Question for those who are married

[AngelofJesus]

I feel like if you love God with all your heart, with all your strength, with all your soul and with all your mind, whatever you choose you will be so so so happy.

I am married with 2 small children, one is 14 months and the other is 28 months. Nothing brings me more joy than when we are all together, period. I mean we don't really have to be somewhere or doing something special, just being together makes my heart become overwhelmed with joy. God's gift to me overwhelms me, I cannot put it into words. My life, because of the thanks giving I have for God, becomes a prayer.

I sometimes imagine my life as a priest and I also feel like if I was a priest nothing would bring me more joy than spending hours with the Blessed Sacrament. Not only that, to be able to consecrate bread and wine would just make my heart swell with joy. My life is a prayer.

In my conclusion, whatever it is that I choose, if I put God first, He will overwhelm me with joy.

[jasJis]

I've been married 20+ years and got married young. When I was real young, I considered becoming a priest.
Bottom line. Prayers, patience, and commitment is what you need. I Choose to be Holy is exactly right. If you stay open, but follow a plan of action, God will lead you. A child hood friend became a priest at 40 after an intersting couple of decades. He remained open and brings a unique perspective to the priesthood.
For the next year, remain open but consider marriage. 6 months isn't long enough to know you both can make the lifetime commitment, but it's a great start.

[M.A.N.]

Despite what others have said, I still think you, being 19, should not talk about marriage yet. I know. I know. Other on this forum have found their love of their life and got married young. However, you cannot expect the same for you, though it might happen. If you two really love each other, marriage is the ultimate way of showing it, and it should be taken in steps. I understand your boyfriend is 21, and he thinks marriage should be around the corner. But you, 19, still have much maturing to do. I'm 20, been with my girlfriend for 4.5 years and still have no plans for marriage. With college, GPA, graduate school (hopefully ), college friends (demons I tell you!), girlfriend, working out, week long hunting and fishing trips, I have no time to even think about marriage. Do you even have a major? How do you know that won't change? In all, my life has changed dramatically from 19-20, and I'm pumped to see what life throws at me between now and 21 birthday (I'm heading to the Casino j/j). My best advise, go have fun with your boyfriend and, as long as you trust and stay devoted to God, it will all work out (hopefully without 2x4s).

[let_go_let_God]

Ok, I will elaborate more on myself. Being 19 yes I realize I'm young, but this is something I feel is being pressed on my heart. M.A.N. yes I have a major, Secondary Math Education. College is busy yes, GPA 3.52 grad school, not thinking I can go with my major except in math, college friends wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ. My friends are constantly asking about our plans for the future, but I tell them that were not sure yet. We talk yes, but it doesn't mean that right now I want/need to get married. Personally I know right now is not the time in which I am going to get engaged, and it probably wont be for at least a year or two. I just want to know how those who are married found their calling through discernment and knew what God was calling them to do, since my parents really cant give me a straight answer.

Thank you all so much and God bless.

[cmotherofpirl]

The person you are at 19 is not the person you will be at 21.
There is a huge emotional maturation in those few years.
Patience is a virtue.

[let_go_let_God]

I agree, I know I am not ready to be married, yet, but like I've said, I just would like to know how those who have been called to be married knew that they were called.

God bless-
LGLG

[I Choose to Be Holy]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' date='Apr 2 2005, 10:00 PM'] The person you are at 19 is not the person you will be at 21.
There is a huge emotional maturation in those few years.
Patience is a virtue. [/quote]
Yet I know a many number of people who were married @ 18-20 and they have very good marriages. I think its not so much about numbers but about a complete love, a complete openess, and a complete center in Christ.

[Pistos]

A few points I'd like to add or reinforce:

I'm of the opinion that Christians should not be in a serious, committed (non-marriage) relationship for more than 2 years (or so), on account of temptation to sin. If you are not ready to be married yet, you should not be dating -- and you should not be dating if you're not looking for a future spouse. If you can't figure out in a span of 2 years whether you want to propose to (or accept a proposal from) your partner, then you haven't been looking hard enough, or you're waiting for absolute certainty -- something that is not likely to arrive.

If someone has various commitments or things that need finishing (e.g.school), then that person shouldn't be dating at all.

I say: First, become ready to be married; second, when dating, look for a future spouse and mother/father for your future children; third, spend your going-steady time fruitfully by trying to determine whether this person will be a good spouse, and a good parent; fourth, don't dawdle in a relationship where temptations to sin can increase or continue to bombard you... if all the lights are green, just GO!

Now, as for the age to get married: I think it doesn't matter, BUT, it does hinge on the things I've mentioned above. And most people who are younger than 21 don't fit the criteria. Part of being married is having children. (I'm one of those people that don't believe in this "well, we're gonna wait a while and enjoy our marriage first, maybe travel a bit" stuff) If you're not ready to support a child, put a roof over her head and food on the table, then you're not ready to be married. Marriage means family (even if that family is only two), and family means being able to support that family.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Hope they help. Again, you're in my prayers.

[shelly_freak]

Although my situation is a little diffrent I understand how hard descernment is. It's something that takes time and must be nurtured by both you and Christ. It sounds like you really have a handle on this (as much as anyone can have, with God in control you never know) but I just wanted to offer my support and prayers.

