Advice Needed (family Situation)

[princessgianna]

First off let me assure you that you and your family are in my prayers.

Is there a priest you can talk to- not for your brother's or mom's sake but for your sake. It could help you deal with it better and then also have a second opinion about what course of action you should take-if any?

Just a thought!

Pax`

Edited March 4, 2009 by princessgianna

[HisChildForever]

Thanks for the prayers!

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1797461' date='Mar 4 2009, 04:54 PM']My daughter was somewhat the same way, but she went so far as to drop out of high school, and so didn't want to hear about going any college. I told her it was not one of the best ideas she ever had, but it was her decision, and she would have to live withi it. She immediately went and got her GED and started working fulltime at whatever job she could get, sometimes 2 or 3 jobs at once. She worked for 3 years before she decided on the military, and she has been happy as a clam since. She completed her first semester of college before she currrent stint started, taking 6 classes and made mostly A's. I couldn't be more proud of her if she had chosen a more traditional path.
When a child reaches a certain age, as your brother is, you can suggest what you think is best for them, but it is his choice, and his life. Your mom can't make these decisions for him, and all the screaming and crying and ranting will make not the slightest difference in the end, and might alienate him for years. Some kids fly sooner than others. I certainly never thought my youngest would fly soonest. I think your parents should start visiting the various recruiters with him, and let him know they love and support whatever decision he makes.
It is the hardest thing in the world to do, but it the last stage of being a parent - when you go from authority figure to advisor. As a parent our job is to raise kids and give them wings - THEN GET OUT OF THE WAY.[/quote]

This is a great story, I am really glad your daughter is doing well. My Mom at this time is just thinking of the worst case scenario.

[havok579257]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1797403' date='Mar 4 2009, 03:32 PM']My younger brother is a senior in high school and has yet to apply for college (actually, my Mom filled out and submitted one application for him [he already had an essay written], and of course he is furious at her for this). Basically, he wants to go straight into the Marines. Initially he planned on going to a four-year college enrolled in the Marine Corps ROTC program, and just a few months ago got the sudden idea that he does not want to go to college. (Before [i]that[/i] he was gunning...excuse the pun...for a four-year college major in Criminal Justice with the interests of later becoming a police officer.) My brother is a bright kid but he is more "hands on" - for example he is a volunteer EMT, he is very athletic, and he coaches basketball for younger kids - but his grades are not the best. Arguably, he had to put in a lot of work for his EMT schools so clearly if he really wants something he can suffer through the schooling.

My Mom is completely opposed to him joining the Marines (side note: he turns 18 in early June). She believes he will lose his identity and become a "killing machine," and will be deployed to the Middle East - which he may not come back from. She also believes that he has this stuck in his head because ever since he was younger he has been obsessed with war action movies and has this "glorified" view of the military and war. My Dad is also not happy about his decision but says that as much as he hates to be in this position (as a father) he will support my brother (having suggested he try the Navy or Air Force instead). My older brother and I are sort of sticking to the sidelines and are not encouraging my younger brother in any way. My brother HAS approached me about this before, taking me into his confidence (like how he kept changing his plans) and asking me for advice on how to broach the subject with our parents. I never really encouraged him to join the Marines but neither did I dissuade him from it.

However I think I need to step in because apparently he skips out on meetings with the guidance counselor and even did so today, much to my Mom's absolute embarrassment. They had a meeting this afternoon after school to discuss his English grade and it turns out that while my brother did show up, he saw the counselor was busy and simply left before my Mom even got there. Obviously my Mom is embarrassed and furious, PLUS she took off early from work. My brother has pulled a stunt like this before, they were going to visit a college and he refused to get out of bed, and my Mom had purposefully taken off of work, so obviously my brother has a selfish streak going on.

I told my Mom that she should suggest the community college to him - he can major in Criminal Justice and he can get a solid two years of college experience. By that point maybe he will want to pursue the police academy etc. I do not understand why my brother has this extreme urge to join the Marines NOWNOWNOW. My Mom is a wreck over this.

I know for a fact that once he gets home from wherever he is (yes, he also turned his cell off) that he will lose all car privileges. But I am really not looking forward to all the shouting...like my Dad too is seriously mad.

