Would You Recommend This?

[tinytherese]

So there are some girls living in my suite at the college that I am currently at who are sexually active. I thought that I on the last day just before I leave at the end of the year (I'll be transfering to another school) that I would give each of them a copy of "Pure Womanhood" and maybe "Pure Love" as well telling them that they would be somethings to remember me by. Maybe just giving them one booklet would be appropriate. Reading them might speak to their hearts.

It really hurts to know that my friends are living like this. Once one of them said that she wanted to go back on the pill and they were talking about contraceptives. I walked out and went into the bathroom where I almost cried. They know that I'm the devout catholic girl who started a chastity club on campus so it's not like they are open to what I have to say, so I haven't bothered doing it much. Once one of my friends was on facebook with one of my suitemates and she told her that she wanted to talk with one of my other suitemates in particular about her boyfriend, that it was really important. The suitemate that she wanted to talk with talked with her and so did another one. I asked what was going on because it sounded serious. My friend could have been in danger or had gotten hurt somehow by her boyfriend for all I know. I was told that it was basically a soap opera going on. I asked for more specific details but the one who had first talked to her didn't even know what was going on, was just the means to talk to my other suitemate and my other suitemates told me not to get involved because it had to do with sex and that they knew what I would say in response to her dilemna. That hurt to know that I wasn't allowed to talk to my friend who was clearly going through something and that needed help in whatever it was that was happening to her. Heck nobody told me the flip was going on with her other than something that had to do with sex.

I found it really twisted that one of my suitemates who is a devout christian keeps a condom in her purse "just in case." A few of my suitemates in the past have been known to talk about their sexual frustration (since its an all women's college) and one of them referred to a virgin guy as one that "hasn't been trained yet." I know one girl who might be participating in three-somes. (I'm not sure if she really has done that or not. It's hard to say if its true or just a rumor. I hope that it isn't true, yet heck it would be horrible if a rumor like that is passing along campus about her.)

I love them and hate to see them do this. A part of me wants to say something but I don't think that they want to hear it. I really hope that my chastity club will transform this campus in time. We got the official approval of the school a short time ago. I wish that we were approved of at the beginning of the year so that we could have accomplished more this year. We won't be able to do much with what little time that we have left of the school year.

[jmjtina]

I am so glad you started this club!

I do have a question though. How do you know they aren't open to it if you haven't talked with them? Have you talked with them at all? How are you starting a club but haven't talked with the girls you live with? They aren't any different than the girls you want in the club, right? INVITE them. Tell them WHY they should be involved. Who knows? You might get 1 or you might get none of your friends to join. But you asked!

Be vocal. It's scary and hard, but you'll be glad you did. However a bit more specific on your question from my point of view.

it depends.

I think everyone has friends like yours. The thing is, everyone is different.

some of my friends, I have to be extra sensitive, due to past abortions, abusive boyfriends, suicidal, etc.

The blunt and tough ones sometimes need to hear it bluntly and boldly.

But all is spoken with love because I love my friends. (and most are Catholic!) The "boy" talk is a part of life. Learn to be a part of it, bring in a new point of view, some girls need to see someone else leading courageously to have the guts to live a life of purity. Slowly but surely, they will make small steps to live a more virtuous life.

My friends don't hate me for it and in fact, we have had great discussions on it and they accept me as I am just as I accept them as they are. I tell them it's wrong (we discuss viewpoints, the why, tears, etc) but they have to make the decision. I don't think you should be afraid, say what needs to be said and say it. God will give you the strength, the words and the opportunities to say what needs to be said. Remember, school might be almost over, but life isn't. There will be other girls and more friends just like those. Also, pray. Pray to remain humble and always realize that "But for the grace of God, goes I".

hope that helps some. My prayers are with you. God Bless

+JMJ

Edited March 29, 2009 by jmjtina

[Sojourner]

I agree that you should be talking to your suitemates about chastity, especially since you started this club. I think the books are not a bad idea, as long as you are prepared to continue the conversation further. Giving your friends books can be a good opener if you are nervous about broaching the subject of chastity with your friends.

It is sweet to hear that you are saddened by your friends behaviours, and I think this is something you might want to consider sharing with them. Be real and honest about your concern for them and their lives, and communicate that you want the best for them and that you love them. These need to be conversations that happen one on one, of course. Maybe ask each of them to go to breakfast individually or something.

I think the other thing is to remember that you too are a person who struggles with sin. You may not struggle with chastity (and you are one lucky girl if you don't) but a healthy dose of empathy will go a long way in preserving relationships so your friends will continue to be open to what you have to share with them. And you need to be open to what they have to share with you as well. Evangelization is a two-way street.

