Freedom In Vocations

[Chiara_]

Something brought up on another thread, about visiting hours at convents, got me thinking. I just think it's pretty unfair that if I went to a convent, I'd probably lose all my friends. Now, most of them, I'd get over, but I've been best friends with my best friend for 13 years. Our lives are completely intertwined. If I was only able to call her once a month, and sometimes we weren't able to make that for whatever reason, we'd end up losing touch. I know we are supposed to give up everything for Christ, but even Jesus had friends and you could consider St John His best friend. I keep thinking to myself, "if you let your best friend get in the way of your vocation Jesus will take her away from you, so let go of it on your own". But I just can't. I'm not strong enough and frankly I don't WANT to be. On the one hand I love the thought of being the Spouse of Jesus because I fell in love with Him and not with a human male. But if I'm too weak to do this then why do I feel possibly called to it?

I think it's really unfair how priests have the freedom to call their friends every day if they so chose, but I'll have to give them up. I'm not advocating womenpriests, as that is moronic, but I am just saying that women's vocational options kind of stink. I can a) get married and have to go through a lot of humiliation, pain, and sickness to have children, who I really really want but am afraid of whole pregnancy process. or b) enter a convent, actually get my spiritual life in order which would be great, but I'd lose my best friend. or c) consecrated virginity, meaning I shall have no kids and be very lonely.
I know this is selfish,petty and stupid but I really don't care anymore.

Edited July 29, 2010 by Chiara_

[Lil Red]

it sounds to me that you are misunderstanding vocation. (i could be wrong.)

and:
[quote]I can a) get married and spend 20 years being sick as I deliver 11 kids and get to humiliate myself in front of a roomful of doctors once a year or so.[/quote]

is not really what someone focuses on when they become a mother. in my opinion, you misunderstand the call (vocation) to marriage and motherhood.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Chiara_' date='29 July 2010 - 09:24 AM' timestamp='1280420649' post='2149483']I think it's really unfair how priests have the freedom to call their friends every day if they so chose, but I'll have to give them up. [/quote]
they also have the 'freedom' to go where their superiors tell them, and when. they also have the 'freedom' to be isolated from family and friends (especially if in remote parts of a state or country - but even in the midst of a city with family/friends available, they will still have the freedom to feel utterly isolated as a priest). they will have the 'freedom' to be overworked, underpaid, under-appreciated, reviled, hated - all because they are a visible sign of Christ and His Church on this earth. they will have the 'freedom' to be detached from earthly pleasures because they will be poor.

[Chiara_]

[quote name='Lil Red' date='29 July 2010 - 12:38 PM' timestamp='1280421517' post='2149487']
it sounds to me that you are misunderstanding vocation. (i could be wrong.)

and:


is not really what someone focuses on when they become a mother. in my opinion, you misunderstand the call (vocation) to marriage and motherhood.
[/quote]


it's the negatives to each option. I mean I know the point is to have kids, who are worth the pain of delivery. Every time I thinkof being a nun, I am held back by the fact that I wouldn't have children. Every time I think of having children, I think of the delivery process.

[Chiara_]

[quote name='Lil Red' date='29 July 2010 - 12:44 PM' timestamp='1280421891' post='2149489']
they also have the 'freedom' to go where their superiors tell them, and when. they also have the 'freedom' to be isolated from family and friends (especially if in remote parts of a state or country - but even in the midst of a city with family/friends available, they will still have the freedom to feel utterly isolated as a priest). they will have the 'freedom' to be overworked, underpaid, under-appreciated, reviled, hated - all because they are a visible sign of Christ and His Church on this earth. they will have the 'freedom' to be detached from earthly pleasures because they will be poor.
[/quote]

but they can still use the phone and talk to their friends and loved ones. I've lived an hour away from my best friend for 8 years and we've stayed close. If I could use the phone I'd be fine - I'm used to and good at long distance relationships. I'm not good at total isolation. And nuns are poor too. And the priests I know are anything but hated - they have a posse of friends in the parish, some of whom are really just those who like to feel holy by being friends with a priest. They are regarded as Saints already. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing - but they certainly aren't hated by their parishes which is wherre they get most of their interpersonal relations. Yeah the media hates them but it's not like they don't know that going into it.

