txdinghysailor Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 personally i think Twilight is undoubtedly one of the sappiest, most chick flickish worthless pieces of garbage ever written or put on film. I thought this was really funny. The Twilight Series: An Abridged Version Written by someone who has never read beyond the first page of the first book THE FIRST BOOK Bella: God this town is boring-oh hey who’s that. Edward: I don’t know whether to smell of elderberries your blood or go out with you. B: You’re a vampire, aren’t you? E: Yes. B: beaver dam you’re hot. E: *sparkle sparkle* Evil vampires: Bella, we’re going to kill you. Edward and co: Like hell you will. Evil vampires: GAK! B: Oh Edward, I love you. THE SECOND AND THIRD BOOKS WHICH I CANNOT REMEMBER THE NAMES OF (Bella and Edward GUSH about how HANDSOME the other is. STUFF happens, but it is largely PERIPHERAL to the aforementioned GUSHING. Somewhere, there is a WEREWOLF) THE LAST BOOK B: You know what, Edward? I’m sick of all this sexual tension. Let’s resolve it. (THEY DO) B: Oh poo I’m pregnant. I suppose I should have used contraceptives. E: But I’m not supposed to be able to make ANYONE pregnant! We established that in a previous book. Stephanie Meyer: Screw the canon I have money. (Bella has the baby, and names it RENESMEE or something HORRIBLE like that. In the middle of this, she becomes a VAMPIRE) Jacob, the aforementioned werewolf: I’m in love with you, Bella. But you’re with Ed. Fortunately you had this baby, so I can hit on it. (Strangely, this is totally OK with the parents) Thinly-Veiled-Vampire-Version-Of-The-Catholic-Church: Vampires can’t turn non-adults into vampires. Or have kids with them. This means war. (Everyone prepares for WAR. The baby grows up REALLY FAST in the middle of this) TVVVOTCC: Aha! Prepare for your doom! (Despite this, the whole thing is TALKED OVER and everyone LEAVES without any VIOLENCE, leaving the readers who wanted a fight scene REALLY FREAKING DISAPPOINTED) B: I love you Edward. E: I love you, Bella. J: I love you, Renesmee. Reader: Ick. THE END! BOOK FIVE (The first book, only from Edward’s perspective. This is either really INTERESTING or LAZY, depending on your point-of-view. In the middle of this, someone HACKS Stephanie Meyer’s computer and STICKS the completed pages on the INTERNET. Meyer subsequently gets REALLY EMO and refuses to write anymore of it) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddington Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 That's hot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachael Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 [img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v103/rac13sd/xepkl2jpg.gif[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T-Bone _ Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachael Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 [img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v103/rac13sd/ej0o2.gif[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FPCthegreat Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 this is an awesome summary of twilight theres on that i would post but my internet wont load the link Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FPCthegreat Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 [url="http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/487878"]http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/487878[/url] thats the link Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winchester Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 [quote]Here's the entire story of Pearl Harbor. "I love you!" "I love you too!" "I'm going away!" "He's dead!" "I love you, now!" "I have given up on him, and I love you now!" "I'm alive!" "I love you!" "I love her, too!" "I love everyone!" "Oh poo, we're being bombed by Japan!" Pearl Harbor is bombed. "Anyway, who were you? I forget. Oh yeah, I love you." "Whatever." "America rocks!" THE END[/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FPCthegreat Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 wait what Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winchester Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 (edited) Cool pencil drawing of Grizzly Adams. Edited April 7, 2009 by Winchester Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FPCthegreat Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 um if you look at the full version you can tell that its of jesus but it didnt transfer properly to phatmass Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 Wow, that abridged version essentially is the Twilight series in a nutshell. I couldn't make it all the way through the fourth one though. It disturbed me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christie_M Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 You have the fourth book all wrong. they get married and THEN have Renessmee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 I was sorta forced to read them. That plus I wanted to know what the hype was all about. I guess I can see part of what the obsession is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selah Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 (bookaminute.com) The Confessions of St. Augustine By St. Augustine [quote]I was a bad boy. beaver dam, was I a bad boy. Not anymore, though.[/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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