How Do You Know When You Are In Love?

[Sarah147]

Hello,

So, I'm wondering how y'all tell? And how does it vary through the stages of courtship, engagement, marriage, and such? I know secular love tends to be all about emotions whereas Catholic love is sacrificial and in your will, right?

How does is differ with love for Jesus vs. partner?



God bless you.

[Lilllabettt]

I have never been in love ... but I'm pretty sure that in most cases romantic love, whether "Catholic" or not, begins in its early stages with strong emotional attachment. I guess that is what is called "falling in love," and it is accompanied by a great desire to spend time with the other person. If that continues then eventually you cannot imagine your life without the other person, whether the emotions are there or not.

[LadyOfSorrows]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' timestamp='1327262069' post='2373292']
I have never been in love ... but I'm pretty sure that in most cases romantic love, whether "Catholic" or not, begins in its early stages with strong emotional attachment. I guess that is what is called "falling in love," and it is accompanied by a great desire to spend time with the other person. [b]If that continues then eventually you cannot imagine your life without the other person, whether the emotions are there or not.[/b]
[/quote]

I've been in a couple of relationships where we've spent a significant amount of time together. In the end of course I wasn't inclined to continue the relationship, but I could [i]definitely[/i] see myself living without the other person.

But my current relationship is very different.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

I am in love with Jesus, and I know what that feels like! But, I guess that's not going to help you much...

[FutureSister2009]

I've never really been in love before but I've had several fairly severe crushes and it usually just makes me sick to my stomach and my heart starts racing whenever I'm near a guy I like. I know it's pathetic. I just feel the urge to smile like an idiot whenever I talk to them. Crazy indeed. It's hard but I suppose all girls have experienced this.

[MissMaro]

Well, I've been in love with someone for five years, and I know that I'm in love with him because I'd do anything (moral) to keep him safe and healthy and to get him into heaven. Yep. I'd say you know you're in love when you know it with 100% certainty and you really can't help it.

My understanding is that being in love is pretty similar for everyone, but that as Catholics we are obligated to keep loving our spouses even if we aren't in love with them anymore. You can't really choose what you feel or how much you feel it, but you can choose what you do, whether you're faithful, whether you are there for your spouse and support them, etc.

[LilyLou]

I heard this once from a friend describing how a relationship with a person is a triangle with God. I couldn't remember all of it so I looked it up online:
[quote][font="Verdana"][size="2"]Optimally, in a Christian marriage relationship, God is at the top and you and your partner are at opposite ends on the bottom. As the two of you grow spiritually, you will move upwards together toward God, up the triangle.[/size][/font][/quote]
Hold your hands in front of you using your pointer fingers and thumbs to form a triangle. This shows you and your partner in a close relationship with Jesus, who is at the top. If you and your spouse (the thumbs) move a part your finger tips also move apart, seperating you from Jesus. They say "J.O.Y. Jesus first, others second, yourself last."
I am not sure that if there is anything about it that makes it "Catholic" since it came from a friend who is not Catholic but it still seemed to be a beautiful way to interpret how we should love and admire Jesus first.

[BG45]

Don't know how to really describe it, an emotional attachment, an ache when you aren't with them for even a few days, and a willingness to sacrifice anything in order to make them happy. I've only had one person that I felt that way about though.

[Lil'Monster]

I think this is one of my favorite threads

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='MissMaro' timestamp='1327269296' post='2373361']
My understanding is that being in love is pretty similar for everyone, but that as Catholics we are obligated to keep loving our spouses even if we aren't in love with them anymore. You can't really choose what you feel or how much you feel it, but you can choose what you do, whether you're faithful, whether you are there for your spouse and support them, etc.
[/quote]

Well, just because you don't feel lovey feelings for someone as much as you used to doesn't mean you're not "in love", but I really like your response.

[CatherineM]

Well, I mostly felt sick to my stomach and out of breath. It was a bit like sea sickness.

