I Lost My Girlfriend Of 11 Months In A Car Accident

[homeschoolmom]

I am so sorry for your loss.

It is normal to feel guilty for laughing or for having fun with your friends. Survivor's guilt is pretty typical in this situation. It is NOT wrong-- you are NOT betraying her by learning to go on with your life, falling in love again and marrying. The promise that you made to her to marry her cannot be kept. That is the fault of no one. It just didn't happened even though you were both well-intentioned. If you had married, your vows to remain together would be binding until death. After death, the remaining spouse is expected to go on with life.

[CoffeeCatholic]

almost 5 years ago, I lost my boyfriend, who was also my best friend in the world. He died of a heart condition that we didn't know he had. He died while we were all out of town, but I wasn't supposed to be, and so his sister found him when she returned a week later.

For awhile, I couldn't eat anything but the jello and noodles that my friend force fed me. I can't eat jello now. Because of his death, I decided to become Catholic (he was and his family was very devote) and changed alot about myself very quickly. But i "knew" i would never fall in love again. I was so immensely hurt, and so still in love.

Loosing a girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse to a break up is in no way the same as loosing them to death, especially sudden death. There's absolutely no closure, at least not the way you're used to. I had dreams, even up to last year, that he miraculously came back to life and my life moved forward. But the truth is, he won't.

About 3.5 years ago, I met Joey. Joey was a wonderful man, but i still wondered, could i forgive myself for my mistakes of the past, could I move past Henry, could I love again? I warned him, and told him all about Henry and my last 2 years. a few days after we went to a holy hour at his church with confession and mass beforehand, we were talking on the phone, and he was teaching me about plenary indulgences. I was still a new Catholic and I didn't know what they were. He said "I wasn't going to tell you this, but the other day, I offered up my plenary from our holy hour to Henry. I'm pretty sure he's already in heaven, but if he wasn't I wanted to make sure you had another person praying for you."

I was speachless. How could this man understand how i felt? How could he understand that I would never stop loving Henry, even if I was able to love him? How could he not be jealous of this, but instead, so accepting? I told him to wait right there, hung up the phone, and drove the 25 miles to his front door. It was probably 9:30 at night. I knocked, and he answered and I was able to tell him that I loved him.

Today, we've been married for 6 weeks. And we're pregnant (yeah honeymoon babies!) Joey knows how I feel, still, for Henry, and he would never ask me to change that. He knows that I want to name one of our children for this wonderful man, who I know is looking over me as a Saint in Heaven. And he loves me not despite, but for it. And I love him just as much as I love Henry, but in a new way.

Love comes back. You won't believe it now, and I won't tell you to. You can't. Not until you're allowed to grieve. But trust, trust in Jesus that He won't let you feel this utter pain forever, that you won't go on forever this way, although it seems never ending. And trust, and your girlfriend still loves you just as much as you will always love her. The only difference is the kind of love- it's more heavenly than you could ever imagine.

We're not mormons, so no, we don't believe in marriage after death. But i do understand how you feel. For awhile, my reason for pursuing the Catholic faith was simply so I would go to the same place that Henry went to, Heaven or Hell (I was raised Anti-Catholic) just to be with him. But now, I know that every time I go to communion, I am with him, as he is a member of the communion of Saints who live in paradise, in the complete Glory of God. Amazing.

I'll be praying for you. If you need to talk, PM me.

God Bless you.

[CrossCuT]

[size=1]Wow Nkkh!

I have had many of my own very difficult times with pain and grief, but I cant even begin to imagine the magnitude of loss you are feeling right now.
What you wrote moved me to tears and I want you to know you have 100% of my sympathy, care, love, and prayers right now!

Even amidst all this pain you are going through, you reached out for help and that proves how strong you are! As long as someone is willing to reach out, there is always somewhere there to take your hand and help you along!!

I dont know how much this will help your mourning, but always remember that God allows these terrible things to happen only to draw a greater good out of it.
And Im sure at this point you cant possibly imagine what GOOD can come out of this, and maybe you dont want to know, but just trust in God.

Trust that He will NOT abandon you, especially right now.


Come back to Phatmass whenever you want to talk!
We are here for you!
[/size]

[eagle_eye222001]

----------------
Listening to: [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/green+day/track/boulevard+of+broken+dreams"]Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams[/url]
via [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/"]FoxyTunes[/url]

[Seven77]

Truly sorry for your loss. Prayers.

[goldbug16]

I'm so sorry for your loss! I can't even imagine what pain you must be going through right now. I will offer up my rosary for you and the repose of the soul of your girlfriend tonight.

Though sometimes it's hard to believe, God loves you more than you can imagine, and as the priest told you, she is loving you with a more perfect love than you ever could have known.

God bless you and Mary keep you.

[MissyP89]

I'm praying for you, and for God's mercy upon her, too. *hugs*

It might not be entirely the same, but I lost my grandfather a year and a half ago in a freak accident. I had no time to prepare myself, and for a long time after, I couldn't come out of my fog, if only because he wasn't there.