[regina_coeli]

Women have been having babies since the dawn of time, and the majority believe nine months of discomfort and a day of pain are worth it for the child entrusted to their care! Pregnancy is not a sickness-- it's a part of God's plan.

Also, check the thread about the Trappistine taking her vows-- lots of pictures of friends joining her for the day. Friends who care will be there for you, no matter what vocation you are called to.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Chiara_' date='29 July 2010 - 09:53 AM' timestamp='1280422406' post='2149496']
but they can still use the phone and talk to their friends and loved ones. I've lived an hour away from my best friend for 8 years and we've stayed close. If I could use the phone I'd be fine - I'm used to and good at long distance relationships. I'm not good at total isolation. And nuns are poor too. And the priests I know are anything but hated - they have a posse of friends in the parish, some of whom are really just those who like to feel holy by being friends with a priest. They are regarded as Saints already. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing - but they certainly aren't hated by their parishes which is wherre they get most of their interpersonal relations. Yeah the media hates them but it's not like they don't know that going into it.
[/quote]
do you truly know what a man goes through as a priest? you talk about the priests you know...what about all the other ones? they don't have it all sunshine and roses. i know two priests who are great guys, who have family and friends in the area (both are stationed at remote parishes though, and have multiple parishes/missions), who have a good social life, etc. they still get lonely and frustrated because of our bishop, because of parishioners who don't want to follow where they lead, because of financial issues, etc. they don't have easy lives. they do have isolating times.

and if you aren't good at isolation, why are you looking at a convent? why not being a sister?

it sounds though, as if you've made up your mind that they have it better, and won't be convinced to the contrary.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Chiara_' date='29 July 2010 - 09:46 AM' timestamp='1280421993' post='2149491']
it's the negatives to each option. I mean I know the point is to have kids, who are worth the pain of delivery. Every time I thinkof being a nun, I am held back by the fact that I wouldn't have children. Every time I think of having children, I think of the delivery process.
[/quote]
i think it's good to weigh the challenges of each vocation. but i also think that you could state as much in a less offensive manner. when i was pregnant, i didn't think "oh cr[u][/u]ap, what about delivering a baby and having strangers see my privates!" i thought of the joy and privilege of bringing up another soul to love God. don't get me wrong, every mother (eventually) thinks about what's going to happen when she delivers a baby, and gets apprehensive about it. but i would daresay it's not the first thing that comes to a woman's mind.

perhaps i am misunderstanding you. are you still discerning your vocation? do you think that your friendship will remain unchanged if you get married? every friendship is changed when one or both friends get married, have kids, and grow up and mature in life.

[Chiara_]

[quote name='Lil Red' date='29 July 2010 - 01:01 PM' timestamp='1280422869' post='2149499']


and if you aren't good at isolation, why are you looking at a convent? why not being a sister?


[/quote]


I'm not looking at cloisters for this reason. I tend to use the terms nun and sister interchangeably so that was probably slightly confusing. I would like a traditional convent though where the sisters live in community. The other girl's thread was about the Nashville Dominicans, who aren't cloistered...but they still have strong limits on communicating with people outside the convent.

I'm not trying to argue with you guys. This has been causing inner turmoil for me all summer. I would love to be Jesus' Spouse because I love Him, but I want kids and am afraid of losing my best friends. But I am afraid/ashamed to have se x or go through the pregnancy/childbearing process.

[cmaD2006]

"or c) consecrated virginity, meaning I shall have no kids and waste away in loneliness."

Chiara -- I think you also misunderstand the call to consecrated virginity.

