility for marriage.

Also an update about the possible calling to be a nun. I am about 99% sure that God is not calling me to be a nun, because once during an alter call, I went up (everyone in my family had been telling me at that point in my life that I was destined to be a nun). As soon as I had gotten back to my seat, it felt like God hit me over the head with a metaphysical 2x4. So I've taken that as Him saying that I'm not called to be a nun. I think that if I am not called to be married, I might be called to a life as single laity.

Thank you so much for your advice so far. God bless and keep you-
LGLG

[Catholictothecore]

have no advice, but a great gift, my friend....




PRAYERS

[let_go_let_God]

I don't mean to do this but

God bless-
LGLG

[socalscout]

[quote name='MC Just' date='Apr 1 2005, 08:21 AM'] LOVE. [/quote]
That's all. That will determine your vocation. You make it sound like choosing a career. Its not. You fall stupidly in love and cannot live without that person then you get married.

You want some 37 year old advice? Don't get married that young. Wait till your mid to late 20s if that is possible. I got married at 30. I know for a fact that every girl I thought I loved in my 20s was nothing compared to what I feel for my wife.

Good Luck.

[M.A.N.]

I can relate to your question in many ways. I'm also in a period of discernment. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 4 1/2 years. Being 20, I know the challenges that come with dating and how God fits into the equation. Though, you did sound like you answered your own question with the example of "metaphysical 2x4". My best advise is to pray, especially for responsibility and humility. Responsibility for your relationship and college in general . And humility because I know when I thought I heard God's call to the priesthood, even lastweek, I lack the humility to answer him back. But above all, time is on your side, so use it wisely. And finally, don't beat yourself up too much if you can't find the answer right away (especially with 2x4's!) You'll be in my prayers.

Good Luck,
MN
University of Southern Miss

Edited April 2, 2005 by M.A.N.

[I Choose to Be Holy]

I've been to a few vocational retreats in recent years and I am part of a vocational group once a week. I am not married but I do want to relay what I have learned. Don't freak out if you disagree, I am just repeating and paraphrasing what I've learned.

God's Will involves our freewill. God loves us so much that He has given us free will. We can't live soley by fate, it doesn't work like that. For example, we can't pray for a clearer vocation direction without also acting and taking steps. It requires both. Sometimes God hits us with spiritual bricks, Bible Bingo, etc...but not always. Providence is great, but part of God's plan for our lives is for us to make decisions (prayerful decisions of course) and act. When we make prayerful choices, God will bless those decisions.

I stress this because I think too often people stress themselves out way to much over whether or not they are doing God's Will because they almost expect it to be written in the sky or something or spelt out in their alphabet soup. You'll go crazy if you do.

Its like the story of 3 men trapped in a cement cave. The first man began to pray. So he sat and prayed in the room. The next man gave up hope and so he just lay on the floor in the room not execting anything. The third man began to pray too, but all the while he was chipping at the concrete with a nail...so much so that he eventually made a hole big enough to climb out of.

Prayer and Action go hand in hand.

I was talking to a Sister of the Presentation of Mary, here in Canada...about this very topic, and also a Priest of another order whose name escapes me, and they both stressed the same thing as I am saying. You have to be open to all the vocations but their also comes a point when you just have to prayerfully choose and God will bless your choice. The sister said "You know what? I would have made an excellent wife and mother, and I think God would have blessed that decision too. " The priest said the same thing.

Again, I stress that one must be open to all vocational paths before you can freely and completely choose the one that is right for you.

[I Choose to Be Holy]

[quote name='socalscout' date='Apr 2 2005, 01:09 AM']

Don't get married that young. Wait till your mid to late 20s if that is possible. [/quote]
I think that the age one gets married is completely subjective and different for every single couple! The age one gets married would depend on when that person met the person they felt they were called to marry. If you meet the person when you are 20 then to wait until mid-late 20's seems silly because you are just adding extra pressures and temptations to the relationship. The longer you are with someone the harder it is to stay chaste and pure outside a relationship. I mean to some degree it is important to be challenged, but I heard ideally one should date for 1-2 years and then get married. If you aren't ready to consider marriage in the next few years then don't date yet.

[let_go_let_God]

I Choose, thanks for that. I mean, I am 19 he's 21. We've both openly talked about the chance that God might be calling us to marry each other. We've only been dating six months, but we've discussed the possibility of becoming engaged when we've been dating for about 1 and a half two years, but having a long engagement so we'd both be out of college.

You guys have given me a lot of good advice, thank you so much.

May God bless and keep you-
LGLG