The Official Phatmass Marriage Preparation Thread

[Jaime]

[quote name='CoffeeCatholic' post='1441930' date='Jan 4 2008, 02:15 AM']hehe, i love you guys- I leave for a few days, and this is what i come back to. :-D Arkansas it is! (just kidding).

I met with Fr. Jeremy (YES, that Fr. Jeremy) today for Spiritual direction, and he agreed to be our marriage prep priest. SWEET!

Also, I think we're narrowing down on Colorado for real (as awesome as Arkansas is). However, telling my family is going to smell of elderberries, so please keep us in your prayers.[/quote]

But your family would LOVE the Crescent hotel in Eureka Springs. The town is really awesome and the food at the hotel is five star


Did I mention its haunted?

[let_go_let_God]

Yay, I'm glad to see that we have one of these again. I am engaged as well. Have been for almost two years.

The reason that it's been so long is so I can get out of college and also to appease my parents. Long story, I'll tell you later if you ask.

We don't have a date yet but are hoping for November maybe early December 2008 or January 2009.

I have done NFP in the past and will start again when we get closer to the actual date and I get the ok to get off this infernal BC and search for other treatments for endometriosis. Hopefully no surgery.

Also we are searching for where we can get married as well. It's not as drastic as Colorado or Arkansas or Virginia, just northern or south central Minnesota or somewhere in the middle.

I currently have no plans, no dress no nothing except my engagement ring and the man that I believe God placed in my life.

God bless-
LGLG

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='let_go_let_God' post='1442025' date='Jan 4 2008, 06:53 PM']Yay, I'm glad to see that we have one of these again. I am engaged as well. Have been for almost two years.

The reason that it's been so long is so I can get out of college and also to appease my parents. Long story, I'll tell you later if you ask.

We don't have a date yet but are hoping for November maybe early December 2008 or January 2009.

I have done NFP in the past and will start again when we get closer to the actual date and I get the ok to get off this infernal BC and search for other treatments for endometriosis. Hopefully no surgery.

Also we are searching for where we can get married as well. It's not as drastic as Colorado or Arkansas or Virginia, just northern or south central Minnesota or somewhere in the middle.

I currently have no plans, no dress no nothing except my engagement ring and the man that I believe God placed in my life.

God bless-
LGLG[/quote]

Prayers for the endo!

[let_go_let_God]

Thanks for the prayers.

Currently my only options for treatment are surgery to get it "burnt away" and then it still has a chance of regrowth, an IUD which is an almost permanent form of birth control or taking the pill. However on the bright side, they say I shouldn't be past stage 1. Which means I can have kids pretty much once I'm off the pill.

God bless-
LGLG

[CoffeeCatholic]

so Arkansas is now officially not an option.

*switching back to reality*

I emailed my mom and asked her to explain her desires for the wedding location. These were my exact words:

[i]"Joey and I still haven't picked a date or location, but we're thinking long and hard, and we have a meeting with our priest on Thursday night. There are a lot more factors to consider than I originally thought- sheesh, I'm glad I'm a simple woman! Anyway, any input you could add to the pot would be appreciated- you know, where you would like to see the wedding (and just "Virginia" doesn't count! I need specifics!) and why, what time of year would be best, and if we went with Colorado, will there be any hardships or problems. Like i said, we haven't made any decisions, but we really want all the input from each family that we can get. So far, Joey's parents basically said "wherever you want it to be, it's your wedding", which of course is nice, but not so easy to make decisions from. So Joey's working on them too."[/i]

She replied back this morning. For some reason her font was all highlighted in Yellow and the first line was in red- now sure why. Here's her email. ANY help would be well appreciated!

"Virginia is of course where we want our daughter to be married. It has always been important to us where you are married and we had hoped when we built Paran that our children would be married there! However, times have changed, religions have changed and we go with the flow except for adamantly wanting your wedding to take place where you were born and raised, Virginia. Your respect for us on this would be greatly appreciated especially since you have chosen to live in Denver for the time being. You can certainly have a reception in Denver for your friends who may not be able to attend a Virginia wedding.

We plan to pay for your wedding and reception and of course the dress. I don't mind not sewing it for you because you have always liked sewing your own special dresses and I want you to have the pleasure of the "thinking" time that sewing a dress can give you.