Have you considered trying to find a good spiritual director to help you through your questions/discernment issues? A good spiritual director can help.

[Chiara_]

[quote name='Lil Red' date='29 July 2010 - 01:07 PM' timestamp='1280423276' post='2149500']
i think it's good to weigh the challenges of each vocation. but i also think that you could state as much in a less offensive manner. when i was pregnant, i didn't think "oh cr[u][/u]ap, what about delivering a baby and having strangers see my privates!" i thought of the joy and privilege of bringing up another soul to love God. don't get me wrong, every mother (eventually) thinks about what's going to happen when she delivers a baby, and gets apprehensive about it. but i would daresay it's not the first thing that comes to a woman's mind.

perhaps i am misunderstanding you. are you still discerning your vocation? do you think that your friendship will remain unchanged if you get married? every friendship is changed when one or both friends get married, have kids, and grow up and mature in life.
[/quote]


I apologize if my wording of that offended you. It was really a mini-rant and tact was not my main focus in it. But the gist of it is how I really am feeling. When I thin of marriage it causes me anxiety. It has for years - I remember in fifth grade once I was thinking about how I wanted to have a little red house and a maple syrup shop when I grew up and how I'd want more kids than just 2. But then it struck me as to how I'd get those kids. I figured as I grew up I would be more comfortable with the idea of se x but I'm really not.

I am still discerning because I am not in any vocation right now. I'm sort of putting thinking about it on hold and reading St John of the Cross' Dark Night. I hadn;t been feeling consolations in forever and so am unsure of the vocation that I thought I had. St John is really helping because I have most of the imperfections that get purged in the passive Night of Sense.

[Chiara_]

[quote name='cmariadiaz' date='29 July 2010 - 01:16 PM' timestamp='1280423771' post='2149503']
"or c) consecrated virginity, meaning I shall have no kids and waste away in loneliness."

Chiara -- I think you also misunderstand the call to consecrated virginity.

Have you considered trying to find a good spiritual director to help you through your questions/discernment issues? A good spiritual director can help.
[/quote]

I'm looking for one now. My priest just retired, and we were very close, but he wasn't officially my spiritual director. I am trying to get a feel for the personalities of the new priest and one at another church, and so in a month or so I will probably ask one about spiritual direction. I know I really need one.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Chiara_' date='29 July 2010 - 10:10 AM' timestamp='1280423415' post='2149501']
I'm not looking at cloisters for this reason. I tend to use the terms nun and sister interchangeably so that was probably slightly confusing. I would like a traditional convent though where the sisters live in community. The other girl's thread was about the Nashville Dominicans, who aren't cloistered...but they still have strong limits on communicating with people outside the convent. [/quote]
thanks for the clarification.

[quote name='Chiara_' date='29 July 2010 - 10:10 AM' timestamp='1280423415' post='2149501']I'm not trying to argue with you guys. This has been causing inner turmoil for me all summer. I would love to be Jesus' Spouse because I love Him, but I want kids and am afraid of losing my best friends. But I am afraid/ashamed to have se x or go through the pregnancy/childbearing process.
[/quote]
i am not trying to argue either. just simply provide a different perspective, as a mother and wife. i am so glad that you have the opportunity to discern and go through this process! i know for myself, i didn't even think of (and was not introduced to) a religious vocation. this struggle of yours will ultimately be a good thing!

i would like to address the last part of your post with you, if i may. we shouldn't use one vocation to run away from aspects of another vocation. even as a sister/nun, you still would need a proper understanding of human sexuality (as per Theology of the Body), how God created our sexuality, and so it must be a good thing (since we know he doesn't create anything bad!). i don't know your background, and i am not asking you to explain it. but if you are called to marriage, then pray for your future spouse, pray for understanding and a lessening of your fears, pray for the saints to intercede for you in this regard! (St. Frances of Rome is a good one!) i will not share my whole story, but suffice it to say, that when i was first married, i was dealing with a lot of personal history and was afraid of sex, and the memories it would bring up. but i have a kind and gentle and honorable husband, and we have gotten through that. i know that there are others here that might be able to share some of their stories (though i won't name names because it is not my place).

