A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD

[cmotherofpirl]

A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

[homeschoolmom]

[ReinnieR]

cute

[ReinnieR]

i got this e-mail

[quote]Language Lunacy
After some thought I must reconsider lack of  concern for all the immigrants' difficulty in mastering our language, whether  it be the King's English or American English. Who can find fault  with their difficulty, especially when we have native born folks who not  only cannot speak any English but want to initiate the use of an ersatz language, i.e Ebonics........... 

We'll begin with a box, and the  plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not  oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are  called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be  meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a  nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not  hice.

If the plural of man is always  called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called  pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show  you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? 

If one is a tooth and a whole  set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called  beeth?

Then one may be that, and three  would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the  plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also  of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say  methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are  he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim. 


Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up
speaking  English:
  1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
  2)  The farm was used to produce produce.
  3) The dump was so full that  it had to refuse more refuse.
  4) We must polish the Polish  furniture.
  5) He could lead if he would get the lead  out.
  6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the  desert.
  7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought  it was time to present the present.
  8) At the Army base, a  bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
  9) When shot at, the  dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The  insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the  oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close  it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A  seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with  planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong  to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got  number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I  had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate  this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a  pile of dirt.

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example .. If you  have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!

Let's face it - English is a  crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; 
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented  in England.

We take English for  granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea  nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write  but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? 

Doesn't it seem crazy that you  can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and  ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? 

If teachers taught, why didn't  preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,  what does a humanitarian eat?


Sometimes, I think all the  folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the  verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and  play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses  that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the  same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at  the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns  down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm  goes off by going on.  If Dad is Pop, how come Mom isn't  Mop?
[/quote]

[dimco926]

There was a bomb in the boarding house and roomers flew. (rumors)

Every dog has his day until he breaks his tail and then he has a weak-end.

My dad's favorite:
She had a heart of gold but it was covered by the seat of her pants.


And when he was really upset he would say:

"Next time someone says you aren't fit to sleep with pigs, I will stick up for you......and tell them that you are!"



Ahh.... I so miss that man!!

[jgirl]

I love puns and use them whenever I can!

One time I was staying at a hotel, and I was talking to my friend over im. In describing the room, I typed, "This room is suite!"

[Church Punk]

Have you read the new books just out?

Tiger on the loose - by Claude Ballz
To close to the cliff - by Ilene Dover
40 yards to the back house - by Will E. Makit - Edit by Beatty Wont
Rusty bed springs - by I.P. Nightly

[Brother Adam]

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call coagulated milk that isn't yours?
Nacho coagulated milk.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would
kill you?
A pool table.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.

and what kind of lettuce?
Iceberg.

Speaking of Titanic, what lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.



I hate puns.

[Catholictothecore]

He who would pun would pick a pocket.

[dimco926]

Cow with no legs = ground beef.

Eskimos sit on the ice too long they get polaroids

[Lil Red]

[Old_Joe]

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Ilene.

[ReinnieR]

[quote name='Old_Joe' date='Mar 29 2006, 12:15 PM']What do you call a woman with one leg?

Ilene.
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HEY THAT'S MY MOTHER'S NAME AND SHE HAS TWO!

[Old_Joe]

[quote name='ReinnieR' date='Mar 29 2006, 12:29 PM']HEY THAT'S MY MOTHER'S NAME AND SHE HAS TWO!
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Sorry.

[ReinnieR]

[quote name='Old_Joe' date='Mar 29 2006, 02:26 PM']Sorry. 
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s'all good i'm just messing