You had mentioned that you wanted to get married in the church that you took me to in Fredericksburg and I have envisioned that as being a wonderful experience. I also really like The Lady of the Blueridge which is close. Depending on the time of year the reception can be located (1) outside in our field with a tent, band and good food, (2) Belle Meade Schoolhouse Blding, (3) Our House, (4) Omni Ballroom. The hardships for our family traveling to Colorado are Grammie's age, Grandmas's age, many tickets needed for a wedding that everyone in our family will want to be a part of, 3 siblings in school or teaching school, mother teaching school, niece and nephew in school, etc.

Sometimes, Mothers and Fathers know a lot of things and our wisdom might make sense if not now, later. Maybe, a long engagement would help make the decisions. Will Joey be finishing school and will you be supporting him? Wouldn't it better for Joey to finish school and have a job before you marry? Give yourselves time to reflect on what you want in the future. Will Joey be like his dad and work as a substitute teacher while you support the family? Is that the way you want it to be or do you want to be able to be home with the children when they are small? Think about the choices now while they are still choices and give yourselves plenty of time. Dad and I knew that we wanted one parent home with the kids and that is the way we planned it. He knew he could earn more money than I could and I knew I wanted to nurture my children. Know these things before you begin. The other thing is that you do not know if you will get pregnant, or if you will get pregnant right away. Suddenly, you will have a very real and serious situation to plan for. Plan Plan Plan. . . Sermon of the day, over.

Lots of love, Mamama"

[let_go_let_God]

Your mother is a very wise woman, and seems to be echoing a lot of things my own mother is telling me.

God bless-
LGLG

[CoffeeCatholic]

I agree that she's a wise woman. She's a smart woman, too, and she is first and foremost my mother. However, she is also a woman without any religion whatsoever- did you see how she casually mentions the churches? "that one you took me to" and "the lady" church. She has never had any respect for my choice of religion, although she'll say that she does. She and my father were upset at first about the engagement because she thinks that my being Catholic is a phase, and if I marry Joey, who's a very strong Catholic, then I'll be stuck. That's probably one of her main reasons for pushing a long engagement (which is something Joey and I don't believe in. No less than 8 months, no more than 1.5 years, period).

I've talked with a lot of friends who've been in similar situations and the advice i keep getting is "It's your own wedding, it's YOUR marriage, do what you and Joey want and think is best". I have NO parish affiliation in Virginia, beyond the church that my College Catholic Community used for Sunday Mass. I don't have a community there, just a building. Joey is not connected to that parish at all, and I've never actually been a member. I converted in College, spent a half a year church hopping around after Graduation and then moved out to Denver. Here i have a very close affiliation with a beautiful church! One of the priests is my spiritual director, and he will be our marriage prep-per as well. When it comes down to it, I WANT my wedding to be in Denver, not Virginia. On top of that, it was pointed out to me that it might be pretty difficult to get permission to use a church in Virginia that neither Joey nor I nor either of our families have any affiliation with, and we don't even live in the diocese. Not impossible, but certainly not the stress I want to go through.

I'm feeling very alone and very confused about all this. I wish God were more audible at times like these. Maybe I'm just not asking 'loud' enough. *sigh*

[cathoholic_anonymous]

[quote name='hot stuff' post='1441470' date='Jan 3 2008, 05:34 AM']Well if you and Nadezhda get married at MIKolbe's place, it will have to be a small wedding[/quote]

Hold on - Sacred Music Man and Nadezhda are engaged? How did I miss this? What's going on?

[let_go_let_God]

[quote name='CoffeeCatholic' post='1442708' date='Jan 6 2008, 11:44 AM']I agree that she's a wise woman. She's a smart woman, too, and she is first and foremost my mother. However, she is also a woman without any religion whatsoever- did you see how she casually mentions the churches? "that one you took me to" and "the lady" church. She has never had any respect for my choice of religion, although she'll say that she does. She and my father were upset at first about the engagement because she thinks that my being Catholic is a phase, and if I marry Joey, who's a very strong Catholic, then I'll be stuck. That's probably one of her main reasons for pushing a long engagement (which is something Joey and I don't believe in. No less than 8 months, no more than 1.5 years, period).

I've talked with a lot of friends who've been in similar situations and the advice i keep getting is "It's your own wedding, it's YOUR marriage, do what you and Joey want and think is best". I have NO parish affiliation in Virginia, beyond the church that my College Catholic Community used for Sunday Mass. I don't have a community there, just a building. Joey is not connected to that parish at all, and I've never actually been a member. I converted in College, spent a half a year church hopping around after Graduation and then moved out to Denver. Here i have a very close affiliation with a beautiful church! One of the priests is my spiritual director, and he will be our marriage prep-per as well. When it comes down to it, I WANT my wedding to be in Denver, not Virginia. On top of that, it was pointed out to me that it might be pretty difficult to get permission to use a church in Virginia that neither Joey nor I nor either of our families have any affiliation with, and we don't even live in the diocese. Not impossible, but certainly not the stress I want to go through.