(if you know all this, just disregard!)

i pray for you and your discernment! God bless!

btw, if you want to read Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body, the original addresses are on line and are not that hard to get through. there are, of course, interpretive texts (not just Chris West) if you need some guidance.

Edited July 29, 2010 by Lil Red

[regina_coeli]

I think what you are trying to describe is discomfort with intimacy, whether it is physical intimacy with an earthly spouse, or spiritual intimacy with a heavenly one. It doesn't happen quickly or in the abstract. When you feel attraction, you want to be closer to that Person (or person). You take your time, you get to know each other, intimacy grows, fear diminishes! Some find their path very young, others -- well not so soon. Keep reading, praying, and looking for groups of people your own age who have similar interests, and will grow with you. Prayers!

[zunshynn]

[quote name='Chiara_' date='29 July 2010 - 10:24 AM' timestamp='1280420649' post='2149483']
I can a) get married and spend 20 years being sick as I deliver 11 kids and get to humiliate myself in front of a roomful of doctors once a year or so. or b) enter a convent, actually get my spiritual life in order which would be great, but I'd lose my best friend. or c) consecrated virginity, meaning I shall have no kids and waste away in loneliness.
[/quote]

ETA: I didn't see any of the posts after the 5th one, so none of this was in response to your posts after that, just to be clear.

Wow, major red flags here.

First of all, one should not enter a convent to "get their spiritual life in order". If that's the primary reason someone is attracted to religious life they need to very seriously reevaluate pursuing it. One should enter religious life primarily motivated to save souls, not for the improvement of their own spiritual life. Of course religious are called in a particular way to work on their spiritual life in order to do that, but it can't be the primary motivator.

No matter what vocation a person is living they need to get their spiritual life in order. Simply entering a monastery is not going to make that happen, and it's not the solution or a remedy to problems in one's spiritual life.

And if you think consecrated virgins are "wasting away in loneliness," you really don't seem to understand it as a vocation. They aren't wasting away in loneliness any more than a cloistered nun is trapped in prison.

And also, I can say from experience that religious life doesn't destroy genuine friendships. Yeah, you can't necessarily call whomever you want whenever you want. Most orders you are only allowed to write, and that also is only at certain times (However, truthfully, often it is very difficult to find the time to write even that often.) Conversations don't maintain a friendship... in fact, oftentimes they damage them in subtle ways because there is a lot of self-love in most of our speech, even when we are talking about very good things. LOVE maintains a friendship, if there was a true friendship in the first place, and you do not have to talk often to love someone. Our relationship with God usually grows most in silence, and so, actually does our relationship with others. Silence purifies love in a way that talking really can't.

Religious life has a particular way in allowing that to happen, (and keep in mind, ALL religious to varying degrees accept the limitations on their correspondence, including priests who are religious) but actually, EVERY vocation has some way in which it purifies our relationships and detaches us from others. Diocesan priests don't technically have those restrictions (But they don't live in community like religious do either-- they do make many sacrifices that religious in community do not. Each one has sacrifices that others don't but they all also have great joys which vastly outweigh the sacrifices when they are called to that vocation). And even by the nature of the diocesan priesthood, and as busy as it is, they probably don't have as much time to talk to their loved ones as you probably think that they do.

That DOESN'T mean living in total isolation. No one is called to isolation. Some are called to greater or lesser solitude, but there is a difference between the two.

Your relationship with your friends and family does change when you enter religious life, definitely. There is sacrifices involved. One finds their greatest fulfillment in any vocation ultimately by sacrificing themselves for others, and every vocation involves sacrifices. Your relationship with your best friend will change if you get married as well. You would have to sacrifice some of what you used to have with her in order to be a mother and a wife to your family.