What got me through it after the funeral and everything was just the knowledge that he would have never wanted me to go on hurting for him forever. I still cry over it sometimes, and honestly am as I write this, but listen: if she really loved you, she wanted the absolute best for you in life. She wanted your happiness. Grieve for her as long as you need to, but then do your best to move forward, and live your life to its absolute fullest, to the day that you can see her again. I'm sure that she'll always be praying for you.

Hang in there. I know it seems impossible right now, but sooner or later, the pain will ease.

[Resurrexi]

May she rest in peace.

[Paladin D]

[b]nkkh[/b], I cannot imagine the pain you must have felt, and still feel today. I will pray for you.

[Ziggamafu]

[quote name='CoffeeCatholic' post='1799003' date='Mar 6 2009, 02:13 PM']almost 5 years ago, I lost my boyfriend, who was also my best friend in the world. He died of a heart condition that we didn't know he had. He died while we were all out of town, but I wasn't supposed to be, and so his sister found him when she returned a week later.

For awhile, I couldn't eat anything but the jello and noodles that my friend force fed me. I can't eat jello now. Because of his death, I decided to become Catholic (he was and his family was very devote) and changed alot about myself very quickly. But i "knew" i would never fall in love again. I was so immensely hurt, and so still in love.

Loosing a girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse to a break up is in no way the same as loosing them to death, especially sudden death. There's absolutely no closure, at least not the way you're used to. I had dreams, even up to last year, that he miraculously came back to life and my life moved forward. But the truth is, he won't.

About 3.5 years ago, I met Joey. Joey was a wonderful man, but i still wondered, could i forgive myself for my mistakes of the past, could I move past Henry, could I love again? I warned him, and told him all about Henry and my last 2 years. a few days after we went to a holy hour at his church with confession and mass beforehand, we were talking on the phone, and he was teaching me about plenary indulgences. I was still a new Catholic and I didn't know what they were. He said "I wasn't going to tell you this, but the other day, I offered up my plenary from our holy hour to Henry. I'm pretty sure he's already in heaven, but if he wasn't I wanted to make sure you had another person praying for you."

I was speachless. How could this man understand how i felt? How could he understand that I would never stop loving Henry, even if I was able to love him? How could he not be jealous of this, but instead, so accepting? I told him to wait right there, hung up the phone, and drove the 25 miles to his front door. It was probably 9:30 at night. I knocked, and he answered and I was able to tell him that I loved him.

Today, we've been married for 6 weeks. And we're pregnant (yeah honeymoon babies!) Joey knows how I feel, still, for Henry, and he would never ask me to change that. He knows that I want to name one of our children for this wonderful man, who I know is looking over me as a Saint in Heaven. And he loves me not despite, but for it. And I love him just as much as I love Henry, but in a new way.

Love comes back. You won't believe it now, and I won't tell you to. You can't. Not until you're allowed to grieve. But trust, trust in Jesus that He won't let you feel this utter pain forever, that you won't go on forever this way, although it seems never ending. And trust, and your girlfriend still loves you just as much as you will always love her. The only difference is the kind of love- it's more heavenly than you could ever imagine.

We're not mormons, so no, we don't believe in marriage after death. But i do understand how you feel. For awhile, my reason for pursuing the Catholic faith was simply so I would go to the same place that Henry went to, Heaven or Hell (I was raised Anti-Catholic) just to be with him. [b]But now, I know that every time I go to communion, I am with him, as he is a member of the communion of Saints who live in paradise, in the complete Glory of God. Amazing.[/b]

I'll be praying for you. If you need to talk, PM me.

God Bless you.[/quote]

This post blew me away. I don't think there's anything I can add - either from experience or knowledge - other than to say that I will pray for the OP too.

Edited March 7, 2009 by Ziggamafu

[Proud2BCatholic139]

Trust in God's Mercy!
Pray a chaplet of Divine Mercy.
"Jesus I trust in You!"
I'm so sorry for your loss. :tears:


P2BC

[elizabeth09]

If you do meet another girl, and if you are welling to tell her how you have felt about another, which I am sorry to read, you can. But I think that God calling you to do something else, in you life. In my life I have lost a grandpa, and a step-grandpa within about 12 and a half years. Even I felt the pain maybe more that you. There were four other death that I also have to feel too, so you are not alone in the world. Just remeber thtat God is always on our side of the fight.

[Guest]

prayers

[nkkh]

Thank you all for your prayers and kind words.
They have been a great help, in addition to my family, friends and her family.

Her family has accepted me a part of them, and this has helped me greatly as well.

I will further state that finding Jesus again (i will admit i was straying over time) has made me see that she did not die, but was born. Accepting Jesus back into my life (I had not rejected him ever, but maybe took him for granted) has allowed me to instantly be able to sleep again at night, and my gut wrenching pain has subsided.

May god bless you all.

[KyleG38]

May God bless you and keep you! Even though your sadness may seem unbearable know that you are not alone in your grief. Christ is there by your side to walk with you thru this tough time. Plus you have great family and friends who are there to support you. Through prayer and with time things will get better. You definitely have my prayers. Hang in there, bud.