Blanket Maker Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Ok heres a short introduction: 1: You can not say "I'm sorry" "That smells of elderberries" or any other knee jerk responses that come to mind having similar meaning of "I'm sorry" 2: Do not try to argue for "But they do care.." that, really irritates me, in the sense that people who read this article and respond that have not paid attention at all. Ok so whats all this about anyways? (and yes I know it seems rather stand offish, know that such responses are not welcome in my view for they cause great pain...as weird as that sounds, I can not not stress it enough, do not say those things please) Well my family has disowned me. Kinda funny ya know. And on top of that, I am 564 miles from where I was raised, and oddly enough it's now that I realized that I was sheltered and have made no friends back there (yes I know my own fault). And just I don't have a friend, an old friend to fall back onto. It's a huge missing chunk, and I hope none of you feel like this, where you go "HUmm...there is no one who has written me, called me, asked for me in over a month solid." even though you attend class and work regularly. So what am I asking? Just someone to talk to, it's -12 degrees outside (wind chill) here, and I'm perfectly well fed, I have a job, I'm not in the poor house, I love my residence, I'm just missing every bit of social interaction possible. In the last hour I have checked my e-mail over 30 times, facebook included, and every time I get more axions. Any suggestions? (oh and 911 is not a kind response) Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Isn't that what Phatmass is for? We're your family now. There's no escape. You're allllllll oursssssss...... Remember: Once you go Vatican, you can't go back again. Seriously though, sounds like you just need to walk away and start fresh. By walk away I don't necessarily mean literally move away or whatever, but mentally. Shake the dust off your feet and forget about things that haven't gone perfectly, and look at what you're doing right now so you can fix it. Making friends is easy if you look in the right way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkerlina Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I can kind of empathize on the friend part. I have a hard time making friends and don't have many close personal friends. Not to be self centered, but sometimes it helps to hear another "sob story." I was absolutely miserable my first 3 out of 4 years of college (I'm back after time off working for the final semester, I hope). I cried on the way to school almost every day. I had nothing in common with anyone, or at least that was my perception. I was afraid of everything, everyone. I had no idea what to do with myself, who to turn to that could really understand what I was going through. It's horrible and none of us can really empathize with eachother 100%, we each have our own stories. I hope you keep your chin up while the story goes on. -Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puellapaschalis Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 My friendships are constantly in a state of flux. One moment they're the best people ever, the next I never want to see them again and will do my level best to avoid them. But when push comes to shove I think we all know we'd really be there for each other and do enormous things for each other if needed. Internet forums are scary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 My family didn't so much disown me, they just never seemed like I was there or mattered except my dad. He died when I was in college, so after that I was pretty much on my own. When I got hurt, and ended up in a wheelchair for eight years, I never received a single offer of help. No one offered to take me in, or even called to see how I was. I had one friend, not a good one as it turns out, but good enough to take care of me when I couldn't move for 7 weeks. I've never had a lot of friends, usually only one of two really close ones. I'm shy in person, and very independent, and I tend to put people off pretty quickly. It's never too late to learn though. When I moved to Canada 3 years ago, I decided that I would really make an effort to learn to make friends. It's hard, but I probably have more friends now that I ever have had in my life before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blanket Maker Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 [quote name='Nihil Obstat' post='1767421' date='Jan 31 2009, 02:42 AM']Shake the dust off your feet and forget about things that haven't gone perfectly, and look at what you're doing right now so you can fix it. Making friends is easy if you look in the right way.[/quote] I think it's near impossible to willingly want to forget an item, and what we forget/ignore are we bound to repeat it (I know I have) But good to hear the line "Look at what you're doing right now so you can fix it." never heard that line before but it's most helpful. Yes an acquaintance is easy to make them, heck I talk to strangers ont he street, with no fear of self embarrassment, and standing in lines, it's maintaining a lasting relationship of any kind that tends to elude me. (look at your definition, a great debate I have written about in academic studies is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance, I based my views off the fundamental relationships stated by Aristotle...check it out it's really cool!