Any ideas on what I should do? Anyone have any similar experience(s)?[/quote]


Well it sounds like your mom is acting like most mother's in that she thinks she knows what's best for your brother's future. Its not bad, its just something all parents do. All parents think they know what's best for their children and if their children's plans deveate from their idea's for them, then they get upset. The problem for all parents is just having to accept that children have to blaze their own path and most of the time, its is not the same path the parents have in mind for their children. Its a hard thing to do because parents have basically been choosing their children's path for the last 18 years and to suddenly stop is not an easy thing to do.

College is not for everyone right away. Here's what happened to me in a similar situation. After high school I got a scholorship to play football. So I went to college to play football. I didn't want to go for the schooling. After I stopped playing football, I had no real intrest in college. I continued to go because my parents would be so upset if I stopped going to college(and they always let me know). I really had no motivation for college. Nothing interested me. Finally after wasting years in college I dropped out. I got an hourly job and eventually was promoted to supivisor. I did this for 4 years. The job was not the best job in the world and after working their for 4 years I came to the conclusion that this was not for me. I wanted something more in life. I wanted to help people. Eventually I figured out my path in life. I wanted to help people and I finally figured out what I wanted to do. So after being out of school for almost 5 years I went back to college and got a degree in EMS and became a paramedic. Now I work in the profession I love and a profession I know God wants me to be in. Sure it took me a long time to get to this point in my life, but I am so much better off because of it. Had I just stuck through with college and got some degree in something, I know I would not be in the position I am in today and having experienced the real business world and having to pay my way through college made me appriciate what I have now more than I ever would have. Its not always every's best choice to go to college right out of high school. Sometimes people need to mature and experience life before they can go through college. For some, colllege right out of high school is the right choice. For toher's, like me, college was not right out of school.

Since you brother is already an EMT, why not bring up the idea to him and your mother about him becoming a field medic. Sure he will still have to learn how to be a soilder first, but he won't be a so called (killing machine). Inseatd he will be helping men and women who are injured over there.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1797472' date='Mar 4 2009, 06:06 PM']Thanks for the prayers!
This is a great story, I am really glad your daughter is doing well. My Mom at this time is just thinking of the worst case scenario.[/quote]
I understand quite well.
My daughter has 18 months of language school, 4 months in Texas, then full-time deployment.
I think of the worst case scenario as well.

Its in the hands of God.

[MissyP89]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1797427' date='Mar 4 2009, 04:18 PM']Oh, I know what I should have asked...

Can anyone recommend a Saint? I thought of St. Michael but I was also thinking more along the lines of a patron Saint of the military (if one exists) and if there is a Novena?[/quote]

St. Michael is the patron of the criminal justice field. He's pretty boss, if you ask me. I'll be praying for your family!

[HisChildForever]

[quote name='havok579257' post='1797481' date='Mar 4 2009, 05:17 PM']College is not for everyone right away. Here's what happened to me in a similar situation. After high school I got a scholorship to play football. So I went to college to play football. I didn't want to go for the schooling. After I stopped playing football, I had no real intrest in college. I continued to go because my parents would be so upset if I stopped going to college(and they always let me know). I really had no motivation for college. Nothing interested me. Finally after wasting years in college I dropped out. I got an hourly job and eventually was promoted to supivisor. I did this for 4 years. The job was not the best job in the world and after working their for 4 years I came to the conclusion that this was not for me. I wanted something more in life. I wanted to help people. Eventually I figured out my path in life. I wanted to help people and I finally figured out what I wanted to do. So after being out of school for almost 5 years I went back to college and got a degree in EMS and became a paramedic. Now I work in the profession I love and a profession I know God wants me to be in. Sure it took me a long time to get to this point in my life, but I am so much better off because of it. Had I just stuck through with college and got some degree in something, I know I would not be in the position I am in today and having experienced the real business world and having to pay my way through college made me appriciate what I have now more than I ever would have. Its not always every's best choice to go to college right out of high school. Sometimes people need to mature and experience life before they can go through college. For some, colllege right out of high school is the right choice. For toher's, like me, college was not right out of school.[/quote]

Well, obviously my Mom is upset about the college situation, but she feels that my brother does not truly understand what he is "getting into" and she is afraid he is going to get killed. But thanks for the personal story!