[prose]

If you have the money, I highly recommend sharing with them the book "The Thrill of the Chaste".

[Luthien]

[quote name='jmjtina' post='1819435' date='Mar 29 2009, 07:05 AM']I am so glad you started this club!

I do have a question though. How do you know they aren't open to it if you haven't talked with them? Have you talked with them at all? How are you starting a club but haven't talked with the girls you live with? They aren't any different than the girls you want in the club, right? INVITE them. Tell them WHY they should be involved. Who knows? You might get 1 or you might get none of your friends to join. But you asked!

Be vocal. It's scary and hard, but you'll be glad you did. However a bit more specific on your question from my point of view.

it depends.

I think everyone has friends like yours. The thing is, everyone is different.

some of my friends, I have to be extra sensitive, due to past abortions, abusive boyfriends, suicidal, etc.

The blunt and tough ones sometimes need to hear it bluntly and boldly.

But all is spoken with love because I love my friends. (and most are Catholic!) The "boy" talk is a part of life. Learn to be a part of it, bring in a new point of view, some girls need to see someone else leading courageously to have the guts to live a life of purity. Slowly but surely, they will make small steps to live a more virtuous life.

My friends don't hate me for it and in fact, we have had great discussions on it and they accept me as I am just as I accept them as they are. I tell them it's wrong (we discuss viewpoints, the why, tears, etc) but they have to make the decision. I don't think you should be afraid, say what needs to be said and say it. God will give you the strength, the words and the opportunities to say what needs to be said. Remember, school might be almost over, but life isn't. There will be other girls and more friends just like those. Also, pray. Pray to remain humble and always realize that "But for the grace of God, goes I".

hope that helps some. My prayers are with you. God Bless

+JMJ[/quote]

Right on.

[tinytherese]

It seems to be a matter of me not knowing how to go about talking about this with them. This is a very delicate issue that needs to be handled with prudence. Honestly, where to begin on such an issue! Scare tactics about how the pill that they are on is linked to breast cancer won't do it. Somehow I need to discuss the beauty of living a pure life. I also need to build up my confidence to even talk to them even if I do know what to say.

Honestly, I didn't know that it would take so flipping long to approve my club True Love Revolution (name taken after the one at Harvard.) Last year was the year where I was building up my confidence and learning so much about chastity. Really, I was ready to take this on. It looked as if we would be getting the official approval of the club in like September but delay after delay and knit pick after knit pick with the student government basically dragging its feet and having to keep revising our constitution that was needed and the stress of taking so long to figure out when we as a club could schedule meetings which most of the time the members either forgot to come or just wanted their name on a list saying that they were members of the club to have it look good on an application to their next transfer school and not attending. Yea it's been rough. Seriously, I never dreamed that it would take this long to get us approved. It's gotten me down and its been disappointing how we could have reached so many young ladies on campus and even changed people's lives through the club's work (which would provide even better opportunities of discussion with my suitemates.) So for months I've been feeling more burned out about this club. I remember being so hopefilled and eager with ideas of what we as a club could do and we didn't and still don't have much time for that. I was ready but the right time seemed to pass on by. My prayer life has been difficult too and Jesus seems to be a stranger to me now. The school is too small to even have a Newman Center to get support from. And being surrounded femi nazis or neo-femi nazis has really been annoying me even moreso than usual. Darn V-Monologues. Heck I felt so tired of it once that I felt like leaving my school towards the beginning of this semester. So it's been a trying time. I'm not without the slightest hope though. It's just going to take a lot.

I feel that I'm at a disadvantage to talk to my suitemates though because I've never had a boyfriend before to relate to them what its like living chastity out. I get the feeling that starting to talk about how beneficial purity is to a relationship that they would ask, "Well how would you know? Since when do you know so much about relationships? When was the last time that you were on a date?"

Some of my suitemates are very, "It's none of your business. Back off." kind of girls. There's also one of them that doesn't even appear to like me and isn't around the rest of us suitemates as much. Another isn't around much what with her crazy Walmart part time job. One of my suitemates practically hates men and only sees them as having one redeeming quality--giving pleasure in bed. She's the radical feminist type. Another one is hard to have a serious conversation with. One of my other suitemates watched "Romance Without Regret "with me and said that it was interesting but didn't want to open up more than that. It didn't seem to have a longlasting affect on her. Such a deep issue...