Edited July 29, 2010 by zunshynn

[ksterling]

Chiara:

You raise a number of different issues here - some of which I've given a great deal of thought to. You have a vocation to religious life or you don't. If you do, you will find that the rewards outweigh the sacrifices. If the converse is true - and I think that's what discernment is all about - you probably don't have a religious vocation and need to discern what other paths you are more inclined to follow. I have 2 sisters who are both married. One of my sisters is divorced and I was present in the delivery room when her son was born. Trust me, the last thing on her mind was a doctor seeing her "not looking her best." The reward of a healthy child brought great happiness to all of us (even in the midst of a messy divorce) and I can tell you for sure, my sister didn't give a fig that it was "undignified." I think you are worrying unnecessarily - neither of my sisters would have chosen not to have their children because of the unpleasant process of birth. As for having one a year, almost no one outside the Duggars does that. I don't want to digress into birth control, but I do a lot of work in my parish and the largest family has 5 kids - most have 2 - so almost no one is following the church's rules on birth control.

As I have discerned a vocation to religious life, I, too have wondered whether I would be able to go through life not having a child of my own. I am lucky in that both my sisters have children so my mom, who is a widow, is not deprived of grandchildren. It would be much harder if I was an only child and my becoming a sister meant that she would have no grandchildren. So we are back to weighing the rewards vesus the sacrifice and whether you find the sacrifice is too difficult. For me, yes, I would have liked to have a baby of my own someday (although I have friends who would tell you that I'm not very maternal.) But I feel like God has called me to religious life and I must trust in him to give me the grace to persevere, even in the face of difficulties. If I can't then maybe I'm mistaken in my vocation. There are many beauties to religious life but I don't think anyone will tell you it's easy and on this particular subject I think it is very difficult. This is one reason why I am searching for a community with strong bonds of sisterhood and women my own age - we can help one another face this and other difficulties of life.

As to the freedom of priests - I kind of agree with you to a point. Priests in orders face the same difficulties as sisters. Diocesan priests face some of the same and more - they don't have the strongs bonds of community to sustain them. My SD has told me on several occasions that he sometimes regrets not having joined an order - he says his life is lonely. I have said on this forum that I worry about being treated like an adult. Here is where I think priests have more freedom, at least in formation. I understand that a postulant can't go calling her friends or emailing them every day. How can you discern a lifetime decision if you are constantly distracted? But I think you should be able to receive letters and write to friends. This is an issue that has made me not consider the Nashville Dominicans.

If you truly are ashamed to have sex or go through childbirth, as you say, I think you have other issues you need to address before you can think about discernment. These are normal human activities given to us by God - no reason for shame. I don't mean to be critical - I just want you to find the path that's right for you and to address the roadblocks that seem to prevent you from doing that. Good luck - I will be praying for you.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Lil Red' date='29 July 2010 - 06:07 PM' timestamp='1280423276' post='2149500']
i think it's good to weigh the challenges of each vocation. but i also think that you could state as much in a less offensive manner. when i was pregnant, i didn't think "oh cr[u][/u]ap, what about delivering a baby and having strangers see my privates!" i thought of the joy and privilege of bringing up another soul to love God. don't get me wrong, every mother (eventually) thinks about what's going to happen when she delivers a baby, and gets apprehensive about it. but i would daresay it's not the first thing that comes to a woman's mind.

perhaps i am misunderstanding you. are you still discerning your vocation? do you think that your friendship will remain unchanged if you get married? every friendship is changed when one or both friends get married, have kids, and grow up and mature in life.
[/quote]
Agreed. My husband was laughing at me because during delivery of my daughter, I kept thinking "I'm never doing this again!", then she was born, and she was beautiful, I could seriously get pregnant again right now and be absolutely thrilled (have felt that way for a bit).

Regarding friendships, well, they've changed a lot. My best friend and I are both married now, I have kids, and we live an ocean apart. We do still write on a weekly basis. But that's about all we can do.

