nkkh Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 My girlfriend and I were soul mates, and everyone could see it. We were discussing when is the best time for our engagement. We both said yes and we were for all intents and purposes engaged. On Tuesday, March 3rd, she was in a devastating car accident, colliding with a tractor trailer. I just don't feel as if my pain will ever go away, and I have some deep questions lingering which I am sure are normal. I am scheduled to seek professional help soon after all of the services for her, but this will help me to talk and break up the lonely morning hours. Last night after the first wake, my cousin and his girlfriend took me out to dinner. I felt a little better, and was finally able to eat some food for the first time in days. As I am eating I suddenly became very sick to my stomach, shortness of breath, and fear overcame me. My soulmate is watching over me, seeing me laugh after what happened. I feel like I am disrespecting her life, her soul by showing even a split second of happiness, or for a brief moment not thinking about her and the great loss everyone is suffering. Am I right to feel this way? I try to think she would want to see my try to be happy, she would never want me to be miserable and depressed, but at the same time I more strongly feel that I am disrespectful to her and her legacy. Her step mother had approached me and said that we were young, and overtime I will fall in love again, and to make sure I am not a stranger and to keep in touch and keep them filled in. I felt so confused. How could anyone be thinking about that now, let alone ever. I promised to take her hand in marriage, and I decided to burry her with her ring, so that we may finish our journey in heaven. What if in 5, 10, 15 years I do meet some one? Even with my promise to her. I am so lost and confused. Does that make me a bad person? I would be breaking a promise I am choosing today to make again. I could mourn her loss but not make this promise. But I am and want to make it. Does that make me a bad person if I did meet someone else? It is so soon to think about this, but her step mother knew what it was like to lose some one at such a young age and was only trying to comfort me. I am Catholic, but I have some questions. Can I reunite with my angel in heaven and can we become one? She had demons from traumatic experiences her whole life, and this greatly effected her, and I fear that maybe she is watching down on me, worry that she will lose me. Are her demons cured? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintwannabe 777 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 [quote name='nkkh' post='1798863' date='Mar 6 2009, 10:17 AM']My girlfriend and I were soul mates, and everyone could see it. We were discussing when is the best time for our engagement. We both said yes and we were for all intents and purposes engaged. On Tuesday, March 3rd, she was in a devastating car accident, colliding with a tractor trailer. I just don't feel as if my pain will ever go away, and I have some deep questions lingering which I am sure are normal. I am scheduled to seek professional help soon after all of the services for her, but this will help me to talk and break up the lonely morning hours. Last night after the first wake, my cousin and his girlfriend took me out to dinner. I felt a little better, and was finally able to eat some food for the first time in days. As I am eating I suddenly became very sick to my stomach, shortness of breath, and fear overcame me. My soulmate is watching over me, seeing me laugh after what happened. I feel like I am disrespecting her life, her soul by showing even a split second of happiness, or for a brief moment not thinking about her and the great loss everyone is suffering. Am I right to feel this way? I try to think she would want to see my try to be happy, she would never want me to be miserable and depressed, but at the same time I more strongly feel that I am disrespectful to her and her legacy. Her step mother had approached me and said that we were young, and overtime I will fall in love again, and to make sure I am not a stranger and to keep in touch and keep them filled in. I felt so confused. How could anyone be thinking about that now, let alone ever. I promised to take her hand in marriage, and I decided to burry her with her ring, so that we may finish our journey in heaven. What if in 5, 10, 15 years I do meet some one? Even with my promise to her. I am so lost and confused. Does that make me a bad person? I would be breaking a promise I am choosing today to make again. I could mourn her loss but not make this promise. But I am and want to make it. Does that make me a bad person if I did meet someone else? It is so soon to think about this, but her step mother knew what it was like to lose some one at such a young age and was only trying to comfort me. I am Catholic, but I have some questions. Can I reunite with my angel in heaven and can we become one? She had demons from traumatic experiences her whole life, and this greatly effected her, and I fear that maybe she is watching down on me, worry that she will lose me. Are her demons cured?[/quote] Wow man! I don't even know what to say to you because the pain you feel right now is so deep. All I can tell you and you can read my story in transmudane lane. See Do you believe in intense conversion experiences. Jesus is with you right now and He is the healer of hearts. I ask that you pray hard to Him, that you ask Him to reveal Himself to you in this tragedy. Yo man, no it does not make you a bad person if you meet someone else. Maybe God wanted her with Him. I know that sounds cliche, but as mortal beings, we can't see the road in front of us. We cannot see why things happen until years down the road. I ask that yes you mourn, that you do not run from your pain. That you ask God the tough questions and that you keep pushing Him for answers. He wil do it, Our Boy Jesus Christ never lets us down. Last year, I lost two people who were very close tom me, and I was very hurt. But I had a choice I could either let that situation make me bitter, or I could let that situtation lead me closer to God. Let this pain, let this hurt bring you closer to your God. Confide your feelings to the Virgin Mary our Mother and Queen. I want to see you through this, and I will pray for you. PM me and we'll take. God bless, and your loved one is cheering you on . I know she is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 I'd be willing to bet anything that the pain you're feeling is normal and to be expected. Hang out with us on Phatmass for a while; it was a great idea coming here. More importantly, talk to as many people as you can in your own life. With a bit of perspective, some of the things you're worrying about will start to make a lot more sense. I don't understand what you're going through, but I hope we can all help you in our own little ways. Welcome to Phatmass. Wish it could have been under happier circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