Super glad I asked for advice here.

[stlmom]

4 years ago, our youngest son went into the Navy. He had some learning problems and a touch of ADHD, but was good in athletics and music---just not mature enough to go to college right out of high school. My husband and I were relieved that he chose the Navy. He has matured now well beyond many of his high school friends who partied away their college time. He was able to start on his college coursework while in the service as well. Military life is not easy, but it did wonders for our son. I share your family's concern about joining the Marines--hopefully you can get him to look at the Navy or the Air Force. God bless!

[franciscanheart]

i still think you should just pray for your brother.

[IcePrincessKRS]

Everyone worries about the worst case scenario... you just have to pray it doesn't happen. My MIL worries about my husband getting deployed all the time and he's 28. That worry won't go away no matter how old your brother is when he enlists or how much college he has under his belt first. The Army life has been pretty good for us, though. I don't have any complaints. If my husband gets deployed I'll just su[i][/i]ck it up and deal. Pray for him. That's about all we CAN do. These days especially you can't enlist and NOT expect to be deployed. It'll happen eventually, sometimes sooner rather than later, sometimes more than once.

My younger brother is a Marine, he's a Sgt. now, has served 2 tours in Iraq. He's also gotten married, had a baby, and been able to change his MOS to a non-deployable job (so that he can better provide for his family). Honestly, I think joining the Marine Corps has been one of the best things he's ever done. He's not a brute or a killing machine. There was a time when I was worried about him, the way he was living his life right out of high school, etc., but the Marines have taught him a lot. He's been able to take college courses, etc. (my husband has taken a few, too), so school isn't entirely out of the question while on active duty in the military.

It does sound to me like enlisting is really in your brother's best interests. From what you said, despite his different considerations about when to go to college and for how long, the military has always been something he wanted to do. It will be hard on your parents, but I think in the long run it's best for everyone to let him enlist. Come June they can't really stop him, so prayerfully supporting him would be a far better option.

The "major" downside of the Marine Corps that I have seen is that when someone enlists they can't sign up for a specific job--they get a general field and are assigned a job under that field. My brother's first job, he wanted something in engineering, was "bulk fuel specialist". Essentially he was pumping gas for trucks and whatnot. Not what he had imagined when he signed up for "engineering." But MANY (I'd even say most) people choose a certain branch with convictions about why they want that branch. My husband chose Army because he felt that his particular skill set was most needed there, he wanted to become an officer (and has done so) and wanted to choose the branch that he felt he could make the most difference in. The Army allows you to pick a specific job, not a general field. I'm very much against poo-pooing any branch of the military, or choosing "bests". I think that's stupid and degrades the job that ALL our troops are doing. But, I'm just offering a thought here that your brother should be careful and know what type of jobs are available to him if and when he enlists.

My bottom line here, though, is still prayer. Prayerfully supporting him will do you all a greater turn than fighting. We prayed for almost a full year before we made the final decision to enlist, it's not something we did lightly. Ask and God will provide the answer and guide your brother in his decisions.

[whatsup]

my friends who became marines got to go to Japan and Korea and those sorts of countries. I think right now its the guard and Army that are sending loads of troops to Iraq, more than the marines

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='whatsup' post='1797525' date='Mar 4 2009, 07:33 PM']my friends who became marines got to go to Japan and Korea and those sorts of countries. I think right now its the guard and Army that are sending loads of troops to Iraq, more than the marines[/quote]

We're Army (as I mentioned in my previous post) and Korea was our first duty station. We spent 2 years there. Marines are still going to Iraq, that's part of why my brother sought a change in his MOS. Marines can get deployed from Japan TO Iraq.

[Paladin D]

[quote name='whatsup' post='1797525' date='Mar 4 2009, 07:33 PM']my friends who became marines got to go to Japan and Korea and those sorts of countries. I think right now its the guard and Army that are sending loads of troops to Iraq, more than the marines[/quote]

The Army would send more troops to Iraq, the Army is a much larger branch than the Marine Corps.