Maggyie Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 So with everything else going on with my family, my boyfriend has invited me to meet his ENTIRE mother's side of the family at a graduation party on Friday. We have been dating 5 months and we have told each other we love each other etc. He of course is a solid Catholic who agrees with the Church on pre-marital sex, birth control etc - overall a great catch The problem is that I am really, really nervous about meeting his family... the potential for intense awkwardness is definitely there especially since I am not the best at meeting new people. So what I'm saying here is I need someone to ship me the Magic Social Butterfly Potion ASAP. Barring that what should I do? Everyone says "be yourself" but myself is a shy girl who clams up in a crowd! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dominicansoul Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I have two suggestions for you: 1) drink a little before meeting his family. This will loosen you up a bit and prevent you from going into your clam-up stage... just make sure you don't have too much, and freshen your breath with a mint 2) visit a convent instead... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeniteAdoremus Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Ask your boyfriend who he gets along with best in his family. Chances are, since he likes them and you, you'll probably like them and vice versa. They can be a buffer when everything gets too much, and a group you can go back to after being introduced to others. And you absolutely don't have to go "mingle" or make sure you talk to [i]everyone[/i] until you are at least engaged AND the party was thrown by/for your fiancé, or his parents or siblings. Staying a bit in the back is fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrestia Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 As much as I love DS, I disagree with her on this one. EtOH will not help. If you clam up, you clam up. So what? The first time my cousin's girlfriend met the entire family was at a graduation party. She was very quiet and reserved, a little intimidated. The next time she was a little more relaxed, but still on the quiet side. As she became more comfortable, she opened up a little more. I was in their wedding 3 years later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 If you follow the drinking advice, don't have more than one. I would say don't drink beforehand. One thing you can remember is that the focus here is not on you, it's on the graduation. Everyone's there to celebrate the graduation, and the whole family will be there so it's not like it's a dinner just so you can meet his mom's side of the family. There won't be any questions you can't answer. People will greet you, and ask you things like what you do and where you're from and stuff like that. All stuff you know really well. People will not expect you to remember everyone's names. If you do forget names, just say, "I'm sorry, I have been meeting so many people today. Could you remind me of your name?" Bring a card and a small gift for the graduation. Just something small. Having something event-appropriate in your hand when you walk up will help you feel more like part of what is happening. Remember that you are evaluating his family maybe more than they are evaluating you (because their focus is elsewhere) so in your thinking be prepared to observe relationships and how people interact. Smile a lot, and try to mean it. I had to meet my husband's family at one point. He is the oldest of 10, and his dad is one of 9, and his mom one of 7, so he has an ENORMOUS family. I met some at our wedding. It's overwhelming, but people are generally welcoming and nice. I hope your guy's family is the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I first met my husband's family at his graduation, when we'd been dating for maybe 2-3 weeks. It was interesting, because they were my ride to the graduation. I'm quite shy usually, but I hit it off with his sister pretty quickly. I think she was looking out for me, as well, so it worked. It takes time to get to know anyone, and I'm sure his family won't expect you to be the life of the party. Maybe ask him what his sibling's interests are, as that could give you some conversation starters. And be sure to discuss with him that you're a bit nervous/shy about it. He can introduce you to people, which can help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dominicansoul Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I have another suggestion that trumps all my suggestions: 1) Pray to Our Lady to be with you the whole evening. Pray that she will give you the words and the ability to be as social as you will need to be at this family get together. She won't fail you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 [quote name='dominicansoul' post='1887700' date='Jun 10 2009, 02:49 PM']I have another suggestion that trumps all my suggestions: 1) Pray to Our Lady to be with you the whole evening. Pray that she will give you the words and the ability to be as social as you will need to be at this family get together. She won't fail you.[/quote] Best suggestion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 What's the worst that could happen? My future mother in law tried to have me deported as a terrorist, and I survived. They are liable to be nicer than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puellapaschalis Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 [quote name='CatherineM' post='1887717' date='Jun 10 2009, 04:40 PM']What's the worst that could happen? My future mother in law tried to have me deported as a terrorist, and I survived. They are liable to be nicer than that.[/quote] *snort* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maggyie Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 [quote name='CatherineM' post='1887717' date='Jun 10 2009, 11:40 AM']What's the worst that could happen? My future mother in law tried to have me deported as a terrorist, and I survived. They are liable to be nicer than that.[/quote] The worst that could happen? Kill me and eat me for BBQ? Hate me? This does make me feel better... at worst there will just be painful awkward silence or they will just talk to each other about people they know that I don't know and I'll just kind of stand there looking like, d'ohhhhhh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 (edited) Good luck!! BG45/Phil and I are meeting both sets of parents in 13 days, so I'm in the same boat! Edited June 10, 2009 by MissyP89 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
picchick Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!! Just be yourself. If you clam up then you do. As you spend more time around them you are sure to warm up to them as you did your bf. Things will go well. As my brother told me in times like this when I worried about things, "Everything will go as they should." You will do fine. Try not to worry about what they think about you. You are dating your boyfriend. Not his family. And if he loves you then they follow and love you too. If they look past the cover of the book and look inside and see how happy you make their son, everything will be good. Or you can just totally not be you and then your boyfriend will begin to wonder... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musturde Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 (edited) My advice: find the alcoholics in the family. Go to them first and offer to take shots with them at the gathering. Take only 2-3. Then go and enjoy the company of the rest of his family. Here's why: The alcoholics will totally dig a chick who offers to swoosh shots with them. The small amount of alcohol will make you happy enough to interact with people. You're boyfriend will think you're a total hoss. If you're unsure about your level of tolerance, practice beforehand (days or weeks prior to the event, [b]not[/b] hours). If you're shakey about doing this, ask your boyfriend from beforehand the occupation of some of the people there and some of their interests. You can bring up conversation easily. If politics come up, listen more than talk. You don't want to pick fights with people you've just met. Ask questions, let the family open up. You'll find out more about them and they'll think highly of you for being so interested in them. Once you get more comfortable, be yourself. Edited June 10, 2009 by musturde Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piano_freak184 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 [quote name='musturde' post='1887842' date='Jun 10 2009, 03:14 PM']My advice: find the alcoholics in the family. Go to them first and offer to take shots with them at the gathering. Take only 2-3. Then go and enjoy the company of the rest of his family. Here's why: The alcoholics will totally dig a chick who offers to swoosh shots with them. The small amount of alcohol will make you happy enough to interact with people. You're boyfriend will think you're a total hoss. If you're unsure about your level of tolerance, practice beforehand (days or weeks prior to the event, [b]not[/b] hours). If you're shakey about doing this, ask your boyfriend from beforehand the occupation of some of the people there and some of their interests. You can bring up conversation easily. If politics come up, listen more than talk. You don't want to pick fights with people you've just met. Ask questions, let the family open up. You'll find out more about them and they'll think highly of you for being so interested in them. Once you get more comfortable, be yourself.[/quote] Genius. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now