Prayers And Advice Needed, If Possible

[Fr. Antony Maria OSB]

Alright, this past semester has been one of the hardest times of my life, and really everything that I mention except two happened before Palm Sunday: everything else has been after. The two things that I've been struggling with since the beginning of the semester were breaking up with my girlfriend and watching a friendship that I really treasure slowly dissolve due to lack of communication. Friendship is something that is really important to me since I really didn't have any friends the first two years of high-school and this led me to be extremely depressed and even having thoughts of suicide. (By the way, I just finished my freshman year of college, so that was a while back). Now, after Palm Sunday I had two people who were very close to me die. One, Fr. Andrew, was my latin teacher in high-school, and while he and I never really talked a great deal he was someone who really taught me a lot about life and what it means to truly live, even if you have a heart and blood condition. He died on Good Friday. Almost exactly two weeks later, I heard that a person I knew from my parish, Bill, had died. Bill had helped me a great deal in starting a high-school retreat program at my parish and was an all around great guy. The last time I got to see him was over Christmas break, and I didn't even stop to talk to him long, and that's something that I guess I'm still struggling with now, the fact that he said hi to me in his normal, jocular manner and I briefly said hi to him as I moved on to get something done. I wasn't able to go to either funeral. Oh, and soon before Good Friday, my roommate at the time told me at 3:00 am the day before housing registration was due that he was going to room with someone else, leaving me 36 hours to find another roommate. The fact that he wanted to room with someone else didn't hurt so much as the fact that I thought that we were close, and I really trusted him, but then he gives me such little notice of the change when I had been waiting and not looking for another roommate despite the fact that he may not have been returning because of financial reasons. I was able to find someone to room with on short notice, a good friend of mine, and things seemed to be going well. But then the Sunday night before finals, two weeks after Bill died, he told me that he and his current roommate wanted to stay rooming together, and while that hurt less than what my first roommate did, it still hurt a lot and still isn't quite resolved: I still have no idea what I'm doing for housing next semester. Then comes another big one. My ex-girlfriend and I ended up having a long talk soon before the school year got out, which I am thankful for especially since we won't see each other for 16 months since she is studying abroad in the Fall semester and I hope to be studying abroad in the Spring semester and she lives at least 20 hours from me, so there is no way that we could see each other over summer or winter breaks. The day she leaves she barely says goodbye, and I know this seems small, but I guess I was hoping that she felt the same as I did about missing each other during the 16 months we won't see each other, but it doesn't seem to be the case by her actions. And so now for the ending part. I found out yesterday that because I got a 2.9 GPA instead of a 3.0 GPA I might lose my scholar award, which would mean in order to go back to my school in the Fall I would need to come up with $14,500 without loans, for according to my Mom we're all maxed out on taking out loans, although I am not entirely sure how that works. I absolutely love it at my college, I've finally made some great friends, and while I have been hurt by quite a few of my closest ones I wouldn't trade it for the world. But this final blow of possibly losing my scholarship is beginning to make me wonder whether or not God really cares. I know in my head that He does, but my heart isn't seeing it. Intellectually I know what I need to do, keep going to Mass, keep praying, read some works of the saints, but my heart is not behind it whatsoever, and I have always been one to make decisions based on the heart, but again intellectually I know that this time I can't rely on my heart. I'm trying to remain positive, but it is so hard when my Mom is always so pessimistic about these kinds of things and I can't really be myself at home since my parents would just tell me to shut up all the time, and so unless I end up doing something with some friends I just sit on my computer, alone and silent, which I absolutely despise because that's not how I function: I need people, friends, around me with whom I can interact, and I'm not able to get that here at home. So yeah, I really need prayers and advice. I am currently proposing to volunteer with a local youth minister to get my feet wet in that area and gain some experience and I'm signed up to go to a Catholics on Call Conference in Chicago in August (I know, they're liberal, but when I signed up I didn't know that). I guess another question would be: should I volunteer since I'm in the situation I am right now? I know that I need to get my heart back into wanting to be with God, but as of now, that's not the case. Please, if you have any advice let me know, and please pray for me: I really need prayers right now.

Joe

[CatherineM]

I'm sorry it seems like you've gotten caught in a rip tide. Everyone has periods in their life like that. When they happened to me, I guess I thought God was trying to tell me something. I didn't always listen, or like what I heard. Sometimes when everything gets stripped away, it can be freeing. Just remember that you don't have to finish your degree in a straight line. Sometimes the scenic route takes longer, but is a better trip in the long run.

[Archaeology cat]

I'm praying. It is really difficult when everything hits at once, and we don't "feel" God. But sometimes I think it's good to have those times where we must choose to continue following Him, regardless of how we feel. It's hard, but it strengthens us.

