Brokenhearted- Looking For A Novena

[Tink]

To make a long story short, my boyfriend of 3-days shy of a year broke up with me two weeks ago. Our relationship had been getting increasingly stressful for various reasons, one of which included that I was taking Plan B on a pretty regular basis (I have taken it around twenty times in the past 8 or 9 months, and yes I have since been to confession) and it took a terrible toll on my emotions. I became clingy, insecure, paranoid, and very immature in the way I handled things. Our last month together, while it had beautiful and loving moments, was increasingly stressful.

I realize that our God is a jealous God and when his sons and daughters begin idolizing each other as we did, He often must intervene. I believe it was good that we broke up, giving us each a chance to get back to square one spiritually.

However, I cannot shake the feeling that this should not be permanent.

For the most part, we made each other so incredibly happy and really brought out the best in each other and complemented each other very well. We both have a very, very unique way of viewing the world, and our ideas on how we wanted to raise a family and how we wanted to bring about good in the world were the same... which says a lot because it is rare to find someone who wants to move to Ireland, spend time reading together, and would rather be poor than rich.

Just 3 weeks before breaking up with me, he told me that "if I found reason to leave, it would hurt him more than anything else could and it would take all the strength he'd have to swallow it." I said that he had captivated my heart and that if he ever found reason to leave, my wasted heart would love him in his absence. He replied "that will never happen."

We'd foolishly planned on getting married sometime after he graduated (with a Theology degree) next spring. We'd made plans to move to Ireland after I graduated and he finished grad school at Notre Dame, where he goes to school.

He has had issues in his past with letting things go- he was forced to let go of his entire family when he converted at age 18 from a Jehovah's Witness to Catholicism. He then lost the girl who brought him to the Faith after she broke up with him just before he got a chance to propose to her. He's so good at moving on that he wouldn't hold on to the best thing he's ever had if it's easier to move on than repair what is broken.

He won't talk to me right now, and I've heard from a friend that he's considering not only giving up on grad school, but possibly not coming back to school next year to finish out his degree. He wants Ireland so badly because to him, it's a new start. I know him, and in his mind, if he can just get to Ireland everything will be better. He's running away, because that's what he's trained himself to do.

ANYWAY, I want this to be the Lord's. I've given up myself to Him over and over, I keep crawling back to Him in agony, I am trying to get involved in Notre Dame's Catholic community and spend time with friends and doing schoolwork, but it all feels so vapid because I feel like it doesn't have to be like this. If we could take some time apart, and then come back together with fresh minds and pure hearts and continue our relationship in a healthy, holy manner (without me having several times the normal amount of female hormone in me at any given time), this could be a beautiful thing.

I guess I'm wondering what the best novena would be in this case. Every night I wake up several times after having continuous dreams about the situation. Ever since the first night, I've had dreams in which we have resolved the issues that have left us both broken, and everything is 'better.' I pray Compline (night prayer) every night and feel at peace, but then after a night of unintentionally thinking about him constantly, I awake feeling empty and ill at ease.

I just want to know the Lord's will... I want to know whether to cope with the heartache head-on, or whether I should hold on to the hope that somehow refuses to leave my heart.

I am considering, obviously, the novena to the Little Flower, St. Therese. I am also thinking that perhaps a novena to the Holy Family would be good... but I don't know. Any ideas, suggestions? Thanks.

I know I haven't been around in awhile, but I've been lurking and praying for you all!
-Erin Marie (Tink)

[rose wrought of iron]

I'm praying for you.
This is very sad.

[CatherineM]

How about the novena to Our Lady of Knock? Here's the [url="http://www.knock-shrine.ie/news/display.asp?ID=30&dbtype=News"]LINK[/url].

You may not be open to hearing this, but a stable husband isn't someone who is trying to run away, and gives up on things rather than trying to do the hard work it takes to keep a relationship together. Does he have the status to move to Ireland? Countries are kind of funny about their immigration rules. He may be planning on a dream that can't happen. It took me 16 months to get Canadian Immigration to let me legally stay in Canada, and I am married to a Canadian.

[Tink]

Thank you for your advice. I know we both have a lot of growing to do to be good spouses for each other, and we were growing together and helping each other. We have both been broken by our families, and had a lot of personal struggles to work through, but we knew each other at our best and worst.

