Nervousness About Counseling

[tinytherese]

So I'm going to set up a counseling session at the college that I transfered to. The therapy is for what my dad has put me through over the course of my life. He physically tortured me as a child (and does it now to my little brother,) has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me for as long as I can remember, and a year ago he started to sexually harass me. I'm nervous because counselors are required by law to report this stuff when someone is in that kind of danger (though perhaps since I am not a minor anymore it wouldn't apply.) The harassment escalated on the day that I had to hug my dad goodbye when my mom and grandma were going to take me to school in another state and we were about to get into the van. What he did was sick and startling to me. I have a certain level of nervousness about getting hugged now.

I don't want to have to go through the court proceedure. I'm more concerned about what my mom would do or say to me for this. She's also a public defender and therefore knows some people in the court house. I don't want to be kicked out of my house and then have to pay for my own school. It's not a cheap school. I have a heavy but duable course load and I need to focus on that. I don't have a job but I do have a few thousand dollars in my account to start off with at least. I don't have a car either- partially because I have a certain level of fear of driving and lack confidence in my self as a human being what with the abuse and the fact that my dad was the one who was literally my driver's ed. teacher. He wasn't abusive when he was teaching me to drive but he didn't make me feel comfortable about it. I'll have to go into counseling for that too. I don't know who I could stay with to leave the house if I was advised to abandon it for my safety or if I was thrown out of home. Mom just doesn't get it. She keeps getting the just forgive him speech and she knows that I don't like what he does and has stood up for me but apart from that she doesn't do anything else about it. She and other family members might tell me that I'm just being oversensitive about all of this. "You know how he is. He just likes to push people's buttons. He's your dad. He wouldn't try to rape you. You're over-reacting. Knock this off. Compared to what could happen it could be a lot worse."

Everytime I lie down for sleep I think about the situation, cry, think about what he could do to me, and call out to Our Heavenly Father, how I need Him to be a Father to me.