Edited March 30, 2009 by tinytherese

[MissyP89]

You can only do so much. I am the only active Catholic in my circle of both guys and girls, the majority of whom are promiscuous. I do not butt in unless they talk to me personally about their love life. When they do, I make my case and it's always rejected...but the seed is planted. They know very well where I stand, and they also know that if they ever need someone to listen, or have questions about the faith, I'm there. You can't force the issue, because sometimes it honestly alienates them even more. They say that they really admire me for doing what I do--I've been with BG for nearly 2.5 years now and we are waiting for marriage if it's what God asks. There is very little drama in our relationship, and I think a large part of that is being focused on emotions and not sex.

Live your life and just be an example to them. Pray for humility and be very careful not to come off as judgmental or condescending. Remember that girls just want to feel [i]loved[/i] and wanted, and will pretty much bend over backwards to find that...so, even if you've not had that experience, you can relate to them that way. You might not have a boyfriend, but you also have no drama stemming from that. You are (I assume) happy and fulfilled where you're at. Hopefully they see that.

Keep praying--you're not alone.

[tinytherese]

[quote name='MissyP89' post='1819848' date='Mar 29 2009, 08:24 PM']You can only do so much. I am the only active Catholic in my circle of both guys and girls, the majority of whom are promiscuous. I do not butt in unless they talk to me personally about their love life. When they do, I make my case and it's always rejected...but the seed is planted. They know very well where I stand, and they also know that if they ever need someone to listen, or have questions about the faith, I'm there. You can't force the issue, because sometimes it honestly alienates them even more. They say that they really admire me for doing what I do--I've been with BG for nearly 2.5 years now and we are waiting for marriage if it's what God asks. There is very little drama in our relationship, and I think a large part of that is being focused on emotions and not sex.

Live your life and just be an example to them. Pray for humility and be very careful not to come off as judgmental or condescending. Remember that girls just want to feel [i]loved[/i] and wanted, and will pretty much bend over backwards to find that...so, even if you've not had that experience, you can relate to them that way. You might not have a boyfriend, but you also have no drama stemming from that. You are (I assume) happy and fulfilled where you're at. Hopefully they see that.

Keep praying--you're not alone.[/quote]


Thank you Missy. I've been asking St. Ignatius Loyola to pray that I be a good friend, roommate, and suitemate. He was roommates with a worldly guy and had an affect on him. Now we call him St. Francis Xavier.

[Carnanc]

wow. its great that you are making the effort to start the club.

I know you care for your friends, and want them to be happy. I am troubled by situations like this. I so much don't want to judge people, no matter what. I don't like the fact that my friend not living a perfect Christian life, should put a wedge in our friendship.

My initial thoughts are that this makes the Christian life hard, cause I'm very lonely without my friends, who might not live a Christian life, and I feel I should approve of everything my friends do, and not judge them, because its their choice to live their life as they please. But as a friend, you still want whats best for them, and that might mean something else. I say to you, don't give them those info about pure love and stuff unless they ask for it. I say you should teach them only by your example, and only by your love for others, and the brilliance of your own life, how you shine, and especially how you are happy. if you aren't happier than them who live an impure life, they will have no reason to consider your way of life.

when they talk about the pill and stuff like that, I wouldn't disappove. I think saying anything judgemental is just not appropriate when talking to your friends, unless they are questioning it.

[tinytherese]

I just thought of how long ago before St. Augustine's conversion how not only was he not in the faith but also not living a chaste life himself. He fathered a child out of wedlock and lived with the mother for a long time and yet never married her. His mother St. Monica prayed so long and hard for him and through her prayers and God's grace he became a saint. I'll do the same for my friends.

[dominicansoul]

My closest friend at the moment is a 21 year old college girl who is both promiscuous and into all sorts of deviant sexual behavior! She is a total opposite of me, (I'm an ex-con) ("con" for "convent") and devout Catholic...

...my friend knows all about me, my beliefs, what I stand for....and like Missy pointed out, unless she wants to talk to me about her personal life, I don't have to say much to her...my example is much more stronger than any words I could ever say! There is a reason why she has made me a mentor of hers...and I know God is up to something! He places people in our paths for us to bring Him to them, there's no doubt about that! How we do it, we don't really know how...we have to let God do what He's doing with us, even when it seems we aren't doing too much...

seeds are planted! everything we stand for makes an impression...we may never see it, but it does happen! Just keep up the good work on your campus, and know that you are not alone, God is with you...

...the mere fact that your friends don't feel like sharing their promiscuous side to you is proof that your message is out there, getting to them and probably to everybody who hears about it...

Edited March 30, 2009 by dominicansoul

[jmjtina]

as Mother Angelica said once, "You don't need to taste the donut to know it's sweet!"

prayers.

