philothea Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 From the humor section at catholic-pages.com [b]Christian Pickup Lines[/b] 1. Nice bible. 2. I would like to pray with you. 3. You know Jesus? Hey, me too! 4. God told me to come talk to you. 5. I know a church where we could go and talk. 6. How about a hug, sister/brother? 7. Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy. 8. Christians don't shake hands; Christians gotta hug! 9. Oh you are cold, Ecclesiastes 4:11. 10. Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? 11. What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study? 12. I am here for you. 13. The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry"; how about dinner? 14. You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither. 15. You want to come over and watch the 10 commandments tonight? 16. Is it a sin that you stole my heart? 17. Would you happen to know a Christian man/woman that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot? 18. Nice braclet. What would Jesus date? I mean "do". 19. Do you believe in Divine appointment? 20. Have you ever tried praying at a drive in movie before? 21. (For the ladies) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me. 22. My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah, that's his name. 23. You know they say that you have never really dated, until you have dated a christian. 24. Yeah, I predicted David over Goliath. 25. What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace in the dark. And, [b]The Top 15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife[/b] Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. -- Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) Find a prostitute and marry her. -- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3) Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. -- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21) Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. -- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10) Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. -- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25) Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. -- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24) Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman. -- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30) Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. -- David (I Samuel 18:27) Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.) -- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17) Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. -- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4) When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." -- Samson (Judges 14:1-3) Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though). -- David (2 Samuel 11) Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law). -- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth) Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. -- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3) A wife?...NOT!!! -- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Era Might Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Hi there. My buddy and I were wondering if you would settle a dispute we're having. Do you think the word should be pronounced HOMEschooling, or homeSCHOOLing? What's a nice girl like you doing at a First Saturday Rosary Cenacle like this? ps: I stole all these from Pat Madrid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thy Geekdom Come Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 16th Biblical Way to Find a Wife: Have her revealed to you as the one God intends for your wife, commit to her, set your heart on her, [i][b]then[/b][/i] meet her. -Tobiah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemnantRules Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 ohh geez too funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 I've always admired Ruth's wiliness. Now that's a woman with moxy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thy Geekdom Come Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 [quote name='Era Might' date='Oct 17 2005, 05:24 PM']Hi there. My buddy and I were wondering if you would settle a dispute we're having. Do you think the word should be pronounced HOMEschooling, or homeSCHOOLing? What's a nice girl like you doing at a First Saturday Rosary Cenacle like this? ps: I stole all these from Pat Madrid. [right][snapback]761575[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Yeah, I stole the scapular-brown eyes one from him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
God Conquers Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 I don't pray in tongues, but I kiss like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaime Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Until I met you, I thought there were only five glorious mysteries! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
God Conquers Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Since I met you, I've changed my model of youth from St. Aloysius to St. Augustine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
God Conquers Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 SO what are you doing next first friday? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaime Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 I want to be procreative and nitive All that's missing is u Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 I know this isn't a Catholic line ... but one of my favorites stems from my college journalism days, where we developed and printed our own pictures. "Hey, baby, let's go in the darkroom and see what develops." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old_Joe Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 [quote name='God Conquers' date='Oct 17 2005, 04:54 PM']I don't pray in tongues, but I kiss like that. [right][snapback]761605[/snapback][/right] [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old_Joe Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 It's a clear night. Wanna go for a rosary walk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scardella Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 FUS specific: Wanna go to the Port? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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