I know you usually get to write less often in a convent, but if you've truly been friends that long, you can maintain a friendship that way. No, it isn't the same, but it won't be the same no matter your vocation, IMO.

[quote name='Chiara_' date='29 July 2010 - 06:19 PM' timestamp='1280423999' post='2149505']
I apologize if my wording of that offended you. It was really a mini-rant and tact was not my main focus in it. But the gist of it is how I really am feeling. When I thin of marriage it causes me anxiety. It has for years - I remember in fifth grade once I was thinking about how I wanted to have a little red house and a maple syrup shop when I grew up and how I'd want more kids than just 2. But then it struck me as to how I'd get those kids. I figured as I grew up I would be more comfortable with the idea of se x but I'm really not.
[/quote]
If it makes you feel any better, I wasn't comfortable with the idea of sex until I was in a serious relationship with my husband.

[StColette]

[quote name='Chiara_' date='29 July 2010 - 12:24 PM' timestamp='1280420649' post='2149483']
Something brought up on another thread, about visiting hours at convents, got me thinking. I just think it's pretty unfair that if I went to a convent, I'd probably lose all my friends. Now, most of them, I'd get over, but I've been best friends with my best friend for 13 years. Our lives are completely intertwined. If I was only able to call her once a month, and sometimes we weren't able to make that for whatever reason, we'd end up losing touch. I know we are supposed to give up everything for Christ, but even Jesus had friends and you could consider St John His best friend. I keep thinking to myself, "if you let your best friend get in the way of your vocation Jesus will take her away from you, so let go of it on your own". But I just can't. I'm not strong enough and frankly I don't WANT to be. On the one hand I love the thought of being the Spouse of Jesus because I fell in love with Him and not with a human male. But if I'm too weak to do this then why do I feel possibly called to it?
[/quote]

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong" (1 Corinthians 1:27).
2 Corinthians 12:8-10 “But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

God chooses the weak and makes them strong. We are all weak in different ways, but we are also called to do the will of God. You have to ask yourself the question of who’s will is more important, your or God’s will. It really and truly comes down to being humble and willing to put what God wants before what you want.

When God has a plan for us often times that plan has sacrifices that we must make for the Lord. Yes, with some (not all religious orders) there is a time as a postulant or a novice that you’re not able to have tons of communication with family and friends. The postulant & novice years for most is a very difficult one, not just because of lack of communication that is allowed. The religious orders want to insure that the postulant or novice is not focusing too much on the worldly things (which include family and friends). In the majority of religious orders that I’m familiar with, once the postulancy and novitiate phases are over there is a lot more communicate and visits allowed.

It still sounds like you’re very unsure as to where God is truly calling you. Yes, you may love the thought of entering the religious life and being the spouse of the Lord, but is that where God is truly calling you?


[quote]
I think it's really unfair how priests have the freedom to call their friends every day if they so chose, but I'll have to give them up. I'm not advocating women priests, as that is moronic, but I am just saying that women's vocational options kind of stink. [/quote]
Priests do not have as much freedom as you think. Diocesan priests do have a lot of freedom with making their own schedules and such, but they rarely get to do as much of their “own thing” as you think. They work 24/7 365. They often don’t have the time to call their friends every day even if they wanted to. Their lives are crammed packed with Masses, confessions, baptisms, weddings, appointments, hospital visits, meetings, councils, etc. They also are moved on a regular basis, without any say.

[quote]
I can a) get married and have to go through a lot of humiliation, pain, and sickness to have children, who I really really want but am afraid of whole pregnancy process.

[/quote]

Not really sure what is humiliating about having children, I’ve had 2 and never felt humiliated.