I'm feeling very alone and very confused about all this. I wish God were more audible at times like these. Maybe I'm just not asking 'loud' enough. *sigh*[/quote]

I can relate with the church picking hassle. As for your mother, it may not be that she is doesn't care about the church but she's unsure as to what to think. I can't really voice more of a thought because I do not have much experience with anything like what you are going through.

About the long engagement, (and I've been discussing this with priests many times) My fiance and I have been engaged for almost 2 years. (It will be two years in mid February) Sometimes a long engagement can be beneficial. At the time my fiance proposed, I was ready to say yes, but in hindsight, I was by no means ready to be married. I know that's what marriage prep is for and all, but I still had some developing to do as an individual without being "fully attached" to my love.

Also there are some parts of my fiance I hadn't seen until we had been engaged for a while. We had a few fights that nearly broke us apart, but after we mended our relationship we have become closer than ever. I am glad that I got a chance to see those parts and have now had a chance to work together through more of our differences. So a long engagement is in some cases a good thing but you do need to do what is best for you and Joey.

You don't need to feel alone and confused, you have us at phatmass. Also it may not be that you aren't asking God loud enough, but are you listening hard enough? This what I do when all the thoughts of everything bog me down. I go to adoration and just sit. I don't consciously pray but I "listen" for what God is trying to tell me and usually I come out with a better perspective.

And if anything, if you still feel lonely, you've got me. I'll help you through as best I can. Feel free to PM me anytime.

God bless-
LGLG

[CoffeeCatholic]

Thanks so much LGLG! I think your screen name itself is a help right now... I certainly do have issues with patience from time to time.

Joey and I have been dating for 2.5 years, and "practically" engaged (talking and preparing for marriage) for about a year of that. There's a reason we weren't engaged until now, though. We went through some extremely tough times, especially around my decision to move to Colorado. We are by no means ready to be married, and know that- that is what marriage prep is for. However, we have been preparing for awhile and now feel called to prepare "hardcore" and full time. that's kinda how we view engagement. Each couple is called to prepare in the way fitted to them, and for us a long engagement would not be suitable for various reasons.

Hey, also- I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which, while not the same, has some similar treatment with Endometriosis. I feel your pain (literally and actually!) and I am so worried about the status of my fertility. I guess I won't know until we try, but still- I was on BC for so long, and I felt the negative effects it had on my body intensely. I'm really glad I'm off it, but I know i need to be on some kind of treatment and I'm just postponing the inevitable. I need to go the the Dr before we take NFP so I can figure out what will help me. It's gotten so bad without treatment that my loving mother who lives 2000 miles away actually got me a heating pad for Christmas- and that was my favorite Christmas present from her! haha!

We go to our first marriage prep meeting with our priest on Thursday, and we'll probably take the FOCCUS test then- so i guess that should help me out. We can talk to our priest about how long he thinks it will take us to prepare, how ready we are right now and how far we have to go, and then make plans for the wedding accordingly.

:-/

[Jaime]

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1442714' date='Jan 6 2008, 01:10 PM']Hold on - Sacred Music Man and Nadezhda are engaged? How did I miss this? What's going on?[/quote]

How did you miss that? its all the news

[let_go_let_God]

Don't fret Coffee. Take each day as it comes. I wish my scripture recall was as good as my saint recall. But you know the verses about don't worry about tomorrow, do the plants worry about where they are getting their water and the animals their food, that one?

Some one will come and help me I know it.

Anyway what I'm trying to get at is that take everything as it comes. I know a wedding needs to be planned much in advance but still only make the decisions you have to on any specific day.

Also pray for your mother. If anything you need to be the light for all to see and maybe the star that leads her to Christ. I love Epiphany!

Take care though and know you can contact me.

Also Jamie, I thought the big news was that I'm going to try to tame a bunch of 8th graders with no protection while standing on my head.

God bless-
LGLG

[let_go_let_God]

So what other things are going on for those of us preparing for the wonderful vocation of marriage.

God bless-
LGLG

[missionseeker]

Coffee, reading through this:

people keep saying do what you want-

Doesn't sound like you want Virginia.

[let_go_let_God]

I have to agree with MissionSeeker. If Colorado is what is truly in your heart, then go for Colorado. For my family, they want me to get married where I am going to college, but I think I want it back home.

God bless-
LGLG