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blanket Maker Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 [quote name='Tinkerlina' post='1767425' date='Jan 31 2009, 02:47 AM']I can kind of empathize on the friend part. I have a hard time making friends and don't have many close personal friends. Not to be self centered, but sometimes it helps to hear another "sob story." I was absolutely miserable my first 3 out of 4 years of college (I'm back after time off working for the final semester, I hope). I cried on the way to school almost every day. I had nothing in common with anyone, or at least that was my perception. I was afraid of everything, everyone. I had no idea what to do with myself, who to turn to that could really understand what I was going through. It's horrible and none of us can really empathize with eachother 100%, we each have our own stories. I hope you keep your chin up while the story goes on. -Katie[/quote] Whats the resolution to your story, how did you keep going? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blanket Maker Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 [quote name='puellapaschalis' post='1767474' date='Jan 31 2009, 06:46 AM']My friendships are constantly in a state of flux. One moment they're the best people ever, the next I never want to see them again and will do my level best to avoid them. But when push comes to shove I think we all know we'd really be there for each other and do enormous things for each other if needed. Internet forums are scary [/quote] I had hope so, and I hope it still true, and hope is a dangerous thing, after all It has driven many to death, and many to living (Sorry...a bit of Pandora theology for ya) When push comes to shove, you'll be there for each other. My problem is I have been proven wrong on that one more than not. And I feel crummy saying it, but a person that you truly loved and to have them say the same and mean the same in return, just to be used as a scape goat, and still to this day to be thought of the same way by their family and friends. pretty crummy. Well, I'm pushing and shoving, and sadly no one's pushing back as I have been shown time after time after time. The only reason people on here respond, is because I typed something, had I not written here, I would still be waiting for the phone to ring. Thanks though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkerlina Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 [quote name='Blanket Maker' post='1767667' date='Jan 31 2009, 03:19 PM']Whats the resolution to your story, how did you keep going?[/quote] Well, the point is I'm still struggling. I think life is an uphill struggle, kind of. But that doesn't mean it can't get better. The main thing I learned is that it is up to me to change myself and the things around me. I realized that, instead of being jealous of people who were happy and had a positive attitude, which I took to be some kind of inborn thing, I needed to work hard to have a positive attitude. I still work hard everyday. I looked at my life and the things that were contributing to it being miserable, which, at that time, was school. I was lucky in that I got offered a job, which I took and it ended up being a great experience through which I made some good friends. I still struggle with depression and anxiety (and probably OCD, though there's no official diagnosis), I still have a hard time making friends but I'm working on it and things are better. I really wish you the best and hope you can make some changes for the better in your life, though I know it isn't easy to do. -Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blanket Maker Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 [quote name='CatherineM' post='1767571' date='Jan 31 2009, 01:25 PM']My family didn't so much disown me, they just never seemed like I was there or mattered except my dad. He died when I was in college, so after that I was pretty much on my own. When I got hurt, and ended up in a wheelchair for eight years, I never received a single offer of help. No one offered to take me in, or even called to see how I was. I had one friend, not a good one as it turns out, but good enough to take care of me when I couldn't move for 7 weeks. I've never had a lot of friends, usually only one of two really close ones. I'm shy in person, and very independent, and I tend to put people off pretty quickly. It's never too late to learn though. When I moved to Canada 3 years ago, I decided that I would really make an effort to learn to make friends. It's hard, but I probably have more friends now that I ever have had in my life before.[/quote] Intresting story (what bound you to a wheelchair for that long if I may ask?) How did you make an effort? What did you do specifically? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 [quote name='Blanket Maker' post='1767677' date='Jan 31 2009, 01:28 PM']Intresting story (what bound you to a wheelchair for that long if I may ask?) How did you make an effort? What did you do specifically?[/quote] I went down some stairs backwards. I damaged all the muscles, tendons, in my lower back, in addition to blowing out my knee and doing something to my lymphatic system below the injury. I struggled for a couple of years with crutches and canes, and then hurt my back again, blew some discs out, and damaged my sciatic nerve so badly that part of my leg went numb. I was unable to move for 7 weeks, and when I finally got to where I could stand, I couldn't stand up straight, kind of tilted to the right and forward, and could only walk about 10 feet before having to sit down. The only surgery that might have helped came with a 50/50 of permanent paralysis. I had a choice of staying trapped in my house or using a wheelchair. I was responsible for two small boys at the time, and needed to be able to get around. After both boys were grown and gone, and I could focus entirely on myself again, I was able to strengthen the surviving muscles, especially my stomach muscles by eventually doing over 1000 sit ups a day. I began to walk half a block and back and gradually built up so I could walk far enough to get inside the YMCA and began