reelguy227 Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 And I am wondering if anyone could give advice as to how to start a relationship with her....? We decided to start out as just friends and we have a lot in common, most importantly the Faith and our passion for it. It would be long distance, about 3 hoursish. I guess my problem is that I just don't know how to approach talking to her about being more than friends, especially because it's long distance and over the computer and phone. And since a lot of people on here have relationships or are married and are Catholic, I thought I'd go to the phamily for advice. Thanks guys and God bless, Ricky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 [quote name='reelguy227' post='1803388' date='Mar 11 2009, 02:00 AM']And I am wondering if anyone could give advice as to how to start a relationship with her....? We decided to start out as just friends and we have a lot in common, most importantly the Faith and our passion for it. It would be long distance, about 3 hoursish. I guess my problem is that I just don't know how to approach talking to her about being more than friends, especially because it's long distance and over the computer and phone. And since a lot of people on here have relationships or are married and are Catholic, I thought I'd go to the phamily for advice. Thanks guys and God bless, Ricky[/quote] Just continue talking about whats important to you and what you have in common. Give it time, and she'll let you know if and when its going anywhere Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hassan Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 [quote name='reelguy227' post='1803388' date='Mar 11 2009, 12:00 AM']And I am wondering if anyone could give advice as to how to start a relationship with her....? We decided to start out as just friends and we have a lot in common, most importantly the Faith and our passion for it. It would be long distance, about 3 hoursish. I guess my problem is that I just don't know how to approach talking to her about being more than friends, especially because it's long distance and over the computer and phone. And since a lot of people on here have relationships or are married and are Catholic, I thought I'd go to the phamily for advice. Thanks guys and God bless, Ricky[/quote] That's a good question, one no one really has an answer to seeing as women are crazy. Make her feel special I guess, make her laugh. Show you have the same interests. I mean I've never done anything like that but it seems you have an advantage. Generally you meet a girl you know nothing about her. Does she have a boyfriend?, is she a lesbian? Is she looking for a relaationship etc. You both know you are interested in each other and looking for a relationship. So what now? I don't know, perhapse a woman can help out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 [quote name='Hassan' post='1803403' date='Mar 11 2009, 02:09 AM']That's a good question, one no one really has an answer to seeing as women are crazy. Make her feel special I guess, make her laugh. Show you have the same interests. I mean I've never done anything like that but it seems you have an advantage. Generally you meet a girl you know nothing about her. Does she have a boyfriend?, is she a lesbian? Is she looking for a relaationship etc. You both know you are interested in each other and looking for a relationship. So what now? I don't know, perhapse a woman can help out.[/quote] I already did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 [quote name='reelguy227' post='1803388' date='Mar 11 2009, 12:00 AM']And I am wondering if anyone could give advice as to how to start a relationship with her....? We decided to start out as just friends and we have a lot in common, most importantly the Faith and our passion for it. It would be long distance, about 3 hoursish. I guess my problem is that I just don't know how to approach talking to her about being more than friends, especially because it's long distance and over the computer and phone. And since a lot of people on here have relationships or are married and are Catholic, I thought I'd go to the phamily for advice. Thanks guys and God bless, Ricky[/quote] My advice: don't fret about it. As you talk about (any and every) things, you build trust and strengthen your friendship. With a closer and deeper friendship it just kinda comes naturally. Sometimes you won't even realize it. Don't push it or will be awkward. That said, don't 'hold back' - like... if you miss her, tell her. If you thought about her while doing something random or heard something that you think she might like, tell her. Flirting is fun. Don't forget that. Do small things so that she knows you care - send an email or text just saying hi and asking her how her day is. Those are very endearing. lol. I am assuming that it has come up a little bit at least already if you've decided to be friends first? The distance is hard, but three hours is (to me) not too horrid (mine is 24 hours away, nonstop driving. ) Also, pray pray pray. And pray together. I love praying novenas together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hassan Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 [quote name='missionseeker' post='1803422' date='Mar 11 2009, 01:25 AM']That said, don't 'hold back' - like... if you miss her, tell her. If you thought about her while doing something random or heard something that you think she might like, tell her. Flirting is fun. Don't forget that. Do small things so that she knows you care - send an email or text just saying hi and asking her how her day is. Those are very endearing. lol.[/quote] Really? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 [quote name='Hassan' post='1803424' date='Mar 11 2009, 12:27 AM']Really? [/quote] well, as long you don't creep her out, yes. as long as you don't gross her out, for that matter too. We just wanna know that someone cares about us... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 When my husband and I first met at Ave Maria, we communicated by email and phone, mostly email. I found it important to not just talk about faith but to talk about everything. We talked about our past, our hopes for the future, our ideas about money, children, you name it. We were discerning marriage seriously and needed to talk about any and all issues that might come up. Being in our 40's at the time, we had a lot of past to talk about. Let me give you an example. When I was involved in the pre-marriage program, one of the questions that was asked is "how much money would you be comfortable spending before discussing it with your spouse?" If one says $100 and the other says $1000, then that is a potential huge issue that might come up later that you might not think about before hand. When I did divorces, the two main reasons that broke up marriages were money, and families (ex's, children from other relationships, inlaws). Even when there was adultery, the marriage was usually damaged by one of those two reasons long before the affair happened. My advice it to talk about everything. Talk about news issues from the paper, talk about things you saw on the street. The most inconsequential thing might bring up an important issue. The advantage of distance is that you have to talk. You don't have the temptation or distraction of physical contact. And remember, this is supposed to fun. Relax and enjoy the excitement of a new relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 [quote name='reelguy227' post='1803388' date='Mar 10 2009, 11:00 PM']And I am wondering if anyone could give advice as to how to start a relationship with her....? We decided to start out as just friends and we have a lot in common, most importantly the Faith and our passion for it. It would be long distance, about 3 hoursish. I guess my problem is that I just don't know how to approach talking to her about being more than friends, especially because it's long distance and over the computer and phone. And since a lot of people on here have relationships or are married and are Catholic, I thought I'd go to the phamily for advice. Thanks guys and God bless, Ricky[/quote] My husband and I met through Catholic Match. It's a good site! Every woman is different, and every relationship is different, so it's hard to give you advice on how to specifically handle this situation. I think the biggest key is to work on feeling comfortable with each other and talking through all the stuff you need to talk through. My husband and I talked for about three weeks before we met, and in that time we were both very clear that marriage was our eventual goal, and that we were scoping each other out as potential husband/wife. There was no beating around the bush, or guesswork, or game-playing with this. Honestly, that was REALLY refreshing. Many of the guys I've dated or been interested in have not been nearly as upfront as my husband was about their desires and intentions. It gave me the freedom to really open up. Toward that end, we got out all the bad stuff early on. Because we were both interested in marriage, and were both aware of our own faults, we were able to lay them out honestly to each other so the other person could evaluate whether these things would be dealbreakers in marriage or not. We talked at that point about things like finances, about things we are passionate about, about our conflict styles, family history, and things like that. Not everyone is going to be able to be that honest that quickly. For one thing, not everyone knows their flaws, or is comfortable admitting them. For another, not everyone is as ready for marriage as we were, even just in terms of knowing decisively that marriage is what you want. We were a little emotionally removed in our early vetting, because the primary goal was not to build a relationship with this person, but to determine whether this person was the right person to marry. We both knew, pretty specifically, what we wanted in a spouse, including the things we could compromise on and the things we couldn't. Not being emotionally involved too early helped make that analysis easier. We talked about it openly all along the way. There was a definite point when I remember asking my husband whether he felt like it would be OK for me to allow romantic feelings for him to grow, and he said it would be. Things progressed pretty quickly thereafter. We married less than a year after we met. Like I said, the way we did it is not for everyone. But, I think that being clear all along about what we were wanting and hoping for long-term was really good. And, I think not allowing romantic feelings to develop until we knew they were feelings for the right person was really good. It was really a case of head and heart working in concert, for both of us. I hope this helps a little; ask any questions you like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hassan Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 [quote name='CatherineM' post='1803443' date='Mar 11 2009, 01:37 AM']When my husband and I first met at Ave Maria, we communicated by email and phone, mostly email. I found it important to not just talk about faith but to talk about everything. We talked about our past, our hopes for the future, our ideas about money, children, you name it. We were discerning marriage seriously and needed to talk about any and all issues that might come up. Being in our 40's at the time, we had a lot of past to talk about. Let me give you an example. When I was involved in the pre-marriage program, one of the questions that was asked is "how much money would you be comfortable spending before discussing it with your spouse?" If one says $100 and the other says $1000, then that is a potential huge issue that might come up later that you might not think about before hand. When I did divorces, the two main reasons that broke up marriages were money, and families (ex's, children from other relationships, inlaws). Even when there was adultery, the marriage was usually damaged by one of those two reasons long before the affair happened. My advice it to talk about everything. Talk about news issues from the paper, talk about things you saw on the street. The most inconsequential thing might bring up an important issue. The advantage of distance is that you have to talk. You don't have the temptation or distraction of physical contact. And remember, this is supposed to fun. Relax and enjoy the excitement of a new relationship.