takebacktonight Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 [quote name='nkkh' post='1798863' date='Mar 6 2009, 09:17 AM']Last night after the first wake, my cousin and his girlfriend took me out to dinner. I felt a little better, and was finally able to eat some food for the first time in days. As I am eating I suddenly became very sick to my stomach, shortness of breath, and fear overcame me. My soulmate is watching over me, seeing me laugh after what happened. I feel like I am disrespecting her life, her soul by showing even a split second of happiness, or for a brief moment not thinking about her and the great loss everyone is suffering. Am I right to feel this way?[/quote] It is absolutely [b]normal[/b] to feel the way you are feeling. My friend and her boyfriend were killed by a drunk driver...and after their wake we all felt the same way. It didn't feel right to do go home and have pizza...because they weren't there to enjoy it...it didn't feel right to be able to go back to school.. It's hard and it's confusing and you have to give yourself permission to grieve. Have you heard of the five stages of grief? [quote name='nkkh' post='1798863' date='Mar 6 2009, 09:17 AM']Her step mother had approached me and said that we were young, and overtime I will fall in love again, and to make sure I am not a stranger and to keep in touch and keep them filled in. I felt so confused. How could anyone be thinking about that now, let alone ever. I promised to take her hand in marriage, and I decided to burry her with her ring, so that we may finish our journey in heaven. What if in 5, 10, 15 years I do meet some one? Even with my promise to her. I am so lost and confused. Does that make me a bad person? I would be breaking a promise I am choosing today to make again. I could mourn her loss but not make this promise. But I am and want to make it. Does that make me a bad person if I did meet someone else? It is so soon to think about this, but her step mother knew what it was like to lose some one at such a young age and was only trying to comfort me.[/quote] I know you have so many unanswered questions, like these, but just try take things one day at a time...try a little to leave the future in the hands of God... I'm praying for you. -Heather Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nkkh Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 I spoke with a priest from my church a bit ago over the phone, and I asked him, is she suffering still? Are her worries, and bad memories from past relationships, including almost all of he family still haunting her? Is she still worried of losing me and he told me no. In heaven, there is no sadness, no pain, no worry, no fear, no flus, colds or disease. Only pure everlasting joy, and this made me very relaxed. I also asked if it were possible for us to become married in heaven. He told me no, in heaven God is our center of attention, and the love we will feel for him surpasses all. In heaven there is no marriage or family as we know it on earth. But he said she still holds me special to her, more than others. That she is watching me, with the most intense joy and happiness, and that should we meet in heaven, her love for me will not die, but only grow over time, and I will feel a special bond with her again, though not as we know it on earth. He also said about the ring, that placing it with her may not make much sense other than for my own personal healing. Since we cannot marry in heaven, it may be better for me to keep and wear as a necklace. I am on the fence, even after the priests insight I still hope she could one day get her ring back, when Jesus comes and our bodys return to us. And I am very greatfull for the responses so far. Thank you for the kind words, prayers and welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IcePrincessKRS Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 I am so sorry. You will be in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
takebacktonight Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Nkkh, I am glad you've found a little peace already. You seem like a strong person, although you may not feel that way right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 I am praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morostheos Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Nkkh, I'm so sorry for your loss. You will definitely be in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 All I can do is offer you prayers. My husband and I have discussed what we would want for each other if one of us dies. I would want him to live, to be happy, to marry again. I love him too much to want him to spend his life in grief. I know that you can't even breath or think right now, but I want you to remember that you have to go through the grieving process. You don't want to get stuck in one of the stages and have it derail the rest of your life. If you find yourself later falling into depression, please get help. You have a right to seek grief counseling. Catholic Charities has bereavement services, and you should treat yourself like a widower even if you weren't married. You are feeling the same things, and are entitled to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lounge Daddy Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Oh man... I am so sorry for your loss. I'll keep you and her family in my prayers, esp. at Mass this weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 [quote name='takebacktonight' post='1798907' date='Mar 6 2009, 10:54 AM']Nkkh, I am glad you've found a little peace already. You seem like a strong person, although you may not feel that way right now.[/quote] I ABSOLUTELY agree. Many prayers for you and your loved one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 I am so sorry for your loss. May she rest in the loving hands of God. What you are feeling is perfectly normal. My other mother died on Tuesday, the family that took me in when I was confused teenager and let me stay there off and on til I went to college. Its odd to think she is gone, that she'll never meet my granddaughter etc, that I won't see her at church this Sunday. We sat at the funeral home last night and laughed and cried and told stories. But we are certain she is in a better place, with love and joy and peace. Death can come after a tragic accident or a long illness, but you are never ready to lose someone you love. I think you should keep the ring, then you will always have something to hold when you think of her. In the beginning you will think of her constantly, but real life will eventually intrude and that is ok. Our loved ones never want us to dwell in the past with them, but live our lives til we meet again. It is not a betrayal to go on living and loving until our own time comes, it honors their memory to be the best we can be - until we meet again. You are in our prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 what Cmom said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old_Joe Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Wow...just..wow. I'm sorry. I can't even imagine what that's like. Prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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