KyleG38 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I think most everyone has given some pretty good advice so far. I think my advice would be to just be yourself. Definitely don't do anything that might freak her out, but just take it easy, be yourself, and let things flow. I haven't read all the way through this thread, and I apologize if this has already been answered, but have you met her in person yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reelguy227 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 [quote name='Socrates' post='1804207' date='Mar 11 2009, 10:22 PM']Bubblicious and I met on AveMaria Singles (very similar to CatholicMatch) and we're about three hours apart . . . by jet (though God willing, we won't be for too much longer). I know I'm probably not your favorite guy for advice, but first of all, have you actually met her in person? Before you've actually met in person, you shouldn't be worried about "being in a relationship" etc. After talking for a week or two, arrange a date, or meeting in person. Contrary to how some may talk, a first date's not a wedding engagement. Just because you get along on the chatroom/phone or like each other's profile pics isn't a guarantee you'll actually want to keep dating after you've actually physically met. If after a few weeks, the girl won't accept an offer to meet her in person, or if she keeps postponing or making excuses, forget her. I've talked to many ladies online, but few of them led to actual dates, and most of those did not lead to long-term relationships, obviously. Not to discourage you, but you may have to go through quite a few "duds" before you meet "the one." Just have fun with the process and don't worry too much. In meantime, just be natural, and talk about things of general interest to get to know each other - jobs/school, family, movies, music, books, even religion/politics (though not over-excessively). This can give you an idea of whether you and your respective goals/views/lifestyles are compatible. Just keep it casual and fun. The "job interview for spouse" type date advocated by certain holy-rollers is a turn-off and kills romance, in my opinion. Save the "serious relationship" questions for after you've been on a few dates together. For your first date, just find something fun and simple that you both enjoy doing. Be a gentleman, put on your best face, but relax and be yourself, and never try to pretend to be someone your not in order to impress her. She'll likely see right through this, and even if you're good, sooner or later the facade will fall apart, to your embarrassment. For distance relationships, communication is crucial. Keep in touch electronically and by phone frequently. Share plenty of photos and videos. Exchange gifts. And always remember that chicks love sappy, cheesy stuff. Good luck, but take your time and have fun, and remember, if this one doesn't work out, there are plenty more fish in the sea. God bless.[/quote] How exactly do we go on dates if we're over three hours apart? And plus, I'm in college full time and she works full time. Is talking on the phone that bad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubblicious Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 [quote name='reelguy227' post='1805382' date='Mar 12 2009, 09:55 PM']How exactly do we go on dates if we're over three hours apart? And plus, I'm in college full time and she works full time. Is talking on the phone that bad?[/quote] You have to be creative. Last week Soc and I went to the movies together. I found a theater here in Dallas that had a showing as close as possible to the showing at the theater where he lives. We talked on the phone before and after the movie. It's a bit of a stretch, but better than nothing. Internet Scrabble... If you don't mind eating on the phone together, pack up ingredients for a "dinner for two" and send it with a note for her to make it and answer the phone at 7. If you have the same cell service, rent a movie and press play at the same time. Write her a real letter (not exactly a date), but extremely romantic. And, no talking on the phone isn't that bad. Besides, if you're really into each other, you'll both do what it takes to make it work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socrates Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 [quote name='reelguy227' post='1805382' date='Mar 12 2009, 09:55 PM']How exactly do we go on dates if we're over three hours apart? And plus, I'm in college full time and she works full time. Is talking on the phone that bad?[/quote] Looks like Bubbles answered part of this for me. You'll have to work it out for yourselves, but surely can make time for at least an occasional date or meeting, so you can see each other in person. While some may disagree, I think you need to see each other first in person before you commit to any kind of serious relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubblicious Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 [quote name='Socrates' post='1805433' date='Mar 12 2009, 10:27 PM']While some may disagree, I think you need to see each other first in person before you commit to any kind of serious relationship.[/quote] Speaking from experience, he's right on that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubblicious Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I forgot one. . . read to each other on the phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reelguy227 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 (edited) Ok, since you guys are experienced at this. I like her from what I've seen on Catholicmatch and from the conversations we've had via chatting on the internet. That being said, is there a certain point when I should ask her on "date" and/or ask whether we could take this beyond friendship? I guess I just don't know how long to wait before that is asked....three months, one year, two years? I also just don't want to start talking about dating because that would be awkward. How do you introduce the topic without it being weird?? I'm so confused on how to go about this internet dating stuff. Edited March 13, 2009 by reelguy227 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scardella Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 (edited) My fiancee and I met on CatholicMatch almost 2 years ago... We lived a 1000 miles apart from each other, and both of us are working and in our late 20s. We were both looking at dating with the purpose of discerning marriage. We exchanged emails for a couple weeks, and then she felt that she could discern my personality better over the phone. There are advantages and disadvantages to email vs talking on the phone. One allows you to compose your thoughts, the other gives a better idea of what your personality is like. It also allows you to catch more 'red flags' that can be concealed by email's asynchronous nature. Eg, if the person is faking something, it's much easier to ferret that out over the phone. We talked and emailed for a month or so, and I admitted to being attracted to her. She agreed, but we decided that we couldn't make the jump to "dating" if we'd never met. After some discussion, we had a period of 2 months