[Donna]

No wonder your parents can't give a straight answer. I certainly couldn't with my own children.

But I will say that I was intent on "wedding" the One God [i]and[/i] the one husband. It was always that way, once it became awakened in me to want such things (I am an adult convert).

Pistos' thoughts seemed harsh to me upon first reading. But they also seem quite true.

Much encouragement to you - may my children turn out as thoughtful.


And PS: yes, give yourself time to discern. And be confident in God guiding you whatver calling you may happen to have. (And be confident that if God wants you to wed young, He'll find a 2x4 to get you with, lol).

Seriously, I know a staunch Catholic woman who married at 19, and her parents were not that thrilled at first. Until the Mom thought, "we don't know how much time these youngsters have on earth...and if they live long, they'l lhave even more years together to spend in blessing one another."

Edited April 5, 2005 by Donna

[let_go_let_God]

Thank you so much for your advice. It is very comforting and helpful. Thank you all for your answers so far. I really appreciate them.

Thank you so much.

God bless and keep you-
LGLG

[I Choose to Be Holy]

[quote name='Pistos' date='Apr 4 2005, 08:56 AM'] I'm of the opinion that Christians should not be in a serious, committed (non-marriage) relationship for more than 2 years (or so), on account of temptation to sin. If you are not ready to be married yet, you should not be dating -- and you should not be dating if you're not looking for a future spouse. If you can't figure out in a span of 2 years whether you want to propose to (or accept a proposal from) your partner, then you haven't been looking hard enough, or you're waiting for absolute certainty -- something that is not likely to arrive.

If someone has various commitments or things that need finishing (e.g.school), then that person shouldn't be dating at all.

I say: First, become ready to be married; second, when dating, look for a future spouse and mother/father for your future children; third, spend your going-steady time fruitfully by trying to determine whether this person will be a good spouse, and a good parent; fourth, don't dawdle in a relationship where temptations to sin can increase or continue to bombard you... if all the lights are green, just GO!

Now, as for the age to get married: I think it doesn't matter, BUT, it does hinge on the things I've mentioned above. And most people who are younger than 21 don't fit the criteria. Part of being married is having children. (I'm one of those people that don't believe in this "well, we're gonna wait a while and enjoy our marriage first, maybe travel a bit" stuff) If you're not ready to support a child, put a roof over her head and food on the table, then you're not ready to be married. Marriage means family (even if that family is only two), and family means being able to support that family.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Hope they help. Again, you're in my prayers. [/quote]
I agree. I was actually just going to post that. Anyone I have ever talked to within the church about this issue says that one shouldn't date for more than 2 years because like you said, the longer you wait, the more doors you open to temptation. That being said, the 2 year thing, like the age thing, is a guideline. Relationships can't be cookie cuttered...what worked for one couple may be completely different than what works for another. Keep Jesus at the very center of the relationship...be open to what His Will is for you, and He will bless your decisions.

The one other thing I have to say is in response to the age thing again. A lot of people (I don't think any from here have said this, but in general people bring this up alot) think that you should wait until you are done school, have a house, have a job, etc etc etc before you get married. (the same goes with married couples wanting kids) I think this is really off. Its like you are putting material success ahead of your vocation. If you want a lot of stuff...If your goal is getting a lot of stuff...then yes, wait. But if your goal is to give yourself completely to another person in a lifelong commitment based on Love, then the material things aren't as important. (NOTE: I do not mean at all, that you must completely discredit these things, part of loving the other person is making sure you can adequately provide for them...I just mean don't make that the sole reason for waiting)

[let_go_let_God]

Again I cannot say thank you enough for those of you who have been answering. My main reason for posting this to begin with was that God has laid this heavily on my heart to discern my calling to the married life. I mean I know I should wait till I get out of school to marry, but if God calls me to my vocation early, I will go where he tells me. Essentally I am trying to find where God is leading me, not only in my complete life, but within my relationship.

Thank you all and God bless-
LGLG

[I Choose to Be Holy]

Keep praying about it. In the end, noone is going to be able to tell you if you are called to marriage and if you are ready for marriage. Encourage your boyfriend to pray as well if you can.

Also, remember that in our society today, people think the later you marry the better (for the reasons I listed in my previous post)...so be prepared that you will be challenged if you marry young.

[Luthien]

[quote name='I Choose to Be Holy' date='Apr 7 2005, 10:09 PM']

Also, remember that in our society today, people think the later you marry the better (for the reasons I listed in my previous post)...so be prepared that you will be challenged if you marry young. [/quote]
Be more specific when you say "marry young." What age is considered young? Nowadays it seems perfectly normal to marry in your late 20's. Now, correct me if Im wrong, but arent you starting to go down hill fertility wise when you near your 30's? I dont know, maybe its just me being paranoid.

But society says put off marriage as long as possible, because people are living together for years before they get married. Conventional marriage with the license and carp, is not the same as a marriage in the Church.

Most people will also challenge someone who is abstaining from sex before marriage. Society and the people who live by its false creed of self satifaction need to go away.

I would say, wait until you're near graduation, but what I say may not be right. You need to pray. So does he. End of story.

My .02 cents

PS. Ill pray for you guys too.