pan!c139 Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 (edited) Basically, this is just to let off some steam and stress. I'm feeling so worn out from life! So many things demand my attention...I homeschool my siblings while my parents are at work, I have my own school to take care of (which is very demanding), I play travel softball (and it requires a LOT of hard work), I have to keep the house clean and in order, and I have a boyfriend. Everything demands 100% of my attention, which I don't have. I feel stretched in a million different directions. And my most recent problem is with my boyfriend and his sister, who also happens to be one of my best friends. They have a really rocky relationship, and all their hurts and fears have built up about the other person over the years. And neither of them know how to talk about it and are at a point where they don't want to work through it anymore. I tried talking to both of them about it; how to talk to the other person to let them know how they feel, how in life you have to learn to cope with the people in your family if you want to be able to cope with a spouse, how hard but worth it it's going to be...when I saw that I wasn't getting anywhere with them I got really upset, as it was another big draining source in my life. Eventually my boyfriend said that he'd really, truly try to make it better and that he'd swallow his pride and talk to her. But there's still no telling what will happen. And it's so important that it's taken care of. *sigh* Just wanted to vent a little bit. Things are just kind of piling up. Any advice and/or encouragement is welcome. Ok...MORE than welcome. Edited February 5, 2009 by pan!c139 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pan!c139 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pan!c139 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 (edited) Edited February 5, 2009 by pan!c139 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puellapaschalis Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Whatever you do, don't do nothing. If it's getting too much - and you're the only person who can know, but it sounds to me like it might be - then absolutely do something to reduce your "workload". Don't ignore it - I mean there's a time and a place for "just getting your head down and working" but then you also get breaking point and breaking point is not fun! In the past couple of weeks I've had to really look at my life and I made the decision to drop a couple of things I was involved in. It was far from easy, and other people will have to step in, but deep down I know (and so do those closest to me) that it was the right thing to do. Like my sister said, the world isn't going to collapse if you bow out of this or that. I'd add that making the decision to step out of the way and let someone else do something may well be the floodgate that God wants opened in order to reach other people. Make sure you get enough sleep, too It's really important! You need enough time in your day to a) pray, b) sleep, c) work and d) relax a bit. Don't sacrifice any one of those four! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pan!c139 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 Thanks I could really use some more sleep! I've been getting an average of probably six or seven hours, but I feel like I'm getting four! I want to drop something...but I can't change any of my circumstances in my family, that's where God wants me. Softball, I've been committed to for a long time and I hope to pay for college that way. So I'm not sure what to do... And I agree, I'm just going to step out of the way and pray. I've done what I can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 I don't have any sage advice, but I will pray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pan!c139 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 Thanks, that ALWAYS helps too. I appreciate it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle_eye222001 Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Wow. That's busy. First off, I would try to get people to help in applicable areas as it sounds like you are overstretched and it's only a matter of time before you crash. If you can't find help then my only help would be that it seems you need to list all those items and prioritize them. And cut something at the bottom, ---------------- Listening to: [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/story+of+the+year/track/wake+up"]Story Of The Year - Wake Up[/url] via [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/"]FoxyTunes[/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pan!c139 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 Hm...right now, I have no idea where to find help... As much as I would love it... Good idea about the priorities though. I'll try it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 My very best friend in college had a boyfriend that she ended up marrying. We couldn't stand each other. He and I were mature enough to realize that we were never going to be buddies, but we cared enough about my friend to not make her choose. They've been married 25 years in May, so I'm thinking I would have lost out on that one. There were things I gave up in order to make her life easier, for example, when she asked me to be maid of honor, I said no. He had two sisters that I knew he wanted to be in the wedding, and I told her it was his day too, and I didn't want anything to mar the day for either of them. She was so relieved. When we were close enough to visit, we got together whenever we could, and he never made her feel bad about the time we spent together, so long as he didn't have to be included. You have your hands full right now, so don't try to act as mediator/therapist for your boyfriend and his sister. They are at an age where they may not be able to get along under any circumstances. My youngest brother and I were like that. If it makes you feel any better, once you get to be about 25, you start getting along better. Tell each that their problems should be worked out between them, and you will not be used as a go between. After that, when one brings something up along those lines, change the subject immediately to something bizarre. When my husband brings things up that he knows I have no intention of getting drug into, I talk about alligators. That gently reminds him to move on to another topic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pan!c139 Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 (edited) [quote name='CatherineM' post='1773140' date='Feb 5 2009, 12:36 PM']My very best friend in college had a boyfriend that she ended up marrying. We couldn't stand each other. He and I were mature enough to realize that we were never going to be buddies, but we cared enough about my friend to not make her choose. They've been married 25 years in May, so I'm thinking I would have lost out on that one. There were things I gave up in order to make her life easier, for example, when she asked me to be maid of honor, I said no. He had two sisters that I knew he wanted to be in the wedding, and I told her it was his day too, and I didn't want anything to mar the day for either of them. She was so relieved. When we were close enough to visit, we got together whenever we could, and he never made her feel bad about the time we spent together, so long as he didn't have to be included. You have your hands full right now, so don't try to act as mediator/therapist for your boyfriend and his sister. They are at an age where they may not be able to get along under any circumstances. My youngest brother and I were like that. If it makes you feel any better, once you get to be about 25, you start getting along better. Tell each that their problems should be worked out between them, and you will not be used as a go between. After that, when one brings something up along those lines, change the subject immediately to something bizarre. When my husband brings things up that he knows I have no intention of getting drug into, I talk about alligators. That gently reminds him to move on to another topic.