water aerobics. I still walk with a half crutch when I leave the house, but pretty much walk anywhere I want to. I have good days and bad days as arthritis has settled into all the old injuries. Everyday is a gift to me though. I should have died that day. When I came here, I practiced talking to people. I joined the women's group at church and began to sing in the choir for the first time since before I got hurt. I think I've just mellowed with age, and am not as hard to be around. When I was younger, I had a pretty big chip on my shoulder, and was always looking for a fight. I've made friends in a variety of volunteer groups, and my water aerobics class. Sometimes I think the biggest change is just that I can look at people on their level now. In a wheelchair, you talk to their waists, and the chair made them uncomfortable. I guess I just try harder because I don't want to spend the rest of my life without friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkerlina Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 [quote name='CatherineM' post='1767705' date='Jan 31 2009, 03:58 PM']I went down some stairs backwards. I damaged all the muscles, tendons, in my lower back, in addition to blowing out my knee and doing something to my lymphatic system below the injury. I struggled for a couple of years with crutches and canes, and then hurt my back again, blew some discs out, and damaged my sciatic nerve so badly that part of my leg went numb. I was unable to move for 7 weeks, and when I finally got to where I could stand, I couldn't stand up straight, kind of tilted to the right and forward, and could only walk about 10 feet before having to sit down. The only surgery that might have helped came with a 50/50 of permanent paralysis. I had a choice of staying trapped in my house or using a wheelchair. I was responsible for two small boys at the time, and needed to be able to get around. After both boys were grown and gone, and I could focus entirely on myself again, I was able to strengthen the surviving muscles, especially my stomach muscles by eventually doing over 1000 sit ups a day. I began to walk half a block and back and gradually built up so I could walk far enough to get inside the YMCA and began water aerobics. I still walk with a half crutch when I leave the house, but pretty much walk anywhere I want to. I have good days and bad days as arthritis has settled into all the old injuries. Everyday is a gift to me though. I should have died that day. When I came here, I practiced talking to people. I joined the women's group at church and began to sing in the choir for the first time since before I got hurt. I think I've just mellowed with age, and am not as hard to be around. When I was younger, I had a pretty big chip on my shoulder, and was always looking for a fight. I've made friends in a variety of volunteer groups, and my water aerobics class. Sometimes I think the biggest change is just that I can look at people on their level now. In a wheelchair, you talk to their waists, and the chair made them uncomfortable. I guess I just try harder because I don't want to spend the rest of my life without friends.[/quote] CatherineM that is an amazing story. You are fantastically strong. -Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 [quote name='Tinkerlina' post='1767713' date='Jan 31 2009, 02:02 PM']CatherineM that is an amazing story. You are fantastically strong. -Katie[/quote] I'm only strong with the Lord carrying me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 (edited) When I left the convent, I felt like I'd lost everything: my home, my faith, my "job" my health insurance. They were my friends and family, my whole world. It was all of a sudden gone, in the space of a day. At the time, I was seriously ill. I did not know how I was going to work a job to pay for the medical care I needed. I could barely make it down the stairs to get myself something to eat. I lost more than 5 pounds that first week. My house puts the "fun" in dysfunction. Abuse, addiction, and mental illness. I lived through it as a child and swore to myself I'd never go through it again. The carpets were soaked in pet waste. It was the middle of an Ohio winter, and there was no heat. The worst part was the loneliness. Most of my friends from before had scattered to college and jobs. The ones that remained, I hadn't seen for 2 years. My sister is the other religious person in our family, and she was so good to me. But even from her, I felt separated. Vulnerable. The point is, this passed. It took four months, but my health improved. My doctors say I will eventually get sick again, but for now, I'm out of pain. I'm strong enough to call the police when things get out of hand where I live. I found a good job. I've reconnected with old friends and made some new ones. My spiritual life is still rocky, but now I've got the courage to receive Holy Communion, which is wonderful. Bad things will probably happen in the future. I still have the occasional Very Lonely Day. But I know that they will pass, too. People have been through worse than me (Catherine M!) and recovered. And even if they didn't, and I don't, that's not the end of the world, either. The things we go through, both good and bad, are totally unrepeatable, unique human experiences .. and because of that they are all pricelessly valuable to the human family. Suffering usually makes for good artists. Have you tried painting? (only half joking) Edited January 31, 2009 by Lilllabettt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkerlina Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 [quote name='CatherineM' post='1767744' date='Jan 31 2009, 04:23 PM']I'm only strong with the Lord carrying me.[/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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