[Fr. Antony Maria OSB]

Thank you both very much for your replies: and I know that you're right. For whatever reason what you said hadn't hit me as being a possibility, just how to get through this, which isn't necessarially what God wants, I guess, but for us to learn through this experience. Thanks again for your help.

May God bless and protect you always in all of your endeavors!

Your Brother in Christ,

Joe

[Guest Jon]

[color="#000080"]Hi,

Yes, volunteer and volunteer quickly ---or go do something for someone tomorrow - fast -to get out of "self" ---give dollars to homeless people - put dollars tacked to bus stop benches --give sandwiches -or bags of McDonalds to the homeless in the park ---do something that helps others and reminds them that someone cares ! Uplift someone and you will be uplifted ---hey how about helping animals somewhere in your town. Give, give, give to others to get out of any funk you may have found yourself in.

Also, print out some encouraging Bible quotes - ask here for some favorites of ours!
Then read them everyday - and believe them!

Good luck, bro,

Jon [/color]

[Donna]

Joe,

I lost 5 people in 10 weeks, a few years back. Just that alone, coupled w/ the abusive dynamics of my anti-husband...I could NOT concentrate on God for a long while. Not intellectually either, much less my heart.

Like your tidal wave, much more was also going on w/ me than the deaths. Really, the break-up, the roomates, your college career at present...that's all "goodbye", it's all related to death...to change and doing without the other + the situation. Grief, morning, loss.

And lots of it, man. Your whole life. And I get [i]that.[/i]

One very good thing you have going for you...you are not a prisoner to your situation. Literally. I am assuming you can support yourself or somehow make a living and that's why I say the following:

[b]Follow your lights!! For example, if you know your home situation is very bad for you[/b].
OK: because of the scholarship situation changing, then now what is immediately on your plate is NOT returning home. But finding a way to support yourself.

I would advise being very gentle with yourself - take each day/task as it comes. Keep reaching out, in whatever way via this phorum, whatever. Very important. It will take time to heal and to discern through these life-changing circumstances out of your control, where
it is supposed to lead you.

Maybe it's God's tangent (beg pardon, don't mean to be crude). St. Therese, her father was
quoted in a movie on her, when he gave up his last daughter to enter the convant, [i]Lord, Your love is ferocious. [/i] Yes, God cares about you - and His love is ferocious!!

[b]I agree...you need lots of prayers. Write to nuns convent(s) and ask for them. Take any extra money and have Masses prayed for YOU[/b]. Try to turn your guilt or regret about inattention during their lives, or not attending funerals into prayers for your important Bill and Professor.

Talk to them. Tell them your regret and tell them what an impact they've had. Ask, beg their help - you've a claim on them, do you not? Did they, would they not help you while alive?
What has changed, then?

Cleave to whatever of the faith you can...I cannot enough stress gentleness with yourself, and surrounding youself as much as possible with those who are mild.

-Donna

PS: If you don't wanto volunteer at a liberal thing - DON'T! This is not a contract, many things come up why people must change their plans and forego their commitments. So no scruples

Edited May 29, 2009 by Donna

[tinytherese]

As far as the roommate situation goes, you could start off with a "double-single" just being by yourself and then perhaps you'll be able to find someone else to room with later on.

I remember that before my first semester in college that I was assigned this one roommate and then when I got to school she apparentally had decided not to come to my school at all but I wasn't informed of this until the first day of orientation. That disappointed me because I actually wanted a roommate. I had had my own room for over eighteen years and I didn't want to get lonely in a new place. So my first night was by myself. The next day a girl who was going to be a commuter student found out that she was getting more of a financial aid package than she had thought that she was going to get and the lady in charge of pairing up roommates put us together. We got along but I do remember her freaking out when she saw me praying in front of my bed. To her it was like I was performing a voodoo ritual but I was praying that for the conversion of the world on my rosary. (She wasn't Catholic. For the most part she was a non-practicing baptist minus attending church on Christmas and Easter but I think that she's more of an agnostic at heart or someone who does believe in God but has got lots of questions. She went to a "cowboy church" service on wedesday nights this past year.) Anyway, she eventually roommed with another girl because she asked her to since her roommate and her weren't getting along and she was planning on leaving. I wasn't hurt by it though. So I had the room to myself for over half of the first semester.

Then this one girl who hung around one of my suitemates a lot and spent a lot of time in our suite in general wanted to live in our suite and she asked me if I'd be willing to be her roommate and I said yes. We got along (minus me being irritated with her on a couple of issues.)

As far as your ex-girlfriend goes, I'm not sure where she really is with you. I'm sorry but we ladies sometimes can be hard to read like that or can over-analyze and rethink situations and come out confused or change our minds. Have you tried calling her or contacting her through email, facebook, or IM?

[Marie-Therese]

I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this torrent of pain all at once. I can relate, and I'm sure that many people here can relate as well.

Here are a few of my thoughts, I hope you can find them helpful.