As for the pain of labor, I don’t remember much of it and what I do remember wasn't that bad. My husband was hurting more than me as he had been pressing his fist into the small of my back for several hours lol

Sickness – this I remember clearly! I was very sick. With my first pregnancy I was in and out of the emergency room because I had a disorder called hyperemesis gravidarum, which pretty much means I threw up about 5 to 10 times a day and lost 10% or more of my body weight. And yes it was difficult and it definitely tried my patience, but my child was worth all of it. When I got pregnant with my second child only 3 ½ months after the first was born everyone kept asking me “I don’t know how you can put yourself through that again” or “Didn’t you learn from the first time”. They failed to understand that God had called me to be a mother and that He had created the child that was within. And I was just as sick with the second as I was with the first. But I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

There isn’t a whole lot that can compare to hearing your child’s heartbeat for the first time, feeling them kick, holding them in your arms, hearing them say “mama” for the first time, etc. It’s the very fact that God has given you such a precious gift that make all the difficult things with pregnancy and parenthood seem minuscule
[quote]
or b) enter a convent, actually get my spiritual life in order which would be great, but I'd lose my best friend. or c) consecrated virginity, meaning I shall have no kids and be very lonely.
I know this is selfish,petty and stupid but I really don't care anymore.
[/quote]

Again, it comes down to what God’s plan is for you, not what your plan is for God.

The one thing I would like to point out is that you should not enter the convent to get your spiritual life in order. That should be in very good order before entering.

I know of just a handful of consecrated virgins, many of which lead very busy lives volunteering, working in hospitals, etc. They definitely aren’t lonely.

As I said before, I would continue with your discernment and really concentrate on what God’s plan is for you and not what your plan is for God.

[vee]

[quote name='Chiara_' date='29 July 2010 - 11:24 AM' timestamp='1280420649' post='2149483']
Something brought up on another thread, about visiting hours at convents, got me thinking. I just think it's pretty unfair that if I went to a convent, I'd probably lose all my friends. Now, most of them, I'd get over, but I've been best friends with my best friend for 13 years. Our lives are completely intertwined. If I was only able to call her once a month, and sometimes we weren't able to make that for whatever reason, we'd end up losing touch. I know we are supposed to give up everything for Christ, but even Jesus had friends and you could consider St John His best friend. I keep thinking to myself, "if you let your best friend get in the way of your vocation Jesus will take her away from you, so let go of it on your own". But I just can't. I'm not strong enough and frankly I don't WANT to be. On the one hand I love the thought of being the Spouse of Jesus because I fell in love with Him and not with a human male. But if I'm too weak to do this then why do I feel possibly called to it?

[/quote]

St ignatius says "I must first of all place before my eyes the end for which I have been created, which is to praise God our Lord and to save my soul.". I'd add on the that not just to praise God but to lead others to praise Him as well, and not only to save my own soul but other souls as well. As zunshynn said one doesn't become a religious for anything other than the main task of saving souls. To be a wife and mom means you are particularily entrusted with the salvation of the souls of your husband and children. As a single person your relationships with friends and family should be aimed at their betterment so they may reach heaven. In any state in life there will be suffering but you must offer that to Christ for He will take your prayers and sacrifices and use them for good, to transform the lives of others.

[Lilllabettt]

[quote name='zunshynn' date='29 July 2010 - 02:37 PM' timestamp='1280425049' post='2149514']
First of all, one should not enter a convent to "get their spiritual life in order". If that's the primary reason someone is attracted to religious life they need to very seriously reevaluate pursuing it. One should enter religious life primarily motivated to save souls, not for the improvement of their own spiritual life. Of course religious are called in a particular way to work on their spiritual life in order to do that, but it can't be the primary motivator.

No matter what vocation a person is living they need to get their spiritual life in order. Simply entering a monastery is not going to make that happen, and it's not the solution or a remedy to problems in one's spiritual life.
[/quote]


Actually, many ancient religious communities did/do have "personal sanctification" as their primary goal.

Many of the Saints entered consecrated life out of a desire to save their own souls.

It is true that "simply entering" a monastery will not heal a person's spiritual life. Entering and living the life well ... that is what will do that.