[/quote] Wow, great advice. Thank you very much! Very helpful. Edited February 5, 2009 by pan!c139 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arpy Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 ...like butter over too much bread. How many sibs are you homeschooling, what are their ages, and what curriculum do you use? My mom homeschools my three sisters, 8, 11, and 14, and the older two's work is largely self-directed. My mom just needs to make sure they get everything done on time and understand the stuff, which can admittedly be tricksy. But Seton provides lesson plans, so she knows what they need to do and when they need to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 from pan!c139' Basically, this is just to let off some steam and stress. I'm feeling so worn out from life! So many things demand my attention...I homeschool my siblings while my parents are at work, I have my own school to take care of (which is very demanding), I play travel softball (and it requires a LOT of hard work), I have to keep the house clean and in order, and I have a boyfriend. Everything demands 100% of my attention, which I don't have. I feel stretched in a million different directions. [color="#0000FF"]Have your parents work out the lesson plans so keep them busy so you can get your own work done at the same time - this is your parents responsibility, not yours. The whole house is not your responsibility - its your parents, have them divvy you the chores between ALL of you. You do not become a parent because your parents are not home. You need to deal with your health, your schooling, your leisure and your boyfriend in that order. [/color] And my most recent problem is with my boyfriend and his sister, who also happens to be one of my best friends. They have a really rocky relationship, and all their hurts and fears have built up about the other person over the years. And neither of them know how to talk about it and are at a point where they don't want to work through it anymore. I tried talking to both of them about it; how to talk to the other person to let them know how they feel, how in life you have to learn to cope with the people in your family if you want to be able to cope with a spouse, how hard but worth it it's going to be...when I saw that I wasn't getting anywhere with them I got really upset, as it was another big draining source in my life. Eventually my boyfriend said that he'd really, truly try to make it better and that he'd swallow his pride and talk to her. But there's still no telling what will happen. And it's so important that it's taken care of. *sigh* [color="#0000FF"]This is also not your problem, it is THEIR problem. You can offer hugs and sympathy and chocolate but stay out of it. No relationship survives with a third party in the middle unless it is God.[/color] Just wanted to vent a little bit. Things are just kind of piling up. Any advice and/or encouragement is welcome. [color="#0000FF"] Its wonderful to be needed and loved, but not at the expense of your own life. Talk to your parents about being overwhelmed and have other people accept a bit more responsibility for themselves. That is not being selfish. We are to love our neighbors as ourself - but first we need to love ourselves first.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pan!c139 Posted February 6, 2009 Author Share Posted February 6, 2009 [quote name='Arpy' post='1773202' date='Feb 5 2009, 02:30 PM']...like butter over too much bread. How many sibs are you homeschooling, what are their ages, and what curriculum do you use? My mom homeschools my three sisters, 8, 11, and 14, and the older two's work is largely self-directed. My mom just needs to make sure they get everything done on time and understand the stuff, which can admittedly be tricksy. But Seton provides lesson plans, so she knows what they need to do and when they need to do it.[/quote] [quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1773216' date='Feb 5 2009, 02:45 PM']from pan!c139' Basically, this is just to let off some steam and stress. I'm feeling so worn out from life! So many things demand my attention...I homeschool my siblings while my parents are at work, I have my own school to take care of (which is very demanding), I play travel softball (and it requires a LOT of hard work), I have to keep the house clean and in order, and I have a boyfriend. Everything demands 100% of my attention, which I don't have. I feel stretched in a million different directions. [color="#0000FF"]Have your parents work out the lesson plans so keep them busy so you can get your own work done at the same time - this is your parents responsibility, not yours. The whole house is not your responsibility - its your parents, have them divvy you the chores between ALL of you. You do not become a parent because your parents are not home. You need to deal with your health, your schooling, your leisure and your boyfriend in that order. [/color] And my most recent problem is with my boyfriend and his sister, who also happens to be one of my best friends. They have a really rocky relationship, and all their hurts and fears have built up about the other person over the years. And neither of them know how to talk about it and are at a point where they don't want to work through it anymore. I tried talking to both of them about it; how to talk to the other person to let them know how they feel, how in life you have to learn to cope with the people in your family if you want to be able to cope with a spouse, how hard but worth it it's going to be...when I saw that I wasn't getting anywhere with them I got really upset, as it was another big draining source in my life. Eventually my boyfriend said that he'd really, truly try to make it better and that he'd swallow his pride and talk to her. But there's still no telling what will happen. And it's so important that it's taken care of. *sigh* [color="#0000FF"]This is also not your problem, it is THEIR problem. You can offer hugs and sympathy and chocolate but stay out of it. No relationship survives with a third party in the middle unless it is God.[/color] Just wanted to vent a little bit. Things are just kind of piling up. Any advice and/or encouragement is welcome. [color="#0000FF"] Its wonderful to be needed and loved, but not at the expense of your own life. Talk to your parents about being overwhelmed and have other people accept a bit more responsibility for themselves. That is not being selfish. We are to love our neighbors as ourself - but first we need to love ourselves first.[/color][/quote] Exactly like butter over too much bread. We use Mother of Divine Grace, and there are four of them, ages 11, 9, 7, and 5. We have lesson plans, but they need a lot of direction, at least the younger three do. Thanks cmotherofpirl. That helps. I talked to my mom about it already, and we both agreed that we need to divvy up something, but not sure what. Chores would be a great start. I'll tell her. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 [quote name='pan!c139' post='1773347' date='Feb 5 2009, 09:39 PM']Exactly like butter over too much bread. We use Mother of Divine Grace, and there are four of them, ages 11, 9, 7, and 5. We have lesson plans, but they need a lot of direction, at least the younger three do. Thanks cmotherofpirl. That helps. I talked to my mom about it already, and we both agreed that we need to divvy up something, but not sure what. Chores would be a great start. I'll tell her. Thanks! [/quote] Dearie you will be surprised at the amount of chores that can be done well by little hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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