Theologian in Training Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 (edited) Because I have no idea what to say, where to start, or what even to do in this situation. I know there is stuff in the Rites, but, when it comes to the homily, I am absent any and all ideas. Even asking priest friends they don't know what to say either. Any help much appreciated BTW, the child was baptized and it will be a memorial service. Edited February 25, 2009 by Theologian in Training Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prose Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Keep it simple. I have been to a baby funeral, but haven't been a priest. Keep it as simple as possible. Acknowledge that we don't understand God. Be gentle. What are the parents like? Are they avid Catholics? That could make a bit of a difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theologian in Training Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 [quote name='prose' post='1791277' date='Feb 25 2009, 11:04 AM']Keep it simple. I have been to a baby funeral, but haven't been a priest. Keep it as simple as possible. Acknowledge that we don't understand God. Be gentle. What are the parents like? Are they avid Catholics? That could make a bit of a difference.[/quote] Don't know anything, never seen the family, don't know the family, and the baby did not even die here but outside the state, so I am walking into this blind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prose Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 You don't get to meet with the family? yoiks! Well, I would suggest mentioning God's love and mercy, and how now is a time to turn to God for support. Hard funeral. I had 2 infant funerals (friends of mine lost their babies) in the last 5 years. The best homilies were the simplest ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Adam Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I do not envy you. Even thinking about losing one of my children leaves me with no words at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theologian in Training Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 [quote name='prose' post='1791284' date='Feb 25 2009, 11:12 AM']You don't get to meet with the family? yoiks! Well, I would suggest mentioning God's love and mercy, and how now is a time to turn to God for support. Hard funeral. I had 2 infant funerals (friends of mine lost their babies) in the last 5 years. The best homilies were the simplest ones.[/quote] You said that the simple message of the priest was consoling, what did that simple message consist of? I spoke to the mother and grandmother, but they are in such sock and "indifference" that they don't want to do anything, don't want anything, just want to memorialize their child, that is it. Even then though, they don't want to tell me anything about her, so, honestly, I don't know what they are expecting. This is not easy...pray for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Prayers...this most definitely doesn't sound easy for anyone involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prose Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 [quote name='Theologian in Training' post='1791346' date='Feb 25 2009, 10:45 AM']You said that the simple message of the priest was consoling, what did that simple message consist of? I spoke to the mother and grandmother, but they are in such sock and "indifference" that they don't want to do anything, don't want anything, just want to memorialize their child, that is it. Even then though, they don't want to tell me anything about her, so, honestly, I don't know what they are expecting. This is not easy...pray for me.[/quote] That it is okay to feel angry, it is normal to feel sad, but that God is still there to console us. Now is a time to turn to God, and not away. The basic "God loves us, even when we don't understand" is all I can remember. Both were such emotional times that anything more wouldn't have stuck anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I was 11 when my 10 month old nephew died. I remember walking in with our pastor talking to my brother at our dining table. He was counseling him to not spend enormous amounts of money on the funeral because his son was baptized, had died before the age of reason, and was already in heaven. They did follow his advice, and had a simple service. I've been thinking a lot about him lately because he died of the same heart defect that Jason's daughter just had repaired. 35 years ago, that surgery didn't exist. Since then, I have sung at the funeral of about a dozen very young children, the last about a year ago. I've heard a lot of priests trying to find words for what there isn't words for. I'm now twice the age that my brother was when he lost his only son, and his life fell apart after that funeral. He lost his faith, left the church, got divorced, has gone through a variety of substance abuse issues and wives, and is now married to someone 20+ years younger than he is. I can tell you what I wish someone had told my brother all those years ago. He needed to understand that he will see his son again. He needed to live a life that would make that possible. All they wanted to do was try to forget. Instead of looking to each other for the strength to endure, they just saw a reminder of the pain in each others face. You can't ignore that kind of pain, you can't numb yourself from it. Grief has to be gone through step by step, and they need to understand that there is no way to make sense of what has happened, but they can survive it if they hold onto the faith that their child has an eternal soul. The funeral we had here a year ago was for a 6 month old who died of cancer. Her parents have now broken up, he's in jail because of drugs, and their other child is in her grandmother's custody. I wish I had some words to give you. I think this is one of those things where only the Holy Spirit will have any real guidance for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thy Geekdom Come Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Comfort. That's all I can say. Anything else would be a waste of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MithLuin Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I think it is okay to admit that you really do not have the words for this situation. Certainly, you still have to speak, but that honesty of....'what can I say?' is sometimes appreciated. [i]Anything[/i] you say can be taken the wrong way or ignored. There is no right way to handle this, because as you say, they are just in shock over the whole thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Praying for you. The verses that speak of God's ways being above ours come to mind, but not sure they would be appropriate here. They need to know it's not the end for their family, or for their daughter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theologian in Training Posted February 26, 2009 Author Share Posted February 26, 2009 I found a beautiful story, not relevant to this situation, but beautiful nonetheless [url="http://frtommylane.com/stories/death/the_heart.htm"]http://frtommylane.com/stories/death/the_heart.htm[/url] The Heart “Tomorrow morning,” the surgeon began, “I’ll open up your heart...” “You’ll find Jesus there,” the boy interrupted. The surgeon looked up, annoyed. “I’ll cut your heart open,” he continued, “to see how much damage has been done...” “But when you open up my heart, you’ll find Jesus in there.” The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly. “When I see how much damage has been done, I’ll sew your heart and chest back up and I’ll plan what to do next.” “But you’ll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You’ll find Him in my heart.” The surgeon had had enough. “I’ll tell you what I’ll find in your heart. I’ll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I’ll find out if I can make you well.” “You’ll find Jesus there too. He lives there.” The surgeon left. He sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, “...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:, “ here he paused, “death within one year.” He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. “Why?” he asked aloud. “Why did You do this? You’ve put him here; You’ve put him in this pain; and You’ve cursed him to an early death. Why?” The Lord answered and said, “The boy, my lamb, was not meant for earth for long, for he is a part of my heavenly flock, and will forever be. Here in my heavenly flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and my flock here will continue to grow. The surgeon’s tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. “You created that boy, and You created that heart. He’ll be dead in months. Why?” The Lord answered, “The boy shall come to heaven, for he has done his duty: I did not put him on earth to lose him, but to retrieve a lost lamb, you.” The surgeon wept. He sat beside the boy’s bed; the boy’s parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, “Did you cut open my heart?” “Yes,” said the surgeon. “What did you find?” asked the boy. “I found Jesus there,” said the surgeon. Author Unknown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Beautiful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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