between admitted attraction and meeting. Overall, it was about 4 months between "meeting" online and meeting in person. The weekend I flew up is a whole story unto itself, but we decided to start dating then. We needed the face-to-face contact to really tell the whole story. I hope this helps. Edited March 13, 2009 by scardella Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reelguy227 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 [quote name='scardella' post='1806098' date='Mar 13 2009, 01:37 PM']My fiancee and I met on CatholicMatch almost 2 years ago... We lived a 1000 miles apart from each other, and both of us are working and in our late 20s. We were both looking at dating with the purpose of discerning marriage. We exchanged emails for a couple weeks, and then she felt that she could discern my personality better over the phone. There are advantages and disadvantages to email vs talking on the phone. One allows you to compose your thoughts, the other gives a better idea of what your personality is like. It also allows you to catch more 'red flags' that can be concealed by email's asynchronous nature. Eg, if the person is faking something, it's much easier to ferret that out over the phone. We talked and emailed for a month or so, and I admitted to being attracted to her. She agreed, but we decided that we couldn't make the jump to "dating" if we'd never met. After some discussion, we had a period of 2 months between admitted attraction and meeting. Overall, it was about 4 months between "meeting" online and meeting in person. The weekend I flew up is a whole story unto itself, but we decided to start dating then. We needed the face-to-face contact to really tell the whole story. I hope this helps.[/quote] So how long would you suggest I wait before asking to talk on the phone and letting her know I have an interest in her? Let alone meeting. Three months a good time? Also, is it weird to admit interest in her if we've never met? Sorry with all the questions, this is just new territory for me. But thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 +J.M.J.+ off-topic posts moved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christie_M Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 [quote name='Bubblicious' post='1805423' date='Mar 12 2009, 08:12 PM']You have to be creative. Last week Soc and I went to the movies together. I found a theater here in Dallas that had a showing as close as possible to the showing at the theater where he lives. We talked on the phone before and after the movie. It's a bit of a stretch, but better than nothing. Internet Scrabble... If you don't mind eating on the phone together, pack up ingredients for a "dinner for two" and send it with a note for her to make it and answer the phone at 7. If you have the same cell service, rent a movie and press play at the same time. Write her a real letter (not exactly a date), but extremely romantic. And, no talking on the phone isn't that bad. Besides, if you're really into each other, you'll both do what it takes to make it work.[/quote] THose are really good ideas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotusTuusMaria Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 I wouldn't set a time. I think you should pray about it and just see how it goes. It is different for every couple. Just feel her out... see what she wants from "dating." What is her idea of dating? Idk... it is different for everyone. I would just talk and see how it goes. It is ok to admit that you are attracted to someone early on... I mean, it is kind of an unspoken known seeing as you are both still talking to one another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubblicious Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 (edited) [quote name='Christie_M' post='1807082' date='Mar 14 2009, 05:54 PM']Those are really good ideas.[/quote] Thanks, Christie_M! Reelguy227 - It's hard to say not knowing your entire situation. . . TotusTuusMaria has great points. Pray! Praying always helps everything, but I'm sure you know that. Whatever you decide to do (and you certainly don't have to wait two years) tell her your intentions. Chances are she's wondering where things are going too. If you would like to date her/meet her tomorrow, then go for it. Just ask! If you'd like to continue chatting with her for a while longer, but you'd like to meet/ask her on a date someday, tell her that too. Women appreciate honesty (not saying you wouldn't be honest). We appreciate it when guys are up front with us. If she knows where you stand and you know where she stands, there's little room for confusion and hurt feelings. In fact, this may be a good way to approach the subject. Keep in mind that if you're ready to start dating, and she's not quite there yet, you'll have to decide if you are okay with waiting until she is. I can tell you want to do right by her, and that's admirable, but like I said earlier, chances are she can't wait to get to know you better. Sometimes you just gotta go for it and take that leap of faith. Edited March 16, 2009 by Bubblicious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socrates Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 (edited) [quote name='reelguy227' post='1806234' date='Mar 13 2009, 05:34 PM']So how long would you suggest I wait before asking to talk on the phone and letting her know I have an interest in her? Let alone meeting. Three months a good time? Also, is it weird to admit interest in her if we've never met? Sorry with all the questions, this is just new territory for me. But thanks.[/quote] While there's not exactly a hard-and-fast rule, I'd say ask her out after about one or two weeks of online chatting, if you both seem interested at that point. (You don't have to actually meet right after that point if you're not able to, but at least start taking steps to getting a face-to-face date set up.) Honestly, a first date is no big deal. I think if you're both talking to each other on a dating site, the presumption is that you are interested in the possibility of dating. If after the first date, you both want to date in the future, you can decide at some point after that if you want to "go steady," like they said in the old days. If a girl digs you, she'll let you know; don't worry. If you're talking about waiting months or years before asking her on a face-to-face date, that's ridiculous. If you haven't asked her out that long after meeting online, she will have long since quit and moved on to someone else who takes more initiative. Edited March 16, 2009 by Socrates Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 [quote name='Bubblicious' post='1808098' date='Mar 16 2009, 02:15 AM']If you'd like to continue chatting with her for a while longer, but you'd like to meet/ask her on a date someday, tell her that too. Women appreciate honesty (not saying you wouldn't be honest). We appreciate it when guys are up front with us. If she knows where you stand and you know where she stands, there's little room for confusion and hurt feelings. In fact, this may be a good way to approach the subject.[/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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