your experience - marriage

[Dish]

From anyones experience... can you tell me: Are there issues that come along with a Catholic woman marrying a non-Catholic man? And anything you can do about it? I understand about the problems of raising kids and that they should be raised Catholic. If you are already in love, it is past the point of breaking up over...

[Lil Red]

moving to transmundane lane

[avemaria40]

In a marriage where the couple are of different Faiths, if the nonCatholic spouse is a baptized Christian, there can be a sacramental marriage since they are both baptized. However, I think a dispensation would be necessary for permission to marry a nonChristian (please correct me if I'm wrong?)


I know what you mean though. I am dating a Protestant and he is wonderful but I know that if we were to one day end up married it would be tough. I don't think you necessarily would have to break up but definetely pray and see if this is where God wants you to.

Now, I'm not married or anything and I'm no expert on Canon law but this is my personal opinion and the little knowledge I have. Hope this helps

[misereremi]

Dish, I fell in love in my teens and wasn't a devout Catholic. My husband was raised by a Methodist and a lapsed Catholic. He eventually converted to Islam. It is not easy marrying someone of another faith and although not prohibited, it is discouraged by the Church. There have been some threads on this here.

My experience is only based on 7 years of marriage, but many issues have come up.

The big ones he had to agree on before getting married: being married in a Catholic church, the children being Catholic, allowing me to freely practice my religion, respecting the Church's teachings on marriage, divorce, contraception, etc. (In fact he was tested on his understanding of the Catechism.)

There are so many other things that did come up afterwards, like agreeing to have icons/statues in the house...or even going on pilgrimage. Thankfully my husband is very respectful of Catholicism as he has grown in his understanding of the Church.

He reads the Holy Bible to the kids, comes to mass sometimes, drives us and come with us to pilgrimages/ retreats, and helps with some of the parish work. It was easier for me to meet his requests which were lifestyle changes not questions of faith, like no pork or alcohol and leaving one room with the walls bare so he can pray there, and preparing certain food at certain times during Ramadan. In turn, he adheres to no meat on Fridays, usually. I only have to dress modestly, I don't have to wear a hijab, and contrary to peoples' misconceptions/cultures, women are not meant to be oppressed in his religion.

I think one thing that is very difficult is being separated in prayer. Not praying together. And knowing that the other person does not have the fullness of truth. And knowing that his faith condemns me. These things are very testing. And as men are head of the household, giving up imparting their faith to their kids is in practice quite a hard thing to do, as you can imagine.

When we argue as all people do, we try not to bring our religions into it, although I have been guilty in the past for insulting his beliefs and his community whom I feel are sometimes very intrusive and condemning (and they can be a problem). We seek counsel from priests quite often.

I would seriously pray for guidance before marrying a non Catholic man, and if married then always try to live as a good example and pray for his conversion. It is easy to fall into religious indifference or syncretism, but usually I see Catholics being the stronger party in a marriage. My two pence

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Dish' post='1013378' date='Jun 27 2006, 08:40 PM']
From anyones experience... can you tell me: Are there issues that come along with a Catholic woman marrying a non-Catholic man? And anything you can do about it? I understand about the problems of raising kids and that they should be raised Catholic. If you are already in love, it is past the point of breaking up over...
[/quote]
Every situation is different, but here are some things to think about. Many people are indifferent about these things until the first baby comes along, then all hell breaks loose, because then you have a personal stake in the future.
Is he from a strong religious background? Is his family? Is he currently practicing? Has he been taught various lies about the Church that you are continuously correcting? Are you guys totally avoiding the issues and hoping to deal with them as they come up? Are you going to minimalize your practice to avoid offending him?

Are you going to stay Catholic? Does he understand children are a gift from God and we don't do birth control? Does he accept Baptism as entrance to the Catholic church and understand it is necesssary not optional? Is he going to support the children being raised Catholic? Can he accept them going to Communion in a faith he does not accept? Will he take them to Confession if he doesn't believe in it? Will he have issues with your Sunday Mass attendance, saying a rosary, having statues in the house?
It is better to be frank and open as to your expectations NOW, then later.

