15 Biblical Ways To Acquire A Wife

[One Down and 3 Point 6]

ok, any girl who doesn't fall for #1 and #5 are crazy

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)

Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though).
-- David (2 Samuel 11)

Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law).
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

A wife?...NOT!!!
-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

[ilovechrist]

...LOL.
these just made my evening... which was pretty easy considering its been filled with hw... but i digress.

[iggyjoan]

[quote name='One Down and 3 Point 6' post='1398094' date='Oct 5 2007, 06:02 PM']Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)[/quote]




exCUSE me?

*imagines a guy coming and picking up a woman off the dance floor then leaving randomly*

*cracks up*


hahahahahaha

[hyperdulia again]

this is cute.

[Autumn Dusk]

This is why we don't read the bible word for word

[missionseeker]

we read it word for word. we just don't always read it literally.

[minutz3]

[quote name='One Down and 3 Point 6' post='1398094' date='Oct 6 2007, 01:02 AM']Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)[/quote]

I think that's the only choice that actually wouldn't work out.
The girls would be angry because their make-up was messed up, and well, maybe the dad would be impressed by the stake one has to do such a stupid thing, but "giving" one of his daughters away to such a man - no, never..

[Paladin D]

200 foreskins, now that is a feat.

Edited October 26, 2007 by Paladin D

[Norseman82]

[quote name='One Down and 3 Point 6' post='1398094' date='Oct 5 2007, 06:02 PM']Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.[/quote]

With the current slump in the housing market, I wonder how long before ReMax or Coldwell Banker jumps on this bandwagon.....

[Didymus]

[quote name='Paladin D' post='1409666' date='Oct 26 2007, 11:43 AM']200 foreskins, now that is a feat.

[/quote]


yeah, around #57 or 58 even I would probably start questioning whether it's really worth it...

[Totus Tuus]

what's a foreskin?

[johnnydigit]

*Holy Spirit rolls eyes and whistles..

[ardillacid]

[quote name='Totus Tuus' post='1415981' date='Nov 7 2007, 10:43 PM']what's a foreskin?[/quote]

[Luthien]

[quote name='Totus Tuus' post='1415981' date='Nov 8 2007, 01:43 AM']what's a foreskin?[/quote]


[quote name='notardillacid' post='1416088' date='Nov 8 2007, 06:59 AM'][/quote]

[rachael]

[quote name='Totus Tuus' post='1415981' date='Nov 7 2007, 11:43 PM']what's a foreskin?[/quote]