1. As many here have already said, God is not averse to stripping away negative influences in your life in order to make you see something. I think of when Jesus talked about pruning the vine so that it would bring forth more fruit...the fruit may be great, but the pruning hurts. However, in the end, the results make the process worth it. You just have to lean on God while you're getting there.

2. Don't forget that there is an adversary out there who is just waiting to prey on you at a moment of weakness. He sees the suffering you are dealing with and worms his way in. Pray often to St. Michael for his protection, and try a prayer to St. Dymphna for the relief of your feelings of depression. They are waiting to intercede for you.

3. This might sound crazy, but hang with me. I once heard Fr. Corapi say that he loved a quote that said that God gave the greatest share of His cross to His best friends. God sees that you may be at a stage of spiritual development and is purifying you through fire. Pray to join your suffering to His on the cross and offer it to Him. When you are at Mass, pray and offer the Mass for the intention of offering Him your sufferings. He will hear you. It might sound daft, but it is powerful.

4. When we can't feel God's presence, it makes things difficult. We want to feel Him there. Give Him your weakness and cry out to Him that you feel weak. You WILL be given the strength to persevere.

When you are weakened, you become a powerful warrior for God. Stand firm in the Lord, and the power of His might. You will survive this, and will praise Him for His wisdom. I will pray for your needs, and hope that He will give you consolation.

Pax Christi!
Peyton

[Fr. Antony Maria OSB]

Thank you all very much for your advice and prayers, and I know that you are right: I guess it just comes down to it is easier said than done, lol. I am trying, though. I will start volunteering with one of the local youth ministers tomorrow evening, and find out more info on what I'll be doing and how often then: I'm hoping for going in at least twice a week. I also signed up for Adoration once a week at my parish (there was a ad in the bulleting asking for someone and, for whatever reason, I signed up). It honestly just seems as though there is a war going on inside me: part wanting to just give up, the other knowing that I need to persevere and push through. So yeah, thanks again for all of your advice and prayers: it really means a lot to me.

May God bless and protect you always in all of your endeavors!

Your Brother in Christ,

Joe

P.S. Please keep my Dad in your prayers, as well. He just found out earlier this week that he will probably need surgery on his spinal chord due to advanced arthritis putting pressure on it. Thank you.

[Deus te Amat]

Hey Joe...

Someone very wise once told me that the people that God has the greatest plans for are given the heaviest crosses.

You are in my prayers, brotha joe. I am here for you if and when you need anything. You know that.

Oh, and if your appeal fails, I'm going to be the first one protesting. I have no idea what our University would do without our combined craziness.

Also, when I get back to school this summer, I'm going to sit in our spot in Church and offer Masses for you.

Love ya!
DtA

[Hassan]

[quote name='NazFarmer' post='1877220' date='May 28 2009, 11:06 AM']May God bless and protect you always in all of your endeavors!

Your Brother in Christ,

Joe[/quote]

ok, I think you've been using that sign off since we were in High School. MOVE ON!


But seriously, there isin't much I can say except you can't allow yourself to get bogged down. No matter what happens in life you have to stand up, brush yourself off and get ready to fight another day. No matter how hopeless things see you have to keep going, even if you can no longer see any light at the end of the tunnel. You have to just keep forcing yourself to take one more little step at a time. I've been in situatins where life seemed hopeless, but I've always found that if I just keep fighting I'll end up in a better place than I was before, and I think this will be true for you too.

I'm sorry I can't be more help.

[Fr. Antony Maria OSB]

DtA, I already responded to you, so I won't do so here

Will, first off yes, I have been using that sign off sense high-school, but it is a tad bit different: it used to be, "May God bless and protect you always!" it changed to the current state probably about a year into my making it up. And NO, I will NOT move on from it, lol. I actually sign everything I send that way now, not only phorum messages. and thanks for your advice, but again, lol, easier said than done. more than anything, I need prayers.

May God bless and protect you always in all of your endeavors!

Your Brother in Christ,

Joe

[Hassan]

[quote name='NazFarmer' post='1880111' date='Jun 1 2009, 01:22 AM']and thanks for your advice, but again, lol, easier said than done.[/quote]

I know


But it can be done, and you can do it.

[quote]more than anything, I need prayers.[/quote]





I suppose I could send out a "to whom it may concern"

[Fr. Antony Maria OSB]

haha, thanks for the 'to whom it may concern' prayer/thought or whatever it is you think it is, Will: I wonder if God will listen more to your to whom it may concern than other prayers?

[Hassan]

[quote name='NazFarmer' post='1880124' date='Jun 1 2009, 01:37 AM']I wonder if God will listen more to your to whom it may concern than other prayers?[/quote]


I'm sure he will. Most individuals, particularly highup, appreciate formality

I'll make it a prayer since you people seem to like those so much