[Socrates]

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9thvSfq8w2o[/media]

[IcePrincessKRS]

I know it's kind of a stupid amswer, but for me I think it's one of those things that you "just know." (that's the stupid part, now for something more thoughtful...) It's not as sappy and googly-eyed as we were in the beginning, but now, upwards of 12 years together and going on 10 years of marriage (peanuts compared to some) that love is every bit as strong--stronger even--and in some ways matured, in others every bit as much silliness as when we were 20. Last night when we went to bed we laid there in the dark talking and laughing for a good 30 minutes before we fell asleep. It's like having the bestest best friend ever and multiplying it by millions. There's friendship, attraction, trust... and in a lot of ways it's overwhelming. It feels like more than I've ever felt for anyone or anything else. It's not something I can describe well or tell you how I know. I just do.

At first I wasn't going to reply to this thread because I didn't want to give a standard answer. But then I changed my mind because it makes me reflect on him, and it's a good way to remember not to take him for granted. He doesn't deserve that and I never want to do that to him.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' timestamp='1327273066' post='2373451']
I know it's kind of a stupid amswer, but for me I think it's one of those things that you "just know." (that's the stupid part, now for something more thoughtful...) It's not as sappy and googly-eyed as we were in the beginning, but now, upwards of 12 years together and going on 10 years of marriage (peanuts compared to some) that love is every bit as strong--stronger even--and in some ways matured, in others every bit as much silliness as when we were 20. Last night when we went to bed we laid there in the dark talking and laughing for a good 30 minutes before we fell asleep. It's like having the bestest best friend ever and multiplying it by millions. There's friendship, attraction, trust... and in a lot of ways it's overwhelming. It feels like more than I've ever felt for anyone or anything else. It's not something I can describe well or tell you how I know. I just do.

At first I wasn't going to reply to this thread because I didn't want to give a standard answer. But then I changed my mind because it makes me reflect on him, and it's a good way to remember not to take him for granted. He doesn't deserve that and I never want to do that to him.
[/quote]
AW! I love this!

[MissMaro]

[quote name='FutureCarmeliteClaire' timestamp='1327271879' post='2373433']
Well, just because you don't feel lovey feelings for someone as much as you used to doesn't mean you're not "in love", but I really like your response.
[/quote]

Thank you. I agree with you that being in love isn't just the lovey dovey feelings or the euphoria you feel when you're first infatuated with someone. It can and hopefully will go deeper than that with time. I just meant that couples shouldn't allow their feelings or lack of loving feelings to ruin a perfectly good marriage. If they persevere, their love can grow stronger as a result. (In other words, I may have drifted a bit off topic...)

"Grow old along with me!/ The best is yet to be." Robert Browning

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

[quote name='MissMaro' timestamp='1327273436' post='2373458']
Thank you. I agree with you that being in love isn't just the lovey dovey feelings or the euphoria you feel when you're first infatuated with someone. It can and hopefully will go deeper than that with time. I just meant that couples shouldn't allow their feelings or lack of loving feelings to ruin a perfectly good marriage. If they persevere, their love can grow stronger as a result. (In other words, I may have drifted a bit off topic...)

"Grow old along with me!/ The best is yet to be." Robert Browning
[/quote]
Yes, I totally understand, I get what you are saying, and that is similar with your relationship with God. You can't just quit because you're spiritually dry!

[MissyP89]

I'm going to give this some thought tonight and come back to it. I want to give you something that's concrete and makes sense.

[Socrates]

It's just something you feel together . . .

[HisChildForever]

[quote name='BG45' timestamp='1327271003' post='2373414']
an ache when you aren't with them for even a few days
[/quote]

That's what I feel now

[BG45]

[quote name='HisChildForever' timestamp='1327273926' post='2373469']
That's what I feel now
[/quote]

Sorry my friend, at least he'll be back soon.

Edited January 22, 2012 by BG45