He is working at getting a summer internship in Ireland at the moment, working with a parish in ministry or anything else needed. He is absolutely determined to get there. He wants the Lord's will of course, but if he wants it, he'll find a way to get there.

[Lilllabettt]

[quote name='Tink' post='1769033' date='Feb 1 2009, 10:47 PM']I just want to know the Lord's will... I want to know whether to cope with the heartache head-on, or whether I should hold on to the hope that somehow refuses to leave my heart.[/quote]

Exactly. When I was first dealing with my heartbreak, this is what I wanted, more than anything. If there was no chance, I wanted to know so that I could face it, accept it, and begin to get over it as soon as possible. Hope is no comfort if it's false hope, it just prolongs the agony.

There is always a chance, though. It is possible. The question is, is it something you should fight for ... actively pursue.

I guess I assume you were taking Plan B because you were doing things where there was a chance you could conceive. (Please forgive me if this is a wrong assumption. I know some birth control can be used for other purposes ... but you say you went to Confession over it, so I'm thinking that's not it.)

If sex was a part of your relationship, then I don't think its a good idea to actively pursue things right now. Maybe God is allowing this time of separation so you can heal. You need independent spiritual healing before you can be spiritually healthy as a couple.

As far as novenas go, I recommend Our Lady of Hope. What i like about this prayer is it has a place for a request, but it also talks about resignation to God's will:


O Mary, my Mother,
I kneel before you with heavy heart.
The burden of my sins oppresses me.
The knowledge of my weakness discourages me.
I am beset by fears and temptations of every sort.
Yet I am so attached to the things of this world
that instead of longing for Heaven
I am filled with dread at the thought of death.

O Mother of Mercy,
have pity on me in my distress.
You are all-powerful with your Divine Son.
He can refuse no request of your Immaculate Heart.
Show yourself a true Mother to me
by being my advocate before His throne.
O Refuge of Sinners
and Hope of the Hopeless,
to whom shall I turn if not you?

Obtain for me, then,
O Mother of Hope,
the grace of true sorrow for my sins,
the gift of perfect resignation to God's Holy Will,
and the courage to take up my cross and follow Jesus.
Beg of His Sacred Heart
the special favor that I ask in this novena.

(State your request here...)

But above all I pray,
O dearest Mother,
that through your most powerful intercession
my heart may be filled with Holy Hope,
so that in life's darkest hour
I may never fail to trust in God my Saviour,
but by walking in the way of His commandments
I may merit to be united with Him,
and with you in the eternal joys of Heaven.

Amen.

Mary, our Hope,
have pity on us.

Hope of the Hopeless,
pray for us.

3 Hail Marys...

[Tink]

Thank you so much!

Yes, sex became part of our relationship, which is why I know it is definitely God's will that we be apart right now. It was horrible, for so long we had both been such advocates for the pro-life movement and respecting each other by waiting until marriage. It makes me so sad, I used to be the 'Virginity Rocks!' poster girl, and he's a theology major and has literally given up everything to pursue a life that pleases God.

I know I can't pursue anything. I know he doesn't want to get back together at this point, and he's probably trying everything in his power to not miss me or love me or feel anything for me... and for all I know, he may succeed.

I feel like if I know that the Lord has different things planned for us both, then I will know that my future husband is still out there somewhere and that some day, I will be healed of this overwhelming emptiness. But until then, I feel helpless and unable to let go of something that I still have (possibly foolish) hope for. It was something beautiful, despite our sin, and if we could eliminate that terrible part that crept in, it would leave the part that was amazing.

[Tink]

Bump.

[missionseeker]

Perhaps Our Lady of Sorrows? or Our Lady of Good Counsel? St. Joseph, the gaurdian of purity might be a good one. St. Rita maybe, too.

Here this one for broken relationship healing. [url="http://www.doh.gov.ph/stlazaro/index2.php?option=com_content&do_pdf=1&id=17"]http://www.doh.gov.ph/stlazaro/index2.php?...pdf=1&id=17[/url]

****hugs*****

I've missed you, Tink! Glad you are back.

[Tink]

Double post.

Edited February 2, 2009 by Tink