[/quote] How long have you all been married? If that's ok to ask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 [quote name='Hassan' post='1803456' date='Mar 11 2009, 12:45 AM']How long have you all been married? If that's ok to ask.[/quote] 3 years and almost 2 months. We haven't even had a real plate throwing fight yet. I'm a Southern woman. If we can't chase our husband down the street at least once with a rolling pin, folks will think there is no passion in the marriage. Wind chills were -70F here this morning, so I'm not chasing anyone anywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reelguy227 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 Wow, lots of replies so far. Thanks guys! Keep em comin! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotusTuusMaria Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 [quote name='reelguy227' post='1803388' date='Mar 11 2009, 01:00 AM']And I am wondering if anyone could give advice as to how to start a relationship with her....? We decided to start out as just friends and we have a lot in common, most importantly the Faith and our passion for it. It would be long distance, about 3 hoursish. I guess my problem is that I just don't know how to approach talking to her about being more than friends, especially because it's long distance and over the computer and phone. And since a lot of people on here have relationships or are married and are Catholic, I thought I'd go to the phamily for advice. Thanks guys and God bless, Ricky[/quote] I think follow the advice of the married women who have posted so far... all good. I would just say continue learning more about each other and pray. Try to get a better understanding of her hopes for marriage and a dating-relationship and see how you should go about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hassan Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 [quote name='TotusTuusMaria' post='1803464' date='Mar 11 2009, 02:01 AM']I think follow the advice of the married women who have posted so far... all good. I would just say continue learning more about each other and pray. Try to get a better understanding of her hopes for marriage and a dating-relationship and see how you should go about it.[/quote] That's true. To the OP. How much have you all talked about that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socrates Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 (edited) [quote name='reelguy227' post='1803388' date='Mar 11 2009, 01:00 AM']And I am wondering if anyone could give advice as to how to start a relationship with her....? We decided to start out as just friends and we have a lot in common, most importantly the Faith and our passion for it. It would be long distance, about 3 hoursish. I guess my problem is that I just don't know how to approach talking to her about being more than friends, especially because it's long distance and over the computer and phone. And since a lot of people on here have relationships or are married and are Catholic, I thought I'd go to the phamily for advice. Thanks guys and God bless, Ricky[/quote] Bubblicious and I met on AveMaria Singles (very similar to CatholicMatch) and we're about three hours apart . . . by jet (though God willing, we won't be for too much longer). I know I'm probably not your favorite guy for advice, but first of all, have you actually met her in person? Before you've actually met in person, you shouldn't be worried about "being in a relationship" etc. After talking for a week or two, arrange a date, or meeting in person. Contrary to how some may talk, a first date's not a wedding engagement. Just because you get along on the chatroom/phone or like each other's profile pics isn't a guarantee you'll actually want to keep dating after you've actually physically met. If after a few weeks, the girl won't accept an offer to meet her in person, or if she keeps postponing or making excuses, forget her. I've talked to many ladies online, but few of them led to actual dates, and most of those did not lead to long-term relationships, obviously. Not to discourage you, but you may have to go through quite a few "duds" before you meet "the one." Just have fun with the process and don't worry too much. In meantime, just be natural, and talk about things of general interest to get to know each other - jobs/school, family, movies, music, books, even religion/politics (though not over-excessively). This can give you an idea of whether you and your respective goals/views/lifestyles are compatible. Just keep it casual and fun. The "job interview for spouse" type date advocated by certain holy-rollers is a turn-off and kills romance, in my opinion. Save the "serious relationship" questions for after you've been on a few dates together. For your first date, just find something fun and simple that you both enjoy doing. Be a gentleman, put on your best face, but relax and be yourself, and never try to pretend to be someone your not in order to impress her. She'll likely see right through this, and even if you're good, sooner or later the facade will fall apart, to your embarrassment. For distance relationships, communication is crucial. Keep in touch electronically and by phone frequently. Share plenty of photos and videos. Exchange gifts. And always remember that chicks love sappy, cheesy stuff. Good luck, but take your time and have fun, and remember, if this one doesn't work out, there are plenty more fish in the sea. God bless. Edited March 12, 2009 by Socrates Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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