[LouisvilleFan]

Have you considered writing about chastity for the school newspaper? Perhaps a secular case for it? Or even questioning the role of contraceptives and other forms of protection in relationships today and the effect they have. Anything to get people thinking a little bit.

Save your money... I wouldn't toss a book at them as my "last will and testament" for a friend to remember me by. I've done the book thing in the past (though not in a "good-bye" situation) and at best it goes ignored while at worst you risk pissing them off. The only thing anybody can offer that nobody else can give is ourselves. I'd probably leave a short handwritten note letting them know that you appreciate their friendship, that you understand they don't want to live a chaste life at this point, but assuring them that you'll always be praying for them and maybe ask for their prayers in return.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='tinytherese' post='1819837' date='Mar 29 2009, 09:10 PM']It seems to be a matter of me not knowing how to go about talking about this with them. This is a very delicate issue that needs to be handled with prudence. Honestly, where to begin on such an issue! Scare tactics about how the pill that they are on is linked to breast cancer won't do it. Somehow I need to discuss the beauty of living a pure life. I also need to build up my confidence to even talk to them even if I do know what to say.

Honestly, I didn't know that it would take so flipping long to approve my club True Love Revolution (name taken after the one at Harvard.) Last year was the year where I was building up my confidence and learning so much about chastity. Really, I was ready to take this on. It looked as if we would be getting the official approval of the club in like September but delay after delay and knit pick after knit pick with the student government basically dragging its feet and having to keep revising our constitution that was needed and the stress of taking so long to figure out when we as a club could schedule meetings which most of the time the members either forgot to come or just wanted their name on a list saying that they were members of the club to have it look good on an application to their next transfer school and not attending. Yea it's been rough. Seriously, I never dreamed that it would take this long to get us approved. It's gotten me down and its been disappointing how we could have reached so many young ladies on campus and even changed people's lives through the club's work (which would provide even better opportunities of discussion with my suitemates.) So for months I've been feeling more burned out about this club. I remember being so hopefilled and eager with ideas of what we as a club could do and we didn't and still don't have much time for that. I was ready but the right time seemed to pass on by. My prayer life has been difficult too and Jesus seems to be a stranger to me now. The school is too small to even have a Newman Center to get support from. And being surrounded femi nazis or neo-femi nazis has really been annoying me even moreso than usual. Darn V-Monologues. Heck I felt so tired of it once that I felt like leaving my school towards the beginning of this semester. So it's been a trying time. I'm not without the slightest hope though. It's just going to take a lot.

I feel that I'm at a disadvantage to talk to my suitemates though because I've never had a boyfriend before to relate to them what its like living chastity out. I get the feeling that starting to talk about how beneficial purity is to a relationship that they would ask, "Well how would you know? Since when do you know so much about relationships? When was the last time that you were on a date?"

Some of my suitemates are very, "It's none of your business. Back off." kind of girls. There's also one of them that doesn't even appear to like me and isn't around the rest of us suitemates as much. Another isn't around much what with her crazy Walmart part time job. One of my suitemates practically hates men and only sees them as having one redeeming quality--giving pleasure in bed. She's the radical feminist type. Another one is hard to have a serious conversation with. One of my other suitemates watched "Romance Without Regret "with me and said that it was interesting but didn't want to open up more than that. It didn't seem to have a longlasting affect on her. Such a deep issue...[/quote]
Your being there as an example of a happy chaste woman may be what God wants in this situation. Leave catholic and prolife stuff sit on your desk, and always be available as a friend.

[tinytherese]

On monday one of my suitemates told this one story about her her older sister randomly asked her if she had had sex before and she said no and that she was going to wait until marriage. (What a relief! At least its not just me and one other suitemate and I!)

Then she said that her sister recommended to her that she do it. She admitted that she did it a week before her wedding just to see what it would feel like. She wanted it to be just right for her wedding night. My suitemate said that it was very awkward and saw where she was coming from but was going to wait. My other suitemates chimed in. One of them said that her sister was right. That you should have sex with someone before you marry them because you don't want to have an unhappy marriage. I didn't see the point in doing that, so I stepped in and said that in marriage that you have the rest of your lives to learn how to please each other. She and one of my other suitemates disagreed though, saying that not sexually satisfying each other in the bedroom can cause people to divorce.

I see how that would cause tension between a husband and a wife but honestly, just because it is not absolutely perfect on the first try does not mean that you should call your marriage quits! I thought about it afterwards and I came to think, "You know you experiment, try new things, and through this learning how to please each other sounds like it will actually deepen your relationship." Besides, according to research half of all engaged couples break up, so nothing is final until you are husband and wife.