You can and will fall in love with many people over a lifetime. This does not mean they are suitable to marry. Marriage can be a hard proposition without major differences, but it can be done. :

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Dish' post='1013378' date='Jun 27 2006, 07:40 PM']
If you are already in love, it is past the point of breaking up over...
[/quote]

Baloney. The only time it is past the point of breaking up is after the wedding vows.

Are you putting matters of faith and morals first in your life?

As was said a few times in the Theology on Taps that I've attended this summer, when it comes to relationships, we need to use our heads as well as our hearts, if not moreso.

How about giving a good compatible Catholic guy a chance?

[Mary-Kathryn]

[quote name='Dish' post='1013378' date='Jun 27 2006, 08:40 PM']
From anyones experience... can you tell me: Are there issues that come along with a Catholic woman marrying a non-Catholic man? And anything you can do about it? I understand about the problems of raising kids and that they should be raised Catholic. If you are already in love, it is past the point of breaking up over...
[/quote]

There is the emotional issue of feeling ALONE. You will feel alone when he doesn't share your enthusiasm about going to a lecture by a priest you really like. It will hurt if he feels too tired to get up and go to Mass and you go alone, or if you have kids and hear "Why isn't Daddy coming?" Then there are all the moments during the Church year you really don't think about that mean so much...May crowning, meatless Fridays during Lent , Easter, praying the rosary with your little ones, CCD...how will all this play out as the children observe and hear Dad's disbelief of the Catholic faith and your belief. I read something a long while back that said facts show that in a house divided children grow up not believing at all.

On the practical side there is the issue of birth control, the kind of TV, music, friends,etc...not saying he is some kind of low life No! Its just that Catholic isn't just on Sunday, it is who we are and what we do 24/7. When you have children it will matter that your marriage partner is a practicing Catholic.

It is not past the point of breaking up over. I know that is so harsh to read. Talk to a priest before even thinking about getting engaged. Encourage your guy o attend Mass. Encourage him to read and learn about your faith. Pray and ask that God lead you. You must have the strength to follow him, even if it feels like you must sacrifice now. And pray...alot for yourself and for him.

God Bless, I'm just a married woman who has long passed my young adult years. I don't want to cause you pain, but I can't stand the thought of you being in agony later.

[Birgitta Noel]

My spouse is Catholic and I know I feel alone even when he doesn't receive communion but still attends mass with me etc.

It's hard even in a marriage where both are Catholic and one is moreso than the other (this can go back and forth mind you, it's a part of life!).

Look for those other threads, lots of good info there.

[hermit]

[quote name='Mary-Kathryn' post='1038957' date='Aug 7 2006, 07:14 AM']
There is the emotional issue of feeling ALONE. You will feel alone when he doesn't share your enthusiasm about going to a lecture by a priest you really like. It will hurt if he feels too tired to get up and go to Mass and you go alone, or if you have kids and hear "Why isn't Daddy coming?" Then there are all the moments during the Church year you really don't think about that mean so much...May crowning, meatless Fridays during Lent , Easter, praying the rosary with your little ones, CCD...how will all this play out as the children observe and hear Dad's disbelief of the Catholic faith and your belief.

God Bless, I'm just a married woman who has long passed my young adult years. I don't want to cause you pain, but I can't stand the thought of you being in agony later.
[/quote]


Sorry I kinda messed that one up..... But anyway the statement that nailed me was, Why isnt Daddy coming.... I asked that question many times, especially at Christmas, and if he is lax in his faith it will have an effect on your children later on.... I Know that is why I lost my faith in my early teen years, Dad doesnt go to church on Sundays why should I, I have better things to do, fishing, hunting....
Anyway you get the picture....If you do decide to go forward with this, and you do have children, just make sure you give them a very firm foundation from a young age....
God Bless and Keep
hermit